you let me be your kid?"

"..."

The kid and the adult stared blankly at each other in awkward silence. Then Xin's system went haywire.

A panicked Xin appears and begins moving back and forth rapidly at the bottom of Shen Yuan's vision waving her little stubs of a paw around. There were red exclamation marks all over the cat's head.

Then the cat proceeds to bleed Shen Yuan's ears by screaming, on repeat.

Shen Yuan grimaced and clutches his head in pain.

Yin Yu expressed a concerned expression but Shen Yuan held up a hand. "Just... A migraine."

"..."

The kid and the adult stared blankly at each other in awkward silence once more. Except Xin is still screaming her head off with "Wee woos" inside Shen Yuan's head.

How do five-year-olds get migraines??

Then Yin Yu nodded understandingly and sympathetically.

The man reached out a pale hand and patted the kid on the head twice. Then he took a few steps back and practically faded in with the background. It wasn't that the background matches his clothing, making him camouflaged, but rather like his aura seems to have just never been there.

Shen Yuan finally focused on his mind and mentally smacked the cat. Okay!! I got it! Stop screaming!!

Xin stopped midway through a wee woo and quieted down. The cat disappeared and reappeared in the bottom right corner of Shen Yuan's vision like a watermark.

The cat whispered.

Just be quiet!

Shen Yuan glanced around. His right eye twitched. The cat's tail was moving back and forth in the corner of eyesight and god, was it distracting.

Stop that!

The cat became still.

Shen Yuan glanced around. He was on a bed. It was a four-poster bed. The canopy of the bed was gold. The curtains that were draped at each corner were red. It matches with the room, which was... well, Shen Yuan wouldn't say flashy but anyone can tell it wasn't from anyone insignificant.

Just his luck to get picked up by some hot shot.

Shut up.

Alright. His mission. To get adopted by some Ghost King and some Emperor of Heavens. Wait- aren't they both guys?

Or maybe it's more just a title. A woman can be king, and a woman can be emperor-

...

Oh ho.

Well, that's just splendid.

Okay! Whatever. Shen Yuan couldn't care less.

Anyway, back to his mission. It was obviously not as easy as Xin makes it out to be.

Of course, the two men weren't going to just pick up a random dusty five-year-old from the street. Oh wait, that's what they did.

But seriously, Shen Yuan had to be different from the other kids. Or else why would a Ghost King and an Emperor choose to adopt him?

It's not like he got that protagonist halo where he just happens to be selected from all the others, where he just happens to find a magical and extremely powerful sword in his darkening phrase and he just happens to be the strongest and hottest guy out there.

So what can he do to stand out? Well, Shen Yuan had a plan.

You see, even though Shen Yuan was now in the body of a small five-year-old, he had the mind of a twenty-one-year-old.

So what else would be better than him impressing his soon-to-be parents by showing off the maturity he has beyond his years?

Surely, the Ghost King and his husband would see his transcendent potential and decide to adopt him on the spot and raise him to be their heir.

It might just be stupid enough to work.

"Mister," Shen Yuan called out to the man standing a couple of feet from the bed.

They both blinked in surprise. Shen Yuan, because he hasn't got used to that stupid kid's voice, and Yin Yu, because the kid suddenly spoke to him.

"Mister, can you come here please?" Shen Yuan asked.

There was silence long enough that Shen Yuan thought he wasn't going to move before the man walked over.

Shen Yuan looked up at the man. He really wasn't bad looking at all. But there was something about the face that made it rather forgettable.

Shen Yuan blinked at the man, trying to act as much as a confused kid as he could, and asked, "Mister, where am I?"

Yin Yu looked at the kid. Yin Yu felt a bit sympathetic for the kid. Clearly, this child was not well taken care of and must have been neglected. It was the Zhongyuan Festival, the child probably had aimlessly wandered into Ghost City by accident. And it was just his mere luck that led him into the hands of the Buyao XiaoKan Niao Restaurant.

(that totally doesn't translate for anything.)

Yin Yu couldn't help but pat the kid on the head. The kid went through a lot. "Child, you're in Ghost City," he said.

Yin Yu hadn't expected the kid to cry but he also didn't expect the kid to just nod and sit there. With such a thinking expression.

Shen Yuan looked up at Yin Yu. "Mister, I only remember passing out after a group of... creatures... kidnapped me, how did I end up here?" Shen Yuan looked at the man with round eyes, "Did you save me?"

"No, it wasn't me."

Of course, it wasn't.

"It was Lord Chengzhu and his highness," Yin Yu said.

Shen Yuan looked at him with a mister-can-you-please-elaborate-on-that-please look. Yin Yu never thought a five-year-old could make that look. The look that says, okay, and???

"Mister, are they the boss of this place?" Shen Yuan asked, "Are they super super powerful?" Shen Yuan widened his eyes.

Gotta try to act like a kid.

"..." Yin Yu wasn't a person that talked much. But this kid clearly wants him to talk.

"Mister," Shen Yuan said loudly, "Can you tell me a story about Lord Chengzhu and his highness? I'm bored. Who is Lord Chengzhu and his highness??"

