"I will live and once death looks me in the eyes I'll just embrace it" - by zara

(the tasks don't start until another week)

I woke up feeling gross and sweaty. I had a nightmare again, but this time I didn't remember anything. It all felt like a blur. I stepped out of bed and walked to the bathroom, scaring myself with my reflection. My hair was a mess, my eyes were puffy and red, I had mascara everywhere, I looked like a mess. I turned the shower on, putting it on the hottest level. I'm going to need a very very hot shower. I grab my tooth brush and take a minute or two brushing my teeth while waiting for the water to heat up. I wash my mouth and put my tooth brush back where it was. I start to undress myself, then step into the shower.

I just stand there as the hot water hits my back, allowing my thoughts to take over. I sigh and press my forehead against the wall, closing my eyes tightly and letting the warmness of the water drown me. After a while of just standing there, I turn around and grab my shampoo, putting a fair amount of it into the palm of my hand and scrubbing it into my hair. I wash it out, add conditioner, and begin brushing my hair, I look at my brush, holy shit. Why the hell am I losing so much hair?

Then I realized I haven't eaten in a week or so. I don't know why. I guess I just feel guilty.. why you may ask. Well, there's a lot to feel guilty about; my mother's death being on my hands, me being the reason my father abused her and the reason she got killed, me being born. I mean, if I hadn't been born, my parents would have never started hating each other; they would have been in love and happy, and my mother would still be alive. I begin to cry, blaming myself for everything that has happened to me. "Just do it y/n," the voice says, "Do what?" I say aloud, "you know what," wiping away a tear, "but how, he's in Azkaban," "are you sure he is?", "what do you mean" I say but this time there was no response, "Y/N WHATS TAKING YOU SO LONG" Hermione yells, I quickly get up from the shower floor, "I'm almost done." I get out and dry myself with my towel, then wrap it around my body.

"Do what" y/n says, "but how? He's in Azkaban." I started to get confused. Who the hell was she talking to? "What do you mean?" she asks, becoming suspicious and interrupting her conversation with whomever she was speaking too, "Y/N WHATS TAKING YOU SO LONG?" I yelled, "I'm almost done." She says

I step out of the washroom, "there I'm done you can go in now", she gives me that suspicious look, "what" I say, she swallows lightly "who were you talking too" I take a big gulp and try to think of something "no one" I quickly walk over to my bed grabbing my uniform I decided not to wear the robes because I don't feel like wearing something heavy, "so are you finally gonna go to your classes now" hermonie asks, "huh, oh um yeah" I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, "you know you can always talk to me y/n" she says, I open my eyes once again "yeah I know mione, well you should start showering we don't wanna be late do we?" I say hoping this conversation ends, "oh uh yeah" she says while grabbing a towel, she closes the door behind her and locks it, I sigh and then go to my dresser getting my bra & underwear and start changing.

I put my gryffindor socks on and walk over to my vanity grabbing lip gloss, a lash curler, mascara, and an eyebrow brush, after doing my makeup I apply my mint lip gloss and toss it in my bag, I go to my closet grabbing a shoe box opening it to see that my lighter, rolls and weed are still in there, I grab a bag of weed, a lighter and the rolls and toss it in my bag, I put my shoes on and yell "hermione I'm gonna go, meet me in the hall once your done" I wait for a response "okay" she yells back, I leave the dorm and walk down to the common room seeing ron, "hey ron", he rolls his eyes and ignores me, what the hell I think to myself "having a bad morning", and still no response, "leave me alone slytherin" ron says, weird. he never calls me by my last name, "what's up your ass", "I said leave me alone", I take a deep breath and exhale sharply letting out a sigh, then walk away leaving the common room

I walk through the corridors thinking about what I possibly did to make him so angry at me and then it hit me, I was suppose to go to hogs-meade with theodore, fuck. I started to run to the great hall, I enter the hall earning a bunch of dirty stares, I look down avoiding eye contact with anyone, I walk to the slytherin table, "hey theo", he looks up at me "oh look who it is" he says as he crosses his arms, regulus rolls his eyes "hey y/n", "hey reggy, um I- I'm so sorry I totally forgot, I was caught up with everything especially with the triwizard thing, I'm really sorry I didn't mean to ditch you, can we reschedule it" I say quickly, he takes a deep breath in "I suppose we can" I flash him a smile, "tomorrow?" I say, he smiles back "why not"

