DYLAN ||

After my little meltdown earlier this morning and cuddling with Raiden for majority of the day, I had to put off the pack meeting.

I don't why but I wasn't feeling good. My head was pounding and my stomach was turning, I just needed to be in my bed all day today and cuddle up next to my mate.

My heart was beating differently for Raiden after he helped me so much during my panic attack and the fact that he didn't question my idiot logic any further about my hearing aids, had my mind all jumbled.

Stupid Leopard and his stupidness. With his stupid sunset eyes and his stupid pink lips, with that stupid sweet personality of his and his stupid gentle touch. It's just stupid.

I hate how conflicted I am, seriously why can't I just give in to either side of my brain. Either ignore the bond and suffer in my homosexual panic or accept the bond and give in to everything that is my mate.

Fuck me, he really is everything I could ever want in a mate.

Submissive, obedient, loving, caring, sweet beyond his own good, he has such a fucking way with words and he compliments me. Showering me with the praise I've been searching for my whole life..... ugh! And he's fucking gorgeous.

Damn it, no he's not!

Shit, there it is again. HOMOSEXUAL PANIC.

I shook my head quickly to keep those damned thoughts away once more before I looked over at my mate, who was laying on the bed in just a pair of skin tight briefs. That's it! Nothing else, but briefs and his print isn't leaving anything to the imagination!

To be completely fucking honest, I was staring at it right now trying to remember what it looked like the first day we met by the waterfall.

I asked Raiden to take another shower after my panic attack because I felt like my sweat was all over him, which was a damn lie. I just wanted him to use the sandalwood body wash again and come back into the room, smelling like Heaven.

Which he did and now was laying on my bed with his head buried in a book, looking like a complete meal. The way his chest glistened after putting on my body oil, the way it made his muscles more defined, the way everytime he moved or even glanced my way, I was shifting uncontrollably in the chair at my desk.

Fuck and the way he would lick his finger right before he would turn the page of his book, I so desperately wanted to be that damn finger. For his tongue to fight mine for dominance, which I'm sure he would win. The man was an instant panty dropper and in my case, a cock strainer.

This was fucking torture seriously.

I'm panicking now for a different reason, well I guess it's for the same reason.

I could never fully admit this to anyone, but I was starting to see Raiden a completely different way and I think that's why I've been so ridiculously torn lately.

Our compromise still stands, I needed him to take things slow and build a friendship with me before I could feel comfortable with taking things to a different level.

Yes, I'm totally attracted to him and I completely blame our bond for that, but I'm also still nervous about doing anything else with another man.

Raiden, however, didn't seem as nervous as I was, he never did. Like he said, he didn't care that I was a wolf and a man, I belonged to him and he belonged to me. That one little statement sent the Alpha in me, haywire with desire. He pleased every burning fiber of my feral being when he said he belonged to me, but I just couldn't do anything about it yet.

I wish he was a woman or I was gay... Things would be so much easier if either option was true. Gabe and Hunter have it easy with their mates. Gabe is bisexual and Hunter is absolutely gay, like there's nothing straight about that man at all. Down to those crop tops and booty shorts he didn't think I knew about, but I'm the Alpha, it's my job to know what's going on behind closed doors.

My friends have the bonds with their mates that I could only dream of with mine. I want that, I want that to be my reality, but I'm having the hardest time getting over the fact that my mate has a cock.

Like how the hell does sex work with two men? It can't possibly feel good up the ass. Like seriously, that's an exit not an entrance. Not to mention, men don't produce slick, well men that aren't omegas. Raiden and I are both Alphas, there's no way either one of us would ever be able to produce slick to make things "easier" or less rough.

I'm definitely not going to be the one taking it, then again, I didn't even know if I could be the one to give it. Like how would I be able to focus if I look down and see my mates dick bouncing or flopping around.

Just the thought of that had me scrunching my face up in pure disgust. There absolutely wont be any dick sucking either. I will not be sucking dick. Ever.

