"I can't believe another man gave my girlfriend a ring for Christmas," Matt said, his voice dripping with humour while he played with the gold band on my right hand.

Over the last couple of days, I had a niggling feeling that I couldn't shift. I floated around the Dimous' party and listened to everyone having fun, but neither their words nor my thoughts fully registered. Matt tried his hardest to keep me from drifting off while I struggled to stay present in the moment. It was early Christmas morning, and that sensation hadn't shifted.

"Your girlfriend? I don't remember anyone asking me to be their girlfriend." The warmth from his bare torso radiated against my cheek as I lay against him. Even then, as I teased him, sadness edged into our playfulness, taking up a corner of my mind. Could a man that had already loved and lost be satisfied with a hollow shell?

"Oh, didn't I? I thought it was a given. I've called you my girlfriend before." His fingers intertwined with mine and he held our hands above my head as we watched the diamond glimmer with the morning light. "Surely you didn't think we were just buddies at this stage."

"Would still be nice to be asked." I turned onto my front and pressed my palms to his chest. His eyes darkened as I shifted over him, my legs settling on each side of his hips. "And you just wanted me for my body at first. What was it you thought would win me over? We should fuck again!" A low giggle spluttered from my mouth and I rested my forehead against his face. With his heavy exhale at my ear, goosebumps spread from my nape, down my shoulder. Cedar and mint consumed my senses and calmed my nerves, like a weighted blanket, shielding me from any oncoming storm.

His thumb stroked along my spine, sending ripples of awareness through me. "What a dick! Who even says that? But you still couldn't resist," he laughed and peppered delicate kisses over my cheeks, lips, and down my neck. His caress skimmed past my lower back, his hands finding my hip and angling me so I lost all my words. The softness of his touch wasn't enough. I wanted all of him, but would I give him all of me?

My thighs squeezed, wishing those hungry lips were on other parts of my body.

The laughter faded from his voice, and his movements stilled for a moment. "What d'ya say, Bea? Wanna be my girl? I'll keep doing this if you say yes."

"You called me Bea?" If I thought the feel of his fingers toying with my clit would be the reason the tension between my shoulder blades eased, I would be wrong. As that syllable fell from his mouth, a knot untangled. An expression of pure adoration took over his features, and I was all his. I was so focussed on forgetting that part of me, fearing I would be stuck living in the past that I punished myself by denying my old name.

"Yeah, that okay?" His hold moved to my hair as he tilted my face to his and gently rolled me onto my back. "I love that name. Zaire explained–"

"Shh," I said, placing a finger to his mouth, followed by a kiss. I had never realised how much I would need him to use that name until it tumbled from his full lips. "I love you saying it. Don't stop."

His mouth dropped to my jaw, down my neck until he reached the valley between my breasts. His fingertips lightly grazed past my ribcage, along my stomach, and nestled between my legs. I swallowed a moan as he brushed over my clit, stroking and teasing where I flushed with wet heat for him, and only him.

"Bea, is that a yes?"

"Yes," I murmured, holding my pillow to the side of my face as I attempted to muffle my whimpers.

The tugging in my lower belly intensified from simmering desire to a burning need for him. My legs shook, a coil tightening as I fell apart and shuddered under his hands.

Matt eased his touch, soothing my racing heart, and reached out for a condom on my bedside table.

Dizzy with lust despite my recent orgasm, I was eager to have him closer.

Our panting breaths mingled as he sank in inch by inch and my eyes closed as the feel of him overtook my mind.

***

Matt and I tiptoed downstairs, in our dressing gowns and the matching Christmas pyjamas my mum had left out for us the previous night. When we slipped them on before heading out, we laughed at the fact the legs on his bottoms fell short, showing off the dark hairs on his ankles.

My mum sat on our sofa, curled into my father's side, cups of coffee in hand. The wood in the fireplace crackled and the burning embers glowed across the room, barely lit by the sparse lights on the Christmas tree.

"Shall I open the curtains? It's actually sunny today," I said as I wandered over to the large bay window.

"Not yet. Come sit here." Mum held her free arm out, leaving me an opening at her side.

I nestled into her just like she did on my father, and when I was comfortable, Mum motioned for Matt to sit beside me. He didn't refuse or question the action, even if his momentarily raised eyebrow told me he wasn't sure if he should intrude. I tugged on his arm until his head rested on my shoulder and the four of us gazed towards the fire.

"When you were little, before the craziness of Christmas morning and we found ourselves buried in piles of wrapping paper, your dad and I made sure to have five minutes together. We would lay just like this, often with you in between us. Do you remember that?"

I shook my head. Some memories were fuzzy around the edges, and those small traditions had faded over time.

