That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:

Interlude 1.26 D - In Which We Meet the Villain, Technically

The Valley of Infinite Wisdom was a tranquil place, several hundred or thousand or millions of miles away from the Kickass RPG Generic Starter Isekai Town, depending on how loose of a sense of physics and geography and international commerce the author has. It was a storied place full of all kinds of crazy, in-depth lore and backstory, none of which you give a damn about.

However, since this is a fantasy story, I'm legally obligated to loredump all about this shitty cleft between the ass of two mountains, so if you don't care about that, skip all of the purple prose below, because this valley is only really important for the story in that it was currently the site of a kick-ass anime army battle.

The Valley of Infinite Wisdom rests between the mountains of Iglblitzmur (The peak of anime titties) and Algblitzmur (The peak of anime ass), and marks the main passage between the Imperium Pablum and the Demon Realm. It is important historically and socioeconomically, as the Himasaiyan mountains render few other avenues viable to get goods from one country to the other. Despite the fact that this is a Badass Isekai LitRPG Fantasy setting with things like flight, teleportation, and other cool effects, traders are generally not badass, isekai, or litRPG enough to make use of these technologies. The powers that do have such abilities unfortunately don't give a shit about economics because they can bench a goddamn mountain. Also, even if they wanted to fly to deliver goods, there are commerce-hating dragons flying around the peaks who like to destroy flying caravans, as a joke.

The Valley of Infinite Wisdom got its name long, long ago, as it was once the ceremonial murdergrounds of the two Dwarven cities residing in either peak of the mountain. The cities were ruled by two Brother-Kings, who derived from the Dwarven Kingdom of Waifuldur, but had since split the check on their Kingdom rather than decide who gets to be King. The two brothers had since come to quarrel for deep philosophical reasons, and the great T&A wars had raged for hundreds of years without ceasing.

The two dwarven mountainhomes would regularly send down troops of philosophers to discuss which of the two religions was more righteous, usually through gratuitous bloodshed. This senseless violence raged on, seemingly without end, until one fateful day, when the two armies happened to convene upon a traveler passing through the valley. The armies didn't want to involve an outsider, and so each sent a messenger to tell the traveler to move on, and it so happened that both messengers arrived at the same time.

The traveler was confused by the two shouting Dwarves, and so asked after the nature of the combat. They began to shout over one another, but eventually the traveler could see that their conflict was ideological in nature. He revealed that he was secretly a Great Sage, traveling the world while earning a living creating new parables. The messengers returned to their respective Kings with a message: the Great Sage would hear them out, and would settle their dispute once and for all. Assured of their own correctness, both Kings agreed.

The brothers met once again later that night, and at the Great Sage's guidance, a great feast was prepared in the valley, and all discussion of philosophy was forbidden. The Dwarven armies agreed, but as the food and drink flowed, found it more and more difficult to hold their tongues. When it seemed things were liable to get out of hand, the Great Sage finally called for the Kings to convene, and they gathered in a central stage. The Great Sage challenged each King to make their case.

The elder Brother-King spoke passionately about the supremacy of anime titties, extolling the beauties of breasts, the justice of flatness, and the maxims of mommy milkers. He spoke long and hard through the night about the glories of anime titties, and the comparable inferiority of anime ass, and by the time he was finished with his speech, there was not a dry eye in his Kingdom's crowd.

The troops on the other side of the valley were incensed, but the Great Sage held up his hand, and summoned forth the younger Brother-King to make his case. The younger King stood and gave an even more impassioned speech, singing the praises of anime ass. He cried out to his troops to remember the difference between thick and real thicc, to know that the real treasure is booty, to cheer the cheeks, and to recognize that junk in the trunk was anything but junk. Soon, his troops too, were moved to tears. Their passions worked into a fervor, their pride swelling without measure, both kingdoms waited to see what the Great Sage would decide.

There was a long silence, and the Great Sage ruminated upon the decision. He extended one hand towards the elder King, and said "Titties."

The kingdom of Iglblitzmur prepared to celebrate their apparent victory, but one look from the Great Sage silenced them. He turned and, without withdrawing his hand, extended his other to the Algblitzmur Dwarves. "Ass," he said.

The tensions rose, and both sides clutched their weapons, as the Great Sage bowed his hands, and brought them to meet in front of him. He looked up at the assembled Dwarves, and in this unnamed valley, he spoke, and forever sealed its new identity with his words.

"Both."

The reaction from the kingdoms was slow at first, but a ripple went through the crowd as they realized his wisdom, and the feasting recommenced, now in celebration. Their animosity dissolved in an instant, the Dwarves, once enemies, joined in arms as brothers once more.

