[THE HAVEN]

Zydan yawned with both arms outstretched, cringing as his blue sweater skirted his nostrils. Weeks had passed since his last shower, letting his clothes marinate in his natural juices. This tiny room intensified the issue, circulating his stank into every corner and crevice. Even the enforcer guard struggled to maintain his composure.

Zydan leaned against a vent; its frigid breath scattered his oily black hair.

“Enforcer,” said Zydan. “I don’t suppose you happen to know what time it is.”

“It’s time for you to shut the hell up!” shouted the Enforcer.

“Same time as last time, I see,” said Zydan.

Zydan rapped his rings against smooth tile, feeling the gentle vibrations run through his legs. By his estimation, ten minutes had passed - ten minutes too many. Perspiration dampened his already damp coat. It was time to make a move, and he’d have to move fast.

He crawled to his feet, despite the protests of his exhausted limbs. That enforcer guarded the only door out of here; the door wouldn’t budge unless the enforcer budged first.

“Well, this has certainly been a treat,” said Zydan. “But I have a few tasks remaining, and I’m under a strict deadline.”

“You’re not going anywhere, premium freak,” said the Enforcer. “You move from that spot, and I’ll smoke your ass.”

“Premium asses are not so easily smoked,” said Zydan. “Don’t tell me you’re nervous. What could a tiny designer like me could do to a big brutish enforcer like you? Put a health bar above your head?”

The enforcer’s head jerked upwards, glancing above his head -- nothing there.

“So jumpy,” said Zydan. “I told you, I wouldn’t use that on you. My health bar isn’t lethal until level three, and that’s far too much SP to waste on one useless enforcer.”

The enforcer pumped his plastic water gun.

“Say that again,” said the enforcer. “You’ll find out how useless I am.”

“I found that out ten minutes ago when your partner left,” said Zydan. “He’s been gone for a good while, hasn’t he?”

The enforcer tensed up, beads of sweat dripping into his thick yellow armor.

“Y-You,” said the enforcer. “What did you do?”

“Same thing I always do,” said Zydan. “I’ve grown far too predictable. It might be time to try out some new tricks.”

Zydan took a big step forward.

“Stay where you are!” said the enforcer.

“Or what?” asked Zydan. “You’ll smoke me?”

The enforcer smoked the ground near Zydan’s feet with a liquid laser. Amber foam sizzled like fried eggs, adding a sulfuric stench to the room’s many stinks.

“That was a warning shot,” said the enforcer. “Next one’s your goddamn leg.”

Zydan took a baby step forward.

The enforcer pumped his water gun.

“Goddamn it, I mean it!” shouted the enforcer. “Not one more step!”

Zydan took five more steps.

“You want to fuck with me, premium?” asked the enforcer. “Fuck you!”

The enforcer pulled the trigger –

But he couldn’t.

His finger froze millimeters from the plastic trigger, itching to inch forward.

“W-What,” the enforcer stuttered. “W-What the hell is this?”

“All that talk, and you can’t even pull the trigger,” said Zydan. “Understandable. You’d never hurt your good friend, Zydan.”

The enforcer’s finger twitched with anticipation.

“I-Is this more of your premium magic?” asked the enforcer.

“Indeed,” said Zydan. “A brand new spell so to speak. Look below you.”

The enforcer looked below –

A glowing green ring bordered his legs like an angel’s halo. He howled, attempting to stomp it out as if his boots were on fire. The ring hula-hooped around his ankles, centering on some invisible point between his feet.

Zydan chortled.

“That’s about as effective as stomping your own shadow,” said Zydan. “The ring is part of you now. At level one, it displays your alignment. At level two, it lets me change your alignment. I made your ring green, meaning your alignment is friendly. Just like a friendly NPC!”

The enforcer reached towards the door handle –

“Don’t do that,” said Zydan.

The enforcer didn’t do that.

“Turn towards me,” said Zydan.

The enforcer turned.

“Hold still.”

He held.

“Very good,” said Zydan. “That’s the thing about friendly NPCs - they’re simply there to enrich the player experience. Players can command them freely. Give me a high five, new friend.”

