The funeral was at three o....nah just fucking with you. Max gets sick and only feels like he's dying. You people are going to love this chapter because Max fucking hates his new extended family and every last one of them pays a visit!

Max suddenly groaned as the sensation of having his organs ripped out through his anus rocked through his body. He hadn't felt this bad since he lost his appendix, so unless the surgeon was a real dumbass, he probably just had a stomach ache.

"Max, are you alright?" David asked as he kneeled down to Max's shelf. Yes, Max still slept on a shelf, there very poor and Max doesn't complain much. Not only that, but beds are really expensive, and Max is very small.

David had a lot of skills thanks to all that camp stuff he studies, so he was able to tell that Max only had a simple stomach flu. It was going to pass in a day or two, but it could last longer since Max had his vaccinations so late. He also knew the risk factors to look out for like bloody diarrhea, and a fever over a hundred and two. He couldn't really go off the lethargy and irritability because....it's Max. He was going to be irritable no matter what.

"Im fine...." Max said stubbornly as he ripped himself out of bed. He suddenly threw up on the ground and crashed to his side, fairly pathetically. "Fuck you.....writer....."

"Max, you need to stay here and rest until you feel better!" David said as he tried to sound authoritative. He lifted Max off the ground and put him back on Maxs bed tenderly to keep Maxs stomach from being shaken up too much.

"Fine." Max said. "Just go away."

"Okay Max, but don't be afraid to ask for anything at all!" David said with a smile. "I'm sure that if you take the day off and take it easy, you'll be ready to have more adventures in no time!"

"Fuck off!" Max said annoyed as David tried to put a positive spin on his current state of misery. He dragged his pillow over his head as David began cleaning up the vomit he spat all over the floor.

***

Nikki and Neil waited next to the counter of the blockbuster. They were waiting for Max to come down since he had a plan for messing with the security guards today. Neil even brought the duck tape and lube!

"Hey kids." David said with a smile.

"Hey David, where's Max?" Nikki asked.

"He's feeling a little....under the weather, so I'm afraid you'll have to wait until tomorrow to go on one of your adventures!" David said with a smile. "I'm sure he'll be feeling better by then."

"He's on his period?!" Nikki asked suddenly.

"What?" David said incredulously. "No, he's just has a tummy ache!"

"You probably should phrase it differently around Nikki." Neil pointed out.

"Hey.....hic....brats." Gwen said as she came stumbling into the blockbuster.

"Gwen, have you been....." David glanced at the kids suddenly before helping Gwen stand.

"I said virgin, you fucking....mor....moron." Gwen said as she slurred her words.

"Where were you?" David asked concerned.

"My friend had a....had a...party, but I didn't drink, I said virgin, virgin!" Gwen repeated as she slurred her words some more.

"It must have been a mixup at the bar." David said. Which was technically true, as in Nancy switched there drinks. Nancy needs to mind her own fucking business. Gwen didn't wanna drink because she had tutoring to do.

"I can do it!" Gwen said as she slurred her words. "It was only like....nine or so drinks..." she suddenly slumped to the ground unconscious.

"I guess this means i'll be teaching today's classes." David said. "I hope Max doesn't mind taking care of himself for a few hours. I should make him a bowl of soup before I get started." David marched up the stairs to check on Max one more time.

"So Max is sick?" Nikki asked. "We should get up there and lick his wounds!"

"He's sick Nikki, not injured." Neil said. "I might be able to make a tonic that will make him...."

"Nerd!" Nikki yelled over him. "We should do something fun, like lick his wounds!" Neil rolled his eyes as he pulled out his phone.

"I'm gonna research some medicine from the internet." Neil said.

"I'm gonna figure out a way to get up there!" Nikki said with a determined growl. "Good luck with your nerd thing."

"Good luck with your wolf thing.....I wonder what arsenic does....." Neil said as he read from his phone.

***

Nikki crawled in through the vent leading into the blockbuster store room. Max was currently making use of a fan, as the hot soup David prepared for him totally over heated him and his bed was getting sticky and sweaty. It was actually a welcome relief, and the soup kinda tasted good, but Max was Max, so as far as he was concerned he was fucking miserable.

"Now take it easy Max." David said. "You shouldn't move around too much when your sick."

"Fuck off David, I'll be fine on my own." Max snapped at him as he held his face up to the fan.

