"Well then, widely~"

There was the sound of a camera shutter. TeStar members, who were sitting by the pool, smiled at the camera with arms around each other's shoulders.

Of course, I was also included.

"The pictures came out well. You worked hard~"

"Thank you!"

We were shooting for a summer package since we came all the way to the US. It was the kind that combined pictorials and simple reality show type of video content.

And in the video content this time, roommates were assigned with the production crew's request to make a combination that have not been seen before.

That was how Park Moondae and Ryu Chungwoo ended up sharing the same room.

I was hanging on to the end.

"Moondae, the towel."

"...Yes."

I snatched the towel and wiped my neck.

I felt nauseous.

'Sigh.'

I tried to restrain myself as much as I could. I couldn't be sure if it would be caught on camera or not.

'...Damn it.'

I was also aware. Ryu Chungwoo had done nothing wrong.

But what was I supposed to do when I thought of that shit? Every time I saw him... I was reminded of it.

Because of this, the roommate content was almost completely devastated. Since I couldn't even talk properly in my room.

That was my limit.

No matter, I just hoped that there wouldn't be rumors about discord within the group. Once... once I got back to Korea and took a step back, it would get better.

'...I'm going crazy.'

As soon as the break time was announced, I got up from my seat.

In a little while, I was going to stay away from my roommates since I thought they would make me go down some water slides.

However, my tail got stuck again.

"Uh-uhmm..."

"What is it?"

"T-this."

Seon Ahyun, who followed me, held out a takeout cup. There was a steaming drink in it.

Seeing that he also had a cup in his hand, it must have been handed out by the staff.

"..."

I accepted the cup. Otherwise, he would have kept talking if I didn't accept it.

Seon Ahyun did not leave even after handing the drink and sat down at a vague distance.

But instead of talking to me, he sipped his drink while secretly glancing at me.

It was quiet.

"..."

I lost strength in my shoulders.

As I sat on the flower bed, I brought the hot drink to my mouth.

'This is hot chocolate.'

It was terribly sweet.

* * *

After riding a water slide across the shark aquarium, a content where we gathered and exchanged questions and answers was carried out.

It was bearable.

"Okay~ Then let's pick the question!"

Keun Sejin smiled and took a question out from a box.

"Hmm, it's 'the member I've become close with recently'. Seems like I won't get many votes on this. Since I! Have always been close with everyone!"

Let's get it over with.

"For me, it's Lee Sejin."

"Gasp! Moondae, you've been relying on me a lot these days, haven't you? I'm so touched! I'll also pick you, Moondae~"

Keun Sejin, who quickly changed his posture, smiled and patted my back.

"Well, what about our Yujin?"

"It's Bae Sejin hyung! I like my roommate."

We moved on to the next person right away, so there was no need for me to say more. Since the response was moderately funny, it shouldn't look strange.

"Hahaha, me again?"

The laughter and chattering continued for a while.

A few questions passed by... and by the end of this...

The last question came out.

"This is the last question card. 'What is the difficult life experience that you overcame?' Hmm, this seems like a question that can have a lot of examples."

"...Ah~ Is it a bit gloomy for a last question? How about having a chance to pick another one?"

"...? I think this one is meaningful and nice!"

The question came back with Kim Raebin's response.

...Starting from Ryu Chungwoo.

"Hmm, an experience I've overcome. Actually, the reason I quit archery... wasn't voluntary. I heard that I got in a car accident while traveling with my family when I was very young."

Stop.

"I quit because of the aftereffect from that time."

...No, I was filming. Let's think about something else.

"But since I got to meet you guys and was able to debut and be active like this, I can just accept it as the turning point in my life. Thanks, guys. Thank you Loviewers!"

"I like it!"

"...Is it okay to talk about this?"

"Haha, I think this is the first time I'm talking about this in front of the camera, but I wanted to do it since the fans will watch it."

"Ooh, Chungwoo hyung's experience is too strong~ Let's just surrender and choose a new question. Since Yujin has to choose one, too!"

"I'll choose!"

I felt like throwing up.

"...Park Moondae!"

"Wait. The bathroom."

I got off the sofa and left the room full of lights. I ran down the dark hallway and entered the bathroom.

"Haah."

Fortunately, nothing came up to my throat. No, was it fortunate? If I concentrated on my actions, I could stop thinking...

"Shut up."

I turned on the water in the sink and stuck my head in.

The cold water was comfortable.

"...Moondae-ya!"

"Moondae-ssi, are you okay?"

"Hyung!"

I heard voices calling for me outside. It was a relief that the content was self-produced. If this was a general broadcast, it couldn't be fixed.

'I have to go out.'

But I couldn't remove my head. In a little while... Just a little bit more...

"Stop."

I lifted my head out of the water.

And after roughly wiping off the water, I opened the bathroom door.

A few staff and some members were standing outside the door.

