When I'm with you I have amnesia I'm weaker than before

My stupid brain thinks that I need you

I'm eager to hurt more

Chapter Forty Seven

||KIT||

Love.

We all know it. Star-crossed lovers threw themself onto rocks for it, every musician has written a song about it -and me?

I killed for it.

I know loving someone who only wants to see you break has its consequences but I was ready to deal with anything and that's why after Amy dropped me curbside and left, I found myself struggling -and failing- to climb up the side of my house to my bedroom window just so Sara wouldn't see me.

How the hell did Masky do this every night?

Eventually, I managed to climb my way up and fell into my room with a loud thud. I lay quiet for a minute to make sure no one had heard me before I got to my feet and, shrugging off my backpack, I removed the camera and got it connected to my laptop.

I needed to know what else was on there.

While the laptop was powering on I got changed into more comfortable loose-fitting clothes. My stomach rumbled but I paid it no mind. The last time I ate was earlier this morning when Amy forced me to choke down a breakfast burrito and right now, despite the pain in my stomach, I didn't feel like eating.

My mind was too occupied.

Sitting at my desk I cleared the mess of books, loose-leaves, and pencil shavings. I entered my password and pulled up file manager.

I then double-clicked on the folder holding all the media from the camera, rows and rows of pictures and videos all loading up at once.

Clicking open the files, I scrolled through all the pictures and videos I'd seen earlier today until I got to where I left off; the picture of me and Joey at the coffee shop.

Scrolling further I came up with more pictures of myself and Joey until eventually, I saw a series of videos dated a few days earlier.

I remembered that Masky hadn't been around for three days at that time before he showed up again to accuse me of being interested in Joey-

-and then getting rid of him.

I pushed the memory from my mind and went back to looking through the videos. I wondered if they would explain his absence.

I opened the first video that was only fifteen seconds long.

The initial few seconds were just darkness until I saw Masky's signature black-lipped mask come into view.

He backed away from the camera with his hands out before him like he was making sure it was set up right. The camera seemed to tilt forward before falling and causing the video to end abruptly.

I went to the next video that was significantly longer and as soon as I hit play there was shuffling before the camera finally focused on Masky.

"Why do I have to d-do this?" I recognized Toby's voice immediately and a smile almost made its way onto my face.

"Because you're available," Masky answered gruffly.

"But you're not supposed to use that stuff. Slenderman only uses it on the-"

"Just shut the fuck up Rodgers. I asked you to hold the camera not give me a lecture," typical Masky with his ever so colorful vocabulary.

I heard Toby huff but he didn't complain further and only held the camera, following Masky across the room.

They appeared to be in a large empty room by the way their voices reverberated off the walls and I watched intently as Masky went over to a table by the side of the room and picked something up.

"What's in it?"

Masky brought the syringe up to look at it, "not sure."

"What are y-you even trying to do?"

"I want to see if it'll help me."

"Help with w-what?"

Masky didn't answer and instead, he put the syringe down and tied a strip of cloth around his arm in a makeshift tourniquet. He then picked up the syringe containing green fluorescent liquid once more and I held my breath.

"What do y-you think it'll do?" Toby asked.

Masky looked up, his eyes meeting the camera directly behind his mask, "they're coming back."

"Who?"

Masky was silent and flicking the syringe, he made sure there were no air bubbles before he shot the liquid into a bulging vein in the crook of his arm.

For a few seconds, nothing happened until Masky's hands started shaking and the syringe clattered to the ground.

"Y-you good?" Toby asked while Masky was looking down at his spasming hands.

"Fuck-" Toby tried to react quickly but he was attacked the next second, Masky tackling him to the ground.

I watched the struggle ensue and at some point, the video cut off.

I had even more questions now and I opened the next video dated the following day to see Toby staring into the camera before he flipped it around as he laughed, recording Masky who was sitting on the couch, head in his hands.

"What's up with him?" A familiar voice asked off-camera. It was revealed to be EJ, standing with his hands in his pockets as he leaned his lanky frame against one of the massive columns.

"I-I dunno he took s-something from the lab," Toby got closer, poking Masky's chest, "Hey Masky, you g-good?"

Someone plopped into the couch next to Masky, his scarf almost up to his green eyes that held a malicious glint, "he's not crying is he?"

