I was in utter disbelief, but not because I had actually seen Devon naked on the second day I knew her, but of what I felt when I saw her.

It turned me on. Bad.

I wasn’t gay, I had never liked a girl in my life, and it even used to disgust me thinking about even kissing a girl…

But now… I can’t say that anymore.

Devon was anything but nasty, she had a Victoria Secret body for Christ Sake! And let me tell you… it was no longer a secret to me. I continued to absent mindedly scrub my body as I daydreamed about her… knowing these thoughts were not normal.

How did this all of a sudden happen? It wasn’t like I gradually started to like her… no, when I saw her it was all at once. Like a fucking crane just flew in and hit me. It could’ve actually knocked me down if it wanted to.

It was so bizarre, I didn’t understand it at all, but then… I did. I understood it in the back of my head, but I couldn’t think about it without it making my head hurt.

I heard a knock on my door, making me jump, “You almost done in there? I’m gonna head back to the room.”

I stuttered, “O-Okay.”

It was silent as I began to get dressed, then I heard someone walk in. They turned on the shower next to me, the one Devon had just exited, and I gathered my things to leave.

I walked out, and came face to face with a cute girl, she was smiling. “Oh hi, I’m Samantha.”

I tilted my head, Sudden introduction? “Amanda.”

She smiled creepily and walked into the stall once more, I muttered, “What the hell…” under my breath. How weird.

I joined Devon in the dorm and I plopped myself onto my bed, I asked, “What time you have to wake up tomorrow?”

She groaned, “7:30.”

I smiled, “Me to. I have Algebra I.”

“Looks like you’ll be sitting next to me tomorrow morning.”

“We have class together?”

She nodded, looking at me as she laid sideways. Her blonde hair was damp, flowing around her face, her lips… God they looked fucking delicious…

I was fucked. I was in love with this girl, a straight girl, that I barely knew. I had a boyfriend… and I wasn’t even sure if I loved him anymore.

As I looked at Devon doze off in her bed I felt as if she was the only person that mattered, and it hurt me.

Nelson was going to be so hurt, but maybe ending it with him would be for the best. I mean I haven’t even spoken to him in a damn week! He obviously wasn’t worrying about me… or he was just preparing himself for the breakup…

God how was I going to do this?

I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend, mostly because then I would be left alone with these feelings for Devon.

These feelings I obviously didn’t understand.

But as I fell asleep I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and how sexy she looked soaking wet out the shower.

***

I woke up to the annoying ring of my alarm clock, and Devon was groaning on her side of the room. I slammed my fist onto the clock and silenced it immediately, “Morning.”

She muttered, yawning, “Morning.”

We got up, headed to the bathroom and began getting ready. The way we acted around each other, already, it was weird. Like I was completely comfortable with her, and I could do anything without feeling uncomfortable.

And obviously she made it clear last night she felt the same.

We began getting dressed in out room, and I couldn’t stop glancing at her while she rummaged through her closet. I settled on capris and another V Neck, trying not to look to fancy for my first day. I grabbed my booksack, shoving my algebra book into it and waiting for Devon.

She looked cute, but that wasn’t a surprise.

“Ready?”

I smiled, “I was waiting for you, Devon.”

She smirked slightly, and shrugged, “Guess that’s a yes.”

We walked out, accompanying each other to our first class on our first day at college. It felt so weird, seeing everyone about. You could practically pick out the ones who were freshmen, looking around frantically. Obviously they didn’t attend Orientation.

I felt a compulsion to grab her hand, but I ignored it, it was really starting to piss me off. There was absolutely no reason I should feel like this toward Devon, it made no sense to me. Why? Why Devon?

Why not just fall back in love with Nelson?

But nooo…. life is never that simple. No it has to fuck you over and do stupid shit to you, like make you question your sexuality.

“You ok Amanda?”

I nodded, snapping out of my thoughts immediately, “Yea, fine,” I pulled the door open for me and Devon and we took our seats.

Then the professor began the introduction and lecture.

Let me tell you, I was glad I paid attention my senior year because this… is a hell of a lot worse.

Devon slipped me a note, and I looked at her, whispering, “I’m sitting right here.”

She shoved me and I opened the note, That guy two rows down keeps glancing up here…

I looked down, immediately seeing who she was talking about. He was cute, and he yes he was glancing up at us… but not at us, at Devon.

I looked away from the mystery boy and to Jenson, “He’s staring at you…”

“Excuse me?” I felt my skin run on high temperature, glancing at the professor, “Yes you, can you tell me the answer to the question I just asked?”

I was frantic, but I knew what he just asked… I glanced at the calculator and blurted out, “No solution sir…”

He looked taken back, and he spoke, “Next time make sure you pay attention to me, not your friend.”

I rolled my eyes to myself, How embarrassing…

Devon slipped me another note, but I would dare not speak aloud this time. I opened the slip of paper, That’s why I wrote on paper! Idiot!

I laughed to myself, and soon enough the professor dismissed us. I was walking out with Devon and suddenly the mystery boy was standing in front of us. He smiled an award winning smile, “Hi, I’m Emerson… you two look cool, and I was wondering if you two would like to come to a party Friday night?”

Devon crossed her arms protectively and I looked up at him, feeling defensive all of a sudden. “You do know we’re freshmen right?”

He winked at me, “I know, and I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t think you two were cool.”

I sighed, he had a point, we were pretty cool freshmen. “Where at?”

He smiled, smirking more at Devon who was looking elsewhere then at me, “Alpha Sigma, you’ll see it.”

I nodded, “Thanks Emerson.”

He walked away and Devon sighed, “Are we going?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know… I don’t know if it’s a joke or… for real.”

“Well I’m not sure how to take him… but he was cute, right?”

I felt a twinge of jealousy in my heart, but again I ignored it, “Yea he was…”

She looked at me, “You ok?”

I nodded, but she could see past it. I wasn’t ok, I felt like shit because I couldn’t stop the urge of me liking her. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nelson and how jealous I was over that guy taking an interest to Devon. I wasn’t even gay! It just didn’t make any sense to me at all, and the more I thought about it the more my head would throb.

We took a seat outside, it wasn’t miserably hot but it was there, and we sat at a table to do our homework. I pulled out my notebook and started to jot down the work for my first question.

Devon kept glancing over at my paper and she sighed, “You get this?”

I nodded, “Of course I get this.”

She switched sides, sitting next to me, and a little to close for my liking… even though I secretly loved it. I continued to explain what we had just learned and she eventually caught on…

“Rachel was a genius in math… I used to make fun of her for it.”

It was a sudden sentence, and it took me back. Was she relating me to Rachel again? Just because I could do some math?

I was beginning to think she wanted me to become Rachel.

But I was Amanda Phillips, good girl, straight A student, sane headed… I wasn’t Rachel. I would never be Rachel.

So she needed to stop comparing me to her.