"...I'm sorry. I just felt a little sick in my stomach."

"...It's fine. Are you okay? Are you able to film now?"

"...Yes."

Keun Sejin stepped in.

"Park Moondae. They said it was okay to postpone the filming here for a bit. If you need some rest..."

"It's the same anyway. Let's just do it."

After I wiped off all the water, I continued with the filming. And this time it was finished without any major problems.

"See you again, Loviewer~"

However, I realized.

That this was going to be a big fucking problem.

'I need to come up with a countermeasure.'

In the evening, the full-fledged filming was over.

Instead of going back to Ryu Chungwoo's room, I went to the garden behind the hotel to organize the situation.

First of all, my condition was blatantly PTSD. There was no room for further discussion about that.

The problem was that I thought this would subside over time, but now that I had reached this point, I was slowly getting skeptical about how long it would take until then.

'...I don't have an answer.'

If my recovery took more than two or three months, there would be problems with TeStar's future activities.

Then I would have no choice but to hope that restarting was possible if I really died from the status abnormality.

'...It's more of a problem to think that it would be okay even if everything ends.'

It was clear what would happen to the mind. I sighed.

Bzzzt-

At that moment, the phone in my pocket vibrated.

When I took it out and checked, there was a call coming from an unexpected name.

It was Chungryeo.

"...Huu."

Normally, I just wouldn't answer. However, right now I had to take it.

I couldn't help but ask if he had ever received these shitty status abnormality rewards.

"...Hello."

When I answered the phone, a slightly puzzled voice responded.

"Yes, I see. What's your business?"

"If you don't have any business then I'll start with mine."

"Have you ever seen any kinds of illusions?"

"During missions."

For a while, there was silence on the other side of the phone, then soon an answer came.

"...!"

"..."

What was up with this bastard?

He must have thought I was seeing illusions because of my stress. If that was the case then, first of all, this bastard had never received any status abnormality rewards.

Advice.

"Do it."

Yeah, really. After all, I didn't think I would keep in mind anything I heard from this guy now anyway.

Let's have the conversation start with the restarting.

Then I heard a calm voice from the other side of the phone.

"..."

"..."

...It was going to disappear.

For the first time, I made an apparent assumption.

Let's say that I could really go back. Let's assume that if I also failed, I would go back to Park Moondae's 20th birthday.

So then, the current 22-year-old Park Moondae until now would cease to exist and I had to try to make it again from scratch.

Having done it once, it would surely be more convenient. If I brought even one lottery number with me, I could live in a safe place right at the start. And I could do things better in the beginning. Since I already knew everything.

Avoid all the tiring and embarrassing things that happened from the first filming of to the debut, and make a group with better members...

'No.'

...I didn't want that.

It was funny, but even if I overcame all the status abnormalities like that...

I didn't think I would be happier than now. The hardships and troubles, all the things I did with these young guys who were still wet behind the ears... Before I knew it, I came to think of these achievements as my own.

And even if I built it like this again, it would never have the same meaning as it did now.

Of course, things were a bit of a mess right now. Still, it wasn't right to give up now because of this.

My head had cleared up a bit.

I opened my mouth.

"Since it could disappear, I'll have to try harder."

"Thank you for your advice, sunbae-nim."

"Then, so be it. No matter what anyone does, I won't do it. Then, I will go now."

I hung up the phone.

And I thought.

'This bastard can be helpful too.'

Surprisingly, my rationality, which had left the house, seemed to return after talking to Chungryeo over the phone.

So let's objectively find the best choice for the current situation.

There was only one answer... if there were no signs of recovery at this rate.

'A halt in activities due to health problems.'

In my experience, if I took medicine and lived in seclusion by myself for about a month, I would feel better. This would be better than having rumors about discord within the group.

If I explained to the other guys that seeing Ryu Chungwoo's face would make me feel psychotic, contact between me and Ryu Chungwoo would be eliminated as much as possible.

It would be uncomfortable for both of us but the complaint should go to the company since the company was responsible for holding onto a guy who wanted to recuperate.

Still, I wanted to do as little damage as possible, so I hoped that the company would accept the halt of activities.

'Should I do it like this?'

I left the garden and began to return to the room.

Now that I calmed down a bit, it seemed to be possible to greet him.

'I'll endure it somehow until the shoot for this summer package is over.'

There was no other way. After all, when we left tomorrow, all I had to do was to get the ending cut.

I could endure that much.

But when I opened the door and entered, I saw an unexpected sight.

"...You're back?"

Ryu Chungwoo was sitting on a chair with bottles of alcohol on top of the table.

"..."

I slowly backed out towards the door and closed it...

"I took off all the cameras. You can drink."

"..."

I realized at that moment that I was desperate for a drink.

'Damn it.'

I knew that drinking alcohol in this situation wouldn't do me any good. But...

"Here."

I reached out for a bottle. And opened it.

I put it in my mouth like that.

