My sweater is sticking to me like glue and it's getting harder to breathe with each passing second. Again, I'm holding Tariq's jacket while standing in the corner of the room nursing a water bottle.

Heather and the girls congregate around me wearing more appropriate clothing for a party. I'm still in my clothes from this morning. If only I hadn't been an idiot and declined to change at Heather's persistence.

It's like a frickin furnace in here.

My face has to be red and blotchy. My eye hurts and people keep staring at it. Tariq's jacket seems to only hold power when I'm wearing it and it's way too hot in here, so I have to deal with the stares.

We're at Tariq's house that's not too far from my dorms and still technically on campus. I guess this was the party Heather had talked about the other day. There are no kegs and people aren't drinking as heavily as they did at the frat. It's a college party nonetheless with dancing and people talking loudly over blaring music.

Why did I allow my curiosity about what a college party was like to bring me here? I should be back in my dorm snuggling in my grey and white cheetah blanket.

I could be holding a rich cup of tea and a good book while simultaneously watching a Disney movie sing along. Instead, I'm standing here awkwardly with a pack of gorgeous girls as my naiveness shows through my wardrobe.

Heather had been nice and offered to stay back at the dorms with me to hang out together, but I had told her I'd come. Standing here though, I realize how out of place I am.

Too odd.

Too conservative.

Too naïve.

I don't belong here.

I don't identify with people my age. It's why I want to teach elementary. I'm a kid at heart. Kids don't look at you weird for singing randomly or loving arts and crafts. If anything, they join in with you.

If I go out, my usual preference is a quaint little café at the outskirts of campus that has open mic nights for local bands and poets. It's nice, calm and a great place to do homework where no one bothers the other. It's almost a quiet rule of conduct to stick to yourself and not interact there.

Here?

They are only interactions and some shocking with people shoving their tongues down each other's throats or getting frisky on the dance floor.

Yeah, I said frisky.

I'm like a ladybug that came in from outside and is sticking to the walls trying to find a window to get out.

"Hey, I'm sorry for being a little snippy this morning!" Lana yells over the music leaning close to me.

She's dressed to kill tonight in a little black dress and black heels. Her hair is shiny and curled looking like she should be in a shampoo commercial.

"I jumped to conclusions, but Heather explained what happened," she finishes.

"It's okay."

"You giving him his jacket back tonight?" Heather's other friend Crista asks. I had met the group at lunch earlier and they were friendly.

Crista's tiny, tinier than me. I'm scrawny but average height. She's thin and short with a sleek bob cut. Her brown eyes pop against her purple eyeshadow that's tastefully done.

She fans herself and I can tell she's hot even though she's in high waisted shorts showing off her tan legs and a black low-cut top that's tucked into them. I'm a little jealous how perfectly flat her stomach is with not an ounce of pudge.

Unlike me.

I'm skinny but my tummy isn't toned or flat like any of these girls.

I like chocolate way too much.

And burritos.

And tacos.

Stop thinking about food!

"I'm going to try," I say over the music as Lana, Crista and Heather lean in to hear me. "When I tried earlier, he told me to put it back on."

Lana laughs. "Probably because it was cold out. He'll take it tonight. It's his favorite jacket."

Heather shrugs her bare shoulders and peers over at me as she takes a sip of her water. "It was his best friend's."

I start playing with the zipper. "Do you guys see him?"

Heather turns and her gold glittery jumper shines under the dim lights in the house. "He's around here somewhere." She stretches to her tiptoes, poking her head up to look around.

"He's always home to keep it from getting out of control and to make sure each guy limits himself to one beer." Her Dragon Girl red lips flash a smile. "Even though he hates parties."

I shift uncomfortably. "What do you mean?"

"There he is." Lana starts fluffing her curls and fixing her dress. "I'm doing it tonight, girls. I'm getting on Tariq's radar."

"Radar?" I take Lana in having a hard time believing there's no guy in the world who wouldn't notice her. "You're gorgeous, why wouldn't you be on his radar?"

