I honestly don't remember how my went along. I was probably . Just like I did when I turned 19, 22 and 24.

This thought left a bittersweet taste in my mouth, which was why, when I turned , I closed the books, walked away from my desk, and gave myself the .

It wasn't a day; far from it.

But I was surrounded by people that and cared for me enough, to get out of their way and spend their day with me.

I was grateful.

1 - 192

Still trying to the bitch at her own game, but I will get there, one way or another.

We were the only twins in the family, Markus and I, so naturally, birthdays were always a big deal for everyone. Back in Italy, organizing a get-together for the whole family was a monthly occurrence. But birthdays were always a great feast. Gathering around our grand mahogany table in the living room we weren't allowed to enter on a regular day, was a cause for celebration on its own. Adding delicious food followed by sweet intricacies was like a dream.

Until we moved to the US.

Here, getting older shifted from the beautiful memories we had as kids, to something uncertain, and the thought of getting another year older created a pressure I wasn't aware of in the safety of my home.

It was weird how everyone expected birthdays to be this magically perfect day.

Birthdays became overwhelming. The days leading up to the event were downright depressing; especially when everyone expected it to be the happiest day instead.

Markus was like that too, and throughout the years, we tried to hide the date from all the strangers that quickly became acquaintances and then friends. But more often than not, our attempts were futile, equating to nothing, if Stella had anything to say about it.

Surprisingly, having people that cared about us all in the same place for this one miniscule day in the calendar, was enough to diminish the gravity of most useless thoughts in my mind. Instead, I put all my energy into appreciating the moment; the words my nonna once shared with me putting me at ease.

"The first one's for my chica!" Stella said, a charming smile on her face as she handed the first piece of cake to me.

"Hey, not fair. I was born first!" Markus reached a hand, almost knocking off the plate in Stella's hands, before I pulled it out of her hands swiftly.

"You had the first piece last year." I ran behind Brandon, escaping away from Markus' clutches as I cut through the soft layers of cake and cream with my spoon. "And it's not the end of the world. We're twins, damn it. Now, get over it."

"Strong words for someone who's hiding behind her boyfriend," he spit out, but Brandon was immovable force, and he wouldn't dare try anything, when Brandon was already crossing his hands in front of his chest.

"I will take advantage when I can, Markus," I said, pushing the first spoonful inside my mouth, suppressing a satisfied moan at the velvety texture of the cake and light citrusy aftertaste of the cream-filling. "Dio mio, this is good! Now take your piece and move out of the line. People are waiting."

It was no surprise Markus lost their staring contest when, with a chuckle, Brandon turned towards me, his hands caressing down my waist, as he pulled me closer.

"Are you happy?" he asked, his question taking me by surprise, as my eyes traveled up his face.

"Mhmm... I'm very happy," I said around another spoonful, nodding my head furiously as the sweetness overwhelmed my senses.

"Anything you need to tell me?"

His next question I didn't expect, my hand suspended in the air, as the next spoonful never reached my mouth. He reached towards me instead, taking the bite of delicious cake for himself. A sound of appreciation escaped his mouth, and I stared unintelligently, trying to find the right words, as he licked his lips.

"That was mine." My voice was a whisper, meant for the space between us.

He rest his forehead on my own, exhaling deeply. Something was weighing him down, and the altercations of my actions today would only make things worse.

"I need to tell you someth-"

"Hey, chica! Look who came. It's Nelle and Gordon."

I never finished my sentence, before I was pulled away from Brandon, forced to walk towards the main entrance, where both Nelle and Gordon were currently shedding off their jackets.

"You guys, it's been such a long time."

"Happy birthday you two," Nelle said, pulling me in a hug, before she did the same to Markus.

"I guess hospital life caught up with us. You know how it is," Gordon said with a shrug, before he followed Nelle's example, wishing us happy birthday.

"We missed the surprise, but we're so glad we made it before it was too late," Nelle continued, as she handed us a bottle of wine. "We weren't sure what was appropriate, but it seemed fitting, since it's our first time coming here."

