RAIDEN ||

My pups came back downstairs after his shower, smelling as beautiful as he looked.

He led me into the diningroom from my spot in the livingroom where I stayed to wait for him, as I didn't want to go into the diningroom with the rest of the wolves here.

Roman and Hunter stayed with me, that I wasn't too happy about. Well my brother I would have loved to stay with me, but his little mate still worked my nerves to no end.

I guess it was because he hadn't apologized for his part in my misery yet. I get that I lied for all these wolves here because I wanted to spare my brother the heartache of knowing his mate and the wolves he's grown attached to, are actually abusers, but damn dude. At least have the guts to come to me yourself and apologize for your actions.

I've only been in my home for a few hours and I'm already on edge. I'm starting to notice my patience is wearing thin, my tolerance isn't as strong as it was before and I was starting to grow increasingly irritable with my mate being around all of these men.

Mated or not, family or not, friends or not, in the past few hours, they had just become wolves at this point and I was starting to feel very possessive over my Dylan.

I wasn't even sure when I walked into the diningroom and sat down, but here I was, staring at a plate of fresh deer leg in front of me and wolves surrounding me.

"Brother, what's going on?" Roman asked through our familial link.

"I'm anxious Rome... and a little irritable." I explain after taking a few deep breaths.

"Too many beings?" I nod frantically to his question.

"Yeah and too many men in general." My leg had started to shake and my finger was now tapping the table.

"You're so much like Ma, it's crazy."

I smiled at his words. Oh how I miss my mother. Just to hear her voice right now would bring a sense of calm to my racing mind.

I took a few more deep breaths, but they were coming out more shaky than intended.

"Just try to steady your breathing brother and if it becomes too much, let me know and I'll take you outside." My eyes met his after that and I nod again. I put my head down, allowing my eyes to dart across the table, taking in whatever I could before shaking my head and linking my brother again.

"It's already too much Rome, I'm feeling so anxious right now. I snapped on Dylan, Garrett and Theo earlier. Onyx hasn't spoken to me, but I can feel how irritable he is. There's just too many bodies, too much noise... it's too much."

Instinctively, my ears perked up to hear the stereo upstairs, that I didn't hear before as it blasted music. The voices and laughter around the table were swimming in my head as the misery took over.

I close my eyes and try to focus on the darkness and silence that my own mind brought me. It suddenly dawned on me why I haven't heard Onyx. He's trying to stay calm and quiet for me, even though I knew he was just as anxious as I was right now.

"Raiden." My eyes fly open and I look at my brother. He never calls me by my name, ever. Unless it's something serious. "Breathe brother."

I swallow quickly before nodding and doing what he told me to do.

"Focus on my voice brother, talk through it. When did all of this start?"

I scramble through my brain to try to figure out when the hell I started feeling this miserable.

"Honestly, as soon as we walked in the house." I answered honestly. "I was overwhelmed with being home with my mate after so many years of being alone.... Then his family played cards and I was sitting in the corner to enjoy my personal space, I snapped on his family for being too close to him and now sitting right here..... it's just... it's all too much. I'm about to snap Rome."

"You and Onyx need to take some time to yourselves brother. Like now. You remember what happened the last time you two forced yourselves to be social when you just couldn't handle it."

I let out a frustrated sigh.

Yeah I do remember that actually.. it was the last time I visited my parents and the pride. They were holding a welcome gathering for me and I just couldn't handle all of the noise and all of the touching and the smiles. It was all too much, gifts shoved in my face, the lionesses wanting to say hi and hug me, one after the other.

Everyone was just so loud and it was too much going on around me. Music, voices, laughter, cubs running around, the scents of so many different foods, it was just too much.

I ended up snapping on the cubs, roaring at them, forcing my aura out and causing them to drop to their little bums immediately. They had tears rolling down their faces at the force of my aura, but I never let up.

All I seen was my stress and anxiety and I wanted to make the noise stop. I held my command on the poor cubs, then destroyed my parents expensive radio.

My fist flew through the TV, shattering it. I ripped all my gifts to pieces, punched a hole through the wall of the livingroom wall of my parents pride house.

Onyx was trying to force the shift inside the house, I dropped to my knees and held my head, screaming at the top of my lungs. I was so stressed out and just done.

I needed peace, I needed quiet, I needed my space.

The only ones that could stop me were Rome and our dad. They pulled me into one of the back rooms and locked me inside. I clawed at the door for hours before I finally pulled myself out of my anxiety ridden trance and realized the room I was in, was completely silent and serene.

I spent the rest of the night in there, enjoying the peace and quiet that came with it. My parents and siblings came in hours after and I just collapsed into my mothers arms.

She knew me better than anyone, better than myself. She knew what I was going through, what I needed. She just understood me because she was me.

•••

I pulled myself out of the tumultuous memories of my last visit to my family to look back at my brother.

"Yeah I remember Rome, that wasn't the last memory I wanted you to have of me."