And there's no way I can stay hard if I look down and see another man sucking me off, feeling his stubble rub against my balls and his... strong, veiny hands wrapped around my length, watching him deep throat my cock until I felt the tip hit the back of his throat. Hearing his deep, guttural moans radiate from his chest....

Damn it.... Now I'm hard...

"Pups." I closed my eyes to keep from looking at my mate again. His damn deep, sexy ass voice that sounded like butter. I didn't even know that was possible, how can a voice sound like butter??

"Baby."

Fuck it all, I love the way that sounds coming from him and deep down I knew that I would never ask him to stop. I wanted him to call me his pups or his little wolf or his baby while we made love.

Shit... no.

"Dylan." I opened my eyes at the sound of my name before turning my lip up. I didn't like the sound of it as much as I did my little nicknames that Raiden gave me.

"Dylan." My frown only deepened when Raiden said my name again before I looked at him.

"What?" I ask, sounding extremely irritated. Not that I meant to, but I knew why. I wanted him to call me one of my nicknames again. Goddess, I'm such a needy fuck right now.

You see what he does to me. I'm not supposed to act this way, but my leopard just brings it out of me and I want it to stop.

No I don't...

"What's wrong Dylan? Why do you look constipated?" Raiden asks and my mouth hangs open at his sudden disrespect.

"I don't look constipated." I argue back.

"Yes you do, you've been sitting over there for awhile and everytime I look up, you're staring at the wall with a sour look on your face."

It's definitely not a sour look, I've been trying to fight off my massive erection due to your fucking sexiness Raiden.

"I don't look sour." I say pointly and Raiden shakes his head.

"Yes you do, if you don't want to tell me why, that's ok, I won't force you, but I'm here if you want to talk."

"Well you've been reading that book for hours and not paying me any attention, so." I mumbled through my words before I even realized how whiny I sounded.

Raiden chuckles and I glare at him, seriously hoping he didn't hear my idiot-ness.

"You're so cute pups... If you wanted my attention, you could have just said so or better yet, you could have just snatched this book away from me and demanded what's yours."

Ugh.. he definitely fucking heard me.

I roll my eyes and turn away trying to hide my traitorous cheeks. I hate it when he does this shit. He knows how fucking attractive he is and he definitely knows how much he affects me!

I think he takes joy in this shit!

"I don't want your attention Raiden, I was just saying that if you want to hold up your end of the compromise, then you need to talk to me so we can be friends."

Seriously? Make it make sense Dylan...

Nothing about what I just said made a lick of sense. This leopard has me so damn flustered, it's unreal.

"I would love to hold up to my part of the compromise as long as you hold up to your end pups."

My eyes travel back to Raiden and I see him set the book down on his nightstand before standing and putting on the shirt and sweatpants I handed him earlier. Then his attractive ass actually pats the bed next to him.

I was thankful that he had enough respect to cover himself since he wanted me to come next to him, but geez would it have killed him to leave the shirt off at least?

Reluctantly, I stand up from my desk and grab my laptop off the top of it before making my way over to the bed and sitting next to my mate.

"So what do you want to talk about? What else do you think I should know about you?" Raiden asks and I narrow my eyes at him, not really knowing how to answer that question.

"I'm not sure."

He sighs and looks down, almost like he was contemplating what to ask me. His eyes meet mine only seconds later.

"Well what about your brother that you mentioned yesterday. You said your Alpha position was all you left of him... Do you have another brother I haven't met?" He asks and I tear my eyes away from his.

"His name was Bennett.. he was 3 years older than me. He passed away when I was 16."

"What happened to him?"

I took a few deep breaths trying to steady my heart rate before answering his question. I haven't spoken about my brother in years.

"He passed away in a rogue attack 7 years ago. The fucking savages breached our borders. My dad was Alpha at the time and Bennett was supposed to take over that year, but that attack took his from us. We never figured out what they wanted or why they attacked us so suddenly, but they took Bennett from us that day. My dad said they were fighting by the river, the rogues ganged up on Bennett for some reason and killed him. Nobody knows why." I explain with a heavy heart as I look back at my mate, who was watching me that silent observant way he always does.

"Does your dad hate rogues wolves?" Raiden asks and I nod.