The Valley would come to be known as the Valley of Infinite Wisdom, the capital of the newly reforged Dwarven Kingdom of Aliglblitzmur, the Kingdom of Anime Ass and Titties. With the words of the Great Sage as guidance, the two Brother-Kings ruled fairly and justly for hundreds of years, until their Kingdom was tragically shattered by an invasion of the Dwarven Kingdom of Anime Thighs.

The Demon Lord's Army let out a loud cheer as the last of the Pablum Empire's soldiers threw down their assorted swords, giant warhammers, and battle scythes and fled, sobbing, into the foothills.

"The day is ours!" Dread Commander Grimnasty roared, swapping out his battle-ready eyepatch (black with a gold skull) for his celebratory victory eyepatch (also black with a gold skull, but it has a little party hat). He took a deep breath, smelling the air with his nose instead of some other way. The fine scents of smoke, blood, and sandalwood swirled around him, but he could also smell the battlefield over his cologne. It smelled like victory.

Eugene Grimnasty turned on the spot and entered the commander's tent. The insides were spartan, with only the most important accommodations. The main thing that drew the eye was the large wooden table in the center, and the impressive map which covered its surface.

"You can stop that," Grimnasty informed the prisoner currently attempting to eat the map. "It's just decorative. Destroying it won't thwart any of our plans."

"Fhck hhu," the enemy commander replied. Grimnasty wasn't a hundred percent sure what he had said, but assumed he was being thanked, probably for being a cool guy in general. He walked over and pulled the map out of the prisoner's mouth, before moving to the jukebox to put on some tense interrogation music. He tapped a few buttons and allowed his mouth to quirk into a grin as the machine came to life.

The magical song crystal or whatever inside clicked over and began to spin for the aesthetics of it, and "The Christmas Song" by Alvin and the Chipmunks began to play. The enemy commander's eyes dilated. His breathing picked up, his neck tightened, and snot began to dribble from his nose.

"N-no," he muttered.

"Yes," Grimnasty replied. The Dread Commander unbuttoned his platemail and hung it from the coatrack, revealing a plain white wifebeater (the shirt, Eugene was single). He pulled out a chair and sat on it backwards to show he meant business, resting his elbows on the back while he stared down his prisoner.

Knight-Commander Max Generico, leader of the Pablum forces, was a hard nut to crack. Grimnasty had assumed at first that was on account of all of the armor, but now he wasn't sure. He'd ordered the enemy commander to be stripped of his weapons, armor, and dignity, but so far Generico had not budged, even after they had put a bonnet and giant diaper on him, and called him a "big stinky poopy baby boy." If anything, that seemed to have enflamed Generico's resolve, which frankly frightened Grimnasty in a number of ways.

"Your troops are routed," Grimnasty intoned, speaking loudly to be heard over a high-pitched voice asking for a plane that loops the loop. "The valley is ours. Your pathetic Empire is not long for this world, now."

"..." Generico didn't say, furrowing his brow as he strained against the SAN damage the background music was causing him. He shuffled in his chair, but he was bound at the wrists and ankles, and tied to the chair at the knee, ankle, waist, and chest. They'd also tied a rope around his neck and attached it to a pacifier, because he'd kept spitting it at the guard who had been trying to dress him up. The commander straightened up, trying to look as proud and imperious as was possible for a man dressed up like a giant baby.

"You know what we want," Grimnasty said. "All of this madness can end if you just tell us what we want to know." He stood up, sliding the chair back into the table, and paced slowly around the tent, folding his arms behind him. His pacing took him to the espresso machine, and he quickly made himself a mocha latte, drawing a chibi girl with giant devil horns in the foam. Steam wafted from the cup, and Grimnasty watched with delight as Generico twitched at the smell.

"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way," he explained, setting the cup on the table in front of the captured commander. "Tell me where the Princess is."

Knight-Commander Max Generico stared at the coffee before him, his stomach rumbling. His head was pounding, pain radiating from where he had been hit in the head by a ballistic goblin, as well as from the sting of caffeine withdrawals. He glanced up at Dread Commander Grimnasty, who let out a cruel grin.

"It's pumpkin spice, with a double shot and a caramel drizzle. That's just how you like it, isn't it?"

Generico gulped, hoping his spit might be poison and/or coffee, but was disappointed to find it was neither. His country's fate may well be resting on his head, and his ability to keep his cool. He stared down at the cardboard cup in front of him. The logo seemed to taunt him, the minimalist design of a demon girl winking at his pain, or at the bib that said "Mommy's Little Champ." He let out a long sigh.