Even though our internships started together, it was difficult to stick to our monthly gatherings or hang out together, especially with the career-stress and constant pressure. While Nelle remained with her choice in anesthesiology and we met more often than not in surgery, Gordon switched back to surgery only recently, so he had some catching up to do.

Taking the cleanly-wrapped bottle from her hands, I thanked them both, proceeding to walk them to the living room where the rest of the guests and food were.

Gordon was entranced with the place, glancing around him like a lost puppy, as I suppressed a giggle. Brandon's house wasn't ridiculously large, but I knew owning your own property was the hardest in this day and age, so I understood the appeal of owning your own property.

"Drink this. You're gonna love it," my best friend said, handing out wine glasses from a tray Mia was holding.

It was filled with a golden, bubbly liquid, ice and cranberries floating around in their latest concoction. I brought it closer for inspection, while eyeing both of them.

"What's this?"

"It's not strong. Trust me. You're gonna love it," Mia repeated Stella's words, making my anxiety flare instead of calming me down.

But alas, I couldn't discourage their effort, so I took a sip, still wary of the excitement in their eyes. The moment the liquid touched my taste buds, I was overcome with a fruity flavor, leaving a fresh aftertaste, that positively surprised me.

"It's good," I said, amazement in my voice. "It's really good!"

My reaction made Stella giggle, and with a triumphant look, she turned towards her boyfriend, expectedly.

"See! I knew she was gonna like it," she exclaimed, connecting eyes with an amused Markus as she brought another glass with the same mix to her lips.

Mia followed suit, before she skipped around the living room, sharing with our guests the rest of the available wine glasses she had on her tray. Just like me, they eyed her suspiciously, before Liam took the first step, encouraging the rest with his initiative.

"What?" Brandon asked, emerald orbs following the movement of my lips morphing into a knowing smirk.

"Nothing," I said innocently, meeting his gaze, eyes shining with mirth.

"You shouldn't keep secrets from me, Angel." His tone was teasing, but I knew he meant every word.

"I'm still on the same page as you are."

Standing on my toes, I kissed the corner of his lips, when I met Savi's expected eyes over his shoulders. A pang of guilt rushed right through me, at the lie I told him.

After everything that happened today, in this setting I was forced to relax and enjoy myself. It wasn't hard, when I was surrounded with people that cared for and loved me. But I was soon reminded of the nagging feeling at the back of my head; what I had to do.

"I'll be right back," I said, voice small, as I walked towards Savi, who was stepping away from the rest of the crowd, towards the hallway.

"I want to tell him about today," I blurted out the second it was just the two of us.

"You should." I thought I got used to her nonchalant expression, but it was still so frustrating.

"How do I explain her appearance today?"

"He's not stupid, Erika. I'm sure with your input, he can put together the pieces of the puzzle you don't yet see."

"That's all you have to say?" I knew my face was flushing hot, as my voice got louder.

Instead of answering, she brought her glass to her lips, gulping down half of its contents.

"Thank you for coming here," I said, my tone softer and filled with regret. She didn't deserve to be the receiver of my anger.

"It was no problem. I got to fill Dr. Marshall in on how things went today, as well."

"You told him, with all these people around?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Ricci. No one heard," she said, rolling her eyes at my second outburst. "Besides... don't you trust these people? They're your family and friends."

"Well, yeah, but... still. I would hate putting them in danger because they heard something they shouldn't."

"Noted!" she dismissed my concerns with a deep sigh.

It was quiet between us for a few breaths, both of us resting our backs against the wall, when her next words surprised me.

"The only one missing is Brandon's uncle, Eli."

I turned to her, ready to question where she knew him from, only to be reminded of everything she had told me up until now.

She knew a lot more about this family than I gave her credit for.

I only wondered, when her own secrets would see the light of day.

"He avoids crowded places, like clubs and parties."

"But finds solace in a good game of MMA? That's the King family, for you," she said over the rim of her glass.

"I bet he'd be the first to attend a game without fans whatsoever." She chuckled at my remark, the first one I'd seen in weeks.

Before our conversation could unfold further, we both turned towards the heavy footsteps coming our way.

