“Mommy…" I heard the sweet giggling. My maternal instinct says it's my children. I followed my intuition. And found a girl who looked like Amy. “See…” Pointing far, she squealed.

It was my dream garden, filled with my favourites Amaryllis also called Hippeastrum, which were used as a symbol of prideful women in Victorian times.

How this is possible?

It grows in the tropical regions of South America. But they are exceptionally easy to grow flowers. So, I understand it can be maintained. Who did this?

“Daddy….” She chirped and run into the crowd of the flower. Now, my baby girl is lost.

“Where are you?” I called her. Her absence is giving me anxiety. I could hear her giggles, but I can't see her. She is close yet I can't see her.

“Mommy….” She called.

“I can't see you…” I cried out.

“Mommy….” I heard again, but this time I could feel the touch. It is the softest little hand with the soothing vibes. I have to see the person.

Opening my eyes, I see my son, Jamie, next to me. His chubby hands are still on my cheeks and confused eyes was looking at me with concern.

“How did you get on the bed?” Pulling my baby close to me, I hugged him.

The news of the loss of my 3rd pregnancy was crushed to me. It's been a month since I am back at home, but I don't feel good anymore. Everything is a compulsion for me. I have been suggested for counselling and was advised to visit Dr Anastasia Harrington. But, even the name of that woman disgusts me. How could she sleep with a married man?

James tried to explain to me that nothing was serious. They slept together twice, but this is the topic that matters to me. Technically, James is promised to me. He is mine, but he is not considering my beliefs regarding marriage. What would be my husband's reaction if I slept with Theo… Nothing was serious. Right?

“Mommy….” Jamie pulled me. I know he wants breast milk but he is growing bigger. Sometimes, it is hard to fulfil his wish.

“You need to learn how to eat.” I caressed his chubby face and breastfed him. His demand for breast milk is decreasing. It is like a rare phenomenon when Jamie asks for breastmilk. I think, he didn't eat before well that's why he asked for more now.

Watching Jamie, cheeks moving, “I am so sorry, we missed your 2nd birthday.” I apologized. “How about, if we leave with your siblings and have a happy life?”

“I can join.” James interrupt us.

Seeing him in vest and shorts, I realized he stayed last night. I have stopped arguing or demanding anything from him. It doesn't matter anymore..... James doesn't matter anymore. And he knows this.

I covered my chest and Jamie's faces while glaring at James. But James was busy. The father of my children took my glasses from the side table and clean it before passing them to me.

“I prepared lunch.” He said when I was wearing my glasses. “Cherish and Twins are still at school.”

“Then have your lunch,” I said and looked at relaxed Jamie. The toddler is drawing in the air and his tiny feet are dancing in the air. I even heard him humming. He seems so happy. I wish life was easy for me.

“I want to have lunch with my family.” James sounded vulnerable.

Looking at him, I don't see James carter. I see a man who is getting humiliated by his wife and daughter. Yet, he is staying like a shameless person. He is a shameless person.

“We haven't talked yet.” He added.

“I am ready to talk but no Norma, no mistress. I don't want anyone to interrupt us. I don't understand why you need someone else to talk to me. You are a capable person who can talk. So, why do you need others?”

“I realised it… I am sorry. I know I am late, but please, we need this conversation. For kids… For us.”

“There is no us.” I laughed at him. If he thinks there is a chance of us, then he is wrong. I lost my girls. I haven't visited them. James brought the new piece of land that had Willa and Malcolm. He knows I respect both of them. I make sure kids know about them. How amazing Malcolm was. Even though Malcolm is gone, he is the eldest Carter. I believe this.

“We both tried to save this marriage. But we trusted the wrong person.”

“Why?” I almost snapped at him, but Jamie bit me.

He frowned.

“Why do you want this marriage to live?” I explained.

“Because… We had Cherish. And, trust me, I forgot to get a marriage certificate.”

I chuckled at this excuse. This is not an excuse. This is negligent.

“Jamie, finish this,” I asked Jamie.

But he shook his head. “Tummy say no.” He pouted.

“He had… enough…” James interrupted.

“I know, but he can eat. He has a good appetite,” I argued. I don't like James trying to involve in our life.

“Then he can eat later.”

“Yes… Yes….” Jamie chirped, gave his breads to Zippy.

“That was wrong. Zippy leave it….” I ordered Zippy, but he already finished it. “You had your food. I don't want you to throw it at my carpet.”

