The blood pumping through my veins was on fire as it rushed to my head, heightening the ringing in my ears and blocking out any other noise. My heart wanted a way out of my chest with its increased beats, each thump more and more painful. My fight-or-flight moment.

I inched my toes closer to the edge, my trainers gripping to the metallic ledge. The drop was further than I imagined. I peeked at the tarmac below and fought the urge to scream and turn back. There was no turning back now.

The chilly morning air bit at my nose and with my hands clamped around the barrier on either side of me, I couldn't rub at it to soothe the dull ache.

I wasn't scared at that moment; I was absolutely petrified, but I had made my choice and that choice was to...

JUMP!

My stomach dipped as soon as I plummeted towards the ground and I hated my decision. My adrenaline spiralled fast and saliva thickened in my mouth. I wanted—no, needed—to vomit.

My eyes wide, the colours blurred together but were so much brighter than a few moments ago.

I loved my decision. A split second was all it took for the initial fright to vanish. My fingers gripped the rope tighter while I glided through the skies above part of the city. The wind whipped the hair, peeping out of my helmet, around my face, but it didn't bother me.

I was free.

My lungs, burning from my screams, struggled to allow enough air in and it left me breathless and almost giddy.

The end came all too soon. Firm hands clasped my shoulders and undid my harness while I stayed rooted to the spot. Once released from my restraints, I hunched over, clutching above my knees, and laughed.

I glanced towards the metal tower in the distance, struggling to see Matt, but in mere minutes, he stood in front of me.

"That was fucking crazy," he panted. Matt pulled me to him and rocked us side to side, laughing just like I had done moments before.

"Wasn't it the best? I want to go again." I peered up and smiled at his awestruck expression. The light brown of his eyes brightened the greying sky surrounding us. A ring of gold circled his irises, and I stared into them, forgetting my earlier nerves.

"No, I can't do that again. I wanted to chunder." He removed his helmet and passed it to one of the event organisers. "Let me take you out for lunch. You paid for the zip wire, so let me treat you to this."

"Actually, I charged it to my dad's credit card," I said as I stepped out of his embrace. "But lunch sounds amazing right now. I'm starving." The warmth of his arms enveloped my body long after they left me.

When Matt had picked me up earlier that morning, the nagging voice in the back of my mind repeated how I was making a massive mistake by spending more time with him.

He pulled up at my house ten minutes early and stood against his car, waiting until I was ready. He wanted to introduce himself to my parents, but I freaked out and asked him to stay outside. I rushed to finish my makeup, my hands shaking as I traced the black eyeliner on my eyelid. Cursing at the wobbly line, I wiped it away three times before I got it right. It wasn't even a date yet the anxiety snaking through me was almost on a par with what I felt as I climbed the steps up the thirty-five-meter tower that led to the zip line.

My mother hovered by the window near our front door and commented on how good looking he was and asked why he wouldn't come in for a quick cup of tea. I kissed her cheek and assured her she would get to meet him soon. After I shut the door behind me, I asked myself why I had even made that promise.

My thoughts were at war with each other the entire car journey as Matt tried to keep our minds off our crazy plans. He was so easy to be around, so dependable, but I couldn't depend on him when I wasn't willing to offer the same thing back.

Yet, I wanted nothing more as he hugged me close to his chest, both of our hearts drumming fast as we came down from our adrenaline rush.

***

Sitting inside a small Italian bistro in one of the quieter streets of London, I watched the world rush by outside. Even tucked away in a corner of the city, the Saturday shoppers were out in full force, arms laden with bags and barely a smile on their faces. They meant business and the thought of them scurrying around like worker ants brought a smile to my face.

"What are you going for?" Matt closed his menu and placed it on the table. A drop from the condensation around his half-pint of lager ran down the side of his glass.

"I might try their chicken and chorizo gnocchi. I always end up getting a pizza and today seems like the day to shake things up.

He laughed and took a swig from his drink. "Yep, that's what I always do." He picked his menu back up and scanned the options for a second time. "Right, I'll change it up as well and try their salmon tagliatelle. Then if we are both disappointed, we can grab a pizza later."

"Later?"

"I mean, yeah. If you want to. It's Saturday night. Come out to the bar. I have to work but Zaire will be there, probably even Dan, Freddie and Liv if I ask them."

"You know what? I will. Let's make a day of it." I beamed as I slapped my palm onto the table.

Matt grabbed his beer off the table to avoid it spilling and chuckled. "What the hell was that?"

"Don't know." I laughed with him. "Think I'm still buzzing from the adrenaline of the zip line trip. Honestly, I just feel great right now. We have to book something else. Maybe the bungee jump this time?" I bit into a breadstick from the basket on the table and tapped a finger on my cheek. "Oh wait, we could do the white water rafting before they close up for the season?" Pulling out my phone, I clicked on the link saved in my browser and slid it across to Matt.

His eyebrows raised while he stared at the screen. "The water will be freezing."

He interrupted his reading to place our order with the waitress when she approached our table. When she left, he zoomed into a couple of the event photos.

"I might do it just to see you in one of these tight wetsuits. But honestly, I'd rather lose my left nut than get into icy open water in October."

"Stop being a baby! You moaned when we walked up to the wire earlier and you have to admit it wasn't that bad. This will be the same. Come on. If you do this for me, you can pick something you like."

"Anything I want if I do this?"

"Anything." My eyes widened as mischief flashed across his face. "Within reason!"

"Have I made you do anything you didn't enjoy? No! That's your job." He smirked and took a long sip of his drink. A thin line of white froth stuck to his upper lip and Matt licked it away, painstakingly slowly.

My gaze lingered on his mouth and the flip of my stomach caught me off guard. I cast my eyes back to the window, the view less harmful than the emotions rolling through my mind.

Matt rested his hand on my knee under the table. "You look a bit flushed there, Trixie. You all right? Get a flashback of how good my plans feel?"

My once pink cheeks were no doubt firetruck red at this stage. I lowered my voice and moved closer. "Stop that. You promised to be my friend." I prised his fingers off my jean-clad skin and offered up a tight-lipped smile. "Please, Matt."

"Sorry." He hung his head and massaged the back of his neck. "My mouth always gets me in trouble."

My heart sank as his playful demeanour transformed into a more closed off version of Matt. And it was all my fault. I could have played along but my automatic response was to push; push away until I was alone.

"For what it's worth, I really want to be your friend." His grip tightened around a rogue fork on the table.

I stretched my fingers out until they skimmed the tips of his. "And I want to be your friend."

"I hope you won't change your mind about coming out tonight?" His hand covered mine and squeezed.

"I'll be there." I smiled as I squeezed him back.

***

❤️