"Sì, mama. I have her here," Markus said, giving me his phone. "It's mom," he whispered, before returning to his guests.

"Hey mom," I said in a cheery voice, as I mouthed a quiet 'sorry' to Savi who was already stepping away.

"Sweetheart! Happy birthday, tesoro mio!" She sounded tired, but happy all the same. I looked at the time, making the math in my head, as I realized it was hours after midnight back home.

"Did you just get home?" I asked, realizing she must have stayed at the restaurant until now.

"Yeah, it was a long day today. Your dad is still there, helping the others before tomorrow morning's delivery."

It always baffled me how many hours they both spent at the restaurant. Before long, Markus and I started doing our homework in a corner in the restaurant's kitchen, so we could spend some time with our parents. It wasn't always easy, and most nights we helped around the restaurant as well before closing time, so mom and dad shouldn't stay long after midnight.

"Hey mom... do you know a family called Moretti?" I blurted out, remembering the name I heard that night at the club.

It was quiet for a few breaths, before she asked, her voice heavier. "Where did you hear that name?"

"I didn't... just in passing." I tried to sound casual, but the ominous sound of her trembling voice created a heavy feeling in my stomach.

"Stay away from that family, Erika. Do you understand?" This time, her voice morphed into something else, and I could almost see her stern expression right before my eyes.

"Mom, it's nothing like that... I just-"

"Just promise me, Erika!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. I promise."

I didn't know the reason behind her distress, but her reaction, along with what happened that night at the club, was enough warning for me to take her scolding seriously.

Still, the self-eating anger from before came full force, demanding answers.

"You know, I turned twenty-five, today."

"I remember it pretty well, Erika. I was your age, when I gave birth to you and your brother," came her own remark. I could almost see her in front of me, pulling up her sleeves, getting ready for one of those quarrels I didn't miss between us.

"Instead of trying to protect me like a little kid, you could just tell me the truth... or give me your advice and guide me." My voice remained even, but still carried the same bone-crashing strength I inherited from her, as my fury was directed this time towards my own mother.

"Ah, tesoro mio... you haven't changed one bit," she sighed, a light, knowing chuckle coming through the receiver. "I don't wanna fight you, Eri. I just want you to be careful."

Another pang of guilt engulfed me. Instead of fighting the world, I should take a breath, put things down, and do what I was best at: overthink this, until the spiderweb was but a fine thread of silk I could make sense of.

I felt overwhelmed by everything, but as I was about to apologize, the pang of the door to the kitchen distracted me, and I ended the call quickly with a short: I gotta go. Te amo mama.

The scene unfolding in the kitchen surprised me, but I said nothing as I remained frozen, like a statue in place, like a spectator during a performance.

"I shouldn't have come here," the woman said, spinning around to walk outside the back door.

"Wait!" Jaxon said, catching her wrist to turn her around, before she escaped. "Please... don't do this."

"I didn't know you'd be here. I only came, because Brandon asked me to," her voice broke at the end, balancing a small bundle over her hip with her free hand; a child.

"Please... Stay, and I'll... I'll go instead. He waited a long time to see you again." My heart broke at the pained sound of his voice.

"You don't have to-"

"I know. I just... you're uncomfortable around me, I get it. So, I'm giving you space and time." His voice was barely above a whisper, trying not to frighten the woman further, as he reluctantly let go of her hand, stepping away.

She nodded with a sad smile that never reached her eyes, before pulling the child closer to her, whispering words I couldn't hear.

When her eyes met mine, her cheeks reddened, and with an apology whispered under her breath, she turned to escape once more.

"Wait!" I said, but it wasn't my voice that stopped her in her tracks.

It was Brandon's.

"Ariana?"

Well, how late is it to wish all of you a ?

I'm not good with new year's resolutions. But it's something I'm trying to change. So fingers crossed on that front.

Now, the most important thing happened this week.

My her very first , !!!!! I am so proud of you, love, for achieving your goals and for pushing forward! (Link in the comment section)

And can we talk about this , please? How is this? Like, for the love of God and everything that is holy, look at that!!!

all for being patient with me!! I take nothing for granted!

Love,

Dear J