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My heart is thumping in my chest and my palms are sweaty. Adrenaline starts coursing through me, spurring me on.

What am I thinking?

This is so embarrassing. I should never have let Tilly talk me into this. I shouldn't be here.

But I want answers.

That's all I want. I'm not going to embarrass myself by begging for a chance or for him back. I want closure, I want a proper, verbal rejection.

We walk right up to him. Admittedly, Tilly's strut is a lot more confident than mine. My mate freezes when he sees us a few metres away.

He might be covered from head to toe, but I know it is him. My body can recognise him instantly. Annoyingly, I already feel better just by being near him.

He calls out to the troops, ordering them to disband because training is over. He waits for the field to clear. I can tell that he is nervous, even with his face hidden by the helmet. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable.

'Joab, right?' Tilly says, breaking the tense silence.

He nods.

'Yes.' I hear him reply clearly through the helmet.

'You have a lot to answer for, Joab,' she says angrily. 'Where did you go this morning?'

I love the way she is calling him out like it is her that was ditched. I stand next to her, feeding off of Tilly's strength.

His helmeted head looks back and forth between us. All I can see is my own reflection in the shiny visor.

'I-I, uh...' He stutters and goes silent.

'That's not an answer,' Tilly says hotly. 'Take that damn helmet off and reply properly.'

Reluctantly, Joab reaches up and pulls off the helmet. Surprisingly, he is wearing a fabric mask behind the helmet. It is black and covers the top half of his face, from his nose upwards.

His eyes, red and shining, are filled with pain. I hate the pinch of worry that niggles at me.

'It's not what you think,' he explains quietly. 'You didn't do anything wrong, Annika.'

Tilly snorts next to me. 'She knows she didn't, asswipe. You're the one that's in the wrong. Explain yourself.'

Gotta love Tilly.

He looks between me and my friend hesitantly.

'Can we do this inside? Follow me to my office,' he suggests.

I'm not happy about it, but I want answers. Tilly gives me a supportive smile and we follow him across the grass. He lets us into an office and shuts the door behind us.

He stands behind his desk, to have some space between us all, I think. Tilly looks expectantly at him and I notice his cheeks turning pink.

Is he embarrassed with himself?

He should be.

'Why did you leave?' I ask him, speaking for the first time. His eyes immediately meet mine. 'You only left a note.'

He winces and sits down on his chair.

'I'm not worthy of you, Annika,' he says quietly.

Tilly scoffs. 'We all know that.'

Helpful, Tilly.

'I'm sorry. I woke up in the night and it all became too much. I realised that you wouldn't want me and that you'd be better off without me, so I left. I'm sorry. It was a cowardly thing to do.'

'Damn right it was.'

I look at Tilly, warning her with my eyes to stop with the sarcastic quips.

'Why would I be better off without you?' I ask him.

He exhales and looks down at his hands.

'You deserve someone better, someone who isn't...damaged.'

Damaged? Does he have an awful past or something?

'Damaged?' I probe. 'How are you damaged?'

Joab's eyes cut across to Tilly, who glares back at him. I realise that he would probably be more comfortable if we were alone.

'Till,' I murmur. 'I love you, but do you think you could give us a few minutes? Please?'

She looks between us and her lips set in a thin line.

'Fine. But you call me in if you need me.'

'I promise.'

Tilly reluctantly leaves us alone and a little of the tension leaves Joab's shoulders. He looks at me with sad eyes.

'I was attacked about five years ago,' he states quietly. 'I was injured badly and the fire used in the attack meant that I didn't heal properly. Because of that, I am heavily scarred.'

I take in his words and draw my eyebrows together.

'I don't understand...you left because you have scars?'

He nods and winces. 'Bad ones.'

'Do you honestly think I am that shallow?'

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. My offence and outrage comes before my filter.

Joab's eyes widen and he opens his mouth to defend himself. I talk before he can. I stand up and the force makes the chair scrape back over the floor.

'From the little you know of me, you should know that I try to be a good person,' I reply, getting more and more angry. 'You took my virginity and then left me to wake up alone, with nothing but a two-word note to go on, simply because you have some scars?' I ask incredulously.