"..." It seems like Yin Yu has to tell a bedtime story. Kids are kids and everybody likes stories!

Yin Yu sat down at the corner of Shen Yuan's bed.

He gave a small smile. "Alright. I'll tell you about Lord Chengzhu and his highness."

Shen Yuan: "That's great, Mister!"

"...It's Yin Yu..."

"Okay, Yin Yu Shushu."

Yin Yu: "..." He reached out a hand and patted the kid on the head. What a strange child.

"Alright, there's Hua Chengzhu, he's a..."

Yin Yu tells Shen Yuan about Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. Of course, Shen Yuan didn't understand everything. In fact, Shen Yuan was thinking: Who are these people and what are they doing in Proud Immortal Demon Way?????????

Shen Yuan was.

Confused.

But there was Xin! Xin's here! And she's here to help. (technically)

The cat explained as Yin Yu tells.

Hua Cheng was a supreme Ghost King, one of the only three in the Ghost Realm. He was commonly known as Crimson Rain Sought Flower and was Heaven's greatest fear. But now, he was practically related to the heavens. As an in-law! Why? Because he married Heaven's former darling, Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of Xian Le. After more than 800 years of awaitment, Hua Cheng finally married Xie Lian and lived happily ever after.

...

Okay, maybe Shen Yuan skips some parts.

But after hearing about the waiting for 8 centuries for his lover (And murdering 33 heaven officials who offended him because they offended his dianxia), he couldn't help but think...

Wow, what a simp.

But most importantly, what is this??? This whole story Yin Yu (and Xin) just told was far too elaborate for the likes of Airplane, the author who wrote the shitty PIDW. It was clearly not written by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. But then who did? You can't convince Shen Yuan that this whole thing was made up just for him. He's not that stupid.

But even more importantly, how does this relate to Proud Immortal Demon Way?? You can't just add a bunch of super strong characters to a novel!! How can the protagonist halo be valid then??? You can't just say, "This guy is strong, but this guy is even stronger. And this guy is stronger than that guy. But this guy is the strongest just because he's the protagonist and nothing can defeat the protagonist."

Ah, but whatever. Screw that. Shen Yuan doesn't care. To him, no matter how hard you tried to salvage a novel like Proud Immortal Demon Way, it ain't gonna work! Unless you rewrite it all together, but then, it wouldn't be Proud Immortal Demon Way if you rewrite it completely.

Let's focus on his mission right now.

It wouldn't be hard, Shen Yuan thinks. According to Yin Yu, it seems like Xie Lian might take him in. Maybe not to adopt him, but take care of him for a while. And during that time, he's going to make sure that the crown prince will get so attached to him that he won't want to let him go.

He can do this. Any tests he has to go through, Shen Yuan is sure he's going to pass. After all, he's only five in their eyes.

But first...

"Yin Yu Shushu, may I have a new set of robes to wear?"

。。。

。。。

。。。

He can't do this.

In front of Shen Yuan was a bowl. A bowl of what? A bowl of stew.

Only it doesn't look like a stew.

It looks like tar. With bubbles. Are those eggshells?

"What are you waiting for? Eat up."

Shen Yuan looked up at the smiling man in front of him. It was terrifying. The man, dressed in red, talked to him in a warm voice, but his smile was far too threatening and fake to be genuine. His back was facing the man in white, Xie Lian, so Xie Lian couldn't see his face.

"Ah, San Lang, maybe we shouldn't let him eat that... You know, my cooking..." The man in white said, flusteredly.

Hua Cheng's facial expression did a 180. "What are you talking about Gege?" he practically cooed, moving to Xie Lian to put his hands on his shoulders, turning Xie Lian around to look at Shen Yuan and the stew. "Gege's cooking is the best. Gege, you might not know but San Lang thinks Gege's cooking gets better every day. Before it was wonderful but now it's just..." Hua Cheng sighed, with an awestruck expression; as if no words can describe how amazing Gege's cooking is.

The little seeds of confidence that Hua Cheng had been planting inside Xie Lian's head were slowly growing. "Really...?" Maybe his cooking did get better! San Lang always ate them elastically.

"Of course! Gege, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Your cooking is the best in the entire world. And besides, if this kid does die for whatever reason, he's already in Ghost City. Gege, you are the best."

Hua Cheng's words were said with such firm confidence that even Shen Yuan was starting to doubt that the revolting bowl of stew in front of him was bad. Maybe it just looked and smelled nasty but was actually delicious. Like... Stinky tofu.

Yeah right.

Sorry, but Shen Yuan doesn't want to take his chances. And what do you mean it doesn't matter if he was to die??

"It's Xiao(little) Yuan, isn't it? Well, maybe... You can try my stew?" The man in white said hopefully.

Suddenly, Shen Yuan had a bad bad bad feeling about this. That such hopeful and earnest expression was almost making Shen Yuan pick up his spoon.

Almost.

What did make him pick up his spoon was the life-threatening expression the red-clad man was giving him behind the other man's back telling him that he is going to die if he don't fucking eat that stew.

Shen Yuan's hands couldn't stop trembling as he picked up the spoon.

Is it too late to make a run for it now?