They exchanged the highest of fives.

“Now, slap yourself,” said Zydan.

The enforcer hesitated.

“Slap yourself!” shouted Zydan.

The enforcer remained unslapped.

“Hmm, as I suspected,” said Zydan. “Just like friendly NPCs in-game, I can’t make you hurt yourself. That’s unfortunate.”

“W-What the goddamn hell is happening?” asked the Enforcer. “DD said you only had one power.”

“Indeed I did,” said Zydan. “But after a particularly unfortunate set of events, I decided to grind out another four powers. This required me to check out a large number of files, but I’m sure no one else needed them.”

The enforcer calmed himself with several steady breaths.

“F-Five powers now, huh?” asked the enforcer. “G-Goddamn, that’s impressive. Tell me all about them. You must be really powerful now –”

“An impressive attempt to stall out my ability,” said Zydan. “But I’m running out of time in more ways than one.”

Zydan extended his hand.

“Hand me your weapon,” said Zydan.

The enforcer handed it.

“N-No, please –” the enforcer started.

Zydan pressed the water pistol to the enforcer’s temple.

“People like you infuriate me,” said Zydan. “Unwilling to listen to logic or reason. If you care about your life that little, I have no qualms taking it from you.”

“P-Please don’t,” said the enforcer. “I-I’ll do anything –”

“You’ll do anything?” asked Zydan. “Now, that’s not entirely true. If it was, I wouldn’t have to do this myself –”

The enforcer’s finger thrust into a walkie-talkie at his waist.

“Zydan’s escaping!” the enforcer yelled towards it. “Zydan’s –”

Zydan squeezed the trigger –

The enforcer’s head disappeared in a liquid laser spray. Electric droplets dripped down the wall, forming a mustard puddle along the reflective tile. What remained of the enforcer collapsed like a fallen oak, saffron smoke slithering from his stump-like neck.

“Well that’s annoying,” said Zydan. “I forgot you had that.”

Zydan booted open the door, strutting into a winding labyrinth of concrete walls and metal doors. No unit numbers. No windows. Just layer upon layer of suffocating cement.

“Floor twenty six could really use a fresh coat of paint,” Zydan said. “Or any paint, really.”

He strolled across concrete, each footstep echoing through the halls.

“Now where’s that enforcer elevator?” asked Zydan. “Should be right around here –”

Zydan turned a corner - straight into six enforcers.

“Zydan!” shouted the lead enforcer.

Zydan winced - his ability recharged in fifteen seconds.

“Oh, hello everyone!” said Zydan. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Ten seconds.

“How did you get out?” roared the lead enforcer.

“It was easy,” said Zydan. “I simply befriended the guards.”

The six enforcers raised their weapons.

Zydan raised his hands.

Five seconds.

“Don’t move!” shouted the lead enforcer.

“I’m just raising my hands,” said Zydan. “Figured you enforcers were into that sort of thing.”

Zero seconds.

“On the ground, now!” said the enforcer.

Zydan grinned.

“You first,” said Zydan. “TRANSLATION!”

With a swift wave of Zydan’s ringed fingers, six enforcers flew in six different directions. Three slid across the floor. Two walloped against walls. And one rebounded off the ceiling, crashing down upon the other five.

“How fun!” said Zydan. “This ability moves people and objects a set distance, depending on their mass. Your mass is significant and this was a level one, so you didn’t move far. But it was just far enough! Imagine this at level two. Or level three!”

The enforcers reclaimed their footing and dignity.

“Anywho, I must be going,” said Zydan. “It was nice seeing you!”

Zydan ducked around the corner as fifty-five projectiles painted floor twenty six in ninety nine shades of neon light.

Ahead stood the enforcer elevator - within stood Zydan’s freedom.

DING

Another five enforcers spawned from the elevator, marching out into the hall.

“Damn,” said Zydan. “That would have been too easy.”

“There he is!” yelled one of them.

Six enforcers rounded the corner from behind Zydan, flanking him from both sides.

“Shoot him down!” said one of those enforcers. “He’s got new powers!”

“Indeed I do!” shouted Zydan. “Like this one – SPECTATE!”

