《Transcontinental》Vol.9 Ch.186 - Idle chit-chaT
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“Othelia!” Issei ran up to her as she was being escorted outside.
“Issei!” She noticed him and immediately began sprinting.
Running as if they saw something good happen for the first time in their lives, they couldn’t contain their excitement with each step closer that they got to each other. Soon enough, they embraced each other without sparing a single moment as the entire courtyard erupted in loud applause. Some already knew who she was from Issei’s stories, while others just read the room and clapped along with everyone else, but the reason behind the applause wasn’t really important. What was important though, was that these two were now together again.
“You look just as cute as I remember!” He immediately began praising her, “Eh, well, you kinda stink though…”
“You idiot!” She pushed him away in a hurry, “You don’t have to say it out loud! Besides, I’ve been stuck in that hole in the wall for a year straight, so of course I would sweat at times! Now where are the showers, goddammit!?”
Despite the somewhat rude remark, it seems Issei didn’t mean any ill will with the jab. He took her by the hand and insisted on escorting her there.
“You may be unfamiliar with the entire layout of the prison, so I think it best that I follow you to the showers.” He said with a face that definitely didn’t have any ulterior motives.
“Don’t make me angry now.” She giggled, “Oh, but before that, could I meet him?”
“Him?”
“That guy that would help secure the apples. M-kun, was it?”
“M-kun, you prick!” Issei called out to me with an annoyed face, “Get your ass over here, the lady wishes to have a word with you!”
“Ah, that’s me.” I stepped in, “Pleasure to meet you, Miss Othelia. My name is Meil Deram, but you may know me as M-kun.”
“You…” She stood mouth agape, “You’re much shorter than I envisioned.”
“Gee, thanks…”
“A-Ah! I didn’t mean it in a rude way!” She quickly back-paddled, “Actually, I find it rather cute how we’re the same height! It makes you look like a little dwarf, or a midget or something like that!”
“Othelia…” Issei grabbed her shoulder, “That’s enough. You’re only making things worse for the guy that saved you.”
“Right! Where are my manners!” She hastily grabbed hold of my hand, “For not only giving me tasty food to live off of this entire time, but also for being the only one who refused to give up until the very end, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Hm? What’s this? Her soft gaze that only showed innocence, her gentle smile which could thaw the coldest of icebergs, her silver hair that shone as the blinding sunlight reflected off of it. With all these factors, as well as the words she said previously in play, it seems I can’t help but to just blurt out the only words that were on my mind…
“No offense, but Issei is kind of right.” I pinched my nose, “You kind of smell right now, so please go to the showers with him.”
“Nooooo~!” She fell to the ground in despair while Issei dragged her inside with a smile on his face.
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“Hehe~! Nice assist, M-kun! Now come on, I’ll help you scrub off the hard to reach places~!”
“No the hell you will not!” She decked him once more.
Darn, what an odd pair. That being said, was I too harsh right now? I’m not good at reading emotions, so I might not have gotten my point across. The truth is, I was just trying to make a joke, but judging from her reaction just now, she seemed more horrified by my quip than humored. I wonder, just how does Issei do it?
“You think we should get someone to follow them?” Lee said with his arms crossed, “I don’t like that look on the kid’s face, it reminds me of my old bandit friends. It’s too sleazy…”
“No, they’ll be fine… probably.” Pierre approached us, “Now I’m by no means an expert in love, but I’d like to think I’m adept at pushing people together.”
“Ah, General!” I tidied myself up as I addressed him, “Once again, thank you for everything! Without you, we wouldn’t…”
“Now now, it was your words that made us act.” He hushed me, “Listen here, there is no man who is above others, nor is there a man who is below them. Very few people realize this, so they start practicing such abhorrent behavior. But all it takes is for one brave person to stand up for themselves to change everything.”
“That quote…!” Lee immediately hugged the General over the shoulder, “Haha! I know a fan of the BilBros when I see them!”
“Fan?” The General was surprised, “I invented that phrase! Don’t tell me my stupid brother’s stolen that part of our doctrine as well?”
“Your brother?” Lee shuddered.
“Jorgen Kaiser.” He spoke an unfamiliar name, to me at least.
“Whoaaa!” Lee jumped back in surprise, “Hold on, you’re the Jorgen Kaiser’s brother?!”
“Wrong.” The General gave him a rather unapologetic glare, “He’s the Pierre Kaiser’s brother! Don’t forget that!”
“Eh…?” I simply smiled along.
“Geez, why is everyone so hellbent on following him? He’s just a gang leader, a thug who refuses to fight in real wars.” The General badmouthed his brother, “I really ought to send him a letter telling him to quit playing those childish games and come here to make his family proud!”
“Didn’t you say that the wars are over in Sulfury?” Lee tilted his head.
“Yeah, a lot of things happened which you can read about as soon as the scholars of Simpleton make an updated history book on the matter.” Pierre then went on to explain, “But in short, Auros arrived at the battlefield and, thanks to some rather odd diplomatic negotiations, was swayed by a traveler to stop the wars in Sulfury permanently.”
Yeah right, and I’m the reincarnation of the Sun God! Did a piece of shrapnel get stuck in your head, guy? What’s with this stupid fairytale-like explanation? Surely, he can’t be serious…
“Oh, is that what happened?” Lee didn’t give it a second thought, “That’s nice. Means you can finally start restoring the place to how it was eons ago.”
