Jed loudly groaned as he strained to lift the final bucket of pig slop. The contents began to slowly pour splattering liquid grain feed. It began dripping from the ears of the eating pork covered in more filth.

“Another day almost done, soon we will head home for home style shlock eh Mule” said the farmer leaning back on a wooden pallet pigpen.

“I’m a dry donkey, you know that” said Mule.

The pair began walking back along the winding jungle path well worn from the grind of everyday chores. Jed latched the chickens in, and then the ducks into pens made from industrial metal shipping boxes.

They came back above them as always the comforting presence of towering steel that formed Jed’s jungle home. A train derailed slammed together into a maze stack from a fall from the tracks somewhere far above. The mule, and the man had used their intelligence to repurpose everything pulled from the train wreck into farming, and relaxing equipment.

The clearing formed base camp as the due came closer. On either side of them towering garden fencing to keep out the vermin. One such pest: a plump squirrel spirited away into the dark shadows having tried its luck in the wire fencing. Orange sunsets on many horizons lit them up.

“Smack!” said a coconut hitting the back of Jed’s head.

They ran for cover as taunting monkeys in the nearest trees kept throwing every kind of nut with each bark and hollar.

“Ahh my head pounds something fierce like the gates of death crystal” said the man clutching his noggin after bolting the locks behind him.

“Put your head back on straight quickly man for far more dangerous things are heading here in the jungle presently” said Mule standing to attention as well as any ass could muster.

“And how do you know about this danger lurking in the very hairy forest out there oh Mule?” asked the waving Jed. “The jungle that will be the death of me. I have long accepted this fate yet fight on against it anyway for sport” he had grown tired and sunk into a corner in the kitchen.

“So what danger do you suppose lurks around the next bend trusted steed, are you a fortune teller ?” asked Jed who then sighed.

“From my keen sense of smell, and a naturally occurring mutation of X-ray vision from being conceived in a crystal mine" said Mule.

"That explains everything with you" said Jed strapping on his glowing goblin light power armor.

"Yes I can see that there is an empire army regiment coming here to reclaim this train. It’s time to get to our mobile death dealing machine, for a new adventure Jed” announced Mule, before grabbing his friend and pulling him up with a soft bite of his mouth.

“I trust you, and how long do you figure we have?” asked Jed again, coming to his senses.

“No time for nothing else but run lets go now to the garage and burn rubber at once” Mule yelled.

The crystal empire men cut through the trees by whipping their slaves who then used machetes. More civilized men nearby used large flamethrowers to burn away vines, and cobwebs. Even more had brought in the wagons with crystal floodlights that penetrated deep into the surrounding jungle so that nothing could hide from them.

A train had been derailed in one of many wars. Too many wars to figure out the culprits, but the bastards responsible had sabotaged the tracks. The words the general in charge here had heard on the communication crystal had told him all about the details surrounding this scrapping mission.

“General Funkatron we have eyes on our prize” said the underling doing the blue salute.

“Yes good to hear, minions take the train for all her scrap at once” announced general Funkatron with a wave of his commanding arm.

The soldiers approaching first were the special scrapper squad. Slow creaking tin cans marching through the jungle. These guys found themselves outfitted with crude iron exoskeleton suits. Powered by crystal with can opener on one arm and crusher on the other to scrap metal with maximum efficiency.

“Lets get cutting,” said one ripping and tearing into the first train in their path.

“VROOM”

“VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!”

“BOOM!”

In came Jed, and Mule plowing through. The cars' rotating guns cleared army men who went scattering. A man trapped in a tin can was left crumpled on the street as the car ran off.

“Nice kill back there soldier” said Mule.

“Right, I'm back in that mode, and who knows if I will come back this time” said Jed shifting gears.

The blue electric crystal turbo charged infusion of 8 magma cores was a beastly engine. The car flew forward drifting around a muddy bend. Mule put on his shades.

“Get them!” yelled Funkatron injured, and muddy from the ditch where he had fallen.

“Where should we go, Mule who can see things through?” asked the driver.

“Just go with the flow Jed, and where we end up we will explore the paths we are offered” said Mule, his tongue hanging out the window.

“Bah I can’t stand letting another entity take the wheel. I am here still relatively young and still with my own free will” gasped Jed downshifting before drifting again.

“When you get around my years you will discover worrying about those kinds of choices all it is time wasted. Take advice from someone with far more time behind, and in front of him” said Mule continuing to drool.

“Baah again from a drooling farm animal at heart you can’t ever imagine the human condition. No matter how much magic or voodoo infuses you it will still confuse you” said Jed.

“True but a cancer is always a tough thing to figure” said Mule.

“Shut up asshole,” said Jed.

“How about two buggies coming in hot ready your guns at once” said steed.

Sure enough the cars came roaring in behind blinding them with crystal headlights. Jed rotated his gun turret swivel.

“Bang bang bang bang”

A volley of bullets penetrated the first buggy before the other swerved behind a mound into the dark. The driver filled with lead smashed into a redwood blowing up into a massive explosion. Jed returned to the road where he saw the train tracks and a road running along them.

“In this case we have but one path forward, and thus nothing to burden our minds with too much thinking of other outcomes” said the man.

“It’s good that so far the universe has seemingly always kept things simple for you” said Mule.

The headlights followed the trail marked by metal tracks as they escaped away. The cars engine roaring into light provided by four full moons as it began to rain.