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Warning: Self Harm mentioned in the chapter

"When do you have a free schedule?"

"I'm sorry (Y/n) I'm really busy right now, talk to you later."

(Y/n) looks at her phone and sigh. This is the usual conversation with her girlfriend, Rikako Aida. She understands that she have a really busy schedule since she's an idol but she's now starting to think that she's purposely ignoring her. She would ask the same question but she answer the same thing again and again.

(Y/n) opened her laptop and went to the niconama site. Aqours have one scheduled right now so to ease the loneliness she's feeling, she would watch her girlfriend there and stare at her the whole time. It's not creepy... Oh by the way, of course the relationship is hidden. If it's not, death treaths will be everywhere on (Y/n).

The program eventually started as Aqours started introducing themselves. (Y/n)'s lips formed a small smile as she stares at her girlfriend. She grabbed her Riko neso and watches intensely as they talk about their recent live, the 4th live

Eventually, it's the mini competition segment time so it's the start of getting the Fan's attention. Everytime Rikyako do something, (Y/n) will either blushes or squel. She's such a fangirl.

As the program was about to end, Anchan "accidentally" kissed Rikyako's cheek as Rikyako is shocked before laughing with the said girl. (Y/n) can't help but to feel jealous as she stares at the screen, squeezing the Riko neso as the girls blush.

The program come to an end as (Y/n) continues to stare at now, a blank screen of her laptop. Her mind starting to get mess as she squeeze the neso.

"I-Its just an act... Don't worry... It's just an act."

Those words keep repeating in her mind as she closes her laptop, setting it aside before hugging the neso again.

'I promised her I won't hurt myself again... You... You need to keep that promise...'

(Y/n)'s heart beats fast as her hand shakes... 'There is alternative ways to distract yourself (Y/n)... Keep the promise, don't break it...'

(Y/n) have episodes of depressive state everytime she saw Rikyako have a really close physical contact with someone like kissing and hugging. Specially when she ignores her calls and messages, would take a long while to answer and etc. Rikyako said that the girl really needs to overcome that feeling since it's gonna happen everytime. For fan service and stuff. It's unavoidable since she's an idol.

(Y/n), is of course, trying her best but it's hard to change her mindset on how to relieve sadness. Pain is the only thing she can rely on besides Rikyako's love and care.

But lately, that's been lacking so (Y/n)'s condition has been getting worse. Rikyako is actually rarely visiting her now. Maybe twice or thrice a month compare to the usual everyday back when she haven't start Aqours' project. It's been 3 years ever since those days and of course, (Y/n) miss is a lot.

Yes, Rikyako would give (Y/n) tickets to attend the live but sometimes, she would just decline because she knows, seeing those fanservice in person would make her feel worse. The last ever live she attended was the Chiba Leg of 3rd live and after that, she just gave up.

Her phone rings as (Y/n) moves to grab it, quickly answering.

"H-Hello Rikyako...?!" she almost shouted.

"Uh... (Y/n)... I'll be really busy in the next months. You saw the announcements right? About the Asia tour? We have to practice everyday for it so I don't really have a free time."

"N-Nothing at all...?" (Y/n)'s voice is barely audible as she tears up.

"I'm really sorry (Y/n), I can't really visit."

"H-How about I uh... Visit instead! Y-Yeah...! I'll um... Go in your apartment and stuff, cook for you too!"

"Ah, you do know that we have some sort of training camps right...? So I won't be returning to my apartment soon."

After those words, (Y/n) now started crying. Is there no way she can hang out with her girlfriend anymore? Nothing at all?

"(Y/n)? You've been keeping the promise right...?"

The girl sniffed before replying. "Y-Yes."

On the other line, Rikyako frowned. "Are you crying...? Please don't cry. I'm trying my best here, you should try your best okay?"

"B-But you don't u-understand... Being this far from you is really painful... Not because I've been hurting myself again, it's because it's been hurting me in my heart... And emotionally... And not being relieve this sadness with my usual ways, it keeps building up... I-I... Rikyako bad stuff won't leave my mind even if I try to... I really need you please... Before it's too late... Before darkness consumed my mind..."

Despite the calls of her manager, Rikyako picks up her bag and started to run away as she tears up.

"I'm so sorry (Y/n) for making you suffer like this..."

(Y/n) on the other line has been sobbing. She's been keeping her sadness within herself for months now and it's been bootled up for so long. Anytime from now, it's will explode, (Y/n) know it... If she haven't plead to Rikyako... Worse things will happen..

"I'm coming over okay? Right now... (Y/n) I'm so sorry..."

The metioned girl just kept crying as she hugs the neso. She's been really worse and if only the neso she's hugging is alive, it can tell how much suffering this girl is. (Y/n)'s parents dies when she's young, that's where her depression sets in. It became worse when she got in high school where other students will bully her.

And now it's even worse because she got separate with her love. No time with her and whatsoever. Anti depressants doesn't even help anymore.

Only she can save her.

After some time, the mentioned barge in her apartment and runs to (Y/n)'s room and engulf her in a hug. The said girl is trembling as she cries. Rikyako frowning as she also started to cry.

"I'm so sorry (Y/n)... I'm here now... Please don't cry... I love you... I'm never gonna leave you again..."

And with that, (Y/n)'s been saved... Saved from the darkness, saved from the loneliness she's feeling. Ever since that incident, Rikyako never really left her side. She took a step back from being an idol, saying that it's gonna be a forever hiatus due to poor health and sickness. Using the money Rikyako gathered on her idol days, she brought a house in the most quiet perfecture in Japan.

No more Jealousy.

No more

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