Crista and Heather snicker into their cups as Lana narrows her eyes at them. "The girls he actually dates are serious bombshells and not just in the looks department."

Heather sidles up to me throwing her arm around my shoulders. "For instance," she points at the subject of our conversation, "Cassandra Clemmons and right now Lana's worst nightmare."

Lana hisses. "Wait?! What? Why is she here? Didn't they break up?"

"Seeing as how they're being super chummy," Crista adds tilting her head, "I'd say a reconciliation is on the mend."

My stomach turns at the sight.

Stop it tum tum.

Tariq's laughing and displaying dimples I didn't even know existed, probably because I have yet to get a full-blown smile. A sexy smile yes, but not a dimple heart attack inducing one. It reaches his eyes that look carefree and lighter as they gleam at the girl chatting with him.

Bio girl.

The one who would make out with him before every class.

"Didn't she graduate last year? Doesn't she have photoshoots and music videos to be in?" Lana bites out and I come to the immediate decision to never cross Lana.

She's scary.

Tariq's forearm swells then levels as he reaches up and tugs on a piece of Bio girl's hair. She's gorgeous. Dark skin gleaming in the dim lighting as her heart shaped face is held in Tariq's hands. He says something to her and then laughs pulling her in for a hug.

Her high smooth ponytail sways back and forth at the action as her beautiful grey catlike eyes tilt up, hiding her smokey makeup for a brief second. Her outfit is more casual with a white t-shirt and tight jeans with high heeled boots.

But it's not her obvious looks that make her stand out in the room. It's the way she holds herself with confidence and easy smiles that make her eyes tilt up even more. I can't remember the last time my smile wasn't forced or so big. It's like that part of me died along with...

There's that hole again, opening up underneath me and wanting to swallow me. I crush Tariq's jacket against my stomach, and I take in a deep breath as it tightens in a not so pleasing way and continues to claw its way up to my throat.

Anxiety attack is approaching.

Abort!

"Hey, you okay?" Heather looks in my eyes and I swallow.

"Yeah, it's just getting stuffy in here and I'm feeling a little claustrophobic. I think I'm going to go outside and get some air."

Her eye's shine with worry. "I'll come with you."

I shake my head. "Enjoy the party, go dance. I'll be fine."

She looks uncertain. "We have a system. We stick by each other. It's safer that way."

I force a smile. "I'll be right back I promise. Plus, there's not much drinking. I'll be good."

She isn't convinced but nods anyway. I push through the crowd as that hole gets wider and wider. I don't want to have an anxiety attack in front of everyone and I know one is coming.

I risk a glance back and watch as Tariq leans in whispering into Cassandra's ear and she tilts her head back laughing without a worry in the world.

I quickly turn back around and dart away into a crowded hallway where people are in a line for the bathroom. My back presses against the wall as I squeeze through until I reach the end and see a sliding door going out to the backyard where people are sparser than inside.

I gun past the kitchen and right through the open sliding door. The cool air welcomes me, but the moment is short lived as my breathing escalates and tears brim my eyes.

My mouth goes dry, and my chest tightens as I battle the nausea circling and bubbling in my stomach. Fear pricks at my brain with long nails making my head pound.

Moving quickly, I go to the dark corner of the yard and bury my face in Tariq's jacket as the first tear comes. The grief hits me hard and fast as quiet sobs escape my lips. I'm swallowed up in an instant as a memory of my dad overtakes my chaotic mind.

He bends down kissing my twelve-year-old head after winning a spelling bee. He had been so proud and worked with me tirelessly the night before because for some stupid reason I had wanted to win badly.

More memories of him start bombarding me, good and bad. It's like I opened Pandora's box and am overwhelmed. That's what usually happens during these attacks. I'm overwhelmed with all these various emotions, and I can't focus on anything and am in a state of confusion.

I don't care that my eye is hurting. All I want is to squeeze my eyes so tight that my dad comes back, which is stupid. But shame creeps up my spine when I picture him on his deathbed.

I push it down.

