That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not

Decision 2.25 - That time I was reincarnated into another world and met my own worst enemy

I activated [Parallel Wills] immediately. There was no time to waste on frivolous things like 'caution' or weighing pros and cons! If I waited even a second longer, I'd get slightly more bored and anxious than I already was!

[Parallel Wills]! On!

"Huh? Did it work?"

"Huh? Did it work?"

I heard something like my own voice, but it talked at the same time as me, and seemed to be saying the same thing. Did I activate the right skill? I checked, and [Parallel Wills] was definitely active!

"What the hell. This skill must be broken."

"What the hell. This skill must be broken."

This was pointless! What good was a skill that made an exact, perfect copy of my mind, with all of my thoughts, memories, and personality, if it was just going to react and say things in the exact same way as me?! That's as useless as making a perfect copy of me that's only six inches tall!

"Great, my copy is an idiot."

"Great, my copy is an idiot."

Hey! Hang on a second here! My cheeks flushed in anger. Was this asshole really calling me an idiot? And what's more, claiming that I was the copy? Don't think you'll get away with that! I'm the genuine article here, buddy! I'll show you! I'll kick your a-

H-huh?!

I stared down in shock as my left hand began to curl into a fist, and suddenly shot up to punch me in the face. Thinking quickly, I reached out with my right arm, blurring with speed and causing a cheeky sonic boom as I grabbed my left hand by the wrist. Mother Exposita noticed my epic battle with myself. She thwapped me with the ruler again, but I could care less about that now! This was much bigger than some silly physical gag!

"Usurper..." I whispered. "You'll have to try harder than that to get one over on me!"

"Bastard..." the voice whispered back. "How dare you take over my body!"

Your body! You son of a bitch! I let go of my arm and started to draw my katana, but felt a hand clamp around my wrist. I looked down and saw that it was my own!

"Heh..." I whispered. "You're not too shabby."

The voice scoffed. "Was there ever any doubt? I am the [Legendary Hero] after all."

Yeah, alright. Don't get too ahead of yourself, Mr. Copy.

"Listen, copy," my copy said, mentally. "It's clear that we're both amazing, incredible, and handsome. Should we really be wasting our time fighting instead of not fighting?"

I blinked in surprise. Maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all. I had to admit, he did sound pretty handsome and smart.

"You know, I was thinking the exact same thing," I admitted. "That's the entire reason I activated [Parallel Wills] after all."

"Tch. I'm the one who activated the skill, but sure..."

I nodded to myself, staring at Mother Exposita as she rambled on about the hero's quest to try to breed some kind of superpowered [Rockatiel] through incest and sports betting, in excruciating detail.

"Alright, italics-kun," I told him. "One of us will keep focused on Mother Exposita, so that her skill doesn't go off. While you're doing that, I'll be checking out this hot pudding wrestling!"

There was a long silence. I smiled as Mother Exposita turned a page, a bead of sweat rolling down my neck.

"Italics-kun?"

"H-huh? Oh, uh... I'm already watching them. And, uh, it's not wrestling anymore!"

I frowned. It wasn't wrestling anymore? What the heck did that mean? W-wait, more importantly! This bastard was watching without me?!

I turned to look, and earned another hit from Mother Exposita. D-damn it! I was already down to 92 health after the last several hours of her reading. This wasn't the time for messing around!

"Hang on, why the heck are YOU the one watching it?! The whole reason I created you using [Parallel Wills] was so that YOU would listen to Mother Exposita! If you're the one watching the good stuff, what the hell was the point?!"

I grit my teeth, my heart pounding with the intensity of my irritation. I don't know who this cheeky motherfucker thought he was, but I'll be damned if I was going to stand for this. After a long, uncomfortable silence, he let out a sigh and replied back to me.

"...look. I don't really know how to break the bad news to you, but you're... well, I mean, you're not the real Hiro. You know that, right? You're just a [Parallel Will]. I'm the real me, you're the un-me. You wannabe me."

I growled internally. How could I get it through this guy's skull that I was the real one. He was even more stubborn than I was, somehow. This whole thing was going nowhere! I was no closer to seeing tits. I had to find some kind of way to... just....

I strained, focusing a portion of my willpower and manly spirit into my head. I felt the energy building, until it erupted forth, into an aneurysm, which I instantly healed using [Ultra Max Regeneration]. But besides the aneurysm, I also achieved success!

Skill: [Parallel Wills - Lvl 1] has leveled up to [Parallel Wills - Lvl 2]

I instantly activated it, splitting off my mind into another Hiro!

"Whoah, hey. You can use my skills too?"

They're my skills! I'm the real Hiro!

"Heh... looks like my plan worked..."