“Wait, what?” I interjected, “You’re just going to believe this super unbelievable story of his?”
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“Kid, we live in a world where there are people who can spit fire out of their hands, summon up whatever it is they think up, not to mention a whole heap of probably yet to be discovered magical artifacts.” Lee then chuckled, “And you’re telling me that one of the Gods coming to check up on us is that hard to believe?”
Well, when you put it like that… I guess it really is difficult to not believe in them anymore, especially given the fact that I myself am one of the Wielders who can spit fire and summon up items at will. Sigh, I just had a change of mindset recently, so I’ve had my fill of world-shattering revelations at least for a while.
“So then, where will you guys be heading after this?” Pierre offered, “Since we need to attend a seminar with the king of Carmen, our army will be heading north. If you’d like, we could drop you off as long as we don’t stray too far from our path.”
“Whoa, really?” Lee thanked him, “Well, if that’s the case, then I’ll happily take you up on that offer! I’m going to Stringwood, is that alright with you guys?”
“Stringwood, Stringwood…” The General was lost in thought for a moment, “Hold on, let me just check my map here…”
While he and Lee were busying themselves with finding the smallish city on the map, I had to think of what I’d do next as well. Could I ask them for a ride to Simpleton? No, that’s just too far out. Then at least to the Eastern dock? Eh, even that’d be abusing their goodwill. Hm, what to do…
“Oi, what’s got you so bummed?” Issei approached me, holding his cheek which had a bright red slap mark on it, “Yeah, as you can probably guess, suggesting to go into the shower with her didn’t turn out so well…”
“What did you expect was going to happen?” I chuckled, “Did you seriously think she’d let you go in with her?”
“Ugh, and I was so close too!” He then began regaling me with the tale that I wasn’t that interested in, “She actually kind of agreed at first, if begrudgingly. I got naked, she got naked, we entered, but the moment I touched her chest – smack! Then she kicked me out.”
Sometimes I wonder if this guy really does deserve to stay in here as a proper inmate. He seriously has a problem with the female gender. No one man can be this horny. It’s just scientifically impossible to experience such high libido levels without getting a serious condition in his nether regions…
“You really should think about the other person when fooling around.” I warned him, “Even if we ignore the risk of pregnancy, one thing that’s way worse is a Sexually Transmitted Disease.”
“Hm?” He tilted his head before pointing to himself, “I’m a virgin though?”
“No way!” I yelled out in surprise, “For someone who constantly talks about wanting to cop a feel whenever a woman is present, you’re telling me not one woman actually let you go all the way?!”
“Stop, you’re hurting me emotionally…”
“But... Statistically speaking, trying this much should on average net you at least…”
“Kid.” Lee and Pierre both grabbed me by the shoulder, “Don’t go calculating how many times he should’ve gotten laid by now. If he hears the actual number, he might kill himself.”
“No, I gotta hear it now!” Issei begged me to finish my calculations, “I need to know for reference! I promise that I’ll reach that number soon!”
“You sure? Alright…” I then explained, “In the year we’ve known each other, you talked about women in your signature sleazy way 14 394 times.”
“Wait, you kept track of it all?!” Lee and Pierre were shocked.
“I keep tallies of everything.” I pointed to my brain, “It’s all stored in here. I don’t forget a single number.”
“That’s scary…”
“In any case, if we multiply that number by your age, so 20, you’d get 287 880. They say the chances of you meeting your soulmate are around 0.0000034%, but since we’re talking about a purely sexual encounter not factoring romance into play, let’s just multiply the chances by a thousand. Putting those numbers together we get…”
“You get…?!” Lee and Pierre held their breath.
“I get…?!” Issei couldn’t handle the pressure anymore.
“That’s around 979 times you should’ve done it by now, given your chances. Well, 978.792, but I rounded it up for you.”
Looking like he saw a ghost, Issei was all but ready to drop dead right this instant. As everyone was laughing and making fun of his internal misery, the lovely Othelia suddenly popped up next to us, her hair still a bit wet from the shower. Suddenly, everyone’s gazes were fixated on her, but they were more gazes of pity than anything else.
“Good luck.” Lee tapped her on the shoulder as he gave her his genuine advice, “You can do it. Just… try to hold out, I guess?”
She was promptly left confused as we tried our best, as bros, to comfort the now very depressed Issei. We even offered him tips on how to approach her, but I’m afraid he didn’t quite appreciate my advice.
“What the hell do you mean, just tell her how you feel?” He parroted my words mockingly, “If it was that simple, I’d have done it by now!”
“Yeah, but at this rate you won’t ever achieve your goal quota.” I replied, “Also worthy of note is that the number will only go up as you age.”
“Yikes, you’re right! No wait, I don’t want to be with her because of such a shallow reason! My love for her is pure!”
“I don’t see it.” Lee, Pierre and I all said in unison.
“Come on, like you’re one to give me advice!” Issei accused me of something that wasn’t the case, “You’re a damned kissless virgin as well!”
“Ah.” I suddenly recalled the moment I shared with Silvia, “Right, um, yeah…”
“…” He stared at me with a face that most resembled disgust, “No…”
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