Narda's POV

"Babiiiii, wakeey. tapos na akooo." rinig kong tawag sakin ni Regina, the love of my life.

She thinks I'm still asleep, but honestly, kanina pa ako gising, even before she went inside the showers.

Well, d pa talaga ako nakakatulog simula kagabi. Masyado akong kinakabahan at excited sa plano kong gawin.

After 2 years of being in a secret relationship with her kasi ay handa na akong umamin sa family ko tungkol sa amin. Handa na akong mag take ng risk para sa relationship namin.

Yes, nagtatago kami ni Regina. I remember being scared when I realize na mahal ko na siya more than a best friend should. I remember na iniwasan ko siya with the intention of forgetting what I feel. But dahil din dun, I unintentionally caused her pain hanggang sa she confronted me and umamin.

It turns out, she's been in love with me for 4 years already..when she admitted that she loves me, umamin din ako.

Nangapa kami sa kung ano ang dapat gawin sa nararamdaman namin para sa isa't-isa. Until we decided to be together yet in secret, and 2 years after, ito kami, nagtatago pa din.

Alam kong dapat talaga may kalayaan tayong mahalin ang kung sino man ang pinili ng puso natin, regardless of the gender. Kaya lang, nung mga panahong naging kami ni Regina, natakot ako sa kung ano man ang magiging reaksyon ng mga magulang ko, natakot akong ipagsigawan sa lahat ang meron kami.

Pero ngayon, ngayon handa na ako. Second anniversary namin ngayon actually, and this is the perfect gift I can give her.

Sobrang patient sakin ni Regina, sobra-sobra ang pagmamahal na binibigay niya sa'kin at araw-araw binabalik ko yun sa kanya. Pero alam kong may pagkukulang ako.

I don't let her hold my hand in public, I don't let her kiss me in public, I don't show how much I love her in public. For 2 years she allowed me to be like that, she chose to understand me.

Nagkikita kami and go on dates as best friends, we do sleepovers na sa mata ng iba as best friends. No one really knows about us and dapat matigil na 'yun.

She deserves the love na hindi kinakatukutan, na hindi tinatago..she deserves the love na kaya siyang ipaglaban.

And I will give her that. Bahala na kung ano man ang sabihin ng mga magulang ko. What matters now is siya at ako, yung kami. The future na makukuha namin the moment na umamin na ako sa pamilya ko.

"babii, I can sense you being awakeee. tayo ka na kasiii!" she suddenly pulled me pero hindi ako nagpatinag, instead, I pulled her back making her land on top of me.

"babi! naka towel lang ako!!!" she yelled that made me chuckle.

I opened my right eye and saw how she's glaring at me.

"sorry bub, but can we cuddle muna?" I asked and she rolled her eyes at me pero hindi naman din siya umalis.

I felt her relax on top of me and so I hugged her, baka din ginawin siya eh.

"happy anniversary bub." I told her sabay mas niyakap ko siya.

"happy anniversary babi." she replied.

This is one of the scenes na meron kami sa future, gusto kong maging habang buhay na'to, kaya wala ng atrasan.

"babi, I'll turn on the radio." sabi niya the moment na sumakay siya sa kotse.

"go on bub." I said habang ini'start ang sasakyan.

We then headed out papunta sa destination namin..honestly, walang destination, roadtrip lang talaga ang plano namin.

But since aamin ako sa family ko tonight, may change of plans.

"bakit nga pala may biglaang pa dinner sila sa inyo, babi?" tanong niya sa'kin habang nakikinig ng kanta.

I lied to her sa part na 'yan, sabi ko kasi kailangan umuwi kami before 8 p.m dahil nag invite si mom sa amin ng dinner and kasama siya.

"d ko din alam bub, ang sabi niya lang sa'kin, we should be there before 8 p.m." sagot ko and I heard her say a faint okay.

We had small talks habang nagba byahe, kung ano-ano napag-usapan namin. Minsan din, comfortable silence ang meron. Nagda drive lang ako as she watches the sceneries.

I secretly glanced at her and smiled...just a few hours left bub, magiging malaya na tayo.

"babi..look oh, the moon." she said as I sat beside her.

Naka park kami ngayon sa isang tahimik na lugar, wala masyadong dumadaan na sasakyan dito at ang ganda ng view.

Kita din ang buwan at ang gandang meron 'to.

"isn't that the blood moon they've been talking about babi?" tanong niya as she took out her phone, trying to capture it.

The blood moon. Alam ko merong significant symbols ang blood moon, though I don't know if it's real but well, ang sabi blood moon can symbolize things such as exploration, destruction, and rebirth.