I recognized him from the club the night I talked to EJ and I started chewing on my nails in thought. How many of them were there?

"I'd stay away from h-him if I were you, Liu," Toby chuckled from behind the camera, "he almost ripped my h-head off yesterday."

"...didn't work."

The boy in the scarf whose name was apparently Liu, turned to look at Masky who had mumbled something, "what was that?"

"I can't fucking do it," Masky got to his feet, brushing past Toby who followed behind him with the camera. They appeared to now be in a large house with oversized gothic furniture, its interior so massive it could rival any English castle.

EJ was watching with his arms crossed as Masky started pacing, using his hands to press against his ears as he mumbled to himself quietly, too quiet for the mic to pick up what he was saying.

"So... pizza?" I hear Liu ask off camera and when EJ started to speak Masky ripped off his own mask, his eyes darting back and forth as he appeared to be focused on the spot before him.

"...I can't fucking do it. Stop saying that!"

"Meat lovers?" EJ called from across the room, "I swear to god if you fuckers get vegetarian again I'm never coming back here."

Toby laughed but he was still focused on Masky who had now taken to running his fingers through his hair tirelessly, a light film of sweat forming on his forehead and causing some of his brown hair to stick.

"What's up with him?" Toby turned the camera to see a tall girl with fiery red hair enter the room, her body was riddled with scars and her teeth seemed to have been filed down to appear shark-like.

"Probably just obsessing over that weird bitch," Jeff entered the room from behind her, a large smile on his face, "what a fucking loser."

Jeff's hysterical laughter caused Masky to make a move in his direction, fists clenched, but he was blocked by Toby almost immediately, "hey remember what boss said, no infighting."

"Dude finally got some pussy and don't know how to act," Jeff continued to tease, "it's the funniest shit I've ever seen."

Jeff's laughter was cut short when Masky managed to push past Toby to attack him and as they scrapped on the floor I heard the others laugh.

A large shadow fell over the room and the footage glitched for a second or two before the video ended.

I sighed, wondering if it was right for me to be looking through Masky's personal belongings. It felt like something I wasn't supposed to see, despite everything I've witnessed.

I chewed on my nails in thought, lips pursed.

Is something wrong with me? Killing someone is okay but looking through a killer's camera is where I draw the line?

But it wasn't just anyone's camera. It was his, and he was someone I cared about. He was struggling more than I even thought at first. If only he would just communicate, really communicate with me instead of always being so difficult and vague and god damn angry all the time.

I hated the fact that all those disagreeable parts of him only made me want to draw closer.

I eyed my laptop screen, brows furrowed.

Should I watch more?

I rubbed my neck as I swiveled around in the chair, feeling the bandaid Amy had placed there, and at the same moment, my phone vibrated on the desk.

I picked it up and opened the message from Amy

>

I responded immediately, >

I watched the three dots until her message popped up,

>I sat upright waiting for her next message.

>

>

>

I looked down at my phone with a scowl.

I really don't want to do this right now but her tone alone was pissing me off.

Locking the screen with the message unanswered, I was about to put my phone down when it started to ring.

Dammit, she was calling.

I heaved a deep sigh before I slid the green button to the right and placed the phone to my ear.

"Hell-"

"What's going on with you?"

My eyebrows shot up at the immediate attack, "me? What's going on with you?"

"Are you even listening to me Kit? You need to break stuff off with him before something worse happens to you."

"Hey, everything's fine," I sighed into the mic, "why are you freaking out right now?"

"I'm freaking out because he almost fucking killed you, or did you miss that?"

I knew she wouldn't believe it but I still countered with, "It was an accident."

"No, it fucking wasn't."

"Well, you weren't there so-"

"Really? You're going to say that now after I heard you crying in the shower this morning?"

"Just drop it," I got to my feet, upset, "you're overreacting and I don't need this right now."

There was silence for a few seconds before I heard shuffling and then, "fuck that, I'm coming over."

"Seriously? I said I'd leave him alone didn't I?"

"But see, I don't think you will with the way you're defending him right now. I'm coming over to slap some sense into you."

"That's really not necessary and besides Sara is about to take us out to dinner so we won't even be home. Just relax okay?" At this point, I was just too good at sounding genuine when I lied.

