I'm getting drunk again in your memory.

Sitting alone on the edge of my bed

It's fucking killing me.

Losing you just doesn't feel real to me.

Maybe I just won't let myself accept reality.

Either way,

You're still not here with me.

Whiskey never tasted so much like water.

I guess I just got used to being your daughter.

I never thought you'd be the one that I would have to lose.

I can't accept the fact that I never even got to say goodbye to you.

It's been a year since the accident

And I still get chills when I think about how fast it went.

I guess I just really fucking miss you both.

I wish I could spend just 1 more day with you.

There's so much that I would say to you.

I don't know how to find closure.

'Cause I still can't understand how your lives are just over.

It's not fair.

There's been too many nights that your voice was all I needed to hear.

Somehow, I'm still not used to not having you there.

You always made me feel like I was good enough.

Always reassuring me that I was worth being loved.

Now that your gone,

I feel hopeless again.

And I can't stand to look at my little sister now

'Cause I hate to see her pain.

It feels like sadness is just the theme that this family became.

You held us all together.

You made sure that if any of us ever fell down,

it wouldn't be for long.

I don't know how you did it

But everyone's so distant from each other since you've been gone.

I miss you everyday.

I don't think it's ever gonna stop hurting

Because I had so much left to say,

And you didn't know how important it was to me.

I hate myself for letting my feelings cloud my heart.

I should've told you that I forgave you.

It shouldn't have been so hard.

It kills me inside to think that you might not have realized

how much you meant to me;

'Cause I was too stubborn to look you in the eyes

when you apologized to me.

But I'm so fucking sorry!

You took me in when I was only 16

And you always made me feel like I finally had a family.

I loved you more than I ever let you know.

I wish I could've had the chance to say it to you.

Part of me thinks you always did know.

But how could I know?

Now you're gone and I've never felt so distant from the world before.

I don't know if you can hear me

But if you can,

This is my apology for everything I never told you I was grateful for.

I just hope you both knew that your lives were so important.

I just really miss you.

Until We Meet Again - Rest In Paradise Ma & Pops!!