I was standing near the big leather couch in the living room. It had been three weeks since little Maddie got discharged after 4 weeks in hospital and we were finally able to take her home. The first days with a newborn are nightmarish. Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic at the same time but as a new parent you need to adjust to never getting more than 3 hours of sleep at once. Hunter was amazing as a dad, so much that it even made me emotional. He got up in the middle of the night, feeding her, changing dirty diapers - the lot. It didn't change the fact that Maddie's crying caused the both of us to be extremely sleep-deprived. Now that I was a full-time Mommy, I had quickly stopped caring about my looks and was wearing sweats and my hair in a messy bun all the time. These days I was happy to squeeze in a 5 minute shower in between feeding and changing and cleaning and much needed naps. From the moment I had woken up from the anesthesia the symptoms of the toxemia were gone. I was finally able to eat again; just that with a newborn to take care of you often ignored meal times or willingly swapped them for a 10 minutes power nap. Hunter was on my case about it though and he ordered in various takeaways on a daily basis. With my appetite returning I was nearly back to my old healthy weight.

Right now, I was checking my c-section scar. The final band aid had just come off the other day. It left me having to come to terms with my new body. It really wasn't all that bad, I mean considering they had cut a baby out of me, my lower stomach looked ok. All the bruises and swelling had disappeared and what was left was a rather fine line of about 5 inches. "Hey." I jumped a little not having expected anyone to be around. It was my husband who now greeted me with a sort of hug from behind. With his hands on my waist, he pressed a quick kiss to my hair. Hunter was wearing some vintage Ramones T-shirt and his hair in a high bun. "Is she asleep?," I wanted to know. "Yeah, finally." His voice was thick with fatigue. "Whatcha doing?," he asked when he had just seen me kind of checking my crotch area out. He moved to sit down on the sofa before me. "No more band aids," I stated pushing the hem of my jog pants down. "That doesn't look bad at all," Hunter commented with an intrigued look, "Does it still hurt?" I shook my head no. "See? I told you they were the best at St. Joan's. You could still be one of these Victoria's secret girls with that." And he grinned his boyish smile up at me. "Ha ha," I countered sarcastically. "It's better than I feared. I mean I saw some scary ass pics online." "Wait. You googled c-section scars?," my husband frowned. "'Course," I defended myself like it was the most natural thing. "A long time before I actually got pregnant." Hunter rolled his eyes as if to say "Girls. So weird." "It's still kind of red though." "That'll fade with time. Hold on." He got up to get something from the bathroom. Some moments later he returned holding a familiar white jar . At first I had no clue what he was up to. But then he sat back down before me and pushed my pants down a little further exposing my hips. I was about to protest when he dipped his fingers into the cream that I recognized to be cocoa butter which I had purchased at the beginning of my pregnancy to prevent stretch marks. He was now rubbing the lotion along the thin scar ever so gently and I couldn't help but get a bit emotional over how caring he was. "It's still so weird they just cut her out of me," I started when I found my voice again. It was barely louder than a whisper. Hunter looked up into my eyes but didn't stop massaging the lotion into my skin. "I feel like I've been cheated of the birth, if that makes sense. I mean I have no recollection whatsoever and it's like...I failed her." This was truly how I felt. My anyway difficult pregnancy had ended in a trauma. I hadn't realized that until I was back home and still couldn't shake it. Hunter's hands now rested loosely on my waist. "There's no way you failed her, babe. In the end there was no other option." He exhaled deeply. "You could've died in that hospital room. And all this time, you did so well. Like, I'd never pictured you to be that strong until all of this happened." I was looking down at him and couldn't help but notice him getting teary-eyed. It didn't change how I felt but I decided to drop it for now. Hunter pulled me closer and pressed a lingering kiss on my stomach. My hands raked through the hair at the back of his neck.

„Can you believe we made her?" And Hunter cast me that adorable dimply smile of his. "Mh-huh," he hummed the reply. "I can. I even remember how we made her." His cheekiness was back and I had to chuckle as he got up, closed the little space between us and leaned down for a sweet kiss. He was holding my face in his hands, holding me in place as our lips did all the talking. I literally melted into that kiss wondering when the last time was I felt such an intimate connection with my husband. In the craziness of our new life it did get lost easily. But right now, as I tiptoed to get even closer, my senses felt more alive than ever and I noticed a feeling rushing through me that I hadn't been thinking of in a long time. It felt like...us...before the difficult pregnancy, before I got sick. Us two as the strong couple we were, absolutely crazy about one another, young and free to do what we wanted whenever we wanted. I tasted his lips, his tongue in my mouth and nervous butterflies left my stomach in knots. Was it butterflies or that sweet longing that just built deep inside me? Then I noticed Hunter's breathing change; something I remembered all too well. He was just as triggered as me. We just wanted it. Here. Now.