The sky really gave off a new meaning to me and this made me realize that I’d never look at it the same way. We spoke a lot, to the point where it felt comfortable, but surprisingly after intently talking about each other I knew nothing about her at all. We quieted down for a while eventually and the silence did not seem to be awkward. She turned her head towards the window and I naturally followed her gaze. For the first time I felt the sky to be beautiful. I could finally look at it forever, its grey filled hues, the clouds that blanketed the place somehow…felt………felt warm.

I didn’t want to do it……I didn’t want to let my eyes rest. I just wanted to get to know more about her. Besides sleeping was never an option……I didn’t want it to eat me up.

I liked this girl……I didn’t know what drew me to her but there were a lot many things if you take into account. This person made me curious, made me look forward to the many minutes or hours we could spend, made me feel excited, made me only want to show my best self…this isn’t me but this person made me do so. I never ‘second thought’ on how to conduct myself with people, but this person made me do so, made me think about my actions, made me think about my deeds, made me think about my words…

When I found myself acting more and more inquisitive about her, that’s when I stepped back, that’s when I stopped and that’s when I tried ending the chapter of getting to know her.

There’s always a catch isn’t there; certain things that would stop me to do so. I mean who doesn’t have a sob story at one point in their life. When you know something’s restricting you…that’s the worst part…when you know the darn thing is completely overpowered to stop you and you let it happen. You let it fail you, you let it consume you, you let it suffocate you, and you let it overtake you until you become everything but yourself. I don’t want to be let down by things I know can probably do so. I don’t want to experiment or experience on things that’ll let me down. If I do, I know I won’t recover from it and certainly not her since it’s not every day I feel these emotions overpowering me. It’s best to avoid it and I knew she was something huge that I had to avoid in future if ever things lead to what my heart desired.

Look at her now with her eyes resting. She looks content, like nothings bothering her, like she’s got everything she ever wants. But yet somehow or the other she doesn’t seem like it too. It’s confusing, but I assume she’s got a settled life, with nothing to bother her.

What do you think she’s done in her life?

Somehow, I find it unfair that she’s sleeping so peacefully. Look at her. The innocent face just multiplied with unworldly beauty and all I could see were her lips making small puffs of breath.

Ahh…how very cruel she is. I fell for her instantaneously; it doesn’t matter if it isn’t romantic, all I know is that it felt comforting and safe.

I don’t want this plane ride to end. I want to know her but at the same time I do not want to as well.

What if whatever I’ve already imagined her to be is nothing but an imagination?

What if I get let down in this way?

But yet why is it that I’m strongly attracted to her?

She reminds me of my better self..

I dozed off eventually, suddenly I’m taken into that scenario, every single day, every single minute for whatever thought process I’ve been given by my body, there is that one place that I’m being taken into. Where I couldn’t save her… where I couldn’t save that one person.

It’ her fault, she left me, she was my everything. My beginning and my end, my day and my night, my seconds and my minutes, my sunlight and my sunset, my bests and my worsts, my tears and my joy; my everything.

Yes, I’ve got that sob story of where I still haven’t recovered from her. Ugh...it hurts my pride, ME…THE Aziel, having hung up on one person. Those marks haunt me…that tattoo of forever…because she’s left me with the same tattoo on her but nowhere to be seen anymore…why?

Since she can’t see the light anymore.

Reality gave me a check, that’s when she startled and woke up…the only time why I thanked myself for being a light sleeper.

I see her, breathing heavily…murmuring something under her breath. She doesn’t seem to recognize voices from outside, this I know because I tried calling her out. She was in her own void, fighting with herself and struggling to breathe. She was gasping…for some air to get into her. Is she not well? Is the plane ride making her sick? Does she have any medical conditions that I was obviously unaware of? Suddenly tears just well up in her eyes and they just fall down.

All of a sudden I see myself in her. She looks like she’s mourning for someone; she reminds me of myself…the same position from four years…the same helplessness I saw like she was reaching out for something that was unattainable. The only difference is that I don’t know how to help her. That’s when I saw her doing it. She takes her hands and starts fidgeting with them. Something so very similar to what Lu did. I lost it then, I knew I had no right to touch her, but I took her hands forcefully.

‘SNAP out of it!’, I shouted.

She regained her senses and just looked at me with her tear-filled eyes.

‘Just let me go, please.’ She said and my heart sank unknowingly.

But this time I didn’t let go.