Sophia

Present day

I heard the door knob turned and I saw him coming inside. NO! I got up from the floor in haste and hid the gun behind me. I know it might sound foolish, but I don't know why I feel that if Damon gets his gun back he will become what he was. I had seen him relish in the kill and I don't want him to surrender to his inner demons and became the same ruthless killer he was.

He came towards me and I took steps backwards.

I was already over the edge. I don't know why but ever since that incident in factory, I just couldn't seem to adjust with violence. It's not like I never saw Damon killing before or torture before but that night it wasn't Damon, it was me. I was scared that I could be a killer too. I killed people with no regrets there. All I felt was anger, no guilt, no remorse, no fear. I did kill Adrien but that was an accident and I never was proud of it. It was a mistake. But that night it wasn't a mistake. It wasn't an accident. I killed them knowing what I am doing, maybe I justify it with what Damon says that it was my last resort. I did it to save his life but in that moment the look in his eyes told me that even he was surprised to see that Sophia. I don't want to be that Sophia. I don't want Damon to be that Damon either and I sure as hell don't want Laeila to be that ever. And when I saw her today with the gun all I could see was her killing someone.

"Hey..hey relax Doll" he was coming towards me and I can only see the monster that he was. That he used to be. There is a different kind of fear I feel with him right now. Like the fear I felt when the first time I saw him kill. Like he is a stranger. "Don't please" I said stepping back "I am not going to hurt you, just give me the gun, yes?" He said slowly and I shook my head vigorously "No, No" "Doll give me the gun. Relax nothing happened. Hand me the gun" he said stretching his hand "No you will use it" I said. "I won't." He said and I still not able to trust him. He said he won't but what if he do. Like he did. "You did once", I said moving backwards, avoiding his gaze. "I will not hurt you amore, just give me gun.", his voice was tender but I was not able to bring myself to trust him. I kept shaking my head in a no. "Doll, the safety might not be locked, you might hurt yourself, just give me the damn gun" he said loosing his patience. He always looses his patience whenever there is this gun involved. I kept taking steps backwards but he held my free hand and pulled me towards him holding me by my wrist. "Give. Me. The. Gun. Now" he said slowly. His tone made me tremble. "Doll, Now" he said too intimidating for me to defy him. I brought my shivering hand from my back and placed the gun in his hands.

I closed my eyes anticipating a gunshot but all I felt was his arms wrapped around me. He held me tight in his embrace rubbing my hair and my back "it's OK Doll, you are OK. Relax just relax" I held his shirt in my fist and cried in his hold. He sat me down and sat with me on the floor leaning on the bed "talk to me Doll" he said still holding me "What if something happened to her, or what if she turned out to be a killer like us" I told him my fears and I felt his fingers moving in my head giving me the calmness. "Nothing will happen, we will protect her. I promise you Doll, nothing will happen " he said kissing my head "but you-what if it happened again?" I said scared of what happened three years ago when I told him I was pregnant

Three years ago

"I am pregnant Damon" I said holding his cheeks. My sobs turned into my smile and he, his eyes filled with tears. "M-my C-child" he said like he is not able to believe what he heard and I nodded and he laughed as he cried. He was so happy, and that made me so happy. He held me by my hair bringing me closer to him and he touched my forehead "I love you so much Doll" he said kissing me. I lost myself in him. I missed him so much. I wrapped my arms around his neck and something snapped in him. He pushed me away. What happened? I thought as I lifted my face to see him, I wanted to ask him but he left. He called John and left from home.

And I was still sitting there pondering on what just happened. Why has he started hating me so much. Since when does my presence became so suffocating for him. For the Damon who once lost his temper because he didn't see me when he woke up and now he doesn't want to look at me. He left me even now. But he was so happy, wasn't he?

I waited for him and he didn't come. I woke up on the couch in the living room with Enzo's voice. I watched the clock it says 4 am, why is he here at 4am. I thought. He was over the phone with someone. "Enzo? All okay, oh my God is Ric OK?" I said all scared for Ric. "Yeah he is. Nothing it's just Don" he said "What happened?" I asked bewildered. "He has gone crazy, that's what happened" he said and moved upstairs to his office.

