《Marauding Gods (First Draft)》Chapter 172:
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As blazing fire and smoke still engulfed the isle aplenty, I and Nia rose up into the sky within one of her bubbles. From up above, we witnessed the result of the Archbishop's self-destructing maneuver. Nothing remained of the isle but ashes, smoke, and fire.
A strange feeling invaded me as I looked at all of this. It wasn't dissatisfaction; it was less, but not insignificant enough for me to simply dismiss it.
"Are you satisfied with this outcome?" Nia asked.
"This was not how I anticipated our confrontation," I admitted, "but she made her choice. Whether or not it was to seriously kill us, that last attempt was for her to fulfill her last duty as an archbishop. She herself passed that sentence upon herself. That's on her. And that’s fine by me. If there is something—"
"What is it?"
"I think I was expecting something more out of this."
"Something more?"
"You know,... satisfaction or the feeling of accomplishment." I explained, "now realize I was expecting some of that out of this, which is why it leaves me a little bit weirded out."
It was when I spoke these words that the realization struck me.
"I think it's because "this" is a preview of what I've been after for several years, "I said, pointing to the chaos beneath.
That’s right, this was merely a preview of that which for years kept me moving, yet just "this" was my reaction to it.
So much struggle for this?
"How the old me from back then would’ve reacted to this," I wondered aloud.
After a long silence of inner pondering, I ventured a glance at the strangely silent Nia. I saw her harboring an indecipherable expression while staring at the chaos beneath us, but if I had to take a guess at what it was, it would be commiseration.
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Noticing my stare, she looked at me.
"Did you feel pity for her?" I asked.
She didn’t immediately answer, instead she looked beneath us. For a moment, she remained silent, as she had done earlier during the entirety of the meeting.
"Would you hate it if I said I did?"
"No, I wouldn’t. After all, no matter how I try to put it, it was... "
"-pitiful." Nia completed.
With a nod, I agreed wordlessly.
"You know, when I learned about her story and having actually met her in person, it reminded me of what Junhua had said about the Archbishop and Rena."
"That they were alike?"
"I think she was right about them being alike on a few points, but not the one she cited. They both might’ve been revered and loved by most, but the fact remains that they were both nothing much but miserable little girls hiding themselves beneath a cloak of self-induced divine duty. " Nia said, with a bitter expression. "Duty which they both miserably clung to to the very end."
I wanted to say something, but no word came. Instead, our backs were, at that moment, bathed by the very first ray of sunlight that came seeping through the eastern horizon.
Not knowing what else to say and noticing, on the blue lake, boats coming toward the isle, I announced to Nia, "As strange as this sequence of events was, I am, regardless of how satisfied I am with the outcome, done with it. Now then, I believe it is time for us to take our leave. This might be done, but there are still things that are yet to be done. "
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