***Reginald, AKA Barrel of Monkeys***

Reggie was currently in his mercenary office, negotiating with the hottest woman he’d ever met. Unfortunately she was also the craziest.

“I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t just agree to be your bodyguard without payment up front,” Reggie said, clasping his fingers in front of him and desperately trying not to look down the woman’s shirt. If you could even call it a shirt.

Her outfit offered no protection from the elements, and looked more at home on a priestess of pleasure. They had heated temples. Reggie was half-convinced she was one, who’d snapped somehow and was engaging in some kind of escapist fantasy.

“But I have it on high authority that we’re the chosen ones,” Jocelyn said with a full-lipped pout. “We’re sure to get plenty of treasure.”

“I’m not sure what ‘authority’ there is on such a thing, but there is no way I can justify sending my team out on a dangerous treasure hunt into the ruins of the old capital, which is no doubt riddled with monsters, based on nothing but word of mouth.”

“Perhaps a demonstration is in order,” Jocelyn said, holding up her hand.

A plume of flame burst to life above her palm, then took on a life of it’s own turning into a sinuous snakelike dragon, growing in size as it wrapped around her body, it’s head emerging from behind her shoulder, tenfold increased in size.

It regarded Reggie for a moment before diving forward.

“Gah!” Reggie flinched backward.

The serpent of flame dove into her palm, emitting a burst of heat as it shed flame and shrunk down to nothing.

She’s a sorceress. She sure isn’t dressed like one. Sorceresses generally wore sturdy breastplates with high collars to prevent lethal shots from archers. Nobody else ever got a chance. The new information required digestion.

Given Jocelyn’s power, there was a lot more potential that she wasn’t just a crazy, and this might actually pay out for him. On the other hand, the odds that his client would sacrifice him to a dark god was that much higher, too.

The life of a mercenary was a tough one, and surviving meant choosing your clients with the utmost discretion.

“Hmm. Judging by your silence, that didn’t work. Maybe this will convince you?” She squished her chest together between her hands.

“Ahem,” Reginald broke his gaze away. “I’ve decided to help you – because of your previous demonstration, providing we get a distribution of the treasure returned from the ruin. Fifteen percent.”

“five percent?”

“Twelve.”

“Eight?” She said, pouting and tilting her head.

“Ten, and that’s final.”

“Okay!” She broke into a smile and shook his hand.

“Now I know why those neckbeards wanted this form. Quite powerful, these things.” she muttered to herself as she left, leaving Reggie even more confused than he’d already been.

I have never in my life taken less than fifteen percent…and with no money down!? He palmed his forehead. What was I thinking!? He knew what he’d been thinking, but it still didn’t make sense.

He’d be out quite a lot of money if this little excursion came up empty.

Oh well, if this is a wild goose chase, I can arrange for her companions to die in battle and sell their equipment to recoup some of my losses.

“Brett!” Reggie shouted.

“Yessir?” The pimply kid asked, ducking his head into the office.

“Tell everyone to gear up and meet by the front gate. We’ve got a job.”

***Later***

“What’s all this?” Gerome demanded pointing at Reggie’s team while glaring at Jocelyn.

“Bodyguards.” She said with a shrug.

“Since when do the chosen ones need bodyguards!?”

“My power is influence over people,” Jocelyn said with a shrug. “I’m exercising my power. Also, my character is the smart one.”

Gerome sighed and itched his head. “Fine, I guess that makes sense.”

“And you!” he pointed at their rogue/monk eldritch tentacle beast hidden under a concealing cloak. “Are you gonna lug that safe around with you everywhere we go!?”

“Almost…got it!” The safe swung open, revealing a pitiful assortment of copper and silver and a few notes with I.O.U’s and a box with a delicate ring inside.

“Nice,” Mars said, pocketing the ring and the cash, leaving the safe aside.

“I didn’t cause any trouble.” The suit of armor spoke.

“You burned down the tavern when the bar-wench showed no interest,” Gerome corrected.

“But am I slowing down the party?” Clank asked, standing in the gateway with his arms folded across his metal chest.

“Fair point.” Gerome said. “Let’s roll out!”

“Umm, boss…” Brett said, leaning over on his horse and casting Reggie a worried glance.

“Yeah, I’m starting to think I made a bad call, but I’ve already agreed to their terms. I can’t back out until they actually do something to betray our trust.”

That wasn’t entirely true, but it would play better with his troops if he had a justifiable reason to turn on their employers…other than them being totally insane.

