"So, where are we going?" Ava asks as soon as she climbs in my car. I bite my bottom lip, trying to suppress my smile. To no avail though. She's like my personal source of vitamin D, surrounding me with her light and soaking me in her warmth. A little sunshine to my grump. "Colt?"

Her palm on my knee diverts my attention as I'm about to start the engine and I lock my eyes with hers. "To visit my mom."

She fixes the seat belt and nestles in comfortably, leaning her back on the seat. "Thanks for stating the obvious, genius."

I chortle, finally starting the car and driving slowly away from her house. Dax is standing on the porch with a mug of steaming coffee, watching us leave. He was incredibly supportive once Ava told him about my desire to take her to go see my mom. To his credit, he didn't show even a single sign that he already knew about it. He gave me the chance to tell her everything myself and I'm beyond grateful to him for that. She's lucky to have him in her corner for real. A dad like him would turn the planet upside down and make it rotate in a different direction for his kid. It's precious.

"I shouldn't have let my jealousy overwhelm me and dictate my actions."

"Changing the subject?" Ava cocks an eyebrow at me, braiding her hair in two braids.

"It's easier. Telling you about my mom and what happened to her will take a lot of time."

She sighs, putting her hands on her knees and staring at the road. I wait for her to say something, and when she finally does, I'm speechless. And jealous all over again.

"My relationship with Jefferson was odd. Did he love me? He did. Did I love him? Yes, and a lot." It's her past, her memories. Besides, she hates him right now, but... her words about her love for that jerk are tearing me apart. "My feelings for him made me brainless. I ignored every red flag, being drawn to it instead of running a mile away. The shittiest thing? He made me believe I needed to change myself to make him happy because we definitely had very different views not only on a relationship but on everything else."

"Like what?" My voice sounds strangled and I desperately want to snap out of the state I'm in. The story of what happened to my mom isn't the nicest one, and my current state will make it even worse.

"He was allowed to do anything, to go anywhere, to spend time with his friends whenever he wanted. Me? I needed to be available 24/7 for him. No matter what I was doing, I needed to drop it and run to him as soon as he summoned me." Everything she is telling me doesn't make any sense. Why was she okay with that? How come she put this guy on such a pedestal that she lost herself because of his whims? The Ava I know would have never been okay with being treated like that. She's a rebel. She knows her worth. She's the one who makes decisions about her free time, not the other way around. It makes her time with me even more precious, because I know she wants to be with me. "I love going out, spending time with my friends, but with Levi... I barely got to see Layla. I rarely hung out with my friends. He was the only person I wanted to be with... and eventually, that was exactly what he expected from me."

"Are you putting the blame on yourself?"

"Colt, it is my fault. I gave him way too much power over what I did and how I felt. He thought of me as if I were his property, and in my head it meant he loved me, so I put up with it for two years." She snorts bitterly, and looks at me sideways. "No other guy was allowed to talk to me when he wasn't around... and later he expanded that rule to my friends as well. One of the biggest fights we had was when Drake came home for spring break. Levi threatened that he would break up with me if he ever heard that I hung out with Layla and her brother without him. I should have broken up with him right then and there, but I let it drag for a few more months... until shit hit the fan before his graduation. It was the final straw and I will be damned if I ever let another guy treat me that way."

"Ready to tell me what he did?"

"Umm, no. It doesn't matter right now." Ava gives me a cheeky smile, and I shake my head. For some reason, her answer doesn't surprise me. "Just to make myself clear. I kinda love how possessive you can be."

"I kinda noticed that." Her eyes sparkle with mischief and I'm tempted to stop the car for a little detour, but I won't do that. My mom knows I'm coming, and I don't want to make her wait for me.

"I'm okay with it when there is a reason. When Baker was annoying me, or Levi... it's fine. But when you became all moody and broody because of Drake? Nuh-uh. I won't tolerate it, and the sooner you understand that - the better. I don't like feeling as if I'm struggling for air because of someone I let close."

I chew on my inner cheek, choosing my next words wisely. "I promise I'll try to do better. This is all new to me, Ava, and sometimes I really feel like I need some guidance."

"Dating for dummies?" She giggles, as I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. The word she used detonates a bomb inside my chest, spreading hope and fear all over my bones.

"Are we dating?"

Her laugh dies in her throat, just as her eyes go round. She honestly looks like a deer in the headlights, and I don't know what I want to do more - laugh or be upset. The answer to my question is written all over her face.

"No, we're just... erm... I don't think that enemies with benefits really suit us anymore... Maybe, frenemies or friends with benefits?"

"Do you hate me?"

Ava narrows her eyes on me, biting her bottom lip vigorously. "Sometimes I do... when you act like an asshole." Fair. She drives me nuts sometimes as well. "But in all honesty? No. I really like you, Colt."