I leave the great hall and head to the astronomy tower, hermione's gonna take a bit so why not just smoke for a few then go back, I thought to my self, I walk up the stairs to the astronomy tower, the breeze hits me sending shivers to my skin, I take a deep breath in of the fresh air and sit down on the railing letting my legs dangle off of the tower, I could fall off any moment right now, if I move a little forward or if I lean in a bit, fuck why am I thinking like this. I look up at the sky watching the birds flap there wings in the wind, how beautiful birds are, they look so free flying in the air, letting the wind support them as they flap there wings and dance in the sky, they could see everything from up there, students walking, the clouds, stores and houses, maybe even deaths. how peaceful it looks just flying. I wish I was a bird, then I could finally be free.

I pull out a rolled joint and light it up letting the smoke fill my lungs, I held it in for a second then finally exhaled, I felt more relaxed now. that guilt and heavy feeling on my chest finally got lighter, I smoked the rest of the joint and tossed it off the tower, I got up and lost my balance "shit y/n your already high" I say to myself and start laughing, I put my hand over my mouth realizing how stupid I look, then I start to laugh again, hmm how about I don't go to class, I think to my self but accidently said it out loud, I sit back down laughing at my self, "shit, hermione" I start to laugh again, "eh maybe she'll think I just went to class" I say out loud

"talking to your self now" someone says

I turn around to see mattheo riddle. I turn my head back around to face the sky, ignoring him. "Leave," I say coldly. He walks over to me and sits next to me. I turned to look at him. I don't say anything. I just kept staring at him. "It's rude to stare," he says without turning to face me. I quickly look back at the sky, feeling my cheeks turn red. we stayed like this for 2 minutes, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, letting the fresh air fill my lungs again. Then exhaling it, I open my eyes slowly only to see mattheo in the corner of my eye staring at me, I clear my throat, "it's rude to stare" I say mocking his voice, he lets out a scoff, I get up from the floor and pick my bag up from the ground, "see you around riddle"

I felt like shit today, do I know why? no. so I decided to go to the astronomy tower to have a smoke, when I got there It reeked of weed and I heard this annoying laughter, her voice was familiar tho, it was y/n, what the hell is she doing here? I stayed behind her watching her, "eh maybe she'll think I just went to class" y/n says, is she high? I start to chuckle, "talking to your self now", she turns around for a second then goes back to facing the sky, "leave" she says coldly, she's getting bold now isn't she? and of course I don't listen.

I walk over to her and take a seat next to her, looking up at the sky, noticing she's been staring at me for a while, which caused me smirk, "it's rude to stare" I say without turning to face her, she quickly turns her head away, her cheeks turning into a shade of pink, watching her every move, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in, letting the fresh air fill her lungs, I never noticed how beautiful she is, I mean yeah she looked lovely when I first saw her but wow, she truly is beautiful. She has this long brown curly hair that looks so soft you wanna literally cuddle it. These beautiful eyes that have a sparkle in them, there a light shade of brown with a tint of green and are foxy, her lashes are so long you would think there fake, she has these big plump lips that are soft and always glossed, and a button nose from the front but from the side it was more narrow. And her skin looks, soft? she opens her eyes and starts smirking "it's rude to stare" she says mocking my tone, I let out a scoff annoyed of her mocking, she gets up and picks up her bag from the ground, I wanted to stop her, shit wait, what the fuck am I thinking? I hate this girl with everything in me why would I want her to stay just so she could annoy me even more. "see you around riddle" she says in a calm tone, her voice is smooth and relaxing, she could talk to me for hours and I would never get annoyed. she walks away taking her energy with her, she has a calm aura and I wanted to stay in that energy forever.

what the hell is she doing to me?

after that little interaction with mattheo I decided to head back to great hall realizing that me and mattheo were near each other without us killing one in other? what the bloody hell.

