Three days in a row of Wanying's series of fatal phone calls, three days in a row of sister Tianyun's series of phone calls, and three days in a row of Shao Xu'an's series of LINE……well, Shao Xu'an is not in the thinking service area, so she doesn't care.

On the weekend of the first week of the winter vacation, at the gate of Erling Gospel Center stood a girl thinking about life expressionlessly, with a dark green suitcase beside her. Didn't want to stay with so many people, but couldn't control the desire to get closer, so she was quite at a loss and had to keep her face expressionless continuously. Yu Ruoling who was once again ignoring the stabbing feeling from the bottom of her chest. She slightly pulled the backpack over her shoulders, then walked into the church calmly, sat silently at the reception table at the end of room, put on headphones to isolate everything in reality.

Only she knows how restless she is, Yu thought, since she "woke up" for more than a month, she has continued to regroup and continue to pursue the so-called truth every day and every night, through the Bible from the self to the Father God…. It would be too ignorant to say she didn't understand（even she was quite ignorant at first）, but she understood more or less all emotions, all events, all characters, and even some but not all philosophies.

She knew, she knew very well, she couldn't be more clear, but she can't accept that she is struggling.

How old she is, however still tangled！Not to mention, to put it bluntly, it's awkward very damn much....

Shame to death. She put down her phone and looked ahead quietly, thankful that she had grown...or deliberately made a face that made her impossible for people to see emotions. No matter how fluctuating in the heart, even in the eyes - no one will know at all.

Yuan Junfan and Gu Ron'en are singing wildly；Wanying and Fu Xiangqin are chatting；Fu Xianghui and Li Zhaoyi are also singing；in the sound control room, Huang Yinke and Zheng Wenhuan are discussing about schools；oh please Shaoxuan You're not happy if you don't come over, are you？Yu painfully thought.

"You're finally here."Shao generously sat on the chair next to her.

"As you see."

Shao paused, and subconsciously moved closer to her, "Why do I feel that you don't seem to want to talk to me？...Did I scare you at the beginning？"

Yu Ruoling keenly caught the wonderful pauses in his words, and after all resisted the urge to slander 'Sir, I didn't even look at you in the beginning', so she had to say, "No, I'm not good at social contact."

"That's no true. I think you got along pretty well with them the first few times." "Ugh...official tone？"

'If you don't use that question mark, I will believe it more.' Shao Xu'an thought silently, did not continue to speak, then took out his mobile phone and swipe it up. Facebook turned page after page, but he couldn't help looking at Yu Ruoling, who had an indifferent face and a sad and miserable atmosphere all over her body.

Very interesting, very similar, very kind, he commented secretly, and finally got up and left under the shouts of He Wanying and another new consultant - Lin Xinyong.

Yu exhaled slowly, picked up the iced cocoa bought at 7-11 and took a sip, trying to dilute the special perfume smell lingering in her sense of smell, then lowered her eyebrows, "It's really weird for men to use osmanthus perfume."

...

"So everyone knows what the purpose of the short-term mission is！After a while, we will first go to the resting place of our co-workers, and then the team leaders will bring their team members to discuss the content. We will have dinner at about six twenty in the evening , and then there will be a prayer meeting and a meeting of the co-workers of the various groups. Now everyone can disband and get your own luggage."

"Hey~Rouly, "A tall girl with pretty chestnut and short hair trotted over dragging her luggage, her hair fluttering enthusiastically in the airflow, clearly showing her characteristics, "Do you want to sleep next to me at night？"

"……Okay."

However, Yu Ruoling felt extremely glaring. Ah, that's why the hate... oh hate the fellowship's everyone - except Wanying - they are so hypocritical.

Except for Wanying, they are all hypocritical, hypocritical.

She knew that her feelings had been extremely deviated, but she couldn't control this malicious speculation at all. By the way, she suddenly thought that this "lively, passionate and full of God's love" girl seemed to be Zheng Wenhuan.