Joab winces some more and gets to his feet.

'I'm sorry,' he replies quickly. 'I wear the masks to hide them, but I must have knocked my mask off in the night. When I got up for some water, I stood on it and snapped it. I panicked. I didn't want you to wake up with a monster next to you.'

I glare at him. 'The only monstrous thing about you is your behaviour,' I snap. 'Your insecurities are completely unnecessary.'

Joab looks guilty as hell, but I don't care.

'You took my virginity and then left me,' I claim exasperatedly. 'How can scars make you do that?'

His eyes drop to the ground.

'I'm so sorry, Annika,' he says genuinely. 'I was going to write you a letter, explaining everything, when I got back to the barracks. I got caught up in the moment last night and panicked when I realised that, eventually, you'd have to see my face.'

My heart hurts. I hate feeling rejected, but I feel bad for him, too. I can see how scared he is of my reaction, how conscious he is of his apparent scars.

'Can you show me them, please?' I plead with him. 'You have nothing to be worried about.'

His panicked eyes meet mine, wide and uncertain.

'You'll run,' he states. 'Everyone gets uncomfortable and they stop talking to me.'

My heart breaks, but for him this time.

'Please, Joab,' I beg, taking a step towards him. 'Please, trust me. You're my mate. We're made for each other. There's no amount of scars that can change that.'

His shoulders sag. He closes his eyes and exhales deeply. He reaches up to his mask and my heart beats faster.

His red irises meet mine and he slowly unties the knot at the back of his head. The mask loosens and then falls down. He catches it in his hands and looks at me warily. I take in his face.

They're burn scars, for sure. Still bright pink, despite being years since the attack. His skin is both wrinkled and tight on his face at the same time. His eyebrows are there, but thinner than I imagine is normal.

The burns cover the entire upper part of his face, all the way to his scalp. His eyes, thankfully, are completely unblemished.

Yes, half of his face is scarred. But no, he's not a monster. No, I don't look at him any differently.

'You're still handsome, Joab,' I tell him softly. 'You shouldn't be ashamed of your scars.'

His eyebrows raise up and he looks at me hopefully.

'You're just saying that,' he mutters and turns away.

I walk up to him and gently place my hand on his shoulder. I pull him to turn around and face me. Hesitantly, in case I hurt him, I reach up and cup his face in my hands.

'You're my mate,' I whisper. 'And I think you're perfect.'

His eyes shine with tears. He surprises me by suddenly pulling me into his arms. He buries his face in my neck and inhales deeply. I run my hands up and down his back and he shudders under my touch.

'I'm so sorry, Annika,' he murmurs into my hair. 'I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry that I left. I was terrified.'

'I know,' I reply softly. 'I understand why.'

I pull back and give him a half-smile. 'But you've still got some grovelling to do.'

He grins at me and his whole face changes, lighting up with the smile.

'I know, I do. I promise, I will make it up to you.'

I glance at the door. Poor Tilly is still waiting out there.

'I should go check on her.'

Joab looks disappointed. 'You're not leaving, are you? Please, stay. I want to make this up to you.'

'Oh, yeah? How are you going to do that?' I ask with a wry smile.

He smiles and wraps his arms around my waist.

'I've got a few ideas. All of them involve you staying here, or me coming with you, though.'

I frown at his playful reply. 'Are you allowed to leave?'

He shrugs. 'I'm a general. I can leave if I have good reason to, and Annika, I think you're the best reason.'

'That was cheesy,' I reply, but I'm blushing like an idiot.

He chuckles and nods, releasing me. 'I know, it was.'

I meet Tilly outside and explain the situation. When Joab comes out, he's wearing his mask again. I understand that his scars deeply affect him. He trusts me to see them, but he doesn't even know Tilly.

My best friend isn't best pleased with my mate. He apologises to her, too, and explains that he knows he has a lot to do to redeem himself. She tells him damn straight and she's going to be keeping an eye on him.

I love Tilly.

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