He was all I had and now I have nothing, no one... and no answers. But I can't pity myself. I have to move forward. I start taking deep breaths to gather myself and crawl out of this toxic pit.

I can't have this becoming a panic attack.

Taking deep even breaths, I look up at the sky and count the few stars I can see. Once my heart starts calming down my shoulders slump and I sigh out in relief.

I did it.

I look back at the party going on and situate myself, so I don't look as if I just cried my eyeballs out. At least there's one good thing about having a busted eye.

No one will notice.

Maneuvering my way back inside I look around for Heather and the girls.

"Where'd you run off to, Blue?"

I suck in a sharp panicked breath. My head snaps around to Tariq standing there looking lethally gorgeous with some of his team members.

Beau recognizes me instantly. "The girl who took a football to the face."

"Um hi!" I sing out awkwardly. "Good to see you again."

Beau regards me skeptically, but not in a bad way, just in a curious one. "What brings you here?"

Tariq points a water bottle at me. "Big Blue and I have become best friends."

Beau looks at Tariq with a look of utter betrayal. "So, you finally decide to bestow that title and you give it to a random girl?! No offense sweetheart I'm sure you're grade A best friend material but seriously, dude? What about me or Ginger?"

He points his thumb over his shoulder at a guy with a massive red beard and buzzed haircut. He has tattoos all over him and honestly scares the crap out of me because he's huge, bigger than Tariq, and kind of mean-looking with a scowl on his face.

Tariq takes a sip from his water bottle. "You weren't even in the running. Winston, however," he says, slapping the big dude on his shoulder, "has been bequeathed best bud for a year now."

Beau is swift with punishment and my eyes widen as he whacks Tariq right in his groin making said man choke on his water.

"I was at your bedside day and night after your knee surgery," Beau chides.

Tariq is lighting fast and backhands Beau in the exact same spot in retaliation. "No, you weren't, idiot. Stop acting so dramatically like we're in some lifetime movie."

Beau shoves him and takes a step toward me making me put up my fists and jump back and forth from one foot to another. "My lady bits are not for whacking."

He immediately halts then keels over in a fit of laughter. "Alright, I see it. She's perfectly weird."

I huff. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Beau wraps his big beefy arm around my shoulder and smiles down at me. Whew, the guy is hot. He oozes charisma.

"I like you, Rocky. Her new nickname is Rocky!" He shouts at Tariq, hitting his friend's chest.

Winston's eyes are quick with their assessment of me. "Blue fits her better."

Beau looks down at me in scrutiny. "I'm still going to call you Rocky. I mean, I get it with the whole Bing." He takes his hand next to his eyes and flicks his fingers out like a firework.

"Bing?" I ask.

"Your eyes, Blue. Well... eye." Tariq's voice slides down my spine making my insides twist. I have Beau's arm wrapped around me, yet Tariq's voice is what gets my heart racing and body all torqued up.

Did I just say torqued up?!

His bicep bulges as he knocks back the rest of his water bottle. I can't help but stare at its beautiful definition and at how his Adam's apple moves.

Wiping his mouth, he tosses his empty bottle at Beau's face. "Alright, Beauregard paws off. Let me talk to my girl."

MY GIRL?!

I battle the flush trying to spread over my chest. Luckily, my face is already red and splotchy from the heat swirling around the cramped house.

Beau and Winston vanish into the crowd but not before Beau shouts out, "I think I'll take her from you."

When I turn back to Tariq his eyes are on me. A couple of people pass by patting him on the back and all he gives them is a short hi but no eye contact because apparently, that is solely for me right now.

And it's making me fidgety.

"Your girl?" I barb, gripping his jacket that I'm still holding. "That's real presumptuous of you."

He smiles knowingly and wiggles his brows. "Don't act like you don't like it."

"I don't," I say with a wave of my hand as if dismissing him from a class. "If you tell people I'm your girl then the guy I like will not even give me the time of day."

I don't like anyone.

But Tariq doesn't need to know that.

"Oh!" he questions and mockingly raises his brows as if he's super interested. "Do I know 'im?"

