Dear Z,

Teach me how to love you because I can't seem to do it all on my own.

• • •

Friday Morning

I knock on the door, my hands folded behind my back, fisting the bouquet of white tulips. I wait patiently as the babbling and hustle bustle reverberate inside her room.

When the door is pulled back, I'm greeted by the expected chaos and people rushing past here and there. My mom and several heads of my cousins poking in and then looking away when they realize it's me.

"Can I meet the bride?" I hold up the flowers in front and my mother beckons me in. I do a quick scan of the large room. Three of my little cousins running around and playing amongst each other with ribbons and some kind of fluff they found on the floor, alongside are Gina, Ira, Zeneca, my mother and two professional looking stylists with their pink and red hair circling around Adrianna, musing over her hair with sprays and stuff as she sat like a princess in the middle dressed in her pink silk bathrobe in front of a toilette mirror. Boxes of gel, cream and other cosmetics laid around the room. Adrianna's room had been transformed into a parlor officially.

Adrianna's eyes twinkled in reflection when she saw the tulips. "Finally, some attention to your forgotten favorite sister. I haven't seen you in the last few days. Where have you been?" She joked.

I try to keep my mask unshaken. Not wanting to be caught in a lie. I laugh at her, trying to ease the tension building inside my chest. "First of all, you are my only sister. Second, I have been right here. Just observing you all growing up and moving forward with your life."

"Zaid you can't make me cry! I'm only in the initial stages of my makeup." The two stylists whose name plates stated Ginny and Lorelei gave me their once over, which Adrianna and I exchanged looks. She poked her tongue at me and I returned the gesture. She would often tease me when girls checked me out and I, my modest self would take it kindly and shrug it off.

I stroll forward, finding an empty vessel to stack the flowers in. I lie my shoulder on the wall, my hands fiddling with the red short sleeves of my t-shirt bunched up on my arm as I gaze upon her. "You don't need makeup, Adrianna." Which she rolled her eyes at me. I look around and then lean in closer even though all of them could hear me, "Mind giving me a minute. I want to talk to you."

Adrianna looked around and then declared a five minute tops break. They all shuffled out, threatening her if it exceeds the time limit they would barge in anyway. Once they were all out and my mother giving us the stern look while closing the door to which we both chuckled it away.

"So to what delight do I owe this sister-brother bond? Everything okay?"

I didn't know where to start. I didn't even know what to speak. Between her and me, secrets grew as we matured and yet somehow we understood each other. The heavy feeling hadn't left since yesterday night. It darted behind my eyelids, still so bloody fresh in memory but the deceit of it sinking me~

I watch Rose in my motionless state as she scurries away from the corridor, breathless and not looking back as she pushes past Wade even though he is rooted at his spot.

Wade's left eyebrow has been inched up for god knows how long. I don't know how to start this fucking conversation and he takes it up on him to begin with sarcasm. "Imagine my surprise when I hear a brother of mine, saying things extremely explicit to a degree that I wish I could rip my ears out and watching the woman he is speaking to is another sister of mine."

I never thought I would get caught. I was so strangely impressed by my illusion of this facade that hearing his words out loud still doesn't register at all.

"I can't talk about this." I move but he halts me, pressing a hand on my chest. I look down and back up at him, daring him to lay his hands on me again. I'm good two feet taller than him and more qualified taking a swing and giving a bloody lip with a broken nose. I could take him if he is itching for fight. Lord knows I'm, with my cock so hard it might just burst. However, smart and sensible Wade removes his hand but he doesn't back down.

"Zaid...this isn't you." He shakes his head, uncertain what to say. He isn't alone there.

I can't reply because my tongue feels massive than before. It rests against my mouth uncomfortable and unmovable.

I stare at him, hoping my eyes could convey the message that this woman has taken over my head without me knowing and I don't see anything beyond. I'm wreck and worse, I long to go back to my planes, to the unbridled life of flying and gunfire. Out there, it was a wrong and right in war life. You see justice and injustice. You analyze true and false. Everything is set in black and white stones.

Here, it's muddled up with things you don't understand. Life becomes blind. Nothing to expect of the unknown. Danger lies in the human beings. It's the mortal beings that roam this earth that should be feared. We are capable of inexplicable things that hurt others. Especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. Oh, we thrive in that business of playing bodyguard to our hearts.

I try to walk by him but his voice pauses me.

"Stop! You really need think this through-"

I look in his direction. I know Wade wouldn't tell a soul. I know the man since we were in diapers. But his tone held a warning and it wasn't used to threaten me. It was for the woman who left me behind here.

