I stride across the hallway with my thoughts running wild. My jaw is clenched and my fists are balled on my sides because of how hard I'm trying to control myself.

Fuck.

What the fuck did I just do?

I almost kissed her. Kissed her.

I know that I can't even go back to my room. My legs bring me closer to the gym, the only place where I can let out my anger and frustration.

What the hell was I thinking about?

I know that if I kissed her, I wouldn't be able to stop this growing feeling inside me. These feelings, which I can only feel for her ever since I felt numb.

Our kiss would only be poison for me, and I don't think that there will be any cure for it. It will only lead me to destruction.

I would get lost, and I can't get lost again. Even though being lost in her warmth sounds so fucking good to me, I can't. I can't be the same person anymore.

The fear is eating me out alive, and I feel like destroying everything around me. I storm into the gym and wear my boxing gloves.

Fuck with wanting to heal. Maybe I've never wanted to heal, and that's why I never visited Bennett's office again.

I approach the hanging heavy bag with long strides, face it, and take a deep breath.

I was out of control, but she made me go crazy.

When she asked me to help her zip the backside of her dress, I felt like tearing it apart. I didn't want her to choose the red lipgloss because I didn't want other men to try to kiss those sexy lips.

I land a straight punch at the heavy bag, panting.

I want to kiss her.

I want to feel her.

I want to get lost in her.

I fucking want to have her in my arms.

Punch.

My eyes squeeze shut, and the image of Nevaeh closing her eyes willingly and waiting for me to kiss her flashes in my mind.

No. Stop this.

Why did she do that? It would be better if she pushed me away.

Punch.

I'm completely losing my mind. My chest heaves up and down rapidly, and my body is shaking all over. I'm fucking terrified.

I land another punch with so much anger that my body sways because of how unstable I am.

Fuck

I can hear my own heavy breathing. I place my palms on my knees, trying to ignore the pain squeezing my chest. It hurts to the point that I can barely breathe.

Even now I'm already missing her. How fucked up could I be?

I can't stop thinking about her going to the party. My hands are slightly shaking. I think my knees are going to give up on me too.

I've never collapsed while working out, but I've already felt so drained right now. Mentally. Physically.

Would that boy approach her again?

Would he ask her to dance?

Would he put her hands on her skin?

These thoughts are playing inside my head, over and over again. There's nothing I'd rather do than snatch her out of the party, corner her against my car, and kiss her until her lips are bruised.

It's like I'm choked out of air, and I need her to breathe.

I can't pay attention to what Ash and Maya are talking about in the car. My mind is filled with Aiden and only Aiden.

It seems surreal that he was trying to kiss me and then disappeared out of the blue. What bothers my mind is why he wanted to kiss me in the first place.

I've heard from Ashton and Mr. Bennett that Aiden can't be romantically attracted to women anymore because of his inability to feel some emotions, so why did he want to kiss me?

Even though Aiden left me alone in the end, I'd seen his expression, and it felt real.

It felt like he did want it to happen.

I'm holding my sweaty hands on my lap, trying to calm my heartbeat. All this time, I've always thought that Aiden only sees me as a family friend.

I've thought that he cares, really cares, because he would have done the same for his sister. Because we're actually a family.

Never in a million years have I thought that he would think of me differently.

I've never wondered about his protectiveness when it comes to the guys in my college, including Kai. But now after he almost kissed me, my mind is going crazy.

What if he was indeed jealous?

But he can't feel that, can he?

Would Mr. Bennett be able to explain what's happening here?

I shut my eyes, praying for these crazy thoughts to stop. It's nonsense.

Why would Aiden fall for me?

He's such an amazing man, and I'm just an ordinary girl.

I look nothing like his bride, Olivia, who is posh and elegant like a queen, who makes every man willing to kiss the ground she walks on.

Why is he making me feel this way?

I want to believe it. I want to believe that he sees me as a woman.

But it hurts to hope that much.

Remember, Nevaeh. He's the broken hero, and you're the villain.

"Nevaeh." Maya's voice snaps me out of my daze.

I blink, realizing that Ash has just parked the car.

"We've arrived." Maya stares at me with concern. "Are you alright? You seemed to be deep in thought."

Ash glances back at me and smiles. "This is your first party, isn't it? Don't worry, it's going to be fun."

I sigh. If only I could go to a party without lying to Dad, it would be perfect. I just want to experience a college party once in my life -- I'm not planning to do it again.

I get out of the car and gaze at the house in front of me. It's huge, and loud. Deep thumping music echoes in my ears. The porch and garden are packed with people -- I can't imagine what it looks like inside.

I spot the pool at the side of the house, filled with people too. They're jumping, yelling, drinking. Partying, at its fullest.

I swallow hard. I'm nervous. I've never been in this kind of place before -- I feel like an alien.

"Ready?" Ash bumps her elbow with mine, and her warm smile makes me feel better.

At least, I'm with my best friends.

Ash is wearing a strapless bodycon mini dress, while Maya is wearing a satin one-shoulder cut-out dress. They both look gorgeous.

"Now do you regret wearing that dress?" Ash winks at Maya, who's still staring at the house with her jaw dropped.

This is Maya's first time at a party too.

We didn't expect that most of the girls here would be wearing sexier clothes.

"Let's go," Ash chirps, leading us to the house.

We walk together, holding hands. Then we stare at each other and burst into giggles.

Just when we pass by the entrance door, Ash bumps into someone. He's tall, dark-haired. He's actually quite handsome.

But then, the next thing he does makes me feel like the air in my lungs is being sucked. He eyes Ash from head to toe and tosses her a look of distaste. A scoff leaves his lips when he gives her the most degrading look I've ever witnessed.

A girl clinging to his arm notices Ash too and says, "Ew."

They proceed into the house, leaving me speechless.

What the hell just happened?

I feel so triggered and on the verge of exploding. My body is shaking with a mixture of anger, fear, and sadness.

It's crazy how someone can stomp a girl and crush her soul with just one look and one word. And it's scary.

Ash is no doubt stunning. She has the most beautiful black hair, enchanting brown eyes, and a body to die for. Her legs are longer than mine. Either those people have a serious problem with their eyesight, or they have brain damage.

I stare at Ash with worry, holding her arm. Maya does the same.

"Ash--"

"It's okay." Ash swallows her pain.

It breaks my heart to see her eyes water. She was so confident just now, but it all crumbles just because of some disgusting people.

"That guy, he was my ex-boyfriend," she says, and I can't believe what I just heard. "He broke up with me because I couldn't give him what he wanted. I wasn't ready to have sex with him, but he kept pushing me to the edge. I was scared. He ditched me on the spot."

Her voice is shaking before she lets out a soft cry.

"That girl is his new girlfriend," she rasps.

I'm at a loss for words. All this time, Ash has been keeping this fact all to herself. She's been acting strong, but nobody knows how broken she is inside.

Maya looks like she's about to cry. "Oh Ash, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. It's horrible that he's here tonight. Are you sure that we should do this? Maybe we shouldn't go to this party."

Ash sniffles, shaking her head. A genuine smile forms on her lips. "No, I'm okay. We promised that we're going to have the best time of our life tonight, didn't we?"

My blood boils.

"Where's that bastard?" I look around, balling my fist. "I'm going to deal with him--"

"Nevaeh." Both Ash and Maya pull me back while I'm trying to push through the crowd.

God, help me. I've been one minute at a party, and I'm already thinking about throwing a punch at someone.