"Oh!" I sing back, "I doubt it. You two wouldn't hang in the same social circle. He's way sexier than you, though." Now I waggle my eyebrows at him, which earns me that dimple coma-inducing smile of his.

I mentally pat myself on the back.

He rubs his chest as if my words physically hurt him. "You're going to be a bruiser for my ego, Blue. I have a feeling I'm going to start to learn how to be humble."

He steps into my space making me squeak as he towers over me with a challenging gleam in his eyes. "Don't worry though when I meet him I'll let him know that by my girl I mean my bestie. I'll make sure he knows I'm not into you like that."

Um, Ouch!

"Well, you're going to be sorely disappointed seeing as how I haven't even conversed with him yet." I lie straight through my teeth.

He squishes his face and it's so stinking cute I snort. "Was it the eye or random outbursts of singing that scared him off?"

I bristle at that. "No! I just haven't had the bravado to talk to him yet, that's all."

Remember this guy is imaginary.

"Bravado?" Tariq reiterates sarcastically with a quirk of his brow. "Well, you'll have to point him out to me then so that I can see who on this earth is as sexy as this fine piece of specimen," he wisecracks. "Notice I said, as sexy because no one is sexier."

"Big guy on campus thinks every girl here is into him, huh?"

"No." Tariq then gives a smug smile. "I know it."

I snort and roll my eyes. "Well, here is one who's not!" I emphasize with a tilt to my head and pursed lips tapping into my inner Cher.

Tariq takes a step right into me and something shifts between us. My stomach knots and pressure builds. I try backing up but his hand catches me by the small of my back and jerks my body into his. My palms collide with his chest as he puts his forehead against mine.

"You know, Blue, a girl uninterested in a guy doesn't give him bedroom eyes."

I break eye contact like an idiot. "I'm not giving you bedroom eyes."

He leans in, his mouth tracing the outline of my ear, making it burn. "It's cute how you try to act all prickly."

"I'm prickly by nature. My spirit animal is a porcupine."

"Nah." His lips are at my jaw now and he slides his mouth down it until his nose touches mine. He does all this while slowly backing me up into a wall with those big hands on my oddly proportioned hips. "More like a baby hedgehog."

Stop racing you stupid heart!

Stop it right now!

"Let me go, Tariq," I whisper in the small amount of air between us.

"What if I don't want to?" There's a mischievous glint to his dark eyes that stare at me from under thick lashes.

My teeth start gnawing the inside of my cheek because he's winning. I'm freaking goo in his dumb hold and I kind of hate myself for it. "Then your possible standing for bestie status will be null and void."

He steps back and grins. "Well, I can't have that now, can I? I feel bad for you though?"

"Why?"

"Because it's going to be torturous for you to resist wanting me."

Irritation courses through my veins. "Do you ever get tired of being so egotistical?"

"Never."

I smirk. "So, you admit to being egotistical."

"I'm man enough to know I am."

My lips blow out a sigh. "You're really something."

"Aw thanks, Blue. I knew you'd fall for me eventually."

"You wish," I mutter.

"Elodie there you are!" I turn to Heather bouncing toward me. "Hey, Tariq, I'm taking her now. You've had enough fun."

Tariq leans his big body in the doorway blocking our escape. "Not until Blue tells me who she wants to score."

"Oh my god!" I shriek out. "Who talks like that?"

"Me and my brethren."

My spine steels and my teeth clench. "It's none of your business."

Heather slaps Tariq playfully on the arm. "Leave her alone and move out of the way. We have to get going. Oh! Lana was hoping to talk to you. She's in the kitchen."

I don't wait for him to comply and dart under his arm and squeeze right past him and book it for the door. Heather is right behind me giggling. I also, still have his jacket.

"What's going on between you and Tariq? And did I hear right? Are you crushing on someone? Please tell me who it is."

My cheeks flame and a ridiculous thought comes to mind.

I have to find a guy to crush on.

Stat.

Oooooo seems like things are starting to heat up just a smidge between Elodie and Tariq!