《[Royal Road Community Magazine]》Day of Doom
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David sighed as he grabbed his steaming cup of coffee and sat down in the kitchen, which he never used, of his dingy apartment. Buying a coffee maker was the best thing anyone had ever done for him, and it was also the best thing that he had ever done for anyone.
Anyone who could wake up before ten on a Sunday morning without drinking coffee must-
And then the sun went out.
The darkness resulting in the sun suddenly disappearing for no apparent reason brought David to realize that the sun actually had a purpose: Providing light for his sorry self in the morning.
What?
David frowned, tried to think of a reason that the sun might go out (Maybe it went back to sleep?), and scolded himself for trying to think without finishing his coffee first.
David then commenced with drinking the only thing that had managed to keep him alive so far.
Tomorrow he would have to go back to waking up at an even more unholy hour (8:30) and apologizing for things that weren't his fault, pretending that he knew what the customers were talking about, and cursing Alexander Graham Bell for inventing telephones, since he knew that cursing his boss or his coworkers wouldn't result in anything good.
David took another gulp of his coffee, only to find that it wasn't there.
He sighed, put down the cup (Mugs were too expensive, that money was better saved for the actual coffee), got up, walked in the direction of the nearest light switch, and managed to flip it right before his head hit the wall.
An improvement, though David had yet to master the art of flipping light switches.
He then yawned and spoke to no one in particular, "You didn't see that."
Unsurprisingly, nobody responded.
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To complete his morning routine, David then walked over to the couch, sat down, ignored the groaning noises coming from it, and reached for the remote control, only to knock it onto the ground.
He then sighed and got off the couch, which the couch groaned at, grabbed the remote, which the couch didn't groan at, and sat down on the couch again, which the couch groaned at.
His couch seemed to groan as much as he did. That was how sad and depressing his home was.
Whatever. He would have to find out why the sun went out first.
* * *
"...And now, for what you've all been waiting for, hell, this is probably the only reason you're watching anyway, the reason the sun went out! And the answer is... Drumroll, please... I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! ASK SOMEONE ELSE! I'M JUST THE GUY WHO GETS PAID TO READ OFF A BUNCH OF THINGS ON TV! WHY ARE YOU EVEN WATCHING TV?! THE SUN'S OUT! THE SUN JUST FUCKING DISAPPEARED FOR NO REASON AND NOW YOU'RE WATCHIN TV! HOW-"
The guy on TV was then promptly cut off by some other guy, who started explaining why the researchers thought the sun went out.
"Erm, you didn't hear that...Got it? Okay, so now I'm sure you all want to know why researchers think the sun went out, and the answer is the same reason you're watching TV right now; They have no fucking clue! The reason they think the sun went out is because they looked out the window this morning and found that everything was dark, same as you! Now, because the researchers are useless, I'll just tell you that it's probably some kind of freak solar eclipse or something like that! There, you happy now? You probably could've thought of that yourself, but then you turned on the TV because the guys on TV are always right, right? And then now you're-"
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The guy on TV was then interrupted by the ringing of the telephone. David already knew who it was without picking it up.
David picked it up anyway.
"You son of a bi-"
"Ma, you shouldn't say that to your own son..."
"ARE YOU CALLING ME A BIT-"
"No, I'm saying that you shouldn't call yourself a-"
"Whatever! I wanted a useful son, but now I have you! Anyway, why did the sun go out and how are you behind it?"
"Come on, ma, it wasn't my faul-"
"OF COURSE IT WAS!"
"Now, would you mind telling me why-"
David sighed.
"I'm sorry for the sun suddenly going out at this unholy hour and am also sorry for any inconvenience it may cause you. I apologize for everything bad that has ever happened to you, as it is definitely all my fault. Have a good rest of your day!"
"There, that's better. Why couldn't you start with that?"
David sighed again and hung up on his mom, one of the most unreasonable people he had ever met, and, ironically, also the one person on Earth who loved him the most.
Of course it was his mom.
Who else still called with a telephone?
The fact that someone still remembered his number, though, was something that made his day, just another day of customer service. He couldn't even get a break from it on weekends.
David plopped down on the bed and promptly fell asleep.
At least he didn't have to suffer through that many hours of apologizing for things he didn't do on Sundays.
He didn't even bother with eating lunch; The day was over as far as he was concerned.
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