"Fine. I'll tell you."

Grimnasty looked up from making a vanilla bean soy latte and quirked an eyebrow, clearly surprised at the turn of the events, but not unpleasantly so. "So, he can be reasoned with," he chuckled.

The Grim Commander set his drink aside and turned to walk over to the table. "And I didn't even have to beat the shit out of you." He leaned forward, ears tilting eagerly, his eye blazing with anticipation. "Go on, then: tell me where she is."

"She's in..." Generico muttered, before looking up and locking eye(s) with Grimnasty, defiantly. "Ligma."

Grimnasty stared him down, and a long moment of silence passed between them, save for the chipmunk on the jukebox laughing. The Dread Commander stood up, staring down at his helpless prisoner, before letting out a bright smile.

"There, you see?" he said happily, like a dentist to a patient whose teeth he'd just smashed in with a hammer, which I'm pretty sure is how it works. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Grimnasty carefully put his platemail back on, before nodding towards the coffee sitting on the table.

"Feel free to help yourself," he told Generico, who was still bound to the chair. With that, Dread Commander Grimnasty left the command tent, letting the flap close behind him.

Max Generico stared at the coffee, briefly trying to figure out the best approach. The tall cardboard cup was full to the very brim, so tilting it wasn't very viable. He could lean forwards a bit, but...

From outside the tent, Generico could hear that bastard Grimnasty saying something. He'd have to hurry. He leaned forwards, straining against the ropes as he leaned his head down towards the cup. Outside the tent, he could hear another voice speak, and then a riotous peal of laughter. Just... a little... further...

Grimnasty spoke again, and then the voices began to speak quickly, talking over each other, and arguing. Generico was straining, every muscle working to give himself as much slack as he could afford, ropes digging into his chest and shoulders. His lips were two inches from the cup... One and a half... one...

The flap opened up again, and Dread Commander Grimnasty darkened the flapway, his cheeks flushed, and tears running down his cheek.

"You..." he hissed, "You've made a fool of me." The Dread Commander rushed forward, slapping away the pumpkin spice latte and sending it spiraling disastrously to the ground. "A FOOL OF ME!" he roared. He casually beat the shit out of Generico for a bit, making inarticulate noises, before he finally settled down, breathing heavily as he leaned on the table.

"But... we'll see who the real fool is. You had your chance. And you wasted it."

Generico let out a low chuckle, that gave way to a bloody cough. He weakly tilted his head up and glared at his captor, one of his eyes swollen almost shut.

"I'm not afraid of you," he spat. "You hit like a girl."

At that, Grimnasty merely chuckled, standing up and backing away from the table. He reached out and grabbed his vanilla latte on the way out, without breaking eye contact. "Oh, my foolish friend," he taunted, shaking his head slowly. "It's not me you should be afraid of."

Generico froze, staring at him. "You don't mean..."

"Oh yes." Dread Commander Eugene Grimnasty grinned a smile as he backed out of the tent. "HE is here."

Generico's blood ran cold. He stared out of the tent flap as night quickly fell outside. No, it wasn't nightfall. For one thing, the tent's gable window to his left still showed a picturesque scene of the sun slowly setting over the mountains. For another, he had his alarm set to go off at 6:30 so he didn't miss his favorite soap opera.

This wasn't nightfall at all. It was [Advanced Darkness]. And that could mean only one thing. His heart pounded in his chest. He had to get away. He struggled at his bonds once more, this time motivated not by caffeine withdrawal, but by pure survival instinct. He stared in horror at the tent flap as it slowly opened, revealing nothing but pitch blackness outside the tent. He doubled his efforts as the darkness seemed to encroach slowly into the room, before it suddenly rushed in, obliterating all light in the tent and leaving the Knight Commander in absolute blackness.

Generico fell still, although he knew it was pointless. He could feel movement in the darkness, and knew at once that somebody had entered the tent. All was silent, save for the the voice of David Seville shouting at his adopted freakish chipmunk sons. Generico held his breath.

For a long moment, nothing happened. He wondered if maybe it was a bluff. He allowed himself to feel some hope, in the brief seconds that followed, that perhaps this was another trick of Grimnasty's. Maybe it was some kind of unlantern or something, or maybe somebody had actually thrown a sheet over his head again, like last time. That wasn't impossible, right? But then two red eyes opened near the roof of the tent, and Knight-Commander Max Generico felt the world fall out from underneath him. All hope was lost.

The Demon Lord had made his appearance.