Having contemplated his response for an entire week, our hero was still dumbfounded. Not because the question was hard, it was just because the hero was... well... himself. Anything harder than a one piece puzzle would give him conflicting feelings about the usefulness of his path through education. And seeing as introspection is also a very difficult word for our interspecific hero, he just blew bubbles while mouthing the word no into the vacuous emptiness of space in front of him.

“You do realise that people can actually see that none of this happens, right?”

Only in the miniseries that will never happen, in this book the audience will just read what I tell them to read. If I feel like copy pasting some random numerical nonsense, then I can. Watch, 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856.

“You dare bring this heresy of modern day maths upon the consciousness of this silly nonsensical medieval book interlaced with non functional magic? People come here for an escape of their tragic lives where they are chained emotionally and intellectually to a desk, forced to rote learn pointless facts because it somehow teaches them to think independently by doing what everybody else is doing, and you force reality upon them? A plague upon your houses and your pathetic affection for the dredges of weeaboo material.”

The narrator checks the hero's IQ, I mean intelligence stat again...

DING! Showing updated character chart.

Level 15, your level has acquired late puberty.

STRENGTH: 0

INTELLIGENCE: 0

AGILITY: 0

DEXTERITY: 0

LUCK: 404... missing.

READERS: 104.5 (Currently we're spending all our resources on finding out how only half a person could be reading this webstory. It's taken millions of gold bars to not just be lazy about it and make a midget joke. Our research team will continue to strive for moderate excellence in all fields that are relevant to our cause and don't require more than a five day course given by an underpaid university grad to catch up on. Mostly. And only during alternate business hours on a full moon.)

ACHIEVEMENTS:

'Oh you lucky so and so.' - S

'Innate asshole' - SSS

'I'm a kitchensink, daddy!' S

Slayer of children – Someone installed the fallout 3 mod.

Kind of a dick. - D, actually, let's change this to a small d to better represent our contemporary audience.

Late Puberty Level - F

ABILITIES:

'Pelvis thrust' – On cooldown: 2147483646 years. Happy nearly new year !!!

'Pelvic barrage' – On cooldown: 2147483646 years.

'Pelvic barrage-aga' – On cooldown: 2147483646 years.

'P-p-p-elvic-c-c barrage-agaagagagagagagaaaaaaa' – On cooldown: 2147483646 years.

Depression. Level 5, grandmaster.

BATTLE FORMATIONS:

Ice-menorah

Hell-menorah

Just standing around like headless chickens with a stick up their ass.

Hm.. this is very peculiar. The hero's intelligence statistic has remained unchanged and yet he actually said something substantial. A tiny bit too emo, but still, substantial.

“Well.. to be honest, I read the back of a beer pad I snatched from a bar. It felt right to reference it now.”

Our hero is telling us to believe that such a detailed response was written and printed, maybe years in advance while being extremely poignant to our current discussion?

Point...!

Not you. I said poignant.

Point...

“Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying.”

The hero kept his cool as he faced the narrator of this story. But since the narrator is in a separate dimension up above, our hero was simply holding a staring contest with the sun. Which is always a good idea. It didn't take long however before the sun won (obviously, you fucking dum dum).

“I feel that something very insulting was added to the narration of this story. Where did that repressed assholeness come from?”

This cunning hero isn't the only one who has innate skills.

“Ah, because of the skill window, I get it. Very funny and witty.”

“Point... now back to the topic at hand. The Bigbosomotron5000.”

“Stop, please. Stop. Just stop. We've gone so far past the plot that our poor writer has to somehow find a way to get us back on track without it being contrived.”

Suddenly a big arrow in the sky appeared, pointing the party towards the brokeback mountains of yore.

“Well, forget about what I said about not wanting it to be contrived. But we still have to go, you know? Otherwise this is going to turn into the biggest circlejerk ever where even the main enemy is going to join out of boredom.”

A big bad evil shadow popped from behind arrow in the sky.

“Did someone say a circlejerk? Now I'm a bit rusty, but I did bring a lot of lip balm and...”

The party groaned as one and eyed the great evil shadow until it left again.

“Bunch of ingrates, I was going to use the high quality lip balm instead of spit this time. Speaking from personal experience, you really need it. But no, they have to do their stupid little quest in killing me. Ugh.”

The party, still trying to conjure mental cleansing fire to forget everything the real dark lord's shadow said, made their way forward after a lot of useless bullshit.

Everywhere they looked the scenery was replaced with big, giant arrows pointing towards the destination. Even the stones in the dirt were arrow shaped and all pointing the same way.

“Guess someone lost every bit of hope of us finishing this quest...”

“Point... it's okay. These authors are easily swayed when you achieve even the most minor bit of success. Be it financially or questwise. Then their little pet project turns into something real and they intended for it to be this way all along. Stroking their massive ego as much as possible.”

Thunder roared in the distance. Every bolt of lightning was also an arrow.

“Point... now that is a warning within a diss within a natural event that occurs unnaturally. But we need to go deeper.”

“That's what she said.”

“Point... who? The Bigbosomotron5000?”

“Please, for the love of all that is holy and unholy... please stop using that.”

William spanked his modified female with a rather gentle hand. As it was his private time hand which had grown delicate over the years due to frequent use of lotion.

"Point... never."