"Alright bold-kun," I told him. "Your mission in life is to listen to this dumb story while I watch some hot, busty anime babes making out in pudding."

"... oh, come on!" he replied. "You think you're the original too? I literally just activated the skill, you should KNOW that you're just a big faker."

This son of a bitch!

"Faker?!" I shouted. "I think you're the fake Hiro around here."

Italics-kun sighed. "This is so annoying..."

Alright, that does it. When I'd activated this skill, I'd expected it to be useful. For it to summon friendly, smart Hiro copies, who would understand their purpose. Maybe it wasn't working properly because I'd purchased it, or maybe there was some kind of control skill I was lacking, because these guys were nothing but a bunch of greedy, self-serving, arrogant jackasses, with no self-awareness! They were nothing like me!

"Alright, I didn't want to have to do this..." I told them, "But you've left me no choice. I'm going to turn off the skill! I'd rather kill you idiots than sit here and be made a fool of!"

Italics-kun chuckled, mentally grinning a smile at me. "Uh, sure, man. Go ahead. If you want to throw a fit and commit self-die, you do you."

"You should, uh, really be a little more concerned, Italics-kun. He's a copy, but so are you. You'll die too, you know."

That bastard... Fine. So be it. If that's the way he wanted to play this thing, then I'd fucking do it! Say goodbye, Italics-kun. Farewell, bold-kun! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! I deactivated [Parallel Wills - Lvl 2] at once. I'd have to find some other way to deal with this.

"I warned you! This is what you get, you shitty cop-"

My dumb copy suddenly stopped talking mid-sentence, as I felt the presence of the both of them disappear from my mind. Hm... I was kind of expecting their memories to flow back into mine, but I guess that wasn't the case. Oh well. It's not like I cared what the book said anyways. I was too busy-

*THWAP*

[Absolute Invulnerability] has been negated by Mother Exposita's skill [The Guilty Pay The Price]

You have taken 1 damage

Ugh... Right. I should have thought of that. After plaintext-kun disabled [Parallel Wills], there was nobody left watching Mother Exposita. With a sigh, I tore myself from the fantastic pudding party, to look back at the old hag and her dumb book. Well... at least I'd gotten a few minutes to watch them. Unfortunately, I'd been so embarrassed that I'd only looked for maybe a fifth of the time, but those seconds would be treasured memories that I would never discard! Thank you for your sacrifice, other me!

Still... I felt like I was forgetting something about the pudding fight. Why had I done that in the first place? I mean, a bunch of hot anime babes wrestling and doing, um, other stuff was its own reward! But hadn't there been some kind of deeper purpose?

I shrugged. Whatever it was, if I couldn't remember it, it probably wasn't that important. Just like whatever nonsense was happening here in front of me.

"...and so nearing the end of his journey, Ardrick embraced Yggdrisia, and was Embraced in turn. His sword began to glow with divine power, and he towered over the steps of the [Dragon King]'s final chamber. His friends, his worthwhile companions, were inspired by his transformation, and his newfound strength. They fell into step behind him, readying their weapons, and bracing themselves with the knowledge that all of their journey, all the hardships they faced, all of the pain and character growth they had experienced, had come to its end. Beyond that door... lay the end of their journey. The [Legendary Hero] resolutely stepped forward, then sheathed his sword, and turned to leave the dungeon immediately. As soon as he was out of the dungeon, he activated his [Fast Travel] skill to return to the Skull N Bones cave, where he knew that a Golden Joey Bones lay, locked behind the pirate's game of chance. He stepped up to the table and placed down 10 PiratePoints to bet on Red, before thinking and shifting it to 14 instead. He watched with grim and resolute silence, his divine aura washing over the room, as the roulette wheel spun, and landed on the 18 square. But Ardrick was undettered! He placed another 20 PiratePoints down on the Odd square. And a second bet of 10 PiratePoints on the 3rd 12 square. His comrades could only watch on in quiet tension as the wheel began to spin. The ball landed-"

Yeah, there was nothing useful here at all. Why were they even making me listen to this crap? I was starting to get antsy. It felt like it'd been a few chapters since I killed something, and I was starting to get withdrawals. I let out a sigh, and Mother Exposita looked up. I clenched myself, waiting for the ruler to slam down, but was surprised instead to find that she was looking towards the door. H-huh?

I risked a turn, and saw the christmas cake ara-ara nun, and a nun that was somehow even older than Mother Exposita! They were entering the room, and Bonbon was behind them! I waved, and the elf flinched when she saw me. Uhhhh wow! Rude, much? I did my best to keep up a strong face, stopping time using [Time Stop] so that I could sob for a few minutes at how badly my feelings were hurt.