"I'm leaving. After the wedding, I'm gone." I tell him this to ease some of the burden off him.

"And her?" He searches my eyes, thinking I had an answer. I didn't.

"I don't know, Wade." Then I walk away.

I walk and walk till I reach my own room. I close the door behind me. Slapping my hand across the wall and I feel sweat pour through my head. The vein in my forehead throbs.

It comes all in quick montages. I feel her up against me. So soft and so curvy. Sexy woman, that Rose is. She was a goddamn miracle dressed in poison. I crave for her sickly and I feel pathetic when I realize that I'll be gone and she ...would be left behind~

"Zaid? Where did you go?" Adrianna's clicking of fingers snapped me out. She stood now in front of me. Her hands massaging my shoulders and a worry look dissolving in her eyes.

"Adrianna, I am going to be leaving after tonight-"

She blanched. "What? Why?"

"I came for the wedding and it's done after tonight so-"

"No! You can't leave so early. We have Walima on Sunday. You can't just go! Why are you doing this?" When she saw my face, her face hardened. "This has to do with dad, right? Dad trying to get you to do something and you said no, now he is forcing you to leave. What the fuck?"

I shush her, trying to calm her but she shakes my hand off her. She clenched her forehead in her hands and she moves around in circles. I feel like an asshole. I shouldn't have told her anything.

"Look, I'll stay. I stay till Sunday for you, for mum and then I go." I try to pacify her and discourage her pacing and hold her towards me by grabbing her hand. "I love you, Adrianna and I'm sorry for bringing this up now."

"Your problems, my problems. You know how it is. But yes, you are an ass to bring it up today of all days!" She hugs me and I say, the words slipping out, my mask crumbling like biscuit. "Adrianna what if I did something...bad, will you still forgive me?"

She stills in my arms. "Zaid...what did you do?"

The current of panic strikes in me. "Nothing. Leave it."

She removes her arms, leaning back to take a look at me. "No, no no. Tell me!"

"I think I'm still drunk from last night." I laugh it off even when she has a strict concern countenance that doesn't shake. Before she could utter another word, I'm saved by the smacking of the door open and the stylist rushing in, giving me a I told you face.

I back away even though Adrianna's gaze didn't drop. I blow her a kiss, making my face jolly so she would relax and forget about it. When her shoulders drop, I leave a soundless sigh from my lips.

I turn away only to crash into Rose. She was holding someone's clothes that were ironed and pressed draped over her arms. She was petrified when she saw who she bummed into. Her cheeks colored but her gaze stayed strong on mine.

"Excuse me." She snipped coldly. Her similar silk looking robe like my sister's adorned her figure. Bright purple ran gloriously against her smooth skin. A simple silver necklace encompasses her neck with an emerald stone set in the middle. It shone with her eyes.

I should have left it go. Let her slide past me, forget this whole thing which we started, I should have. But my brain zeroes in on her lips. Her rosy shaded plump lips that puckered temptingly. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Adrianna watch our exchange.

When I still stayed in her lane, she cocks her hips to the right. "Is your ears okay?"

I pluck on them exaggeratedly, "Actually yes, they seem fine but it's just been diagnosed to be allergic to your voice."

Rose's nose flares and she quickly looks away to see Adrianna shaking her head and chuckling, "You guys are still children."

"It's your brother who hasn't grown up yet." I watch her push me aside with her finger like she was disgusted to even touch me and I allow myself to be moved, watching her glare at me and saunter into Adrianna's room.

"That's true too, Rose but you aren't different either."

Rose's mouth drops at my sister's support towards me which I can't help but smirk at. "See? Blood is thicker than water." I say.

"Silly, we all are blood." Adrianna's random reply made the world around me and Rose stall. Like everyone blurred into air, chaos and hubbub seized to a standstill and just me and Rose existed.

My sister's words dimmed the light shinning in us at that moment. We were blood and what we were doing was...I glance away, swatting my thoughts into a silent mush.

Coming back to the present, I look back into the room and Rose appears unaffected as she carries on a conversation with Adrianna. "Liam is a darling man. He is ...I have no words." Her gush over him makes me clench my fist.

My sister shakes her shoulder in a mischievous manner. "What do you say, Zaid? Should we let Liam sweep our dear Rose away from us?"

I shuffle the strands of my hair and lean against the doorframe. "I don't know, sis. Rose might be a bit handful for skinny Liam."