...So, don't meet strange people outside, Fong Xuan, why did she come here to ask for trouble...？

It was so annoying, Yu spread the dark blue sleeping bag on the corner against the wall, zipped it up, sat down straight, stretched out her hands and stared blankly.

She always felt that these hands were covered with blood, she thought, just like the stinky blood that had killed countless people was deposited there and dried up and coagulated, which could not be washed off no matter how they were washed.

But she has never, never been able to kill people, even if Fong Xuan forcibly "exchanges" the hatred that vents her anger sometimes, the one she really wants to kill is herself every time. Besides, Yu laughed at herself, she just wanted to make friends from the beginning to the end, how did she end up in this situation？

It's really weird enough, but it's also disappointing enough.

The familiar dull pain surged up, as if a heavy hammer hit her chest vigorously, the sound of the blow echoed in her ears, and the ensuing heart palpitations made her unable to think anymore, and she wanted to suffocate from the pain.

Yu could only sink into the turbulent negative emotions and couldn't extricate herself. She stood up suddenly and opened the door, runing towards the playground, taking advantage of no one's attention.

"..."The violent beating of her heart forced her to stop. Even though she was exhausted to death, Yu pretended to be arrogant, persisted for three seconds, and finally couldn't hold it any longer.

A very faint, almost inaudible chuckle floated into the wind, probably because this scene was really out of place, and more laughter kept coming from Yu Ruoling's mouth.

She laughed louder and louder, and the more she wanted to laugh, she just sat on the lawn with her head down and broke down laughing. Yu felt that she was smiling very sincerely, even if her heart seemed to be tightly pinched by two hands, her smile could not be reduced by half, "It's really funny..."

She looked helplessly at the sun hanging high in the blue sky, had already realized it in her heart but felt it was ridiculous.

The pain that makes her wanna die immediately is her own longing for warmth.

The suffocation of sadness to despair comes from the loss of what she can't get for from any…possible friend.

Who knows how many nights she hid in the quilt and repeatedly dreamed of the shame of being weak and incompetent and crushed by Li Qingfeng's forces？

Who knows that due to the situation, she had to push away all people who could have become friends one by one？

Who knows that even if she had people of the same kind who had similar experiences with her by her side, she would no longer be able to establish a normal relationship with them？

She has no true companion. Not to mention...she can no longer look at this corrupt and dark world with ordinary eyes like an ordinary junior high school student.

Who would want to assimilate themselves into a lone ranger, and then get involved with a lone ranger who has never had friends？

Don't think, there is no doubt, human nature is selfish since the crime.

When she wants to stay away from the crowd, the crowd is approaching her；when she wants to approach the crowd, the crowd is moving away from her and hating her.

All that she experienced 4 years ago is also doomed to this established fact - it is difficult for a person like her to have friends. Because Yu Ruoling looked arrogant, unapproachable, unkind, indifferent, and even scary.

So, who would be willing to contact with such a socially failed person？

She calmed down her exaggerated emotions a little, and divided her attention to make sure that no one else passed by this lawn. Probably because of her vigilance, she couldn't express her thoughts in an empty place, and she always felt that someone was hiding in the dark, secretly watching this stranger go crazy in front of eyes.

Yu Ruoling sat leaning against the goal frame of the soccer ball quite boldly, and the wind blew from an unknown place, gently lifting up her jet-black hair. "Obviously I don't need it, obviously I don't care, obviously I just a tool to fulfill their dreams and then discarded when I am used up, obviously I hate you. …Why have done these to me？"

*

Shao Xu'an didn't understand, but how could he encounter such a headache just to go to the bathroom.

Standing in the corridor, he looked openly, with a pair of slender arms embracing his chest, leaning against the wall outside the English classroom, expressionless, as if he was just watching a boring drama.

Then let the stormy waves in heart. That Yu Ruoling who turned her back from him and never thought of turning around, Yu Ruoling who was always indifferent, but now turned into this appearance.

He unconsciously grasped his sleeves tightly, frowning and looked at the girl sitting in the lawn, who was only a few dozen steps away, laughing like a clown.

And bleak.

And no hope.