Eleven enforcer weapons unloaded. Bullets. Plasma. Bullets made out of plasma. Acidic gas. Acidic gelatin. Straight-up acid. And a little bit of lava too. The aftermath subtracted Zydan from the equation. Gray smoke sizzled up from a metallic crater. A noise complaint was filed in the unit below.

“We got him!” shouted an enforcer.

“Where’s the corpse?” asked another.

“That won’t leave a corpse,” said one more.

“Indeed it won’t!” yelled a voice from behind.

Each enforcer turned towards the elevator. Zydan stood inside, his finger depressing a button.

“How the hell –” asked an Enforcer.

“Magic,” said Zydan. “Just premium magic.”

The elevator doors sealed shut, abandoning eleven enraged enforcers below, each one shouting and pounded on its steel shutters.

[ZERO SPACE]

“Holy snap,” said Bez. “The sky!”

Bez shielded his eyes as a wall of white lit up the atmosphere. An Asira-shaped shooting star streaked by, pursued by what appeared to be a massive disc with four serpentine heads.

“Whoa, was that Miss Asira?” asked Bez. “What was that thing behind her?”

“No idea, buddy!” shouted Umi. “And that sounded like Tambien’s voice from the belltower a moment ago! I love it when things get weird!”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

“Anyway, back to digging!” shouted Umi. “Can’t kill the wizard if he’s buried under all those buildings!”

Umi shoveled away dirt and debris with his warhammer.

“Come on out, wizard!” shouted Umi. “I know you’re in there somewhere! Me and my warhammer just want to talk!”

Bez tugged at one of Umi’s four arms.

“Wait, Mister Umi,” said Bez. “Shouldn’t we wait for Master Valdi and Mister Dalli?”

“Master Valdi said to go on ahead!” shouted Umi. “I’m sure they’re just fine!”

Kezzle fluttered through the air, perching upon a sideways staircase. A lone flower bloomed from the rubble, untouched and untarnished - one final source of beauty in a bleak and blackened hellscape. A small sliver of hope, reaching up from a burning city of despair –

Kezzle nibbled it down, slurping its stem like spaghetti between her metal incisors.

A fire jet jettisoned her through five and a half brick walls. Kezzle rolled like a discarded marble, uttering a defeated buzz before teetering to a stop.

“Holy snap!” yelled Bez. “Miss Kezzle, are you okay?”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

“She’s fine!” shouted Umi. “I’m more concerned about the brick walls!”

An ashen fist shot up from below Kezzle’s previous perch. The fire wizard shambled out from the ruins, his crimson robe flowing like a red velvet fondue.

Fire Wizard

“Hi buddy!” shouted Umi. “I love it when bosses have too much health!”

“Yesssssss,” said the fire wizard. “More than enough health to destroy you.”

Bez and Kezzle scooted to Umi’s side.

Umi laughed, leaning his warhammer on his shoulders.

“Alright gang, it’s just the three of us now!” shouted Umi. “And Ledgess!”

“Yessssss,” said the fire wizard. “It’s just the one of me now. More than enough to destroy you.”

The fire wizard lifted his cowl, revealing a swirling vortex of dark fog and white cubes. The surrounding sky funneled into his blackhole maw, swirling into a secret dimension of suffering.

“Oh no,” said Bez. “Not this again. H-He’s going to say something really mean.”

“Don’t worry, buddy!” shouted Umi. “The wizard’s a big fat liar!”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

“I speak only in hard truths,” said the fire wizard. “Truths that will be hard for you to hear.”

His wispy head flickered like a candle flame.

“It’s too late for you all,” said the fire wizard. “Innumerable forces unite to destroy you: the wizards, the glitch man, his loyal legion of monsters, and the static beyond your Haven walls.”

“Holy snap,” said Bez. “You know about the static?”

“I know more than you could possibly imagine,” said the fire wizard.

Pale lightning streaked through the sky.

“We wizards have been waiting years for this moment,” said the fire wizard. “The moment someone defeated the dragon. Our rise gave rise to the glitch man and the glitch man’s plan. A plan to eliminate you wretched players once and for all.”

