“So, Wolfgang, what about when my friends rescue us, we help you to escape too, and we try to find the relic you were looking for? Do you want to join our party? When we leave the Valley, we can go our separate ways, if you like.” Prof steered the conversation back from finding out what exactly Greenskin music was and Bianca's demands.

“Yes! Finding relic, making tru music for Greenskins! Me accept! Here, see parchment!”

And with that, Prof conveniently found himself on a legendary quest to find a long-lost magical relic. Just his luck, sitting in a cage in the middle of the Valley of Torment, minding his own business, and poof! Incredible!

With a flick of the wrist, Wolfgang sent his Character Parchment over. Prof did so after a few seconds too – he still wasn’t used to the motions. Trying to remember, what Mini told him to give attention to, he perused the Orc’s values. Mini told him to notice not only the Skills above 100%, but every last one, that was above the “base value”, and very low ones too. Skills below 100% but above around 50% or so were ones the other guy was more or less proficient with, and could lead to nasty surprises. Low Levels in Skills would mean weaknesses, one could exploit.

Wolfgang was thirty-five years old, but “only” Level 10. What did Mini say about Levels and age? Prof couldn’t really remember the rule of thumb, but Level 10 seemed a bit low for someone in the business of bashing heads. Bianca was seven years younger and was the same Level, while Mini was the same age but was Level 25 or so before becoming a Vampire.

However, Bianca was a mercenary, and Mini some kind of enforcer, while Wolfgang looked like a musician. Or a fantasy bard. Three of his tagged Skills were [Art: Guitar], [Art: Singing], and [Magic: Music], while having Talent: Guitar, 5 and Talent: Singing, 4. Plus his Skill in [Composing] was at 150%, [Magic: Sound] at 120%, and [Art: Drums] at 100%. To judge from these, he was probably a legendary-level composer slash musician. On the other hand, his last tagged Skill was [Two-Handed Axes] at 200%, and he had five other fighting Skills at 100% each, and [Evade], [Parry], and [Block] each at 100% too. Strangely, he had [Astronomy] at 150% too… Hmmm… It was probably a good idea for a musician to have a day job too, but Prof thought being a dentist was more profitable. But who was he to judge others?

So, what else was there to pay attention to? [Camouflage], [Disguise], and [Con]. Nope, Wolfgang had all three at a base value. Moving to Skills some Traveller-Hunter would have, [Investigate], [Observe], and [Interrogation]. Not really. The last one was at base value, and the other two were 80% and 75% respectively. So, nothing really dangerous.

What else was there? [Philosophy] at 95%, and a few survival-Skills with a bit of effort expended.

The Perks? Two Talents, Charismatic, King of the Night, and Favourite Weapon. Charismatic meant that everyone had a better opinion of him, while Favourite Weapon gave some bonuses when wielding that particular weapon. Probably a two-handed axe. He had Mana Affinity and More Mana too. As negative ones Wiseass, Showman (shouldn’t it be Showorc?), and a two-point Enemy. The first one meant that Wolfgang gave his two iron bits to every last topic, while the second described his compulsion to do everything in an overblown, showy way, efficiency be damned. The last one… There was someone out there, who hated his guts.

Despite his best efforts, Prof didn't find anything inconsistent or dangerous. Probably Mini would point out some hidden feature of a Skill, that was not included in that thrice-damned piece of scam of Rulebook. Say, [Magic: Music] was good for getting money for nothing and chicks for free. Or would that be [Art: Guitar] with a corresponding serious Talent?

Hey, if Prof and Wolfgang became brothers in arms, Prof could pour some water of love around. An angel of mercy would surely take a liking to a solid rock that Prof was, and would put eternal (or longer-then-five-minutes) love over gold!

His musings were interrupted by thunderous laughter.

“You grow up in hole in ground? Why not spread out Skills more? You good fighter, but no good in other things! Hahaha!”

“Hey! I didn't grew up in a cave! There are some special circumstances, though." Obviously, every last person who took a look at his Character Parchment figured out, something was not right. Mini already told him why. Prof already wanted to remedy the issue, but while wandering through the Valley and without a convenient Level Up, there was not much he could do. It still stung to be seen as a cave dweller every time.

“Oh, you from fighter family! Explains!”

Well, both his grandfathers were soldiers back in the forties and went on campaign, and his uncle and father were both conscripted when his country still had an army and compulsory service was still a thing, so Prof did not exactly lie when he said yes. Of course, he himself saw a military installation from the inside only on the few times he went to an airshow, and the only time he was in uniform was at that one carnival. But hey, no one would be able to get his family records on Arkadia.