I followed him and barged the door open "What do you mean he has gone crazy? Tell me where is he? what happened?" I asked all worried. "Soph he just gone on killing spree or something. He has killed some people he wasn't supposed to and almost got arrested for a bar fight." He said finding some papers. "What? Wh-whom has he killed?" I asked "Just few people who owe us money. But I went to them they were clearing it. God knows what came over him and then he got involved with some drunkards in the bar, beaten them to death. The good thing was the officer who came was from Roscoe's team who let him leave. He is not even answering my calls, it's his driver who told me everything." He told me everything and I shifted back taking little steps. I kind off blacked out to what he was saying, all I heard was how he killed people recklessly.

I came to my room after Enzo got the files on the people he killed and has given me a pep talk that I need not to be worried, on him acting out. Well I am worried. I opened the door and he was here, still drinking "Damon?" "You weren't here" he said staring at the wall ahead of him with the bottle in his hand while sitting on the bed. "Yea-yeah I was downstairs--Damon you are hurt-" I said I saw a trail of blood coming from his forehead. "You are bleeding", I brought the first aid box and sat on the floor. I cleaned his wound and put the tape "What happened babe?" I asked him, holding his cheek. I just want him to open up, to talk to me. "I don't want the baby? I want you to abort it" he said bluntly like its nothing. But for me in his one sentence my whole world just crushed. I got up from there in disbelief. This cannot happen. I mean he was happy, few hours ago, I have seen it. I can't be wrong in reading his eyes.

I leaned on the closet door behind me, I am not sure what to say. He looked at me for the first time since I came inside. "I won't kill my baby" I said and for the first time I was ready to put up the fight against him. He raised his eyebrow surprised maybe since it's the first time I said no to him. He got up and came towards me. He took a sip of his whiskey finishing up the bottle and dropped it on the floor. I flinched at the breaking glass.

"You will abort the baby tomorrow" he said, he was so close to me yet all I could feel the distance between us. "No" I said to him "If you won't abort the baby, then I will kill you" he said and I felt his gun on my stomach. "Damon?" I couldn't believe what I am hearing. Who is this man? Where is the man who took the bullet for me, the man who knelt in front of his only enemy giving away his everything, his pride in a blink of an eye. "I will kill you Doll and then your baby will be dead too" he said and his eyes, for the first time it felt that I am looking at a stranger. He wasn't this stranger to me when I saw him for the first time.

"I will kill you Doll and then your baby will be dead too" his words echoed in my ears and I slapped him. I slapped him.

His hand went to his jaw and he looked at me with wide eyes, he was shocked. So was I, but I wasn't sorry. "Our baby. If you will kill me, then our baby will be dead." I said and he took a step back and fell on the ground. Probably passed out with all the drinking and I slid the closet door on the floor. I brought my knees to my chest and my eyes were stuck on him.

"I will always save you. You are mine Doll, no one can take you from me. I will burn this world if anything happens to you" His voice came back to me. I remembered his words he said on the day he took the bullet saving me. What happened? Where have I gone wrong? Where had we gone wrong? The moment he let me in and shared his pain, the day he told me whatever he went through, I never thought there could be any bump in our relationship. Had I taken it for granted somehow? When we had drifted so apart? From where has this distance crept up between us.

I leaned back my head on the door of the closet and closed my eyes for a moment. I need to leave, yeah I need to leave I thought to myself wiping my tears. I can't live here now, when he clearly don't want me anymore. I need to tell Chuck and we need to leave now.

I got up and went inside the closet to pack a bag, but then I realized, what shall I take, its all given by him. Everything is given by him. Its all his. so are you Sophia...where will you go? Do you even know how to live without being his my inner self reminded me how incomplete I feel without him. But I can't live with him if he hates me and my child. I need to leave him. Maybe it will make him happier.

I left the closet without anything. They were all his and the only thing that's mine, I can't take it. It's him. He was mine.