Rebirth. I smiled at that.

Technically, rebirth ang mangyayari tonight. Aamin ako sa family ko, whatever the result is, kasama ko pa din si Regina.

"ang pangit talaga pag phone lang, why did I leave my camera sa condo, kainis naman." reklamo nito that made me chuckle.

"okay lang yan bub, marami pa naman tayong blood moon na makikita together." sabi ko sabay pinalapit na siya sa'kin, hugging her from behind.

"okay babi." she answered as she rested her head on me.

She started humming a song.

Ito 'yung kantang ginawa niya for me, she actually makes music maliban sa pagiging abogada niya. She records but lahat ng ginagawa niya, ako lang pinaparinig niya.

"hawak ang gitara d makatugtog, hawak mo ang pusong, pusong nahulog..at ang 'yong pagtawag ng pangngalan ko ang tanging naririnig, umuulit lang, ulit lang, ulit lang~~"

She sings as I felt myself blush.

"ang ganda talaga ng boses mo bub." I told her as I made her look at me.

"you say that everyday, babi." sagot niya as she held my waist, automatically nilagay ko ang mga kamay ko on her shoulders.

We do this most of the time, slow dancing kahit walang music. Bigla-bigla nalang eh. The moment. The person. The feeling.

As I look at her eyes, it made me want to cry.....malapit na bub, us will no longer be my secret.

"what's wrong babi?" she asked me, halatang nagwo-worry na.

"nothing bub.. I'm just, glad.....I'm glad na hindi 'to panaginip, na andito tayo, na tayo pa din, na kinaya natin ang sitwasyon..and I'm sorry bub ha? sorry kung tinatago na'tin 'yung tayo." I told her as my tears started falling.

Bumitaw siya sa waist ko at pinunasan ang luha ko, "sshh babi..it's okay, maghihintay ako, until you're ready. don't cry na please?" she said and I nodded.

"I love you babi." she said as she kissed my forehead, I smiled as I closed my eyes.

"I love you too bub."

Pauwi na kami ngayon sa bahay ng mom ko. Regina's busy on her phone, uploading our pictures sa insta.

"babi, gusto ko bigla ng matcha na milktea." she said as I saw her look at me in my peripheral vision, I glance back at her and smiled.

"we'll buy bub." sagot ko.

"babi! watch out!!!!" she yells kasabay ng malakas na ilaw na nakita ko as I looked back at the road.

"b----abi?"

"b--abi?"

I woke up to a blinding light in my room.

"close the damn curtain Narda." I told her as I groaned and closed my eyes again.

"nope! ayuko, gising ka na kasi jan." she said as I felt her take a seat on my bed.

Still, I did not move or even opened my eyes again.

"Regiiiiiii, sige na kasi.. baka naghihintay na sila dun eh." she told me while she's shaking my body.

"edi pumunta ka na.. it's you who is much more needed there than me, Narda." I told her, hiding myself sa kumot ko.

Nakipaghilahan pa siya sa'kin as she talks, "eiii, kailangan ka din du'n...preparation 'to para sa big day ko and you need to be there with me! magsusukat ka din kasama ko." she said and I groaned sabay hila ng kumot ko, but I guess nasama siya coz right now I can feel her on top of me.

I opened my eyes and saw her staring at me, smile on her lips.

"prepare ka na please?" she said.

She's too close. Too damn close.

She shouldn't be this close.

God.

"then get off me." I said, trying to sound annoyed at her.

Her smile grew wider at umalis na siya, "yes! I'll give you 30 minutes to prepare!" she said sabay tumayo na, heading towards the door.

"hintayin kita sa labas, baka dumating na 'yung order kong milktea at food natin, kainin natin papunta dun." she said and I nodded at her.

I watched her walk out of the door as I sat on my bed.

God. Lord. Why am I still being like this?

Flashbacks of that night came back as I try not to think too much about it.

Flashback

Natapos na ako sa pag post nung pictures namin ni Narda. I smiled as I look at the pictures ulit.

Pati old pictures namin tinignan ko. So many memories of us.

Habang tinitignan ko ang mga posts ko ay nakita ko 'yung picture ko na siya din ang kumuha, I'm holding a matcha milktea.

God, her smile.

"babi! watch out!!!" I yelled nung makita ko ang pagewang-gewang na truck na pasalubong sa'min.

Narda right away steered the wheel sa ibang direksyon.

It had been 3 years since that accident. Turns out, lasing pala yung driver nung truck and nung umiwas si Narda, sa bangin kami napunta. Buti nalang hindi sobrang lalim nung bangin.

The driver of the truck died on the spot while Narda and I fell into coma. Halos dalawang buwan akong tulog and when I woke up, the first thing I did was look for her.