"Fine," I heard Amy sigh over the speakers after a few seconds ticked off, "let me know when you get back home then, okay?"

"Kit? Is that you?" I turned my head in the direction of my door when I heard Sara's voice.

Not now.

"Okay, I'll text you," I hung up before Amy could respond and made a grab for my hoodie yelling at the door, "yeah it's me!"

"Where have you been?" She was trying to open the door and I quickly zipped up the hoodie and slammed the laptop shut to hide the contents of the camera.

When I opened the door Sara had her brows furrowed and her eyes roamed over my haggard appearance.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" she placed the back of her hand against my forehead and I quickly took a step back.

"No, I'm fine. I was just going to bed," I tried conjuring up a yawn but my mind was too alert right now to even fabricate one.

"Where were you this morning? I didn't see you leave," She pulled the strings of her robe tighter around her and I nodded, looking at the floor as I thought up an excuse.

"Y-yeah, Amy picked me up early and I d-didn't really feel like..." I was hunting for words as she cocked her head to the side and came closer, reaching for the front of my hoodie.

"What is that?"

"'W-what's what?" I asked, trying to put distance between us as I slowly backed away.

"Kitani," I winced at the warning tone used when she said my name and as she tried to grab at my hoodie I sidestepped and headed for the door.

"Um I'm gonna get some water," I cleared my throat but as I made my escape she followed behind me.

"What is that on your neck? Who did that to you mija?" I was caught when she grabbed my hand at the top of the stairs, dragging me backward.

When she pulled the hoodie off my shoulder to expose my bruised skin I heard her gasp and I flinched away.

"N-no I-"

"Kitani, who did this to you?" her voice was an octave higher as she was obviously upset now and I had a hard time figuring out what to do. I'd never really seen Sara upset with me and now it was just too much for me to deal with, considering all the emotions I was currently sifting through.

First Amy and now her. Why did everyone have to be so insufferable sometimes?

"I have to go," I shrugged out of her grasp and was down the stairs and through the door before she could follow but I heard her crying out for me to come back.

This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. My relationship with Masky was bound to test my other relationships eventually.

This is what I was afraid of and now that I was living the reality it was clear that the true underlying fear I'd been harboring all along, was being forced away from him.

I was determined to not let that happen. Even if Masky had hurt me physically it was only in the heat of the moment. They wouldn't understand that it wasn't as bad as it looked. That he was just more passionate than most and had demons we couldn't dream of dealing with ourselves. I couldn't hate him for that, I could only love him more because that's what he deserved.

Isn't that what matters, the love we share? What makes us happy?

I wondered if there was a way could reach out to him and huffed in annoyance when I thought of who I could ask for help. If only I could locate EJ or Liu but I had no idea where I could find them, Jeff was too far away and I wanted nothing to do with him.

Hoodie and Toby on the other hand were rarely apart from Masky and I had no idea where to find them either.

The only other person I could think of was Jack. His 'shop' wasn't too far away and I could take the bus or get an uber there.

So that's what I did.

It was only a six minute wait for the uber to arrive and I got in, sinking down into the seats with a glum expression. This was all stupid, what I was doing, but I didn't know what else to do.

Why couldn't he be a normal boy with a phone so I could text him '' at a time like this and then just be able to grab an uber to his place instead of going out of my way to speak with some psychotic clown just to find his whereabouts?

My phone buzzed and I looked at the messages from Amy.

I grunted at my phone and squeezed down on the power button until the screen went black.

Not now.

I spent the next twenty-five minutes listening to soft pop music over the stereo and when the car finally came to a stop I got out.

I was sure this was where LJ's shop had been but when I looked around there was nothing but a small abandoned building that seemed to be struggling to hold itself upright.

The car sped off back the way it came and I was left in the darkness, chewing on my lower lip in thought.

Where did the shop go?

I pinched the bridge of my nose and started walking down the sidewalk.

Just great! Now I'm back to square one.

As I continued walking someone fell into step with me from my right. I turned my head to look up at the tall creature next to me, a smile almost creeping onto my face.

It's Jack.

"Lovely night for a walk, eh morsel?"

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A/N: Hi guys! Thanks for your support as always I appreciate it :3