I took the pillow and the duvet from the bed and placed the pillow under his head and duvet over him. I took off his shoes and kept his gun in the drawer he where he keeps it. I cleaned the glass or he might get hurt while sleeping. I cannot take him to bed so I thought this might make him comfortable. I sat beside him and trailed my fingers in his hair. "Goodbye Damon" I whispered kissing his lips lightly and got up to leave.

I reached the door when I heard something. Sniffles like soft sobbing. I turned to see and I saw him sleeping and then a tear a roll down his eye. He was crying in his sleep.

I literally ran to him. I sat on the floor and he was literally crying in his sleep "What happened Damon, why can't you let me in again." I kind of asked him as my eyes filled with tears too. How sad is he that he is crying in his sleep? How will I leave knowing that something is bothering him this much.

Maybe I can leave in the morning once I speak with him. Chuck would wake up too by then. I can't leave my brother on him.

So I stayed. I sat back leaning on the closet door. I don't know when my eyes became heavy looking at him and I slept.

When I woke up he wasn't there. The duvet was wrapped around me. I know if his hand would have been okay, I would have woken up on the bed. He can't carry me now in his arms. I smiled looking at the duvet but then the last night came back to me and so was his threat to kill me and my child. I got up wiping my tears that made their way back in my life for quite sometime now. Just then he came out of the bathroom showered.

"Where is my gun?" Its the first thing he said when he looked at me. "Why you want to try again?" I said moving towards the drawers. I thought we could talk but hearing the first thing he said after what happened I guess there is nothing left to talk. "I am not aborting the baby" I said as I opened the chest. He kept quiet. I took out the gun and turned to him. I placed the gun in his hand and told him "I am leaving" "Where to? Take someone else, John must still be sleeping" He said nonchalantly. "I-I meant I am leaving home, leaving you" I said "I don't need any driver." I said. He said nothing. He was quite. Just busy checking the bullets in his gun.

I moved past him and he held my elbow. I looked at him and saw the gun was lying on the bed and he was holding me. He wasn't looking at me but his hold and the clenching of his jaw was telling me that he threw the gun so that he didn't end up using it in his rage. "You are not going anywhere." He said with gritted teeth. "I am. Why won't I?" I said to him. I made up my mind. "Because I said so." He said pulling me closer. A whimper escaped me as his grip tightens even more "You think you can defy me. It's not in you Doll to disobey me and you know it." He said too intimidating for me to handle. He was right. It wasn't easy to go against him. No matter how much I love him I am still scared of him. "I did once. You go everyday to the hospital to see the reminder of that." I said holding my ground. I might be scared as hell but I was angry too, so I said what I thought would hurt him the most and it did. He left my elbow and in a split I felt the stung on my cheek where his hand landed slapping me. I touched my cheek behind the veil of my hair that covered my face.

"YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, End of discussion" he said making every word loud and clear and stepped away from me "But you don't want me anymore, why you want me to stay when you --" "I do want you. It can never be that I don't want. I love you too much to let you go, you-" he said grabbing my jaw making me look at him. His eyes has anger and the pain, the tears. "But you don't want my child", I said. I know I am pushing his buttons but I was so hurt, hearing him say to kill our child. He left me with a jerk and picked his gun and tucked it at his waist . He reached the door without replying but then he said with a scoff "Would you want a baby knowing you could never hold it in you arms.". That's the moment I got to know what's this is all about. The fact that he cannot cradle his child in his arms making him hate himself. I closed my eyes as I understood his pain. What he is building up inside him, what is eating him up, but he needs to look past that.

"Yes" I said. I reached him and turned him making him look at me. "I would want the baby even if I couldn't ever touch it. Even if I couldn't see our child, I want it to live. I would never want our baby to be dead. You know why because our baby will be a part of you Damon. A part of me. It will be our child. Our love. I will always want to have a part of you." I said holding him by his arms. "I believe that you will be able to hold your child in your arms one day. Just don't give up Damon. Please. Not on yourself, not on us." I said pleading him. I could see the pain in his eyes. I thought he would say something. I wanted him to say something, but he didn't. He touched my hand on his right arm with his left. I know he didn't feel my touch when I held his right arm and that disheartened him.

He removed my hand and left the room