It's a surprise when my teacher tells me someone is requesting to see me at the office. It doesn't take long for me to spiral into overthinking as I walk down the hall.

Mr. Swaz is sitting at the desk, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Hi, Blade." He says to me calmly before turning to the principal. "Do you mind giving us a moment?" 

Mrs. Lopez gives a curt nod before stepping outside. 

"There's some news about Faith." The words make me tense up. "The police got an anonymous tip about Todd's location and when they showed up, he was gone. He left Faith behind, but…" he pauses, and I feel like throwing up. "She's not doing well. She's in the hospital. We'll take you to see her now. I talked with your principal and informed them you're staying with us."

I take a shaky breath, nodding slightly as I hastily wipe my tears. Mr. Swaz leads me out to his car. I'm silent the whole drive, imagining horrible things as they take me to see Faith.

"Hi! We're here to see the baby. Faith Robinson."

The lady at the front desk nods, telling us which room she's in. The walk down to the hall feels like the longest two minutes of my life. When the curtain pulls back, I feel faint.

Mr. Swaz steadies me, and I let out a strangled sob as I step closer to the bed.

Faith is hooked up to the monitors, her small body looking frail. She has lost weight. Her arm is in a cast and I can see bruises peek out from under the white onesie. 

Mr. Swaz steps outside to give me space.

I step closer, gently rubbing Faith's head. "Hi, sweet, baby." I whisper hoarsely. She's sleeping, a pacifier in her mouth. She looks peaceful, but I can't even imagine how much pain she's in. 

I sit in the chair next to the bed and continue rubbing her head gently. I don't know how long I stay there staring at her.

A nurse comes in and tells me visiting hours are over so I reluctantly tell Faith bye and step outside where Mr. Swaz is talking to a woman in a pantsuit.

"Hi," she tells me kindly. "I'm Kate. You're Blade?"

I nod.

She continues. "I've been helping Arnold here with getting Faith back. I just have a couple questions for you. Is that okay?"

I nod again, not finding my voice. She continues, asking me yes or no questions to which I nod or shake my head.

"This is a complicated case," she begins. "Her legal guardian – Melissa Robinson– is dead, but you've been taking care of Faith for the better part of the year. You're a minor with no legal guardian either, but there's no official paperwork claiming you as her guardian. Most likely, the system will put you both in foster care."

Her words make my head spin. I just got Faith back, I can't be separated from her again.

"Is that necessary?" Mr. Swaz cuts in. "Is there a way for them to both be together?"

"Well, only if a family adopts Faith and Blade or adopts Faith and allows Blade to keep in contact with the baby. Usually, the system tries to keep siblings together but with Blade being so much older than Faith, it's not likely a family will want to adopt them both."

I want to stay with her. It hasn't been easy raising her even with so many things working in my favor to have assistance, but I love her. She's my baby. She also deserves a good loving family. There's no guarantee I can give her that. Her being adopted into a stable, secure family ensures all her needs will be met. 

"Okay." I say quietly, holding back tears.

"Okay?" Mr. Swaz repeats, confused.

"I just want what's best for Faith. If that means I won't be in the picture," I take a deep breath. "I can accept that."

Both look at me with surprise, and Mr. Swaz speaks up.

"We'll figure something out." He holds my shoulder and pulls me into him. I breath out a sob as he hugs me, pulling away before I break down completely. "Kate, I'll be in touch. Don't do anything yet."

******

I stay out in the garden for the rest of the afternoon, taking all my anger out on the soil.

Selfishly, I want Faith to stay with me. She has been the better part of my life for almost an entire year. It's ironic, there were so many days I resented god for leaving me stuck with a baby that wasn't even mine. I resented Faith too, but she quickly became the light of my life and my reason to live. Now, there's a chance I might lose her for good.

I can't take care of Faith on my own. I had still relied heavily on other people while she was me. Still, I want her in my life. I may not deserve her, but I want to see her grow. Live. Be.

I don't even realize I'm crying until I feel tears rolling down my face.

I'm so tired of crying.

The loud crack of thunder makes me jump. I didn't even realize the sun had hidden behind ominous dark clouds. It's still fairly early in the day, and the storm came on suddenly. It almost feels like a sign.

I pull out the small IPod from Dustin and plug in the ear phones before continuing in the garden. I don't stop when more thunder cracks in the sky. I don't stop when light rain falls on me. I don't stop when it starts pouring. I just keep gardening. My tears and the rain drops become one, and I let myself succumb to the body wracking sobs.

Miriam looks at me like I'm crazy when I step onto the porch soaking wet a couple hours later.

"You've been out in the rain this whole time?!" 

I nod, laughing lightly when her eyes bulge out of her head.

"What if you get sick?" She exclaims, running inside and coming back out with a towel. 

I dry off, going to the bathroom to change.

"Have you been crying?" Miriam asks.

I shake my head, but he doesn't look convinced.

"Wanna talk about it."

I shake my head again.

"I'm about to bake cookies. Wanna help?"

I nod, letting her boss me around for a couple hours as she bakes.

*****