"Stress less brother, your one moment of weakness never defined who you are to me."

"And who is that Rome? What am I to you?"

"My hero. My everything. My big brother."

His words caused my mind to freeze, everything coming to a halt.

I knew how much my brother loved me, I knew how much he looked up to me and how much he seen me as his role model, but it was always a blessing to hear him actually to say it.

"I love you Rome."

"I love you too brother."

I hadn't even realized when I was taking shallow breaths. I didn't know when everything had came back down and returned to normal until I looked down again and noticed my plate was empty and I was actually chewing the food Dylan had hunted for me.

Had Rome just talked me through my anxiety attack?

That's all it could have been.

I smiled up at my brother then and he returned my smile with his own, almost as if he knew what happened.

Roman Silas, baby brother, you are my calm.

Maybe one day, my pups would be the voice to bring me out of my drowning anxiety.

Looking around, I noticed all eyes were on me, which caused me to sink back down into that uncomfortable feeling of being crowded, until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I gasped, sucking in a short breath when my body melted into his touch. The only logical reasoning behind it was that my pups sensed my moment of weakness.

My eyes slowly traveled until I met his. They held so many emotions, the biggest being fear.

Probably of me, instead of for me. He feared that I wouldn't be able to handle pack life, I wouldn't be able to handle gatherings, I wouldn't be able to lead by his side, I wouldn't be able to handle being his man.

His eyes glazed over for a few short seconds before I noticed everyone's heads fall, effectively relieving my body from their stares. All but my brothers, which I was grateful for. I needed him more than I thought I did.

I continued to stare into my Dylan's eyes as he gently squeezed my shoulder.

"Your anxiety is permeating the air Raid, are you ok?" He asks and I take my time in answering because was I actually ok...?

"No." I answer truthfully and he nods, looks as if he expected my answer.

"Do you need to take some time to yourself? Just to regroup? Or maybe take however long you need and then I can meet you when it's time for bed." Dylan offers and I don't hesitate in taking him up on his generosity.

I definitely needed to have some alone time at this point or I was going to seriously hurt someone.

This whole pack thing would take more effort in getting used to or at least tolerant towards than I originally thought.

I was just so head strong about being with my pups and pleasing him, I didn't take realistic expectations into consideration.

How in God and Goddess name am I supposed to survive in this pack? A wolf pack?

A huge one at that.

And I'm their freaking second Alpha or whatever.

All eyes will be on me constantly, not just at dinners.

Their attention, their servitude, their lives all lean towards me and I'm not ready for it.

I freaked out during a dinner with 13 other beings, how in the heck do I think I'm going to be able to handle gatherings with the whole pack?

Dear Goddess.. I didn't think this through.

•••

Dylan showed me to his bedroom immediately after he offered me to take some time for myself. I seriously appreciated him for this, his selflessness during this time reminded me so much of my father, catering to my mothers needs.

I spent my time alone gratefully. I managed to enjoy my shower for the first time in 2 months. Seeing how Onyx had taken over two weeks before we met Dylan, then I didn't get a shower in the cells those three weeks.

Garrett and Theo figured a bucket with cold water and a sponge would be enough, the memory just reminded me of another reason to hate the little fucktards.

Then there was my week in the pack hospital. I didn't really get to shower the way I wanted to in there, with nurses always hovering over me. So I kept my briefs on the whole time. I didn't want them to see what belonged to my mate.

So tonight was the first time I could actually enjoy a hot shower, the warmth of the water hitting my skin, in such a massage like manner was enough to make my eyes roll to the back of my head in pure bliss.

Once I got out, I dried my body and applied some of Dylan's lotion, which interestingly smelled like sandalwood. I've never encountered a lotion with such a strong smell, but it was obvious he liked it, so I didn't mind using it.

After drying my hair to the best of my abilities, I tried to put it back in a bun, but my stupid hair tie broke and the only spares I had were back in my dufflebag in that cave. So I had to settle on letting my hair cascade past my shoulders for tonight.

Tomorrow hopefully would be the day I could return to the cave to grab my belongings.

With no clothes here, I rummaged through Dylan's walk in closet. The man loved black that's for sure, damn near every shirt was black or gray.

I would have to introduce him to the concept of vibrant colors. There's nothing wrong with a man wearing salmon pink or sunset orange or even like emerald, forest green.

I may seem like a dark, lonely guy, but I love a good bright colored shirt. I used to think my favorite color was orange, almost like the color my eyes as well as my mothers, but after meeting my pups, ocean blue was starting to look very....... appealing.

After grabbing one of my pups shirts and a pair of joggers, I quickly got dressed before heading back into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Then I walked back into his room and plopped down on his bed, our bed for the first time. The soft feel of the comforter hugged my body and I sunk into the feeling.

Everything in here smelled like my little mate and it sent my senses wild. Onyx was practically panting like a female in heat.

I rolled over to my back before catching a glimpse of a book on one of the nightstands. Sitting up, I grab it quickly and read the title.

