Dear Z,

Stop fussing over things that you can't control. Not everything you see, hear or touch will ever be in your control.

Sure, you can go on pretending you were its commander but we both know, you were it's receiver.

• • •

I walked in the dinning room hall of the Edris household in shaky legs. I just met him and was surprised to see him so...different. He wasn't the same Z I remembered. The silent arrogant boy who I often always hated had evolved somewhere. Something had changed and I knew it had to do with the war.

No one told me that he was arriving today. Wade, my cousin brother told me in passing that Zaid was coming for his sister's wedding but never mentioned which day and instantly ice prickles collapsed in my veins when I saw him at those stairs. It gave me an unnerving surprise. Thankfully I handled it well enough.

Z and I were ... how shall I put it? Rivals? Subtle enemies of an unknown cause? I, however know the reason he hates me. It's because he managed to believe and make the entire residence believe that I am a bad influence on Adrianna. Please...that girl loves me like no other. If I were a murder suspect, she'd probably do everything in her power to keep me out of jail even if I were indeed the murderer. We are that close.

Leaning against the tall embroidered chair, I watched the tv screen in blank daze. I am slightly intrigued to find him so...big. That white naval uniform sure looked a little too tight on him. Not that I was admiring or anything, I just find it a pleasing view.

I like views which have nice appeals or even colors of depth in them. It's probably why I manage a successful art studio. I purchase pristine items with those of little significance and sell them at such high stakes, it's a miracle no one has caught on. I don't think of myself as a con man. No way! I'm way too delicate for that. I consider myself to be a...consort to unappreciative art. Which I purchase at a hefty fee and sell at a high price.

The loud crackle of lightning bursted outside and all the little ones ran up to the window to get a good look at the thundering sky. It's been frequently raining for a while. I was a little surprise to see Adrianna wanting to get married in the monsoon but she believed the rain was a spiritual symbol for renewal, fertility and change.

The light patter of rain began quietly as if it wouldn't beat down faster and harsher after. The clouds were thick and dark, covering the pale sunset sky. It was going to be a good one.

Upon hearing his voice just as he entered the dinning hall, I managed to stay as aloof as I could. From the corner of my eyes, he hugged, slapped backs and dolled out high fives to almost everyone in that jolly good big brother that he is. He was like that with everyone.

Everyone but me.

Even now, as I took him in. The dark faded jeans he wore with a dark blue polo shirt that tightly dressed his expanded chest and his muscles on his arms rippled and rolled against his bunched up sleeves. His hair was wet from the shower. He had shaved off that dark shadow and looked younger than before. He looked splendid even with the narrow trails of water leaking from his hair.

God, how I hate his guts.

When we managed to finally grow up, I had become observant and agile. It takes a keen underlying sharpness to see a painting that might actually hold a worth's fortune. I have gotten quite good at that ever since and I have noticed a few things about Z, especially.

It's a given that he always makes it a point to keep me at distance. But there are instances where even though from the outside, it may look as if he doesn't care of my existence, I have seen him always very aware of me. Wherever I may be in the room.

As he sat down exactly opposite me, not giving me a second look. Like I was invisible but I knew better. With Z, I will always be visible. I had made it a point.

By doing quirks like these.

Reaching up, I saw him already watching me through his hooded eyes as I untied my hair letting my loose curls fall down. I had really long hair that reached till my ass. Streaks of blue highlights fished among the many curls and I ran a hand through them, shaking them. With a smirk, I sat back down on my seat.

It's a stupid game but fuck, do I Love it. He hated what he saw. I know it by heart.

Wade was conversing with him as the heaps of plates of food were passed around the table. News flies quickly down through the vines with these people and next thing you know, everyone around me are buzzing about the latest gossips and other related bitching gab sessions.

I never cared about all this. All I saw and thought of now was him. He might be listening to what our brothers were talking about but I knew he was keeping a close watch on me.

Since we grew in to puberty, I always knew something was up between us.

It was an unspoken rule and since he didn't know how to handle it, he took it out on me by hating and shaming me. He was cruel with his words when we were young but the older we got, the words chipped and shortened and soon, he never spoke until and only when necessary.

But the looks never stopped. It never stopped.

They were like how a forest fire would start. It took a small fire to begin and soon the whole forest comes crumbing down with it.

It used to be worse. When I did hit his boiling point earlier, he'd speak things that were like a slap in my face.

I have gotten good at hiding my feelings. Back then, seeing my tears were his happiness. Now, we have small talks like the way we did on the staircase. Those were the amount of our conversation but let's be honest, the eyes are the most interesting interaction a person could have.

Like right now, I pierce the small pieces of grilled steak with my fork and place it sensually onto my tongue. Licking it clean. I gulp down my giggle as I watch his fist tighten around his own fork as he stabs through his meat.

I know he doesn't see me in any sexual way. He just hates that I get the better of him. He hates that I can beat him with my own skills of tease and ridicule. He hates that I can push him and he can't.

Although, I should let this slide. He just came back. Things were intense for him. Why can't I just back off?

But there I was, licking clean another piece of red meat and swallowing it at my leisure. Trying to pretend I have no clue what I'm doing. It's simply glorious.