“Hope, you friends come soon. Hags brought fresh meat with you, no feeding for a time. Hags will feed on donkeys today and day after today, will rest a day, and will want to breed after that. You not want to breed with Hags! Friends hurry!”

Poor mules. Demoted from lugging around legitimate salvage to food, the world of prey animals wasn't kind, indeed. On the other hand, Prof was demoted from a heroic adventurer to breeding stock too. And after that, probably to food. Was an innocent Human from Central Europe only prey animal in reality? Reality sucked.

So, Mini, Sharpclaw, and cute little Binky should hurry up!

They did not hurry.

While waiting for the inevitable rescue, Prof was chatting with his new best friend, the Orcish wunderkind of music. First, he learned that the Brook Hag community they were the guests of consisted of around a dozen of Level 6 to 15 specimens, and while they were physically weak, each one was quite good in magic. They wielded a strange mix of floral-, poison- and environmental magic, and what Prof could piece together from Wolfgang's telling, the magic wasn't different Skills but Species Traits, like Mini's Blood Magic. Presumably, the rotting moss Prof inhaled was a representation of the magic.

Or some natural moss in rotting condition that put him to sleep. No difference.

As it transpired, Wolfgang and his band – it was not a party but a band, as the Orc insisted; they had three guitarists, a singer, and a drummer, so a real band – had some falling out with the… not really a Musicians Guild, about what tru music was, how the current not-quite-guild perverted the ancestor's intent and made Granite into Clay. Wolfgang's words. After some heated discussion, that may or may not have involved bashing a not-quite-Guildmaster over the head with a guitar, the band made a vow to find the original book of the renowned ancestor who invented Granite.

How they knew, The Book still existed after all those millennia you are asking? It was obviously quasi-magical and indestructible – in the legends, pre-Granite, the not-quite-guild tried to burn it multiple times, to shred it, and to dissolve it in acid, but The Book was just fine afterward. It lying around for a few centuries would do just nothing to it.

Finding it wasn't exceptionally hard either, it was kept in the not-quite-Guildhall in Dunkelwald before the Valley of Torment came into existence, and there was no record of it ever being moved from there. Of course, a lot of musicians, adventurers, and soldiers tried to recover it – together with other stuff left in Dunkelwald – but no expedition ever came back. At least came back finding the city or anything valuable.

Wolfgang’s band did make preparations for the expedition, if Prof understood it right, the Greenskins knew about watercourses being fixed in the fabric of space in the Valley, so they copied maps about the hydrography and plotted the most convenient way to the known location of Dunkelwald. Even so, they lost some time, because a small river changed course in the centuries since the map was drawn, and well, the maps they had weren’t exactly good.

That, and the highest [Navigation] they had was only 81%.

Who would have thought, that reading and following a map in largely unknown territory needed a higher Skill?

They arrived at the ruined town only a few days before Prof was captured – and were promptly ambushed by the Hags. They already lost their drummer to a Dire Weasel attack, and in the epic battle against the Hags, two of the guitarists perished – leaving only Wolfgang and their singer-babe. She in turn was taken by the Hags only a few hours before Prof and Bianca were dumped into their cages.

What the design was for her, food or breeding stock, Wolfgang did not know.

After asking, Prof was also provided with an overview of Greenskin society. Competence (or excellence?) was the driving force behind everything the Greenskins did: the more competent one was, the higher he could rise in the respective fields of occupation. Bullshiting and empty complaining were looked down upon, and the respective leader was liable for his subordinates – not only in name but in reality. If the subordinates could not show competence, it was the leader's fault for not choosing the right subordinates. Meaning, he was incompetent, and so sullied everything the Greenskins stood for. No lazing around, no incompetence, no littering.

Becoming a Redcap did not mean, that the individual was the leader of a… something, Prof understood the Orc's explanation as maybe "Career Path", but that he was an extremely respected professional in his chosen field. Either with outstanding Skill or inventing something new and better. The Perk Redcap was awarded by the Heavenly Game Master, not by mere mortals, and most often comes with a healthy boost in Skill or further insight. The inventor of Grantite was said to have the Perk seven times, an unreached feat since then.

Dressing up as a Redcap while not being one was the ultimate sin with the Greenskins, and the punishment was immediate execution. Due to this practice, normal Greenskins never wore red. "Seeing Red" meant for them, someone was wearing red without being a Redcap. That also led to some "misunderstandings" with other species.