I made it to the great hall my high kind of wearing off, it was still a bit early so that means hermione got here about 10 to 20 minutes ago, I walk to the gryiffindor table sitting next to harry, I realize that ron's sitting next to seamus instead of next to harry and hermione, "hi guys" I say to them both, hermonie throws me a dirty look, then clears her throat "meet me in the hall once your done" she says in a deep voice mocking my tone, I look down "I'm sorry I was taking a walk to clear my head, and I ended up on the astronomy tower" I say slowly, "that's why you reek of weed" hermonie questions, I look up "um well-" I say before getting cut off by her loud sigh, "it's fine just don't do it again" I look up and smile, the great-hall doors open and mattheo walks thru them, I look back at hermione, "hermione I was wondering if me you and pansy can all go shopping for the yule ball, we can get dresses and buy things" she looks up at me and gives me a little smile "sure" I smile back, hermione looks behind me and furrows her eyebrows, I feel someone tap on my shoulder, I turn around and see mattheo.

"you left this" he says handing me my ring, I bite the inside of my cheek, and take it from him "um, thankyou" he looks at me then at harry giving him a disgusted look, I turn back around and he walks away, hermione leans in towards me giving me that 'what was that about' look as well as harry, I look at them both and sigh, "he also happened to be at the astronomy tower" I say while grabbing my book, harry grabs it out of my hand and shuts it putting it on the table, "y/n please don't tell me you've taken an interest in... him" I look at him like he just stole my candy, "no are you mental, I have not" I say quickly, hermione sighs "let's hope not", god let's hope not.

I look over at y/n and the two mud-bloods, why the hell does she hang out with them? I watch her talk to harry, he lets out a sigh looking, relieved? what are they talking about? I stared at y/n until I got broken out of my trance by malfoy, "grow an interest in y/n now have we?" he says, "she's a tough one to crack, good luck with that one" I roll my eyes, "mind your business malfoy" he shoots his hands up in defense, I notice y/n walking over to our table, for a second I thought she was coming over to talk to me but she walked over to pansy and sat in front of her, they weren't that far from us actually, well they were right next to us matter of fact, "so pansy, I already asked hermione this and she said yes, wanna go shopping with us to buy dresses for the yule ball?", pansy flashes her a smile which made me wanna throw up, god I hate seeing happy people, "course" she says, theodore walks over to her and sits next to her putting his arm over her shoulder "so y/n who are you going to the yule ball with" he says while smirking, I wanted to punch him and cause him endless pain, why the hell is he touching her.

"you, of course" she says, wait she's going with him? "really" he asks shocked, pansy starts laughing and so does she, she smacks his arm off her shoulder "no dumbass" he lets out a sigh and looks towards draco "it was worth a shot" he says, draco lets out a loud laugh "I told you man, but I bet if regulus asked her she would say yes" wait does she like regulus? "of course she would, he has pure intentions unlike nott here" enzo says while stuffing food in his mouth, she turns towards us "your right I would say yes to regulus because he's my bestfriend" regulus looks at her and smiles then looks back at nott and sticks out his tongue, childish. draco gets up from his seat and sits next to y/n "well your not aloud to have a date for the ball anyways so don't think about it because you going with us, same with you pansy" they both look at him like they wanna kill him, y/n puts her finger on his chest "if you mess up my date like you did last time I'll give you more then a black eye and bloody nose, got it" she says, me, regulus, blaise, theodore and enzo start laughing, he looks towards us and we stop laughing then laugh again, "bloody hell mate you better watch out" theodore says trying to catch his breath, she rolls her eyes and gets up from her seat "well either way, if I wanted a date I could get one easily", I raise my brows knowing she's right, "and draco, if you dare mess this one up I'll be the death of you" she says as she leans down to his level, he takes a big gulp and looks like he's shitting his pants, pansy gets up from her sit and walks over to y/n putting her arm over her shoulder, "do you guys remember the last time we've ever done a prank" pansy says lifting her eyebrows up and down, y/n starts smirking "are you thinking what I'm thinking pans" pansy looks back at her smirking "I sure am" regulus, enzo, blaise, theodore, and draco get up from there seats "well lets bring the pranks back ladies" theodore says as he puts his arms on both of there shoulders, draco looks back at me "you in riddle" I look at him and stand up "sure why not" y/n raises her voice "well then lets get to it"

also sry if i made any spelling mistakes, ive read over it a billon times but ik my dumbass probably didn't see one

(there's gonna be a bit of smut but not THAT smut, just making out etc)