《Violet Eyes || Haikyuu!! Fanfiction ||》Chapter 20: It's not a selfish thought
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"You're so useless..."
"Nobody wants you..."
"You don't deserve to live..."
Ayame woke up with a gasp. She tried to calm her breathing and clear her head. For a few minutes, she managed to calm down however, her hands couldn't hide that she's still shaking a bit. She couldn't go back to sleep, after that dream. For some reason, after hearing that the former Coach Ukai's grandson took over as the head coach relived her old memories.
It's...stupid...and so selfish of me...I don't have the experience to lead them and my skills aren't enough to help them. What was I thinking? Me? A first year with no experience is the coach of the team? Nobody would believe that...
Even if I became the head coach, since Ukai-san said that he'll only coach the team until the practice match against Nekoma, it's no guarantee that I can lead them victory...Stupid Ayame...
I really am useless...
She looked at the boys if she woke them up but they are sleeping/snoring soundly. Hinata was lying spread-eagle on his sleeping bag while snoring loudly. Tsukishima was sleeping just fine and the setter was also snoring as loud as Hinata's. She looked at her side and saw that the freckled teen's sleeping bag is empty.
"Where did he go?"
She stood up and stretched, careful not to wake them and slipped out of the room. Hinata and Nishinoya told them about ghosts who are wandering in the night. Of course, she didn't believe it. She knows how their imagination works but thinking about it made her feel a little creep out.
She walked in the hallway when the bathroom door suddenly opened and a figure came out. Their eyes met and both nearly screamed in surprise and they instinctively covered each other's mouths. Her heart kept beating faster from the shock as she stared at the figure. Dark brown eyes stared at her with the same shocked expression and his dark green hair is slightly dishevelled.
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After ten seconds of calming down, she realized that the figure is none other than Yamaguchi Tadashi. They slowly uncovered each other's mouth and sighed deeply.
"Sorry..." he said, keeping his voice low "I just...uh...you know, the captain might get mad when we woke them up so I-I have to...I mean....well..." and there he goes again, stammering and stuttering nervously and awkwardly. He (kinda?) touched her lips with his hands and he admitted they're soft and almost kissable...
"What the heck?!" He mentally slapped his self, cursing for thinking such thoughts. He continued "So I have to cover your mouth, just in case, you...uh...scream"
Her face turned red and she rubbed her arm awkwardly "I-I'm sorry, too, Tadashi-kun...I...uh...also thought that so...yeah...I did the same..."
An awkward silence. Concern suddenly hit the freckled teen after realizing she's up late at night "Ano...Ayame, where are you going?"
It sounded like stupid question, but the violet eyed girl is wearing her knee length hoodie shirt and leggings and it's strange why she's dressed like that late at night.
"Nothing, just...going outside to catch some fresh air. Shoyo-kun and Kageyama-kun are snoring and I can't sleep..." she said, half lying. His eyes looked at her in the eye and she nervously bit her lip. "Why does it felt like he could see everything in my excuses and lies?" she thought, "yet, he didn't try to pry deeper to it. Why?"
This time, he believed her "I know...those two are really loud, even if they are asleep" he snickered and she giggled "Anyway, I'm going to back to our room. Good night, Ayame"
"Good night, Tadashi-kun" she told him. She opened the main door and she was surprised to find the grey haired setter outside, leaning against the wall. He noticed her and gave his kind smile "Hey, Ayame"
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"Suga-san...you're also awake?" she asked him, leaning next to him. The third year nodded and looked up at the moon. The evening wind blew, lightly swaying her hair with the breeze.
"I heard from sensei that you and Ukai-san are having a hard time choosing our official setter" he said, making her flinch.
"Yeah..."
He sighed and looked ahead "Actually, Ayame...I...I want to talk to you about it..." he said "I planned to tell Ukai-san but I was thinking that maybe I should tell this to you instead since, you've been with us longer"
She faced him "Please tell me"
"Us third years will be done after this year" he started "That's why our desire to win is twice that of the others. I...we want the ticket that will take us to our victory..."
"Somehow...I understand what Sugawara-san is feeling..."
"We all want that victory, Suga-san..." she said "I...I want to lead them to victory, as the coach. But, after Ukai-san arrived, somehow, that dream of me leading them...it just sounds selfish of me. After the practice match against the neighbourhood association...I realized that I'm not strong enough to do it. I'm still inexperienced and an amateur at coaching" she said, biting her lower lip.
"I understand, Ayame-chan. But, it's a not selfish thought. I, too, also thought maybe, I could lead them to victory as the team setter. But after I saw Kageyama's skill, I thought that he could lead them, not me. It was a bit frustrating that a kouhai is more skilful than his senpai" he chuckled.
"However" he added "After I heard that you guys are choosing the official setter, I already know that you doubt to choose Kageyama because I'm a third year. Asahi, Daichi and I have been playing since our first year. I want to stand on the court with them and play as much I am able"
"I knew it...we should put Suga-san as the setter..."
"But if Kageyama gets tired or if something happens, I'll always be on the side, ready to fill that void as the substitute" he said, looking at her seriously. She stopped and looked at him in surprise.
"Does that mean..."
"Yes, you must choose Kageyama as the official setter. I don't care if I'm not the official setter anymore. I won't give up my desire to play on court, even if I'm just a substitute. I just want to play on the court as much as possible" he told her, his eyes burning with determination.
She smiled and she felt that dread, selfishness and fear left her heart and mind. She felt happy and relieved "Even if I'm not going to be their coach anymore, I'll do everything I can to help them as the assistant coach. Like Suga-san, who didn't gave up his passion for playing in volleyball"
"All right, Suga-san. If that's what you wish, I'll gladly do it as the assistant coach!"
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