With that healthy coping mechanism out of the way, I had to wonder what they were doing here. The two nuns walked over, while Bonbon quickly retreated to the corner of the room. I glanced at Exposita, who sighed and closed the book. !!!

W-wait! Did that mean I was free?! And that meant?! I would get to see some tits?! Yipee!

I turned, my mouth splitting into a grin that took up 75% of my face in a super-deformed, cutesy style as flowers appeared in midair around me. However, my face fell instantly, as the older Nun had broken off from the group and was chastising the paladins, who had all quickly exited the pudding and wrapped towels around themselves.

"Honestly, girls!" she sighed. "What kind of debauchery is this?!"

The holy warriors, fresh from their orgy in a pit of chocolate pudding, looked away from her, like a pet dog being scolded for having an orgy in a pit full of pudding.

"It's a weekday, for Kamiko's sake! I expect you to show a little more decorum than that!"

"B-but Mother Hagatha!" the shy one cried out, her eyes watering, either from the pudding smeared over them, or from sadness. "We were competing! We had to find out who would be the one to go with the [Legendary Hero]!

Mother Hagatha arched an eyebrow. "Hmm? Who told you to do that?"

Thinking quickly, I activated all of my magic [Skills] and cast [Mimic], instantly taking on the appearance of a bush to blend in. That Mother Exposita had already hit me with a ruler a bunch, so who knew what kind of ancient Artes this old biddy might have! I refused to be held responsible for my own actions if it meant I'd be punished!

Suddenly, that one Paladin from before ran in, the one who had gotten all sweaty over Kamiko. She was wearing a poorly-fitting dress, and looked a bit out of breath and red in the face.

"Hff... I'm not too late, right?" Ciel asked, panting. "For the contest? I heard they were deciding who'd get t'go with the Hero! I came as soon as Kamiko wrapped up."

"Ara...." Mother Margaret said, sighing. "We've actually already decided who will join the [Legendary Hero]..."

"WHAT?!" Green-hair shouted, absolutely fuming with seven different flavors of anger. "We were lied to?!"

"Oh my..." Mother Margaret ara'd, holding her cheek while looking on with slant eyes. But not in a racist way, I mean like how they draw big tittiy mommy characters or that one thirsty guy from the show about catching them all.

"Well, who's going, then?" tsundere-chan asked, crossing her arms angrily and flinging pudding all over the place as a consequence.

"Well... do you remember that poll from this morning?" she asked. "Where you had to rank everybody according to their Combat Power, Intelligence, Attractiveness, Morality, and Diligence?"

The blue-haired one nodded emphatically, but said nothing.

"That was annoying to fill out..." tsundere sighed.

"But important," Mother Margaret responded, gently chiding her. "It turns out, those opinions would be used to determine who got to go."

!!!

T-that! That kind of quantitative test-taking really spoke to my Japanese high-schooler spirit! I was getting a little excited now! I don't know the exact criteria they used, but I could only assume that that meant I'd get the hottest, smartest, strongest girl in the entire order! Forget a lame pudding contest between a handful of girls! This was the real way to decide on a romantic partner! Standardized opinion polls!

"So? Who was it?" Green-hair asked, running her hand through her hair and accomplishing nothing but smearing more pudding into it.

"Well... I suppose we can have a more formal announcement later, but we're already all here." Mother Hagatha replied.

She turned and smiled a wide grin at Ciel, her tooth glinting in the light.

"Congratulations, Ciel!" she cackled.

Ciel blinked at her, her eyes going wide. "H-huh?!" She looked up in my direction, staring at me in my bush form, probably trying to see if I was hiding behind the bush. Heh... she'd never suspect the truth. But... hang on a second...

"R-really?" she asked, blushing a bit and gripping her arm at the elbow, while her other hand clenched at the fabric of her dress. "Y-you mean it's me? You read it right, right?"

Hmm... well... tomboys are nice and all, but I don't know if I would have picked one so soon on my journey. Still! My new harem member was decided, at least! It's like the saying goes: A bush in the hand is worth two... of something. I don't remember, actually. The important thing is that the decision had been made for me, which meant I could do what I do best:

Act without thinking!

"Alright!" I said, unbushing instantly and causing Bonbon to yelp from my sudden movement. "There's no time to waste! Onwards, to adventure!"

I shot a finger gun at Ciel, who was staring at me in bewilderment, swaying slightly from the sudden rush of emotion, probably caused by seeing me in person.

"Ciel, welcome to the team! I've spent way too long in this cramped giant castle, so I need to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible! Meet us by the gate with everything you want to bring."

