《Call Me Blade✔》Thirty-Eight: You're stronger than you think

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Chapter song: Better Now by Oh Wonder

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I've been at the psych ward for a week now. One full week of group therapy, one on one therapy, and medication.

I've been prescribed pills for my depression and anxiety.

All is supposed to be fine and dandy now.

Except it isn't.

I never worked through my parents death and watching them die in front of me did wonders for messing up my brain. Years of not working through past trauma while living through more trauma has messed me up beyond repair.

I don't volunteer much information about how I'm feeling at first. The therapist has to ask me questions based off my medical records from the last time I was here. Usually yes or no questions where I nod or shake my head.

Everyone uses my real name here. I'm no longer Blade. It feels like a part of me is being rediscovered, but I can't bring myself to fully bring her out. I keep telling people to call me Blade, but no one listens. Here, I'm who I was four years ago, except I'm not.

Group therapy helps. More than regular therapy does. Something about hearing how messed up everyone else's life is makes me not pity myself so much. It helps me feel less alone.

I don't want to kill myself anymore, but who knows how long that'll last. The one person that kept me here is gone… possibly for good and I don't know if I'll be able to cope with that.

I've lost so much and I can't handle losing anymore.

I'm supposed to be released tomorrow. The doctors have deemed me stable so I'm supposed to go home.

"Is there anything you'd like to share?" Dr. Goode asks me. It's my last group session, and so far I haven't shared anything. I shake my head.

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No one seems surpised, but the new girl in the group speaks up. "Are you mute by choice?"

I nod my head.

"Why don't you speak?"

I shrug in response.

She takes a breath. "What's your story? You must have experienced something awful to stop talking."

"Allia," Dr. Goode warns. "Don't push her if she's not ready to share."

Allia smiles. "Of course." She gets up, walks over to me and squats down. The actions catches everyone off guard, and I look at her with wide eyes.

"The world deserves to hear your voice. You deserve to have one. You're stronger than you think. Remember that."

The words echo in my head, and collide with the ones Farrah always said to me.

You're strong. Remember that.

I look at the girl in front of me. She has blue eyes and blonde hair, her skin pale in comparison to mine. She looks nothing like my sister, yet weirdly I feel Farrah's spirit in her.

Thank you. I mouth to her and she nods, giving me a smile before going back to her seat.

****

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