Thoughts of you flood my mind from sun up till sundown.

I can't focus when you're around.

My breath shallow.

Knees weak.

Voice shaky.

Hands clammy.

Your voice takes me to another galaxy.

Another universe.

Somewhere amongst the stars.

The touch of your soft hands glide across my skin making my heart stutter.

Stop.

Let's think about this for a moment.

It's crazy how someone that brings you so much joy can also make you spiral into an abyss of depression.

How they have so much control over your mood.

Sometimes you lie in bed all day, and even skipping meals.

Isolating yourself.

I feel so helpless at times.

I love you.

But now I see that I've muttered those three words too many times.

Replaying it over and over in my mind like a broken record.

My whole world around me is crumbling.

See, I'm scared of losing you, but then again, you're not even mine.

I can't explain how that feels.

The pain it brings.

The anxiety.

The hopelessness.

The paranoia.

I can act and put on a mask and pretend like I don't care about you.

Like I have no feelings for you.

But that would just be inhumane.

Insanity.

No more depression.

No more crying.

No more selflessness.

Should've known to stay away.

To keep my distance.

You never cared to begin with.

Never have,

Never will.

H

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9/15/19

6:43 PM