My family told me she's still in coma, I went to see her and my heart broke nung nakita ko ang sitwasyon niya.

Her family visited me and we all prayed for her to be okay. Nalaman kong pinagdasal at binibisita din nila ako.

I asked myself that time kung gagawin pa din ba nila 'yun kung malaman nilang partly kasalanan ko kung bakit na aksidente kami?

I feel like it is partly my fault. Kung hindi ko siguro sinabing gusto ko nung matcha milktea, hindi siguro siya titingin sakin and makikita niya siguro 'yung truck. Hindi siguro siya masasaktan ng ganun.

She woke up 2 weeks after I did. I was so happy, sobra. But when we all came to her, wala siyang maalala..kahit ano, wala.

She forgot who she is, her whole family, me.

It broke me. Pero siguro 'yun 'yung paraan ni destiny para maging masaya si Narda.

Ever since kasi naging kami, kahit hindi niya sabihin, ramdam kong nagi-guilty siya sa set-up namin. I know masaya siya with me, but siguro mas sasaya siya pag sa memory niya, kaibigan niya lang ako. Na wala siyang iisipin na limitado lang ang happiness na meron siya. Yung wala siyang aalalahaning ako.

Since then, tinanggap ko na. I did not bother telling her kung ano kami sa isa't-isa. I chose to hurt in silence.

Madami ding nagbago sa akin since then, even 'yung dating favorite kong matcha, hindi ko na gusto. I still blame myself but hindi na gaya nung dati. Nobody knew about us and even in my deathbed, I'd bring whatever Narda and I had in the past, it will be a secret na ako nalang ang nakakaalala.

And her, she's doing well. Yung family niya, my family, our friends, me..sinubukan naming ipaalala sa kanya kung ano siya before, the things she loves, everything except yung kami. And years after, ito kami, best friends with new memories. Tapos she's bound to marry someone else na. Yung doctor naming dalawa, si Brian.

They got along really well nung makalabas na siya sa hospital. And yes, I watched her fall for him. I watched her give her heart to him. I watched her say yes when he proposed last year. And in 6 months time, I'll watch her marry him.

"Regi!! 20 minutes more! malapit na din 'yung nagde-deliver!" I heard her yell from outside kaya tumayo na ako at pumunta sa banyo.

"why did you order a matcha milktea for me???!" I yelled as soon as I saw her holding it nung lumabas na ako sa kwarto ko.

"come on Regi, dati pa everyone said na ito talaga 'yung favorite drink mo..tapos biglang ayaw mo na daw..ano bang ginawa sa'yo nitong matcha ha?" she asked me and I felt guilty dahil nasigawan ko siya.

"sorry for yelling at you Narda.." I saw her nod at me tapos ngumiti, "okay lang, kinukulit din naman kita about this eh." she said sabay tumawa and I shook my head.

"pero bakit nga? anong ginawa sa'yo nitong matcha?"

I can't tell her I still slightly blame myself about what happened, so I lied.

"it's just I realize na ayaw ko na ng matcha..na lasang damo pala talaga." I said that made her laugh so loud.

"grabe ka sa lasang damo! gusto ko kaya 'to!" she told me sabay ininom ang matcha.

"ito nalang sa'yo oh, tsaka tara na." she said as she handed me the red velvet milktea.

Nauna na siyang maglakad but she stopped right away at nilingon ako.

"Regi, thank you pala ha." she suddenly said and I stared at her eyes.

She does look at me differently now. Wala na 'yung look of love na dati kitang-kita ko everytime I look at her.

Things really changed.

"for what?" I decided to ask.

"for being the bestest friend, even when nawala alaala ko, you still stayed with me, thank you for always being with me." she said na naiiyak na.

This feels like deja vú.

I smiled at binaba ang milktea sa kitchen counter, pinunasan ko ang luha niya as she smiled at me, "you did not have to thank me Narda, that's what best friends are for diba? kasama mo at laging anjan for you. I promise, dito lang ako lagi, I won't leave, okay?" I assured her, looking into her eyes as I kissed her forehead.

"thank you Regi." she said as I moved away pero niyakap niya ako.

The hug that feels like home but alam kong hindi na.

Kung may bagay man na hindi nagbago, it's my feelings for her. Pwede ko naman talagang subukan na ipaalala sa kanya ang lahat, but ayukong ipagkait sa kanya 'yung buhay na pwedeng magkaroon siya.

It's what Brian can give.

So I won't ruin that for her.

And I'll be true to my words. Hindi ako mawawala.

I can always hide what I truly feel for her but I can't ever leave her.