Reggie glanced over the other members of his mercenary band: Sancho - an insufferable prick, but damn good at staying alive - Jace, a young man who was nearly supernaturally light on his feet, and Paula, a woman with incredible skills with the hand crossbow. She had one on either side of her waist, and a wide-brim hat to help protect her from the weather.

She refused to wear armor, and yet was somehow still alive. Reggie wasn’t one one to question something that worked.

So it was Reggie’s five, guarding four people who looked like they could tear apart half the city without breaking a sweat.

What did I get myself into?

***Perry***

Perry glanced up into the sky, squinting at the brilliant divine figure floating through the sky, blessing the land with illumination. Gram’pykins was past his zenith, heading towards the horizon. It was an inauspicious time to set out on travels, but it had to be done.

“So I never seen you riding a horse before,” Brendon said as they approached the east gate, walking placidly alongside Aegis.

“I’ve been riding since I was barely old enough to walk.” Perry said.

“Really? Cuz I never…Oh, this is your character, I get it now.” Brendon made a circle with his thumb and forefinger and winked.

“I kind of suspect you don’t get it.” Perry said.

“Then I am Grabnar the Barbarian!” Brendon said, pumping his fist in the air. “Slayer of witches and layer of B-“

“Paradox, fancy seeing you here,” Heather said, her delicate horse cantering up beside them. The heiress had changed into riding leathers that conformed to her body in a way that made it difficult not to stare.

Perry made a quick hand-sign to ward against evil, alas, the demon was too powerful.

In front of Heather was Natalie, looking thoroughly terrified at the sheer distance to the ground and the size of the animal. She must not have grown up with a stable.

“Miss, please slow down!” A slender young woman with short brown hair dressed in a conservative maid outfit said, desperately jogging after the horse.

“Perry, you’ve met my maid, Anne?”

“I’ve met her. My question is, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I lost the trail, and remembered you went the opposite direction, figured you had a plan, so I gathered up my things and followed you.”

“And Anne counts as one of your things?” Perry asked.

“Precisely. The little one insisted she come along to retrieve her grandmother’s ring.”

“Hey Natalie, hey Heather. Breaker, you’re in on the LARPing too? That’s cool. I thought you’d be wearing something easier to dance in though…did breakdancing exist in the middle ages?” Brendon mulled over the thought while everyone stared at him.

“What is that? Some kind of half-troll prophet?” Heather asked.

“How does he know our names?” Natalie asked.

“Well, he was completely off about Anne. She’s a terrible dancer.”

“Nah, man, Breaker’s pretty lit. I saw him practicing earlier in the lair.”

Perry, Nat, Heather and Anne exchanged glances.

‘Who is this guy?’ Heather mouthed at Perry.

Perry shrugged.

“Oh, I forgot to introduce myself!” Brendon said, raising the bone of his turkey leg. “My name is Grabnar the barbarian, slayer of witches and layer of B-“

“He said his name was Brendon.” Perry interrupted.

“Oh, come on, man,” Brendon whined. “Let me LARP with you guys!”

“You have no armor, no weapons, no transportation, and no food, save for a turkey bone,” Perry said. “How do you expect to join us?”

“I’ll figure something out.” Brendon shrugged.

“If he wants to get eaten by a vernock, it’s none of my concern,” Heather said with a shrug.”

Perry looked at the simpleton babbling strange aphorisms.

Remember: there are just some people headed for any early grave from sheer stupidity and it isn’t your responsibility to save them from themselves.

-Dad

“Alright, I guess he can come.”

“Heck yeah!” Brendon shouted.

***2 days later***

“Hey guys?” Brendon asked as he trudged along behind them, his body covered in mud and dirt from when he’d slept on the ground. “Are we still LARPing?”

“The campsite was only a few hours old,” Perry said. “We’re gaining on them.”

“Yeah, but…” Brendon glanced behind them. “Two days of nothing but walking down a road is pretty intense LARPing, ya know?”

“You keep using that word,” Heather said. “I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

“Live-Action Role-Play.” Brendon said, ticking off his fingers. “You know, when you get together and pretend it’s the middle ages or pretend you have magic and whack each other with foam swords. You know, the SCA?”

Perry frowned, looking at Brendon closely.

“You think this is a game?”

“I mean…obviously, it is, right?” Brendon asked.