"I really like you too, Ava." A moment of silence passes between us, and then she slowly takes my hand in hers, entwining our fingers together. My breathing becomes even and I smile, feeling my tensed muscles loosening. What we have is so much more, but I'll never push her... I want her to admit it on her own, not under my demands or pressure. She's a free spirit, and by caging her I would only break her wings, nothing else. I love the way she is, and I don't want any other version of her.

"What happened to your mom?" She asks in a quiet voice, her thumb caressing the skin on my wrist. It's soothing the chords of my nerves, helping me to navigate through my most hurtful memories and find the ones I'm ready to share with her. For now, it's better to leave some things in the darkness.

"My mom is the most important person in my life. Every little memory I have of my happy days is connected to her. How much she cared, how much she loved me, how she always wanted to be there for me. Even hockey... She was the one who took me to my first game, bought my first puck and stick and even taught me how to ice-skate. She's the reason I fell in love with this sport... and she's the reason why I'm so good at it. Her encouragement, her excitement when she saw me score, her presence in the stands even when she didn't really have time to come to practice..." I take a deep breath, needing it to continue. I've never talked to anyone about this, and now it feels as if I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words. "She was my everything and my lies took her away from me."

"What happened?" Ava whispers, the torment in her eyes is noticeable and leaves no doubt how much she cares about me.

"Have you ever wondered why I didn't follow you upstairs when you went with Baker?"

"No. I thought you felt I needed you not to interfere."

"That too, but also... I once walked in on something I wasn't supposed to see, and that image lived rent free in my head for months..." I slow down the car slightly because the images in my head are becoming more vivid. "I walked on my father fucking his secretary in his office. Banging her from behind on his desk. Did he see me? Yes. Did he stop? No. He only smirked and gestured for me to close the door... from whichever side I wanted. He would have let me watch or even join him if that was what I chose."

She's silent, but I feel her fingers tremble. Ava is a smart girl. She always comes to the right conclusions and I have no doubt she already knows what happened. "Why didn't you tell your mom?"

"Because I was an idiot." I mumble under my breath. "I came home and Mom instantly noticed the state I was in. I couldn't even look her in the eyes, shame was the only emotion I had... and the realization of my own stupidity. All the years Helen worked for my father, I would joke, telling my friends that I had no idea how my father kept his dick in his pants. He didn't, and I failed to see it."

"Why did you hide it?" She asks again, her voice sounding louder. "If you loved your mom so much-"

"She had the perfect life, Ava. A husband - a successful businessman, a son - the rising star of the school's hockey team. She was happy and... he convinced me that the truth would break her. He came home twenty minutes later and barged into my room as if nothing happened. He gave me a long lecture and I agreed to keep quiet. With the one condition - he needed to fire Helen and stop seeing her. He promised to do it, and I believed him. Later when Mom came to check on me, I lied to her about my mood, and gave her shit about practice being horrible. She brought M&Ms, my favorite treat, with her to cheer me up, and I lied right in her face..."

"How did she find out?"

"He fired Helen, just like he promised... but he didn't stop seeing her. A few months later my mom stopped by at his office to ask her husband to join her for dinner, and saw my father with his cock deep down Helen's throat." Tears burn my eyes, and I only clench my jaw harder. "Mom had a breakdown... She called me, but I was at practice and missed her call... she didn't know where to go because her whole world fell apart... She was driving mindlessly, probably crying and barely saw where she was going when her car hit the railing of a bridge at full speed and it fell down into the river below."

Ava presses her hand to her mouth, tears brim in the corners of her eyes. "It was my dad, wasn't it? I remember hearing about the situation, but very vaguely. He didn't tell me right away, because I would have thrown a fit if I knew he risked his life, being totally alone with no equipment or help from his guys. I think I just overheard him talking to someone about it... otherwise, he would have never told me..."

"Yeah, he saved my mom, he made sure her family was informed... and he went to the hospital... where he met me. If it weren't for your dad, my mom would have died... if it weren't for Dax, I would have spiraled that day and I'm not sure if I ever would have recovered from it. He gave me hope, and I continued holding onto it even when the days were dark and depressing. Even when my life was shit, I still had hope. I wanted to believe that things would get better... and they finally are."

"Colt..." Ava blurts, tears are freely streaming down her face. Her eyes are darken, the emerald color becoming deeper and I'm spellbound, unable to look away.

I stop the car on the side of the road, unfasten her seatbelt and pull her to my lap. I just want her warmth, her closeness, I want to absorb her scent and drown myself in her. I need her way more than she realizes but she lets me do what I want. She wraps her arms around my neck, pressing herself close to my chest. She whispers my name again and again, roaming her hands over my back, bringing me so much needed peace. I'm ready to tell her something I have been hiding from all my friends, including Clay. The truth about my mom's state...

