Slowly my eyelids fluttered open. It was the weirdest feeling having lost track of time and space. Where was I? What had just happened? The bright lights in the room blinded me at first before I was able to focus on the view before me. The first thing I noticed were my hurtfully dry lips. The inside of my mouth felt so sore and a burning sensation bothered me all the way down my throat. I tried to say something, my lips opened but it wouldn't work. When Hunter saw me waking up he instantly shifted in his seat and leaned forward to check on me. "Babe?," he asked in a silent voice. He put his hand on my arm right above where the IV needle was still taped to the back of my hand. Tenderly, his thumb brushed back and forth patterns on my skin. "Hey, are you awake? How you feeling?" it wasn't before then that I saw my husband clearly – for the first time in weeks: Hunter was wearing a dark grey T-shirt with rolled up sleeves and a dark green cap on top of his too-long hair. Wait, the cap rang a bell: he was wearing this yesterday when...or...earlier? I touched my hand to my face. That annoying feeding tube coming out of my nose had gone. But my fingers were trembling as suddenly my whole body felt cold as ice. "D'you want some water?," his voice was low and calm. I tried to sit up pushing both my palms against the mattress. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my lower stomach. "Ouch!" my speech was back and I scrunched up my face. "Hold on, don't move." The young man wrapped his arms around my torso to stabilize me then pressed a button on the remote making the top end of the bed go upright. "What happened?," I mumbled under my breath, even though the bad pain had already started to sober me up. It felt like someone had stabbed me alive. Hunter let go for me to rest against pillow. I rolled up the hem of my blue tank top a bit more to find my baby bump gone. My stomach looked slightly swollen and bruised but other than that it was almost back to my old normal. However, there was a huge white band aid reaching from hip bone to hip bone. Finally, I caught on and fear struck me like a bold of lightning. "You're blood pressure got really crazy so they decided-" "Is she ok?!," I cut him short nearly jumping to my feet. Hunter took a hold of my wrists and gently pushed me back down. While the adrenalin made me pant with shock, his facial expression was relaxed, almost serene, and he put on the biggest crooked smile. "She's perfect," he assured me in his adorable Southern accent. My muscles relaxed and I gulped ignoring the burning sensation in my throat. "Have you seen her - I wanna see her - is she eating?," the words came out like one very long word. "I fed her. It's all good, Honey, don't worry." "You did?," I furrowed my brows in confusion. "How long was I passed out for?" "Um...," Hunter turned towards the big clock handing on the wall behind him without breaking our skin contact. "About an hour and a half." I looked down. This was all too much: Already I had missed out on my daughter's firsts. My daughter...wow. "How you're feeling? You're shaking, are you cold?" I was hearing his voice but couldn't process his words. "I wanna see her." "Don't you wanna rest a bit first?" And caringly, he ran his palm over the side of my face. The gesture didn't soothe me though, I was on edge. "Hunt? Please?!," I pleaded more urgently and put my hand on his. He sighed but smiled a half smile. "I'll see what I can do." Hunter got up and moved to leave the room.

Being on my own now my mind was still in the middle of catching up. There was a clamp on my left index finger monitoring my heart rate. Although they had removed the hated feeding tube, they hadn't yet removed the IV access. It was still taped to my right hand. I've had to endure this for the last month and a half so by now I was almost immune to the horror of needles – almost. I checked the clock again that showed 9:15 pm. The memory of feeling heart palpitations earlier came back to me and with it the fear it had given me. I remembered the oxygen mask over my mouth and how the doctors had pushed me along the long bright hospital hallway. Careful not to move too much I pushed down my PJ bottoms to check on the huge plaster. So they actually had stabbed me alive. It felt like they'd cut out a big piece of skin down there. I wondered if I was ever going to be able to straighten up again. As I slightly touched the surface, I noticed the whole area was tender, luckily, there was no blood. Seconds felt like hours and I caught myself biting down on my nails nervously. When finally the door handle was pushed down, my heart jumped in my chest. Hunter walked in carefully pushing what looked like an incubator on wheels. Against my better knowledge, I sat up a bit more and ignoring the pain it gave me tried to catch a glimpse of her. Hunter stopped right on the side of the bed and my jaw dropped. I was so in awe. There she was, lying on a white blanket, my little baby girl, hooked up what looked like 20 cables, stretching out her tiny arms. She was wearing a pink beanie, a diaper and a plastic bracelet around her right wrist that read "Hayes, female" (even though you could only decipher "Hay-" without turning it). I watched Hunter open the Plexiglas box she was in on one side. "They let me steal her for 10 minutes. Then she needs to get back under these red heating lights they've got in the baby room." With the gentlest moves I've ever seen my husband make, he took the little bit in his arms only to pass her on to me. She started crying in a high voice. I was still trembling and suddenly unsure how to even hold a baby, but my arms seemed to move automatically until there she was lying sound on my arm and against my chest. All the different coloured cables that were hooked to her little hand, feet and chest came with her. Hunter's palm cupped her head for another few moments until he pulled back. "Hey, precious," I purred utterly in awe. I felt the warmth of her tiny body against my skin and all kinds of feelings overwhelmed me. Maddie calmed down and made a yawning gesture. My eyes welled up but the tears wouldn't fall. There was a tiny