He was looking straight into my eyes. The light brown color illuminating them was breathtaking. They shone and it was really hard for me to describe their color. It was like a unique mixture of light brown, honey and then they had little spots of dark brown scattered around. ''Your smile is gorgeous.'' Matt spoke those words and I could feel my knees tremble, even if I was sitting down. If only he knew what I thought about his smile. The scent of cigarette was coming from him today too. But it didn't bother me. Not coming from him.

''Um,'' A rosy color appeared on my cheeks, as I tried to cover them with my cold hands. ''Thank you.'' The words slipped out of my lips as I shyly looked at him. He's sitting behind me, this time, so I turned around to face the board and the teacher, trying to avoid any embarrassment. Why in hell is he telling me this while he has a girl, maybe they split up or maybe he just thought my smile was cute. I mean, there's not much thought you can put into that, but it felt kind of good hearing that from the guy you are attracted to.

''Anytime.'' He whispered behind me and a smile stretched on my lips. The class was going to be over in a matter of minutes and I was hoping he'd want to walk side by side with me. I was really having so many hopes and crazy ideas that he might actually like me back. And I had clear in my mind that if everything went wrong, I'd be devastated, thanks to this blind hope my heart was making me feel. That's the negative side of being a hopeless romantic, you hope too much and you fall too hard and you hurt way too much. That's the way it is.

I checked the clock on my cellphone, just a little more and the class was going to be over. ''Okay guys, don't forget to do your homework for Monday, have a lovely weekend.'' The teacher's voice made its way to my ears as I packed my stuff. She dismissed us earlier than other days. Matt walked away from the class and I tried to walk as fast as I could, along with Alex, but he was too far away now. He was not in sight anymore.

A disappointed sigh escaped my chapped lips, Alex just patted my shoulders. Way to make me feel better. ''Damn it.'' I looked down at the ground.

''Lily, calm down. Remember he has a girl and-''

''I know,'' I interrupted. ''It's crazy to think he could be into me, isn't it?'' We remained silent during our way to the cafeteria, to meet the girls. I was kind of sad, because yesterday Eric was asking me about him and telling me what Matt thinks about me and then today I got no chance to share words with him. Except for that awkward moment in class where he said he liked my smile. I didn't know what to think. Alex was right, he had some other girl and it was unfair to three of us.

Alex and I were halfway through our way until... ''Lily.'' I heard a voice coming from behind me and it was Zach, damn it. I recognized his voice easily. I've been trying to avoid him since we started talking, because I didn't want him to think I was into him or something. I turned around.

He was already catching up to me. His hand touched my shoulder and I only had two options: 1. Run away like a creep, or 2. Greet him in the most educated and friendliest of ways. ''Hi.'' The word slipped out of my lips in such an awkward way, I didn't know what to do.

''Would you like to grab some lunch with me?'' His question really took me by surprise. The words were unable to get out of my mouth, so all I did was 'uh' sounds as I forced the word 'no' to come out.

I shook my head. ''I am sorry, I have to head home,'' Disappointment was splattered in his eyes. ''Some other time?'' I asked with intentions of fixing the situation. Truth is, I didn't want to have lunch with him. I was trying to keep my distance away from him, since his ability to read signs and interpret words was very unqualified. His face lit up and I regretted speaking those words. Damn it Lily Smith, you and your not-wanting-to-hurt-anybody shit.

''I'll call you.'' He placed a kiss on my cheek and left. I stood there, regretting everything that just happened. I turned around and found Alex laughing at me, at least one of us was having fun. We've been texting, but it's nothing and it will never be a thing. I believe that going back to someone who did you wrong, is like trying to fix a broken glass vase. The pieces will be glued, but the cracks will still be there and the vase is going to fall again and it'll be easier to be shattered. And even harder to put together as a whole.

