y/n: your name

tws: swearing

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y/n's pov *

i hopped out of the car and grabbed a grocery cart that had been abandoned in the middle of the parking lot as i neared the automated sliding doors of the store. our vehicle was sagging low to the ground because of the boxes we had crammed on the inside and outside. most of our furniture was being delivered tomorrow morning, but we wanted to at least take our desks home so we could start streaming again. we hadn't teased anything about us moving in together to our fans yet, but people were starting to speculate because of our unanimous absence on social media and some suspicious tweets from nick. we would probably release an official statement once we had gotten more settled, but right now, we had to buy food. that was the priority.

i entered the grocery store and was greeted by the refreshing smell of produce countered by the savory smell of meats and cheeses wafting from the deli. clay stepped onto the edge of the cart and gripped the plastic edging to hold on.

"where to?" he asked.

i laughed once. "are you actually gonna make me push you around like a toddler?"

he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

i rolled my eyes and laughed, powering towards aisle one so i could start picking through items on the shelves. "you make this so much harder, you know that?"

"yeah, but it's a labor of love."

"more like a labor of contempt."

he chuckled, resting his arms on the side of the cart and leaning in closer to balance out the weight. his complexion was especially clear in the bright led lights of the store. the soft freckles that dusted his nose and cheekbones reminded me of paint splatter and constellations and all the minute details of the universe that made up its beauty. seeing him smiling, laughing, completely carefree and whimsically childish filled my stomach with butterflies and yet twisted a knot in my heart. i yearned for the domesticity of friendship and romance, and i could feel myself slipping into that sweet bliss when i was around him, as if i had just dipped my toe in the water. i enjoyed his company, his wheezes, his jokes, and the way he never failed to make me feel like i was on a cloud. i had never had friends like him, let alone anything more than that.

i started to consider the thought of us growing into more than friends. something tender and soft. something warm and comforting. i felt redness flush in my cheeks as the image flashed through my head. was i catching feelings?

i discarded the idea before i could dwell on it too much. it was an improbable fantasy, right? we were roommates and i lived with his two best friends. i hadn't even known him for a month and he didn't see me in that way. anything more than a friendship wasn't going to happen no matter how much i wanted it to.

not that i hoped for things to be different in the first place. i was happy with the way things were.

but what if we were more?

i felt like i was at war with my thoughts. determinedly, i gave a final blow to my daydream and crushed it. i wasn't going to cause drama in the house. things were good as they were. i didn't ever want there to be any awkwardness between us because of a confession of attraction that wouldn't have been reciprocated anyway.

i shook myself from the feelings that were rising in my gut and focused on friendly conversation and shopping.

after cruising through the store for almost an hour, nick managed to get criticized by an older woman for arranging the cucumbers on display in the shape of a penis and we had successfully filled our cart with everything but the kitchen sink. there wasn't much debate on what we should or shouldn't get because in the end everyone ended up getting something for themselves that would undoubtedly be shared by the rest of us. we weren't picky.

we rolled two separate carts holding our bags out into the parking lot to load into the car. the boys started a competition on who could load them the fastest for some reason, and when they were finished the entire back window was covered by blue and white plastic and brightly colored bags of chips. i crossed my fingers that clay wouldn't hit anything trying to back out with the limited vision.

nick started to giggle. "gogy, you should get in the cart."

"what?" he asked even though he heard him clearly.

"get in the cart! i'll push you down the hilly bit over there and it'll be fun."

"fun?" he questioned.

"yeah!"

i laughed evilly. "if it'll help convince you, george, i'll do it with you." i lifted myself into one of the carts.

he looked between me, nick, and clay before sighing in defeat and climbing into the other cart. "i feel like this is dangerous."

"only a little. i mean the worse that could happen is that you fall and break your arm or something."

george looked at me wide-eyed as he hugged his knees to his chest.

"sorry."

"okay, if you're both doing it, then it needs to be a race," nick announced, flexing his fingers on the cart handle.

clay quirked an eyebrow. "oh ho ho, you're on snapmap," he jabbed, holding onto the cart i was sitting in. his knuckles brushed against my back and i scooted forward to avoid the shiver that shot down my spine, reminding myself to squash any feelings.

"please don't kill us," george pleaded.

"we'll try," clay responded, his voice sounding unsure, "okay nick, i'll race you to that cart rack." he pointed at the one farthest down the parking lot, past the slight hill and thankfully not near any cars or other possible obstacles. he leaned forward and planted his feet to the ground to get ready to sprint. "on your mark, get set, go!"

nick and clay took off, pushing the carts as hard and fast as they could. they kept up with us until the hill started to dip, and then they released us to roll on our own the rest of the way. george and i laughed so hard our eyes filled with tears and we held our hands up in the air, yelling like we were on a rollercoaster ride. the surprisingly cool afternoon breeze whipping against our cheeks felt freeing and blissful, and i thought about how moments like these were what i cherished most in life. rolling down a hill in a shopping cart with my friends of all things was what made me feel euphoric. ecstatic. exhilarated.

and then we fucking crashed.

george and i collided before slamming into the railing of the cart rack and falling to the ground. i rolled from my side to my back, wheezing so hard i was out of breath. george was laughing between whining about scraping his elbow.

i heard our names being shouted behind us followed by the padding of running footsteps against asphalt.

"oh my god, i'm so so sorry! please tell me you're okay," clay panicked, kneeling down beside me.

i wheezed again and wiped the tears from my laughter off my cheeks. "i'm— i'm fine!" was all i could manage to squeak out.

"owww," george complained, a huge grin plastered on his face, "you actually suck!"

nick laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "i mean the thought crossed my mind that you might crash but i didn't think it would actually happen," he said, "i'm so sorry."

"it's all good nick, it was fun. i think being close to me death has really opened my eyes," i joked, and he rolled his eyes.

clay offered me his hand and lifted me to my feet. i brushed off the dirt and gravel from my jeans and flashed him a smile. "thank you for the ride. fun but dangerous. three stars."

"only three stars?" he repeated, offended.

"i'll make it two!"

"no! please, my ratings can't go that low."

"i'm humbling you clay. it's a necessary thing." i patted his chest with my hand and walked to the car.

even with my back turned to him, i could tell he was exasperated.

with our elbows scraped, car crammed, music blaring, and laughs cackling, we drove home as the afternoon sun dipped low in the sky and painted bright pinks and oranges across the light blue canvas. all i could think was that i felt like i was in a daydream. my life had become a story so sweet i couldn't believe it was my own. as my friends yelled the lyrics to a song at the top of their lungs, i leaned back in my seat and watched them with adoration.

a smile never left my face.