Then Shen Yuan's savior appeared.

No, not really.

There was a ding! inside Shen Yuan's mind. Xin appears in his vision and meows,

"..."

Cookies?

Turns out, the system wasn't so useless. And Shen Yuan's missions weren't so worthless.

Every time Shen Yuan achieves something he earns points. And he can use these points to upgrade and buy items.

The system's currencies are crumbs and cookies.

Ten crumbs are worth one cookie.

The system uses cookies.

Xin asked. The cat was wearing a green striped tie. There was a notepad and pen floating next to it.

...how many cookies do I have right now?

Xin cheered.

"..."

THEN THAT MEANS HE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH??

the cat snickered.

Xin disappeared just like that.

"..."

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng were still waiting for Shen Yuan to eat the stew.

Shen Yuan quickly brought the upgrade. Then he lowered the spoon into the bowl.

He didn't expect it to go clunk. He hit the stew with the spoon a few times. It went clunk each time.

Shen Yuan: "..."

Xie Lian: "..."

Hua Cheng: "..."

Xie Liam blushed. He said, "Oh, I think we set the stew out for too long. It's hardened."

Hua Cheng: "Hm, you're right, Gege."

Shen Yuan looked at them with a blatant expression.

Xie Lian sighed. "Maybe my cooking will never improve," he said glumly.

"Gege..."

Xie Lian reached out and took the bowl. He was about to take it away when Shen Yuan grabbed the bowl with his little hands.

"No, Daozhang!" Shen Yuan exclaimed. "I want to eat it!"

Then Shen Yuan proceeds to use his spoon to dig into the stew and bring it to his mouth. He took a bite.

"..." It was hard and crumbly.

It kinda tasted like cookie dough.

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng watched as Shen Yuan ate the whole stew. Shen Yuan had brought the bowl to his face.

The whole bowl was clean with a shine when Shen Yuan set it down with the spoon.

Shen Yuan looked up at Xie Lian with shining eyes. "Daozhang..," He said. "That was the best meal I ever had!"

Xie Lian: "Eh, eh... But if that was your best meal... What have you been eating before..."

Hua Cheng: "..."

Shen Yuan didn't think Xie Lian would think of it like that. But he can use this to his advantage.

"Yes, Daozhang!" Shen Yuan suddenly cried. He stood up and ran to hug Xie Lian by the waist, and cried, "I have no home! I'm always hungry and lost... Please take me in, Daozhang!!"

Xie Lian: "????"

Hua Cheng looked at the kid who was clinging to his Gege's waist. His one eye twitched.

Xie Lian patted Shen Yuan on the head. "Child, calm down, now... I can't take you in, here why don't we sit down and talk-?"

"No!" Shen Yuan stubbornly clung to Xie Lian, at this point he couldn't give up now! "I want Daozhang to take me in!" he practically hollered. Then Shen Yuan went for the kill. "Daozhang's cooking is amazing!"

Xie Lian gasped softly. The kid's eyes were shining with determination. For what? For Xie Lian to be his parents... And... And he said his cooking was amazing!

"Child..." Xie Lian looked down at the child clinging to his robes.

"Daozhang..." Shen Yuan said, looking up at Xie Lian clinging onto the man's robes.

There was only San Lang that could ever eat his food. Now there was a child who could too.

Hua Cheng stood there looking at his Gege and the kid staring at each other with shining eyes.

"..."

"San Lang," Xie Lian turned around, eyes sparkling, "Maybe we can take this child in."

"..."

What Hua Cheng wanted to say was: "No, Gege, we can't take this brat in."

But seeing his Gege, who is now holding the kid in his arms, Hua Cheng suddenly had an image of a happy family in Puqi Shrine. Hm... He could work with that. And most importantly, Gege will be happy.

"Okay, Gege," Hua Cheng smiled.

Another ding! sounded in Shen Yuan's head.

Xin appeared this time with a party hat and a party blower. The cat did an X3 face.

Shen Yuan ignored the last sentence. He asked, how many cookies do I get from this?

"..."

150? That's it?

Xin disappeared.

...That was suspicious. But right now...

"Xiao Yuan, let me show you your room," Xie Lian told Shen Yuan who was sitting in his arms.

"No," Shen Yuan said. "It's Hua Yuan now." He gives a serious expression.

Hua Cheng blinked.

"Wow, that actually matches so well with your name San Lang," Xie Lian said, amused.

(A/N: Hua Cheng literally translates to flower city in Chinese while Hua Yuan is a homophone for garden.

Totally didn't start this fanfic on a whim bc of this realization.)

"Yeah, it does," Hua Cheng said. He reached out and patted Hua Yuan on the head.

"..." Hua Yuan's right eye twitches. That was the sixth time someone patted him on the head today. Why is everyone petting him? He ain't five! Oh, wait he is.

Damn.

Hua Yuan stopped Hua Cheng with a little hand and said, "Hands off, Chengzhu."

"..."

"Oh, you are so cute," Xie Lian said, suffocating Hua Yuan with a hug.

"D-Daozhang... C-can't breathe-!"

What had Hua Yuan gotten himself into?

✨✨

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