"Her heart stopped beating during surgery, but doctors were able to start it again. They were very careful with their words... their prognosis... but after recovery, they hoped she would be okay. She was just 39, and things were really looking up for a while. There was no price too high for my father and he ended up spending tons of money on doctors and physiotherapists. She was doing better... and it even looked like she forgave him, until one day I realized her way of thinking changed. She couldn't concentrate, becoming relentless and agitated, confused with her own reactions. She couldn't make any decisions, relying on me for everything. At one point, I was the one to tell her that she needed to use a bathroom because she had trouble holding her pee. I approached my father a few times, sharing my concerns and hearing that it's all in my head. It wasn't, and later her state rapidly changed, when she showed signs of apathy and depression. Mom lost interest in everything in life, including me. She was a shell, just existing on the edge between the real world and the world she created in her head."

"What does she have?"

"She had a stroke that blocked an artery in her brain, causing vascular dementia... and later we found out that her symptoms are overlapping each other, making things way worse. It causes memory loss, affecting her cognitive abilities so much so it interferes with her daily life... She needed constant care, someone to look after her. Add in here the fact that Mom had no desire to return to real life, she preferred her imaginary world... things progressed quickly, and my father along with my mom's parents made the decision to put her into a facility. They told me it would be for the best because a calm and predictable environment, with an established daily routine could help to reduce her worries and agitation. My father was adamant about me going to college, and because of that there was no one to look after her... She's been at the facility for four years, and every Saturday if I don't have a game I come to visit her. Sometimes she thinks I'm still 17 and the accident didn't happen. Sometimes she remembers everything, and becomes very aggressive towards me because I look a lot like my dear father. Sometimes she doesn't even recognize me... but sometimes, she's really good. She knows what year it is, she knows I'm in college and wants to hear everything about my life... Dr. Stewart told me she has been good the past two weeks, and... I honestly can't wait to see her, and I want her to meet you too."

Ava leans away, raking her gaze over my face. She presses her thumbs to my cheeks, brushing away my tears. A gentle smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. "And I can't wait to meet her. She sounds like an absolutely amazing person, Colt."

"Because she is. Unlike my sperm donor."

"Are your parents divorced?"

"No."

"What about Helen?"

"She's still in his life, working for his company as if nothing happened."

"Are they together?"

I heave a sigh, not really knowing what to tell her. There are still things I haven't told her yet. "Not really. It's just complicated."

"You didn't tell me the whole story, did you?"

"No. It's another long as fuck conversation, and we don't really have time for it." I tell her, and she pinches my cheeks slightly. "I will tell you everything some other time..." An idea flashes in my head like a bulb in the darkness. "Actually, I have a question for you."

"Go ahead." Ava slides back on her seat, buckling a seatbelt.

"My father is hosting a party for his partners towards the end of January. He expects me to be there-"

"I'll go with you." She interrupts me, as if it's the simplest question in the world. No hesitation, no holding back.

"Really?" I start the engine again, taking off immediately.

"Yeah. Your father is a real piece of work, and I don't want you near him alone." Ava tilts her head to the side, biting her inner cheek. "Will Helen be there too?"

"Yes."

"Um, can't wait to meet the bitch."

"Something is telling me I might regret asking you to come."

"Nah, you will love having me there." She pokes her tongue at me and I guffaw, relaxing gradually. I would love her anywhere, not only at the stupid party, but I keep those words to myself. Scaring her again is not on my agenda for sure.

🏒💥🏒💥🏒

I go alone to see my mom, considering her fragile state it's important not to stress her out with no real reason for it. She smiles and hugs me tighter than usual. I give her my present, and she can't help but laugh from my goofiness. An avocado pillow with a few more paperback books, all romance with a lot of fluff. Ava huffed so loud once she saw what I bought for my mom, so I really thought she was going to make me drive to the bookstore and buy something different. She didn't, only warning me that the next time she's going to choose books for my mom herself. To say I was stunned is an understatement. It means the world to me that she's not only thinking about coming to see my mom again, but also that she cares so much about someone she has never even met.

"You look mysterious, Colt." Mom comments, narrowing her eyes on me. "Is there something you're hiding from me?"

"Do you remember when you asked me to bring a girl with me, if I met someone who is constantly on my mind? Who will be causing such strong emotions within me so it will be hard to ignore them?"

Mom smiles apologetically at me, and slightly shakes her head. "Sorry, baby. I don't... but I can imagine myself saying that to you." She pats my knee with her hand. "Is she here?"

"Yeah, and I really want you to meet her. Can I invite her in?"

"Of course!" Mom jumps from the bed, looking excited as she tucks her hair behind her ears and then smooths her palms over her dress. "Though, where are your manners, Colton? You've been here with me for an hour already!"

I stand up from the bed and head to the door, unable to hide my smile. On days like this, I don't want to leave my mom at all. She understands everything, she remembers everything and what is more important, she doesn't hold on to her anger. My father simply doesn't exist for her anymore.

"Hey." I open the door, peeking outside. Ava is sitting on a chair with a book in her hands, 'Twisted Love' I read the title, and frown. I think I need to check what she reads at least once, Clay's words from before come back to my head and my dick swells in my pants. Oh, man, it's definitely not the right moment. "Come in."