● ● ●

I took out my journal hidden at the bottom of a drawer, and a black pen from my book bag. I wanted to get a poem out, since I've been having writer's block lately. Maybe this whole thing with Matt could benefit my writing skills in some way. The pen felt soft on the page, like the words were meant to flow easily today. I was eager to let words out, because I was feeling so much and my body was too small and too frail to even put up with the amount I was feeling throught my veins and entire system.

I can feel a thousand suns burning gently

Every time I look at your smile

And when your words arrive to my senses

I'd love listening you speak for hours

I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to find any good thing in the words I just wrote. I scratched that, trying to get out a decent poem out of the Matt situation today, but my creativity was none. You see, I write whenever my emotions are too much to handle and I was feeling too much lately, but no words to handle was too much too. Apparently, the thick wall was still in my brain, the one that was not allowing my words to flow out with creativity and emotion. By that I mean pure, raw emotion. Normally a rain of words fall onto the page, without me thinking about them too much. But lately the wall was blocking them from coming to life.

I can feel butterflies dancing

When I glance at your smile

And you thought mine was nice

Attempt two was even worse than the first one. What was wrong with me? Probably I wasn't good with writing about happy things, because looking through the pages of my journal I can see good writing, but they're all about sad things. But I really wanted to get a good one about a good and nice feeling, not just a sad one about a broken heart waiting to be healed. Because good things are so much better than sad things. It's important to count the good things in, so the bad ones don't drag you into sadness. So I didn't give up. I was really trying to put coherent and full emotion words that could perfectly describe this insane situation.

Honey eyes and rosy lips

Curved into a smile of bliss

And the words you speak

Make me doubt of the past

Of the ghosts and the present

Of a girl you like too much.

I curved my lips into a wry smile as I examined the third attempt. Not bad, I thought and chuckled by myself. Ed Sheeran was playing in the background as I read over and over again the poem, trying to find something I didn't like, but I couldn't. I was feeling joy, because I finally fathomed these emotions. I closed the journal and put on the side as I threw my head on a big pillow placed right behind me. I looked at the ceiling and focused on the words Sheeran was soothing into my ears.

Give a little time to me or burn this out. We'll play hide and seek to turn this around. All I want is the taste that your lips allow.

The music stopped, it was cut by the phone's ring tone, indicating there was a text message waiting to be read. I sat on the bed and grabbed the phone from the night stand. Hoping it was from a boy I was crushing on so hard.

''Holy crap.'' I said to myself, under my breath. It was Matt, he just texted me. I stood up from the bed and started dancing like a little girl who just got her favorite candy. Silly me. I never really expected the text came from him...but it was.

Hi Lily! :)

And he sent a freaking smiley face. What was my life in that moment?! I tried to calm down, before answering. I took deep breaths, closing my eyes and drifiting away from the idea he just texted me. But I simply couldn't. I was feeling all bubbly and tingly and my smile was touching my eyes and it felt so nice.

Hi Matt, how are you?

I tapped my fingers against the back of my phone, waiting for his reply and it took him seconds.

I'm okay. I'm wondering what are the pages for the reading?

He was doing homework, that's a good sign. It means he was really into his major and thinking good about his future. And that is something every girl should look out for in a man, since a man with ambitions and his thoughts straight about his present and what he wants and needs for the life he is about to live, means he has his feet on the ground. Which means, no playing around.

Sixty to eighty. Enjoy the reading sir.

I sent the message, trying to light up the mood with the 'sir' at the end. I was so funny. No I wasn't funny, but I wanted to believe I was. A girl can dream, right? I started walking back and forth around my room, waiting for the reply.

Thank you, good night Lily, I'm off to read.

Good night Matt, have a nice reading.

I shook my head, just wondering why I was so unlucky when it came down to love and everything involved. He just needed information about the homework, not really wanting to talk to me. I was a fool for believing someone like him could ever set eye on someone like me. But that's life and sometimes we don't get what we want. But I wasn't giving up on the hope that maybe someday, he could like me back. As I said, a girl can dream right?