Dark flames blazed from beneath the wizard’s robes.

“The entire world seeks to destroy you,” said the wizard. “One way or another, it will succeed.”

Cubic clouds propelled from the wizard’s palms, flattening out into a screen. Shae’s bruised body projected across them, sprawled out in the grass. Wagger sat by his side, chewing on a stick on TNT.

“Shae is injured,” said the fire wizard. “Only him and an unreliable ally remain. The forest wizard will surely destroy them, if they manage to find the wizard at all.”

Shae swapped out for an image of Asira soaring through the sky. Asira zipped low as a white beam zapped high.

“Asira flies towards certain doom, chased by certain doom,” said the fire wizard. “A weak pteranoid like her cannot hope to defeat the glitch man’s mightiest monsters. She will suffer a grisly demise in both realities.”

The cloud reformed into Lanzer’s image - a quivering ball of pirahnoid curled up by a tree, shaking with stupified terror.

“Here lies your last defense against the glitch man himself,” said the fire wizard. “A cowardly clown, alone against impossible odds. His fate will surely be the most miserable of all.”

The cloud screen evaporated with a flick of the wizard’s wrist.

“And finally, there’s you,” said the fire wizard. “You now face my third and final form. A form strong enough to kill all three of you, three times over.”

Wind whirled around the wizard, scattering dust and debris.

“Upon your defeat, my powers will be restored,” said the fire wizard. “I’ll become an unstoppable tornado of terror, rampaging this scorched earth until none remain.”

Tongues of fire torqued from the wizard’s wrists.

“I’ll wipe this world away in cleansing fire,” said the fire wizard. “From its ashes, a new world will rise. A world of the Glitch Man’s design. A world where NPCs roam free, free from their shackles –”

“No!” Bez interrupted. “We won’t let that happen!”

Bez stomped forward.

“We’re the Feather Birds!” shouted Bez. “I mean, the Deadly Skulls! We’ll stop you!”

Bez held his microphone high, making sure all eight of his viewers could hear him.

“You wizards and monsters formed a really scary team,” said Bez. “But we teamed up together too! And we’ve got something you don’t have: the power of friendship!”

Bez placed a hand on Umi and his tail on Kezzle.

“We’ve fought lots of monsters,” said Bez. “We fought each other too! But we made it this far, together! Sometimes, we’re at each other’s throats, but we’ve always got each other’s backs!”

Bez pounded his scaly chest with his free hand.

“Good always triumphs over evil!” screeched Bez. “This is my world. My family! And I won’t let you take them!”

Umi howled, clapping all four hands.

“That was a great speech, buddy!” shouted Umi. “I loved it! Really motivating!”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

The fire wizard released a screeching laugh.

“Little fool,” said the fire wizard. “You know nothing of good and evil. This is all just a game to you. But it’s not a world event; it’s a world war. And the whole world is against you.”

“W-We can’t fight the whole world,” said Bez. “But we can definitely fight you!”

The fire wizard cackled, cloaking his spiral face with his cowl.

“Yesssss,” said the fire wizard. “Come and try. I will destroy you –”

“You got it, buddy!” shouted Umi. “Charge!”

Umi stampeded.

Kezzle buzzed behind.

Bez brought up the rear –

[THE HAVEN]

Bez’s headset ascended, lifted by Dane’s yellow gloves.

“W-What,” said Bez. “D-Dane? N-No. Not right now!”

“Bez,” Dane started. “We need to –”

“No!” shouted Bez. “I don’t care! Not right now!”

Bez stole his headset away, plugging his head inside.

Dane grimaced, leaving Bez to his own devices.

He peered over at the Healer Killer’s corpse, unmoved from its previous position. Its head however peeked out from the trashcan, grinning through the grating with a large toothy smile. A peculiar light shone within its eyes; it was more than just the glimmer of the fluorescent bulbs above. Some new passenger was on board, and its destination was Dane.

Frothing white foam dribbled down the Healer Killer’s bloated lips.

“Greetings, Dane,” said the Healer Killer’s head. “I’d like to have a chat.”