"Yes he does, but not as much as he loves killing them if they cause issues. Same with me, I wouldn't leave one alive if it were to breach my lands again."

"But you and your dad locked me up for killing them?" He asks, burrowing his brows and I scrunch my face up.

"I'm sorry Raiden." I breathe out and he scoots closer to grab my hand. This form of affection I could actually handle.

"I'm not mad at you anymore pups, I'm just trying to understand why." His voice was soft and his eyes drew me into their comfort.

"At first, it was because of how strongly I feel about the rogues and if you killing them were to cause problems for the pack again because nobody wants another war. My dad was hellbent on locking you up before he knew you were my mate because of the same reason. He didn't want another war and everyone figured you were the cause of the attacks because of you killing the rogues."

He nods for me to continue, so I do.

"My dad wanted to punish you more than I did because he had a fear of losing another son, which is valid. So we captured you and locked you up, without you letting you explain or anything, which was not ok and I'm so sorry for that Raid. I shouldn't have let my anger and fear for another war push me to mistreat my mate the way I did."

"My whole body called out to you while you were in the cells, I wanted you so bad. I wanted to go to you and help you, but I mistreated you instead. After I asked my dad how long we should keep you down there, he called the Council and they said a minimum of two weeks for the type of crime it was."

"A minimum of two weeks?" He asks and I already know where he was going with this.

"Yes and before you say it, I know you were down there for three weeks Raid and I can't lie to you and say I knew when I would let you out... I don't know who brought you to the hospital, but I'm so glad they did because it snapped me out of my stupidity... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Raid. I hate that all of this happened and I hate that I treated you the way I did."

"All of our anger and fear and resentment stems from what's happened in the last month Raid. We were just scared of another war, but that didn't give me a right to behave the way I did. I'm not trying to excuse my actions because they were wrong. I was wrong, dead wrong.. I just wanted you to know the reason behind our stupidity. Everything was because of what happened to Bennett."

I finish and let out a huge breath, it honestly felt amazing to be able to get this out. I've haven't spoken to anyone about Bennett for years, not even my parents. My big brother was my bestfriend. Raiden and Roman's relationship reminds me so much of the one I had with my big brother and now I have to take his spot as big brother to Garrett and Alpha to our pack.

I look back at my mate and smile softly feeling content with him knowing about my brother and for him being willing to hear my apology, the right apology that I've been aching to say for weeks now.

His grip tightens on my hand as his other hand comes up to cup my cheek. Instinctively, I place a hand over his and lean into his comforting touch before closing my eyes and sighing.

"Thank you for telling me about all of this pups. It definitely gives me so much more to think about... your family, your pack weren't just acting on a whim and punishing someone they thought was a murderer." He says tilting my head up, making me open my eyes and they meet his instantly as he lets my hand go and cups my other cheek.

"You all were reliving your trauma and your dad and your pack were afraid to lose their Alpha again. I can only imagine what would happen to my fathers pride if they lost him. They would fight like hell to punish the one responsible for causing a war, so I get it... I hate what I went through, but I get it."

I smile softly again at my mate as he returns it with his own, gently rubbing circles on my cheeks.

"You did the best thing that made sense to you pups, you were the Alpha that your pack needed and I'm so proud of you for doing what you had to do to be a great leader, even if that meant punishing your mate."

Fuck...

His words of praise hit me again and all my resolve drops with the tears that he filled my eyes. I let them flow freely down my cheeks as I stare into my mates eyes. Raiden slowly and gently wipes them away and smiles at me again.

"Your brother would be proud of you pups." My eyes widen at his words, I didn't expect him to say that at all. Without my permission, a whimper leaves my lips as I reach up with both hands and grab the collar of his shirt, desperately trying to steady my now trembling body.

"You're the best Alpha this pack could ever ask for pups. Bennett would be proud of his little brother." He whispers leaning his forehead against mine and I nod as a cracked sob leaves my lips this time.

"He would be so pr-"

Before I could stop myself, I had lunged forward and pressed my lips against his.

My mate, my calm, my Raiden.

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