"Italicized" = Signed

"Regular" = Spoken

Italicized = Yō typing

= Someone else typing

----- = A spoken word Yō can't understand (or at least not lip read)

...

Yō's POV:

I made my way back to the hotel. School was still in session. I have some time to figure out what exactly I want to do. It's hard.

I entered the hotel and went to my room. I sighed as I sat on my bed. I don't know what to do. Is it possible to not worry? Can I actually do this? I don't know.

I hesitantly picked up my phone. Would I have any messages? Mari should've told them all I hadn't taken mu phone with me. But, it doesn't hurt to check, I guess.

There weren't any new messages from them. Should I text someone and tell them I'm back? Am I ready to face them?

I looked at the time. School was almost over. Maybe I should send them a text. Just tell them I'm fine and not to worry. I bet they were really worried when I vanished. Especially with everything that's been going on for us.

I don't know who I should text, though. I guess I should text Mari. So, I sent her a small message just saying I'm sorry for vanishing like that and that I'm back now.

It took a while before I got any response. I decided to take a shower while I waited. It should help take my mind off of things for a bit.

I still can't believe that Sarah actually is supportive now. What changed? She didn't like us before, but now she's interested in seeing what we can do. Maybe after seeing our performance she changed her mind?

After my shower, I glanced at my phone. Looks like Mari responded. She was just relieved I'm back. And, looks like I need to go to practice. I'm assuming it's to talk.

I don't know if I'm ready to talk. I don't think I really have a choice, though. I sighed. Guess I better get going. I don't want them to yell at me. Well, at least not yell at me more than they already will.

I'm sure I'm going to get scolded for this. I don't want to go because of that. They just don't get it. They never will. They don't understand how hard it is to be me.

I very unwillingly made my way to the school. I felt sick. I'm really nervous about how this all will go down. I don't want to do this.

I slowly made my way up to the roof. I'm not ready. But, I slowly opened the door. I kept my head down as I walked out. I don't want to see them.

Someone pulled me into a hug. I hesitantly looked up. It was Chika. She smiled at me, though I could see the worry on her face. I hugged her back.

After a few minutes, Chika pulled away from me. I hesitantly looked around at everyone else. They were all watching me.

I gulped. What's going to happen now? Are they going to bombard me with questions or scold me? Maybe both. I'm not really sure.

We all ended up just staring at each other for a while. I didn't want to start this conversation. I don't even know what I would tell them? Should I just apologize and say it won't happen again?

"Where were you?" Chika broke the awkward stare-off we were all having.

"Nowhere." I don't really want to tell them about what I did.

"Why'd you run off like that?" Chika was now frowning, obviously not pleased with my answer.

"I just needed to be alone for a while." I replied.

"That doesn't excuse you not taking your phone. What if something had happened to you?" Mari decided to cut in and scold me.

"Sorry." I apologized.

"Yō? Do you doubt yourself as an idol?" Chika asked me.

I nodded. I really do. I can't just ignore the countless people who hate me. I can't ignore the people who tell me I shouldn't be an idol. I can't help but have doubts when so many people tell me I'm not worth it.

"Do you really want to be an idol?" Riko nervously asked.

"I don't know." I admitted.

I want to be an idol... but I don't know if I have the ability to do it. I have the physical ability, but the mental? I'm not too sure about that one.

"Unfortunately you are expected to perform at this live." Dia pointed out.

"About that... do you think it'd be possible if I could do something else?"

"Like what?" Chika asked.

"What if I sang the song. Like, interpreted it on the side? Would that still count?"

I really hope it does. I don't know if I'll be able to dance. Not until I can sort these doubts out. I know it'll end badly if I don't. So, hopefully I can have some more time.

"I'm not sure."

"I guess we can check. It doesn't hurt to ask." Mari shrugged.

"Alright. You can check with that. If so, I guess we'll change the dance up."

Right... they'd have to rework the dance routine. Is that too much of a bother for them? Are they going to keep complaining about it? Am I going to be forced to dance?

"Well, today you can sit out." Chika told me, "Hopefully it won't take long for them to respond to us."

I nodded. I took a seat while everyone else started warming up. At least they don't seem too mad. And, they are willing to work to make things better for me. That's a start.

So... now it's all up to me. I think I can handle singing the song well. Just need to memorize a few key moves to keep on track and then leave it up to muscle memory for the rest.

I just now need to find a way to stop these doubts. I'm at a loss for that. I feel that I need to prove myself worthy in order for people to stop hating on me. But, that just makes being an idol stressful.

Can I manage to ignore them? Could I stop myself from believing them? I feel that is the only option I have. I have to stop believing those people and only believe people who say I'm doing good. But... how am I going to do that?

It's hard when there are so many messages about me. I know they delete them, but people complain when they do. They get mad at us for deleting the hate. But, I don't get it. Why are they mad? What they're saying is hurtful and could really do harm of left up.

I'm not even just talking about me. What if other people are going through similar things and they see how bad it is for me? What if that discourages them? I don't want that.

I don't know what to do... I never seem to. I hate that. Why can't I just get life figured out? Why?

Well, for now let's just try and focus on the present. Like Sarah said. Don't think too far ahead. Focus on the now.