Her fingers found my hair, and she combed each strand down my back. "You grew out of sitting between us a long time ago." There was a slight crack in her voice like certain memories haunted her. While she revisited them in her mind, I slipped my hand in her lap, waiting for her to take hold of it so we could go through them together.

After a few silent minutes passed, my dad kissed the top of Mum's head and shuffled out from under her. "Coffee and pancakes, kiddo? I'll even make my famous Santa face if you're lucky."

"With whipped cream?"

"Of course. Who do you take me for? An amateur?" he scoffed and winked as he walked towards the door. He peered over his shoulder before leaving. "Come and help me, Matt?"

Matt squeezed my knee and followed after him.

"I really like that boy. He's good for you," Mum said and resumed brushing my hair through her fingers.

Joy flowed through me at her words. I didn't need my mother's approval when it came to my love life, but it helped and lifted an unknown weight off my back. Maybe all these people around me were taking bricks off my wall without me realising. Zaire, Matt, CeCe, Nana Jossy, my parents. Each one of them had a place and even when everything felt like it was going wrong, they were there, guiding me through the rubble I had inadvertently created.

"I love him," I admitted.

"I can tell." She kissed the top of my head. "Let's go eat some pancakes."

***

"When do you want to open Christmas presents?" my dad asked as he cleared our plates from the kitchen table. "Matt, what do you guys do back home?"

"My sister could never wait, so we did it as soon as everyone woke up. Mum wanted to wait until after we ate, so I'm happy either way. Whatever you all do." He downed the last of his coffee and nudged my mum away from the sink so he could take over rinsing the plates and stacking the dishwasher.

Mum beamed with her back to him and gave two thumbs up. I stifled a giggle and waved her away for her to stop before Matt caught her.

"How about now then? We don't need to prep for dinner for a few more hours. I'll make another round of coffee and we can head back to the lounge." My dad flicked the kettle on again and pulled new mugs out of the overhead cabinet.

Once the others settled around the living room, I crouched down beside the Christmas tree to hand out each carefully wrapped box. Matt dived over me and plucked an envelope out from one of the branches and sat back on the sofa opposite my parents.

"Mum, this one is from Dad and Dad, this one is from Mum." I passed identically wrapped packages over to them and returned to rummaging under the glow of twinkly lights until I found the box I had hidden for Matt.

"This is for you." I set the brown paper parcel on his lap.

"And this is for you." Matt flipped the envelope over and lowered it into my open hand as he watched me intently.

He made no attempts to unwrap his gift, so I slipped my finger under the seal of mine, ripping it open. My heart pounding, I took a slow breath. My body tingled with nerves and excitement over the thin printed paper inside.

Matt's hand closed over mine before I had a chance to read it. "I hope you like it," he said, his voice wavering.

I glanced up and took him in. He fiddled with a corner of wrapping paper on the box in his lap, and his gaze met mine every so often but dropped back to the envelope. Overgrown dark curls fell on his forehead, wild and unruly, just like I loved. That word slipped in all too easily when I thought of Matt Quinn. Loved his hair, his whiskey eyes, and his gorgeously sculpted arms. And that was only the start. Over everything else, I loved the way he made me feel, and even with the melancholy hanging over me, I could no longer deny it.

"Read it."

I straightened my back. "Okay." My chest stuttered as I scanned the document. Did he really do this for me? "Matt, it's too much." My eyes zeroed in on a few keywords: May. Australia. Return tickets.

"The dates can be moved. Or you can exchange them if it's too soon. Thought we could do that bungee jump you spoke about. Maybe you could meet my parents while we're there and–"

I leaped into his lap, knocking his present to the side, and kissed him hard. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Not caring that my parents were in the same room, I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his neck. "I love it." I loved him. "Did you really want me to meet your parents?"

He pulled back and cradled my face in his hands. "Yeah. Thought it was time I went back home and I really want you to come with me. I'm ready and part of that is thanks to you."

"I didn't do anything."

Sensing Matt wouldn't want to continue with an audience, my dad cleared his throat and elbowed my mum to get up, leaving Matt and I alone in the room.

"You did though. I was so angry with everyone when I left home. Not because it was their fault, but because I was angry at the world. I don't feel angry when I'm around you. I feel hopeful. Glad I ignored my no relationship rule because you're the best thing to have happened to me."

"Oh Matt, I–" I had so much I wanted to say but was overwhelmed. Instead of laying all my cards down, I kept the rest of my sentence light. "All I got you was some aftershave and a gift card. Guess I'll make up for it in other ways."

He laughed and squeezed me tighter. "Like the sound of that. You're more than enough for me."

And you're everything.

***