“We may get a new carpet.” James interrupted again.

“What do you want, James?” I asked with a stern voice. “Isn't it enough that I went through the pain of miscarriage?” I looked at Jamie, who was busy pulling Zippy's tail. “You think, pregnancy is a blessing… let me tell you, it is not. It's a responsibility. And, as a mother, it turns the world upside down. I never wanted any of your kids… I had to. I thought it would bring joy to my life… But I….”

“Mommy….” Jamie called me and showed me his tiny cars. That's when I came to my senses. And, I realized what I was saying. It's not their fault that James Is their father. I decided to have them.

“I am sorry.” I cried out.

“I am so sorry.” James followed me. “Can we meet our girls?"

I couldn't answer him. I lost my girls.

“You were not ready, so I named them… Marigold, Primrose and Jasmine. All, flowers.”

I looked at the grave… Next to Malcolm. All my girls got a place next to their elder brother.

“He is going to protect them,” I mumbled, looking at Malcolm.

“Thank you for respecting them.” I know, James is talking about my respect for Willa and Malcolm. I have this weird feeling for both of them. The respect for Willa will never die. She was the victim of James and Adrian's rivalry.

James tried to explain why he married Willa. Adrian loved Willa once… In college days. And, it was Adrian whose irresponsibility cost James' sports career. So, James married Willa to tease Adrian, but by then Adrian wasn't in love with Willa. Later, Adrian used Willa. Both of them are stupid. They lack a sense of judgment. Willa loved them… Dedicated herself to both of them whenever she loved them. She wouldn't have cheated if James ignored Willa. James admitted that he was the one responsible for Willa's infidelity. He Never showed at any event where she needed her husband.

“I hope Adrian is guilty about all this.”

“He is,” James said.

“Good for him.”

“Norma….” James started, but I stopped him.

“I feel it would be better not to talk about her. I clarified in the hospital last month that I don't want to talk about her. She literally portrayed me as mentally unstable. Marvin said, I was brainwashed by her. I considered her as my well-wishers, but I was wrong.”

“It all started with her… Norma.”

“See…" I am finally happy. Norma is blamed for what she did. She broke my trust. Thank God, she never harmed my children. “Norma is the root cause.”

“Norma was adopted, and her father sexually molested her for years until she fell pregnant. After the abortion, the abuse stopped and her father started to behave like a father. Caring, attentive. Later, it was discovered by my biological father that the new victim was my mom, Emmeline. She was 7 when the abuse started. Their father was afraid that mom could get pregnant, so he took out her womb as soon as mom hit puberty. Not, just their father but his friends as well, abused mom.” James narrated this with the speed of light. His words left me speechless. What does it mean?

“For me, Rebecca and James Carter are not my parents. It's Marvin and Emmeline Carter… Mom was silent… Shy. She was gang-raped by the age of 12…” James continued. “And when this story was uncovered, mom was tortured by all of them. They all were reputed surgeons and doctors. She was 14. Her father sold her to human trafficking. My biological father, James Carter, saved her. He wanted to be a surgeon too. So, when he read Mom's file, he knew something was wrong. He was 18, but sharp. He was curious. That's how he disclosed them. That's why Mom trust my biological father. She considers him as her saviour. I am named after my biological father. She thinks that having another woman in my life will replace her. She doesn't know that those criminals are no more. Not only that, but she's unstable. She even killed Willa and Malcolm. And, now, she wants you dead.”

“Maybe the reason that she escapes from a mental asylum is because it's surrounded by doctors and nurses,” James added.

“Norma was there when it all happened?” I mumbled… Thinking what could be the reason that Norma neglected this abuse. Her sister was abused for years, and she never noticed.

Nodding his head, “that's why Norma is protective of her…” James answered. “She even aborted her daughter to take care of me and mom.” Looking at me, “Norma loves you. She wanted you to live. And your parents didn't make it easy. They were noisy. They wanted you back, so Norma lied to them. Her mission was to keep you and your children. So, she did what she had to do to let you live. I hate her because Cherish heard you crying every night. She thinks I abused you. But I understand Norma has been trying to handle everything.”

Cherish heard me, crying. What is real? What is my imagination? I can't differentiate. I need help. I remember everything but only when I am reminded. It's like my memory is hiding in the corner.

“You mean, your mom is unstable?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Then help her.”

.