Everyone around bubbles into laughter. I raise my eyebrow at Rose. She keeps her face neutral to a degree that almost stuns me. "Good one, Z. I shall remember to keep that in mind when I do my reverse cowgirl position on him. Let him know I'm a heavy gal for his skinny loins." She cups her breasts in her two hands and jiggles them in front of everyone. They catcall and does ooos an ahhhs while I stare, stupefied.

What has gotten into her? I barely can keep my head together just thinking about last night while here she was prancing away and palming those very heavy tits I have bared and seen in front of me like she forgotten everything. She treated me like how she is treating everyone. I'm no different.

Mind in a spin, I leave without a word and walk past people with their own chores running along the corridor and enter the last room on the floor. It was empty and I close the door behind me.

A guest room. It was cleared out since everyone was leaving after tonight. Dirty sheets rumpled and balled on the side of the bed. Bags packed and aligned right next to the door. It won't be picked until tomorrow latest morning.

I walk towards the windows where the sun shone bright. It was a good day to get married. I glance at the small side table near me and pick up the small white box of cigarettes. I don't usually smoke but this occasion calls for one. Lighting up one, I open the window and blow out the smoke, watching it disappear into the air.

Strange isn't it? How deadly something is and no one can see it.

The door behind me opened and closed. "Your sister asked me to look after you. To see that you are alright." Her voice was a mock.

I didn't turn around.

"What's the matter with the mighty Zaid Edris? No more mocking comebacks for me? Does the baby wants his mummy?" She guffaws at her own mirth, even if it didn't make sense. If she was trying to belittle me, it wasn't working.

"At least, I have someone to go to." The moment it came out of my mouth, I regretted it. I know what I said was uncalled for and I turn around to face her, an apology at the tip of my tongue.

Yet her way of being unaffected lies unnatural to me. In that silky robe, her hair in disarray, she felt like a goddess to me. But this goddess wasn't an alabaster at heart. Humans should feel every bit of bad as they feel good. The odd thing of Rose's walls are her layers which anyone passing by would think it's actually her being her but none could tell if it's a farce.

Her eyes shrewd but perceptive. She was paying close attention to me but as in watching me watch her with detailed eyes. She hoping she didn't let her walls fall. But I see it.

So I wait for her as she steps closer and closer.

"You think you have such a smart mouth, don't you?" She said, so sweetly. So quietly. So deviously.

I crossed my arms, the muscles in my arms jumped and strained against the sleeves of my red shirt. "I don't think. I know."

"Ooh, poor boy. Suffering from brain injury already. It's alright. I'll let you live your disillusionment."

Unable to take it anymore, I bite out. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You are acting like I didn't touch your pussy last night."

And just like that, the Rose I pressed against the wall last night was back. Her pupils bloated, almost covering her green irises. She tried to calm her breathing but she was taking in too much oxygen. I could see her chest rapidly rising and falling.

I took a step forward. "This is real. You and I are happening."

She slowly shakes her head to convey a 'no'. Her mouth thinned and I hate it see her bottom lip was bitten inside, gnawing at the pink flesh. When I reach out to tug them out, she locks her hand over my wrist, stopping me.

"We made a drastic mistake and we were lucky we were caught soon before we did more damage." Her voice never lost the iron clad edge but I felt her body shiver at my closeness.

I don't say anything because all she was saying is the truth. A complete statement. Something undeniable.

She continues, "We had problems, you and I but no more. We won't let this ruin you or me."

I step in further, the arm she's holding by the wrist bending in the process. She stays where she is and her eyes drops to my lips. I lick them slowly. Helpless.

"You won't let this go." She didn't question it. She was stating it.

The magnet build in her was attracting me more, pulling me closer till my arm slipped out of her grasp and it wrapped itself around her hips. She takes in breath, which I hear. Her body trembles and I feel my pulse quickening.

"You are going to kiss me, aren't you?" She looks back up and then down at my lips. "You are, aren't you?"

I buck her up till she is on her tip toes and her body is latched onto mine. Her tits sat upon my chest. My crotch was cradled by her pelvis. Her hands held on to my biceps. Her nails digging in, she wanted to hurt me. Fuck me, I loved it sick.

"I want to tell you no. I want this to sto-." She paused there, going somewhere and her electric gaze zeroed on me. We stare at each other. Voices outside, gone. Furniture scattered around the room, gone.

"You are ruining us." I hear her whimper as my hands cups her hips harder. Pressing her more closer than more.

"We can't stop, can we." Her whispered sentence slips out and gets sucked into my nostrils, the scent so heavenly and druggy. I feel my focus shifting to her, my hair on my skin rising.

"We can't." I smash my mouth against hers.