I nodded sagely, giving her a kind smile. "I'm not some kind of inconsiderate jackass though, so make sure to say goodbye to all of your friends. I'll meet you down there in two and half minutes."

"Bonbon!" I shouted, causing the elf chef to yelp in surprise. "It's time to go!"

She gave me a suspicious look, backing away and holding her apron at the ready.

"Y-you're not still trying to kill me, right?"

Huh? I gave her a confused look, shaking my head in disbelief to make it clear how dumb the thing she just said was.

"Why on Badass Isekai LitRPG world would I want to kill you?"

She blinked at me, letting out a nervous titter like she was experiencing delirious whiplash or something.

'W-why?! Y-you were just... you said you had a quest to kill elves! Y-you!"

I scratched my chin as she made incoherent Bonbon noises in my general direction. A quest to kill elves? I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that. But... I wouldn't want to tell a woman she was lying. Not if she was hot, anyways. Maybe I'd better kill her just to be safe. I reached for my katana slowly, but then gasped as I suddenly came to a realization.

Wanda! That poor thing! She'd been alone in prison this whole time!

"There's no time for that now," I told Bonbon, "We'll deal with it later!"

"D-deal with it?!"

I ignored her. "For now, we need to rescue Wanda! Come on!"

I activated [Shapeshifter], dhalsiming my arm out to 12 feet long to grab her by the wrist, then snapping it back to its normal size as I leapt out the window.

"There's no time to waste!"

Later that night, Mother Exposita was busy rereading through the Hero's Legendary Quest, speaking to the open air in case anybody walking by happened to need a loredump. A knock at her door interrupted her, and Mother Margaret came into the room, carrying a small lantern and a tray of food for the elderly nun. She navigated carefully around a pile of books as she entered.

"Ah... Margaret. Good to see you."

Margaret bowed her head. "May you have a kami-kool day," she prayed.

"Amen," Exposita agreed, shifting the giant book over slightly with her pallet jack to make room for the food on her desk. The lamp flickered, shining light on the hundreds of volumes stacked around the dark office, and lining the walls. Lady Exposita loved books, and her office was a true treasure trove. Mother Margaret was glad to have her around. As an order exclusively for Paladins, it was nice to have such a dedicated [Lorekeeper] to manage their records. Mother Exposita was fierce in combat, but more importantly, she was wise beyond her years, a veritable yeast of thought and mind.

"We live in exciting times," Exposita mused. "Kamiko has been so active as of late, I was worried that there would be another Silence soon. I was prepared to live out the last of my days without Her divine guidance. Yet... if the [Legendary Hero] has truly arrived once more..."

She smiled, bowing her head. "I'm glad to have lived long enough to see it."

Mother Margaret smiled warmly, creating a warm cup of tea with her [Instant Tea] Ara Arte. "It is exciting, isn't it?"

"Yes... I am curious, though, Maggie," the ancient Lorekeeper asked. "How did you decide to send Ciel to go with the Hero?"

Margaret sighed, sitting on a nearby stack of large books. Mother Exposita opened her desk drawer and pulled out a ruler, causing the younger nun to immediately jump to her feet.

"Well... Kamiko gave us... very explicit directions on how to grade the surveys. She... well..."

Margaret looked away, somewhat uncomfortable, tiny cute sweat droplets flying from her head like beams of light from a lightbulb. "She, well... asked us to pick the [Paladin] who had... scored lowest on the Attractiveness scale."

Exposita grunted, a low, bearlike chuckle. "As decided by her fellow [Paladins]?" She shook her head. Ciel wasn't the most beautiful of the Paladins in the order, but she was far from the ugliest. That particular title was a tossup between Ugly Kathy and Extra Ugly Beatrice.

"So it was really a question of who was least popular, then?"

Margaret's fretting intensified. She ran her fingers along the spine of a nearby book, resting her other hand on her cheek. Her tea cup disappeared into her [Personal Storage].

"Ara ara..." she whispered. "I... I suppose Kamiko works in mysterious ways. Perhaps it's... an opportunity for growth?"

Exposita chuckled instead, giving the younger nun an arch expression. The older nun was a bit too jaded to believe that. Even a Goddess was fallible. Even the Scion was fallible. She'd read thousands of the ancient texts. Perhaps even hundreds of thousands. She was privy to knowledge that could be claimed to be held by very few others. Even among the long-lived races, she excelled in the obsessive depths to which she dedicated her research.

"I wonder..." she said instead. She looked up at the ceiling, wondering whether Yggdrisia was watching with interest. The boy was rash, and not exactly wise. Exposita couldn't help but laugh. Things were bound to get... quite interesting, soon. Certainly a time to be alive.

After all, history had a tendency to repeat itself.