"Rose, how are things at the studio?"

I looked up to find Hilda, Z's mother standing behind his chair like the doting woman she was, watching me keenly.

Clearing my throat, I dabbed my napkin on my mouth. Setting it down, I told her about the current ongoings of the studio. Spoke of few more purchases. This and that. All the while, Z ate in grumpy silence. Man, I really should feel bad but I don't think I have that bone in me to be generous.

"And what about Ian? Are you still seeing him?"

The whole table shushed.

I had the urge to roll my eyes. Ian McLaglen is my former rockstar of a boyfriend. He was on the poster cover on every teenager girl's bedroom walls these days. He was like some Greek god with shiny golden hair and abs of steel and whatnot. Personally, he reminded me of a golden retriever who wants just luff. I mean, love.

Once news got out that I was seeing him, all my cousins congested my beautiful apartment for days to get him to sign this and that. I did indulge them for a price of twenty American bucks for each article of clothing or body part they wish to have signed. I became quite rich during that period of time. Happy money always makes me very happy but easy money makes me ecstatic. But like all things, Ian didn't last very long. He got too...boring. Too dumb. Too plain.

"No, I'm not." I replied, honestly. Typically, moans and groans were heard around. God, he wasn't even that good in bed.

"I see. Are you dating anyone new?" Hilda was a sweet one. She inquired about everyone's being and had taken a personal mission for me ever since my parents died when the Amtrak 188 derailed in north Philadelphia, killing 188 people including my parents.

They were on vacation and I remember hugging them on the platform and saying goodbyes.

I never knew that was going to be my last good bye.

It was found that the that the train was going over 100 miles per hour in an area with a speed limit of 50 miles per hour. The engineer was found to have been distracted at the time of the accident.

A distraction that led to the excessive speed at the time of the curve, which should normally be taken at a much lower speed. Human error is to be a common cause of train accidents and derailments. A careless cause that made the most beloved part of my life vanish forever.

I never could cry from that day onwards. Even at the funeral, no tears. It just wouldn't come which at the moment, was worrisome but I didn't do anything but go along. Things may have happened but life moves on. I move on. I always did. Nothing holds me back. It's the same motto my parents carried on.

Ever since then, Hilda took over and made me feel the way she is to Adrianna and Z. At her question, my eyes slid down to him. He was waiting for my answer.

I played with my fork. "I don't know, Aunt Hilda. I think I'm just going to play the field for a while. See what entices me the best."

Z's eyes narrowed in disgust. I wonder if he will say something. Something snarky about my character. Something to put me in my place. But he continued to eat and my lips pursed in disappointment.

"Naturally." Hilda shook her head. "I'll never understand this part of you, Rose. You are such a beautiful girl. You should be with someone steady by now."

I simply shrugged my shoulders and made a non-committal sound. I don't like discussing things which won't be upon my favor.

Everyone here except Adrianna thinks I sleep around and rebel myself away because of my parents. I know what they speak about behind my back. I don't allow it to bother me because it's a matter of their opinion, not mine. And when I want to change, only then will I change. Not because of someone's influence but of my own.

The thunder clapped loudly outside as my phone buzzed and everyone resumed their conversation. Switching it on, I noticed a few long texts from Ian which I ignored and saw another set of questions I had to answer right away. But I'd prefer to do it in the solace of my studio. I work alone. Always have. Always will. Sure I have my employees and assistants but working alone has become a privilege for me.

Getting up, I excuse myself and walked to Adrianna who was feeding Archer a spoonful of chocolate mousse. I went by her side and kneeled to whisper in her ears. "I have an emergency. I have to leave."

Adrianna looked outside, at the rain and then back at me. "Really? Now? Can't it wait?"

"I have to attend to some business and my office is closer to your place. I'll be fine."

"Hell no! Take some one with you. Ask Wade to drive you."

"He is annoying and I'm sure he would be rather here indoors then out with me. Listen I'm leaving before you call your chauffeurs! Bye! I love you! I'll see you tomorrow." Giving her a quick kiss, I ran out of the room before she could stop me.

Borrowing the umbrella left on the stand, I flicked it open and shot out of the front door. The rain poured harder, the grounds wet with huge puddles and the breeze strong and cold.

On the one hand, I do love rain and getting wet is an excellent idea. But I don't want to get sick either. Then, I consider taking immediate precautions when I reach the studio.

Throwing away the umbrella, I run headlong into the cold rain. I laugh as soon as those thousand shiny droplets rained down on me. Tasteless water dribbles down my eyes, nose and lips. And straight into my clothes, it shakes my body with a shudder. I stare up into the sky, feeling like the world in my kingdom.

Now, enough of jerking around or else I'll miss the whole of my beloved sister's wedding and stay in bed with pneumonia.

I ran to my car and sat quickly in. I hated soaking the leathers on my seat but a good run in the rain is a true experience. I always feel the need to experience even the most basic things in life.

Getting wet in the rain made me happy. I smiled to myself as I started the engine.

However before I could take it out of park, the car door opened and Z's wet head plopped in.

"Get out of the car, Rose."