It wasn’t an act, and Brendon seemed totally lucid. The young man honestly thought he was in absolutely no danger, and that they were doing this for their own amusement.

Something’s wrong.

Perry was about to respond when a vernock leapt out of the brush, pouncing on him in a flurry of claws and teeth.

Perry felt claws scrape against his forearms, and the creature’s dagger-like canines scratched past his ear, nearly piercing the soft tissue.

Rather than go for the thing’s throat and keep it close enough to maul him, Perry shoved the monster’s chest with his palm, mustering every ounce of his strength.

Body 5 -> 9

Stability 5 -> 1

The vernock was propelled violently backwards by a ludicrous amount of strength, tumbling violently in the air until it hit a tree.

Perry saw none of this as the recoil from the shove sent him flying out of the saddle, tumbling onto the ground.

Normally an uncontrolled fall from a horse was a dangerous thing, but Perry felt light as a feather and strong as an ox. He placed a palm down onto the road and bounced off of it, taking his entire body weight with one hand.

He spotted the vernock climbing back to it’s feet, the scaly lips peeling back into a snarl as it reoriented on him.

The world faded away as Perry Drew his sword. The trees, the road, the horses, his friends…everything but him and the vernock. The two of them circled each other on a flat plane of stars that spread out to infinity. No distractions.

The Vernock leapt, paws stretched wide to catch him if he dodged either direction. It seemed to float through speace, lazily, waiting for him to respond however he wished.

Perry placed his palm behind the saber in a wide stance and drove the blade through the creature, splitting it in half.

Body 9 -> 5

Stability 1 ->5

Perry let out a breath as the world faded back into existence.

“AIIIIIII!” A girlish shriek yanked him out of his own mind, drawing his attention to where Brendon was backpedaling, shoving a snarling vernock backwards with his legs. His pants were tattered and it wouldn’t be long before the creature made it through to flesh.

Naturally, it was Brendon’s fault for joining them, but something in Perry didn’t feel right about watching the musclebound simpleton get mauled.

Perry jammed his saber through the back of the creature’s skull, causing the snarling monster to seize up and collapse.

A vernock was a catlike creature of about a hundred pounds, with defensive scales and a mean attitude. They made excellent trail rations in a pinch.

“Thanks, Perry.” Brendon said, clutching his knees to his chest.

“You’re welcome.”

“You supers sure have some intense LARPing,” Brendon said, rocking in place. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“How does he still think this is a game?” Heather demanded, coming to stand in front of Brendon, arms akimbo, her ornate iron club dangling from a strap on her wrist.

“He’s displaying total confidence in that assessment,” Natalie said, kneeling down beside Brendon and patting him on the head. “I mean, any rational person would assume something is wrong with him, but –“

“ACK!”

A vernock tackled into Heather from behind, most likely attracted by her brilliant hair, which acted like a beacon.

Perry’s knees flexed and he charged forward, but the monster’s teeth were already latched around Heather’s neck.

Heather made a strange gurgling noise as the monster cinched its jaws shut around her neck, sending a wave of ice through Perry’s chest as he saw his friend die.

Then he saw his friend turn into a liquid, flip around and engulf the monster biting her, creating inward-facing teeth that shredded the creature in seconds, leaving nothing but a crimson slurry.

Perry skidded to a halt in the dirt road and began backpedaling.

“What just happened?” Heather asked, reforming, her face confused as she wiped the vernock off of her.

“WITCH!” Perry shouted, pointing. “Heather’s been possessed by a demon!”

“Oh, and I suppose your one-handed backflip was all natural?” Heather said, crossing her arms as Anne fussed over her scuffed-up clothes.

“I don’t know Heather, that did look pretty demonic.” Natalie said, sliding away from the redhead.

“Nah, my guys, that’s just something Heather can do.” Brendon said, coming to his feet and motioning to Heather. “She’s a shapeshifter, you guys are Tinkers. No witching involved.”

Brendon cocked his head. “You guys knew that…right?”

“What are you talking about!?” Perry demanded, nearly hyperventilating. He was just the son of the captain of the guard of a minor city. No more, no less.

And yet…the words flashing through his mind, and the way the world faded away during the fight. The sheer strength…It was like nothing he’d ever experienced.

Brendon pursed his lips and nodded at the three of them, who were each silently processing the strange dissonance in their own way. “I’m starting to suspect Something here…”

Brendon’s lips crooked into a knowing smirk.

“You guys are really good at LARPing.”