tube in her nose regulating her oxygen intake. A thousand questions were shooting through my head: was I holding her right? That was when I looked back up at Hunter: "Is she healthy? What did the doctors say?," I still couldn't talk but in a fearful tone. "They say she's doing well for a 27 weeks preemie. She's breathing on her own but they still give her oxygen just in case." "Oh thank God," I let out and bowed down to press an airy kiss to her little forehead. Some dreamy moments later I said: "Can you believe we made her?" When I looked back up, I noticed Hunter's eyes were of the most beautiful emerald green. He gleamed back at me then closed the little space between us to press his lips on mine gently. It was the most intimate feeling. When he pulled back my eyes darted straight back to Maddie. I took her little hand between my fingers and didn't notice how Hunter took something out of the back pocket of his black skinny jeans. He took a step back to take a picture of me holding her with his phone. Usually, I'd jump down his throat for taking pics with me looking in a right state but in this moment I didn't have a care in the world. He touched the screen right when I put my lips on the side of her precious little face once more taking in that amazing newborn smell all of my pregnancy books went on about. It's unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It wasn't before that that I noticed the steady beeping sounds coming from a monitor on the incubator. "And you fed her?" "Yeah, with the tiniest little bottle. She had like this much." He was smiling as he spoke showing the amount with two of his fingers."D'you think I can feed her?" "Like right now?" "No, just... the books said if you start with bottle feeding you can't go back to breast feeding. Did the nurses say anything about that?," I asked with a worried expression. "No, they just wanted to see if she was eating so they asked me if I wanted to try and then they put her on my chest – I think they call it kangarooing - you know? Yeah, that was awesome." He cupped her head in his big palm again. "Right, Maddie?," he addressed her. Now a different kind of pain built up deep in my stomach. Was it jealousy? I had missed out on the first hour of my baby's life. I couldn't be there for her. Hunter was – and I was happy she had her dad to bond with, nevertheless it made me feel miserable I was robbed of a natural birth. "I think she needs to go back," my husband spoke softly. I tightened the grip around her a little and said: "I don't wanna let her go. Ever." I wondered if the sadness I felt resonated in my voice. "I know. But they need her back under these lights." As soon as he had spoken the last word, the door was opened and in walked a young nurse with a brunette bob. "Congratulations to your strong little girl, Mrs. Hayes," she addressed me with a genuine smile. "Thanks," I replied feebly. "I'm going to bring Madison back now. She needs her sleep." And she had already taken my baby from me to place her back into her glass box. I couldn't help but notice her swift and expert motions; she surely wasn't afraid of touching even the fragile preemies. She adjusted the cables and closed the door. "How are you feeling? How's the pain?" "I'm ok," I assured her. Having to let Maddie go – even if it was just for a while - hurt me much more than my cut. "Don't hesitate to press the button, if you need anything." And just as swiftly as she'd marched in, she walked back out with the crib, leaving me and Hunter to ourselves. Hunter pulled the chair closer again but didn't even use it as he sat down on the side of the bed and put his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head and kept his face there somewhat buried into my hair. "I miss her already," I muttered. "I know. They take the best care of her, don't worry." Now the tears were falling. The biggest wave of sadness washed over me. "Hey, shhhh," my husband cooed as he heard me crying. "That's the anesthesia," he tried to explain. "Remember how the doctor told us you could feel all woozy for a while?" "Are you cold?" I nodded. Hunter pulled on the duvet to cover me up, wrapping me like a burrito in his arms. Despite his efforts I wouldn't stop shaking. "On the bright side," he started, "your toxemia should be gone now. The headaches, the nausea – once you've recovered from surgery it should all be fine again. Is your head still aching?," he wanted to know. I hadn't even realized but now that I thought about it...there was no pain. The throbbing sensation and uncomfortable feeling of pressure I had to endure during my pregnancy weren't there anymore. "No," I breathed. "That's awesome," Hunter said into my hair. "Hey, how do I smell?," he continued asking. I turned my head to bury my nose into his T-shirt and inhaled deeply. Yup, there was the old yummy Hunter smell again, the one I've always loved and not a hint of repulsion. "Great." "Really? Although I've worn this all day and I'm all sweat from worrying about you two." "Mh-huh." "Now tell me you want a big KFC and all my prayers are answered." "I chuckled but regretted it the same second. Putting my abdominal muscles to work in any way caused me great pain and I drew in air between clenched teeth. "Don't make me laugh," I whined then rolled the hem of my PJ bottoms back down to peek at the bandaged area of my lower stomach once more. "I kinda wanna see if it looks as horrible as it feels." Hunter took a quick look to see that there wasn't much to see other than the band aid and said: "They've got the best surgeons of all of London here, babe. I'm sure they did a good job on the stitches." I really hated that word. But there were much more important things in my life now. Seconds later I realized my eyes were getting heavy and I felt the exhaustion of the surgery come back to me. I was about to doze off when I heard Hunter say: "Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" There was a special kind of pride and sentimentality in his voice. "Yeah," I answered truthfully. "Though we're her parents, we're biased." "Oh no, no way. I saw all the other babies in there so I can tell. She literally is."