After everything, I just didn't want to be alone.

I made my way down the hallway, gently knocking on my mom's door, and peeking my head inside. I could tell she was tired, but instantly did her best to perk up as she saw me in the doorway, waving me inside.

"Where's Aunt Dianne?" I asked, crawling onto the bed and cuddling close to her. She wrapped her arm around me, helping me under the covers.

"She just had to run out for a little bit, but she'll be back soon. What are you up to? I feel like we really haven't gotten to talk in a while, you've been so busy."

There was a lot to catch her up on. I didn't even know where to begin.

"How's your portfolio coming?" She asked. I shrugged.

"I guess okay. I'm not really sure what they're even looking for so I'm just hoping for the best."

"Well, I'm sure whatever you write will be just fine. You've always been such a storyteller." She giggled to herself. I thought back on all the "books" I had written as a child, having to find some way to fill my time since I had no other siblings to play with, so I typically just wound up creating worlds of my own.

"I don't know much about it, so I'm sorry I can't help you."

"It's okay." I sighed. "Everything is due in a few days anyway, and then.. we just have to wait."

"How is Josh coming along? Has he shown you anything?" I shook my head, feeling my face get hot. She could already sense my change in demeanor.

"What?" She laughed. I shrugged, unable to contain my smile anymore.

"Nothing, I just.. I don't know. It just feels like.."

"Is everything okay with.. them?" She asked reluctantly. I shrugged again.

"Well, on Thanksgiving, Jake and I got back together." I muttered. "But.. then I realized.. that wasn't what I wanted. I just.. I need some time to myself to think about everything, I guess." I felt her nod, hugging me tight.

"I'm sorry for pushing you." She said softly. "I never want to sway you in any which way, I just want you to be happy, and I didn't want you to be scared of being happy, if that was something you wanted. But if he doesn't make you happy.. please don't do anything for my sake. Only you know what truly feels right for you." I suddenly felt a little better, not wanting to disappoint her again, wondering if there was just something about Jake that I wasn't seeing that she was. But I knew deep down, she was just looking out for me. And I was lucky to have that.

"So, how are you feeling now?" She asked. I shrugged again, biting down on my lip, wondering if I should even bring it up.

"Did anything happen?" I shook my head.

"No, it's just.. well, he said that.. he wanted a family with me." I could instantly feel her grip on me tighten, no doubt trying her best to choose her words carefully.

"And.. how did you feel about that?"

"I.. I got scared.. and I left." I muttered. She sighed, giggling to herself again as she carefully combed her fingers through my hair.

It was honestly just nice to feel held, like I was a little kid again in my big girl bed, and she was coming in to pull all of my pieces back together and make everything okay again.

"At one point, I.. I thought that.. maybe I might, you know, one day, but.. definitely not now." I said. I felt her nod again.

"Well, as much as I joke about grandkids.. I do feel better knowing you feel that way. You still have so much living to do before you settle down."

"I know. And.. part of me feels like.. it was just because he's back home. If he was still on tour there was no way he'd feel like this." She shrugged.

"I wouldn't say no way.." She giggled. "He's always loved playing house with you." I rolled my eyes, smirking up at her.

"Okay, okay.." She sighed, pulling me in closer. "I know."

"I just.. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want to make the wrong decision, and.. I just.. want things to go back to the way they were." I muttered. "And.. I miss Josh."

"Well, then you should tell him." She said. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I think he knows."

"We can never assume that other people truly know how we feel. And even still, they deserve to hear it from us. It means the most that way. And I'm sure hearing that from you would mean everything to him." I couldn't help but smile, feeling my cheeks burn.

"I don't want you to think I'm settling for him." I said, peeking back up at her. She shook her head, giving me a soft grin.

"I know you're not, honey. He's not someone you settle for. I just wanted you to give yourself permission to take a chance. And you did. And now you know. And I don't ever want you to think I don't like him, I love him, Jaime. Especially if you love him."

I was so lucky to have a mom like her.

I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone else.

"And you know.." She said. "Christmas is coming up."

"Yeah?" I asked, unsure of where she was going with this. She shrugged, smirking back at me.

"I'm just saying. Are you thinking of getting him anything? Because it could be a good time for something a little.. romantic." I bit down on my lip, trying to hold in my grin.

"Maybe." I muttered.

"I just think.. someone like him.. he deserves a nice gesture too. He's done so much for you, and.. if this is something that you want, then maybe.. it would be nice to do something for him too."

"You're right." I sighed, knowing that he deserved the world.

After everything him and I have been through, no one deserved a romantic gesture more than him, especially considering everything he did for me the first time we got together. Now it was my turn to show him just how much he meant to me.

But, I did mean it when I told Jake that I needed some time for me. Especially with the potential of this new chapter in my life. I wanted to start it with a clean slate, and that didn't mean that I wouldn't want Josh along for the ride with me, but I felt like it was important to finally put myself first, the same way they did with the band.

Now it was my turn.

But I also knew what happened when I got too caught up in my feelings when it came to him. I was positive if the moment was right, I would be willing to throw all of my rules out the window. For him. Despite all of the obstacles and distractions.. it was always him.

"They invited me over for Christmas." I said. She was quiet for a moment.

"Well, that sounds lovely." I could hear it in her voice, she was disappointed that I'd be gone for another holiday.

"But I really want you to come with me." I said, peeking back up at her. She held her stare on me, gently brushing the hair out of my face again, giving me a gentle smile.

"I can try." She sighed, kissing the top of my head. I squeezed her tight, unable to contain my excited grin.

"Really?" I asked. She had never so much as given me a 'maybe' before, let alone that she would try. All I wanted was for all of us to spend the holidays together again like we used to. And as much as I loved being with them, she was my mom. And when it came to this, I would always pick her. Even if it meant spending the day in bed.

And as much as I didn't want to think about it.. I didn't know how much time with her I had left.

"Thank you." I whispered, cuddling closer. I know how hard things have been for her lately, but I think she could tell that something had changed, and this was suddenly much more important than any other time I had asked for her to come.

"And.. if at any time you don't feel well, we can come right back home. I don't mind. I just.. I want to see him.. t-them.. for a least a little bit. And their big party is on Christmas Eve, so we could have Christmas here, and-"

"I'm excited to see them, honey." She said softly. "Now.. what do you have in mind for his gift?" I felt my cheeks burn again, another giddy smile escape my lips.

"I have an idea.." I finally said, hugging her tight before crawling out of bed and quickly making my way back into my room, pulling out my laptop again and quickly started typing away.