Help for those of us who need it

Turning the book over, the description was far too long for my liking, but I wanted to learn what the book was about if my pups thought it was important enough to read. So I opened it to start reading the first page, just as the door opened and his scent hit me.

Honeysuckle and Lemon.

My tang to the sugar I so desperately craved.

"Hey Raid, it's just me." Dylan calls out, slowly coming into view, like he was scared to actually enter his own room. I chuckled at his apprehension before watching him make his way into the room fully, closing the door behind him.

I watched as he took a deep breath and his whole body visibly tensed up before his eyes trailed over to my position on the bed.

"You... umm.. you smell good." His eyes flickered to Maddox's before quickly returning to his own.

All confusion left my mind when I watched him clench his fists, he was fighting himself and his wolf right now. My dad used to get the same way when he smelled my mom right after a shower, or everytime for that matter.

My pups was horny and my scent was the reason.

Everything in me screamed to go over to him. To throw him on the bed and mount his ass right here, right now. Claiming him as mine in the most primal way, but I had to refrain from my most inner desires. I knew he wasn't ready for that, so I swallow before letting out a heavy sigh.

I watched as his eyes took me in, a smile crept on his face at the sight of me wearing his clothes. He was pleased with the fact that I chose to wear what he owned to cover what belonged to him.

My little mate's eyes travel down my whole body, painfully slow before landing on something that caused the whole mood to shift.

His eyes widen and he rushes forward to rip the book out of my hands before shoving it into a drawer in the tall dresser that stood in the room next to the walk in closet.

"Did you read my book Raiden?" He asks with his back to me, but I could see how distressed his breathing had become.

"No, I was about to, but you came in the room just as I opened it." I answer, then I seen him nod.

"So nothing? You didn't read anything inside right? Nothing at all? Please be honest with me."

"I'm being honest with you pups. I didn't read anything inside."

After a few minutes of grueling silence, he nods again before turning around and walking back towards the bed.

"You wouldn't lie to me right Raid?" Dylan asks, stopping on the opposite of the bed and I shake my head.

"No, I wouldn't lie to you."

"But you lied to Roman, about what we've done to you.... You're capable of lying and I can't even command you to tell me the truth." His body language and his voice were laced with fear.

"I lied for you in that instance Dylan, but I would never lie to you." I answer seriously as I raise an eyebrow at his sudden change in behavior.

"Ok." That was all he said before heading to the bathroom. I heard the water running so I assumed he was brushing his teeth or washing his face.

When he emerged again, he took off his socks and shoes before walking back to the bed and climbing in next to me.

I was beyond happy that he didn't feel the need to sleep elsewhere, even though I'm sure the intimate nature of our positions was a lot for him.

So I tried my best to stay on my side, without touching him and I turned over so that my back touched his.

"Goodnight pups."

"Goodnight Raid."

•••

The morning came faster than I thought it would, but I felt so damn rested.

That had to have been the best nights sleep of my life and I give my pups all the credit for that.

I purr in satisfaction before stretching my arms out.

Slowly allowing my eyelids to open, I'm met with my mates scent, stronger than it's ever been. I blink a few times before focusing in on my surroundings.

I was laying on my back, while my pups was curled into my side, his face buried underneath my chin and his arm was wrapped around my waist.

My sweats were painfully tight at the sight of my beauty wrapped into me, so intently.

My dick has never been so hard in my life.

Bringing my hands up, I wrap one around my little mates that was wrapped around my waist and the other, I gently run my fingers through his soft, brown, untamed curls.

His grip tightens around me as his leg comes up between mine and I swear just the pressure of his knee resting on his length, had me fighting against my own eyeballs. They desperately wanted to roll into the back of my head.

"Pups." I whisper, trying to wake him up before I took him right here.

"Mmmm." He groans in response as he yet again tightens his grip around me and his breath fanning across my skin, had me drawing in my own deep breaths to try to maintain calm.

"Pups, I need you to wake up." I whispered again and I tense up as his hand that was wrapped around my waist comes up to the side of my neck.

"Shit, Dylan. Wake up love." I whispered a little louder, stroking his hair with purpose before I unwrap my arm from his body and rub his cheek.

"Come on baby, wake up for me." I speak softly into his hair as my hand caresses his cheek before gently passing over his ear.

I pause when I feel something inside of it though.

Curiosity got the best of me, thinking back to my time in the hospital. He had these clear things in his ears, almost likes blockers or something. I was interested in knowing what they were and why he wore them.

Slowly pulling my body from his enough to look into his ear, I carefully touch the clear blocker before feeling what I could only assume were ridges. I move it and it clicks downwards, then I move it again and it clicks upwards.

I guess you could say curiosity killed the cat because I was so caught up in playing with the clear blockers in my mates ears, I didn't even notice when his breathing had changed and his body had tensed up until his grip tightened on the front of my shirt.

Pulling back, my heart gets caught in my throat when I see his eyes on mine.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Raiden?"

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