Only then did I realize that my mouth was shaking. I heard the sound of teeth hitting the mouth of the bottle.

"..."

I turned around and kept pouring the drink down my throat.

I didn't think about anything.

Then, a voice was heard.

"You're holding something back from me, aren't you?"

"..."

"You're just trying to hold it in because you're afraid it might end up being irreversible if you blow up, am I right?"

I could hear the sound of carbonation leaking.

"Just tell me. I don't get hurt by these kinds of things."

That's why, even if I fucking told you, you wouldn't understand the situation.

This... this wasn't a situation that could be understood with common sense.

This guy didn't even do anything wrong at all.

Seeing as I didn't even know about his name in the first place, he was a distant relative I didn't know much about. The Pungsan Ryu clan did a lot of things together so they must have gone together.

'And since he was in such a big accident, his parents wouldn't have time to worry about other things. I mean, at the funeral, I didn't even see...'

I poured the drink down my throat again.

I couldn't stand this, damn it.

I picked up a new bottle. I could hear a calm voice again.

"...Okay. Then speak within the boundary that's acceptable to you. I won't say anything."

"..."

"I won't even mention anything about the hospital or the company."

At that moment, unexpected words came out of my mouth.

"Because I'm envious."

"?"

"I'm jealous of you."

And I realized it at the same time as I spoke.

I was jealous of this guy.

If I went on the trip that day and got hurt like Ryu Chungwoo, perhaps my parents didn't go to that damned pension to follow me in the ambulance.

It wasn't simply because he reminded me of the accident but because I couldn't stand this bastard.

Seeing him talk about the greatest fortune in his life was an ordeal that made my stomach churn.

"I'm jealous... that your parents are fine and you live doing everything you want to do."

"...!"

I put down the finished drink and took a deep breath.

I said such crazy things... but oddly enough, I felt refreshed.

Ryu Chungwoo did not answer for a long time.

And after a while, he handed me another bottle.

"Did you remember something in your sleep?"

"What?"

"I heard from Raebin. It seems like you recall your old memories in your sleep."

"..."

"I must have sounded all high and mighty when I brought up the aftermath of the car accident."

...It seemed like he misunderstood that Park Moondae's parents died in a car accident.

In front of a guy whose family died in a car accident, he must have felt like he was whining about some aftereffects of a car accident.

...It was similar.

"I'm sorry, for talking about that."

"You don't have to apologize."

"Still, hearing an apology would help you feel a little better. Look, it's been a while since I've had a conversation with you."

"..."

"Moondae-ya. Just... it's okay for you to comfortably talk about this to me."

Ryu Chungwoo opened another bottle.

"People, in the face of fear and pain, will get angry and blame others, but that's okay."

"..."

"I was like that when I had just quit archery. There couldn't be such a reality."

Ryu Chungwoo smiled faintly.

"But you didn't seem to be able to do that. It's okay, so you can do it now. How can a person always live rationally?"

"..."

I put the bottle down.

My hands were trembling slightly.

"...I didn't want to live a difficult life."

I thought I managed to do pretty well.

Until I graduated from high school, I received support here and there, and I was able to save on living expenses since I was good at using my hands.

Although I didn't think it was that bad, I put up with it since it couldn't be helped. I guess I really hated it.

"But I couldn't live like that so it felt like shit."

"...Yes."

"It was, beyond my control."

I opened a new bottle.

I thought it would feel uncomfortable after saying it, but it was surprisingly okay.

Perhaps it was because of the alcohol... but anyway, for now, it was like this.

I quenched my throat slowly.

I wasn't sure since I was drunk, but it seemed that even after that, I just lined up words and sentences without any context.

Ryu Chungwoo didn't particularly cut in but reacted occasionally.

Then, at the end, he finally brought up his words.

"I said I wouldn't mention the hospital, but... still, it would be better for you to get counseling when we get back to Korea. Together with Ahyun."

"..."

"I'm not saying this because I think you're out of your mind, I'm saying this because you seem to be struggling."

"Okay."

"You've got a lot of money, so spent some of it on yourself."

"Okay."

I swallowed a drink.

"But it's still hard to look at you."

Ryu Chungwoo looked taken aback for a moment, then he laughed out loud for the first time.

"Haha, let's take it slow. It's not like we won't see each other for a month or two, so it's okay to spend some time apart from each other."

"...Okay."

He was right.

"But Moondae-ya. Use some honorifics. You've been talking informally all of a sudden."

"...!"

I... completely forgot.

As requested, I kept drinking as I restored the honorifics.

The topic of conversation went a little off the track and we didn't sit face to face, but it wasn't too awkward.

I found out the next day that all the bottles were room service and we were charged a crazy price, but it didn't feel like a waste.

Fortunately, after returning to Korea, there was a new schedule waiting that allowed me to spend time alone in between schedules.

It was a personal appearance that was put off since I had to go to the US.