"I'm sorry that I can't stay up here and take care of you." David said. Max growled as he mumbled something into his blanket.

"Knowing that you care is...." He grumbled the last part as he couldn't stand saying it out loud.

"What was that Max?" David asked suddenly concerned.

"I said that knowing you care is enough, now go the fuck away David!" Max snapped as he threw his alarm clock at the quickly retreating David. David quickly escaped out of the storage room as usually that kind of sentiment was followed by a lot of violence.

Max grumbled into his bed as he laid back and allowed the fan to draw the heat away from him. He squinted as he swore he saw something moving across the shelves above him. He closed his eyes as he decided he was imagining things.

"Wake up buttercup!" Max had all of the wind knocked out of him as Nikki landed on his stomach.

"What the fuck Nikki?!" Max snapped as Nikki stood over him on his shelf.

"I'm here to cure you!" Nikki said with a creepy smile. "Now hold still while I check your heart!" She pulled out a toy stethoscope and held it Max's forehead.

"Nikki, what are you doing?" Max asked as Nikki listened for his heart through his temple.

"Im curing you." Nikki said. "It looks like your hearts not beating!"

"My heart's in my chest." Max said annoyed as he tried to get out from under Nikki.

"Well there's your problem!" Nikki said. She suddenly pulled out a large knife and held it over her head. "Now hold still, well get that heart back in no time."

"It's supposed to be there Nikki!" Max yelled at her as he started to struggle a lot more.

"Really?" Nikki asked as she lowered the knife and held it to her hip. "I could have sworn the big grey mushy thing was in your head. Oh well, now to test your reflexes!" She suddenly pulled out a large hammer and held it over her head.

"Oh god what now?" Max asked.

"Stay still, I don't wanna break your other leg!" Nikki said with determination.

"Help!" Max yelled as he realized Nikki was....not a very good doctor. He'd have better luck with an anti vaxxer at this point.

"I'm only going to break like....three of the bones." Nikki said as Max started to struggle a lot more. He pushed her off and went running out of the room.

***

David wrote something on there shitty chalk board as he put up the equation designed to find x, for the fifth time. Space kid just keeps pointing at x and yelling about how he found it every time David asks everyone to find it. Max came bursting into the room with Nikki chasing him with a hammer.

"Help, she's trying to break my leg!" Max said as he jumped behind David.

"Max, you should be in bed!" David said. "And Nikki, hammers are for building, not breaking!"

"Well what am I supposed to do, build him new legs?" Nikki asked. "Wait, that's a great idea!" She yanked a saw out of her overalls and checked it's sharpness.

"Okay, I think that's enough of that." David said as he took the dangerous weapon out of Nikkis hands.

"Hey, I was going to give him new ones." Nikki said annoyed.

"I think it's sweet that your trying to help out your fellow camper, but I'm afraid that taking off his legs is not going to make him any better." David said.

"Why not?" Nikki asked.

"Why would it?!" Max snapped at Nikki.

"Good point." Nikki said as she couldn't find a reason.

"So the little dude is sick?" Erid asked. Max groaned as he realized all the other campers where now going to get involved.

"I can provide healing....." Nerris tried to finish her sentence but Max was not sticking around for this disaster.

"I'm out!" Max yelled. He took one step out of the room when his nausea suddenly took over and he fell flat on his face. "Crap."

"I have you Max." David said as he picked Max up and carried him out of the room. Max groaned and balled Davids vest into his fist as his stomach grumbled with pain. His muscles felt achy so moving around too much just plain hurt.

"So Max is sick?" Harrison asked. "We could make him feel better by performing magic tricks!"

"Or putting on a play!" Preston said. "We must help our fallen comrade, just like that movie saving private Ryan!" A movie Preston has never seen.

"So Max is not strong enough to beat this sickness?" Dolph asked, the whole class gave him the side eye as they tried to determine what exactly he was going to say next. "Come mein friends, we must help our fallen comrade!" the class breathed a sigh of relief.

"I can cast a healing spell that will make him feel better!" Nerris said excitedly. "I should brush up on my healing magicks!"

"I'll punch him till he gets better." Nurf said.

"And I'll help too!" Space kid said with a smile.

***

Preston walked into the blockbuster storage room as Max threw up a little into a bucket. He wiped his mouth and washed it out with some water as he glared at Preston.

"What do you want Preston?" Max asked as he finished washing out his mouth with the last of the mouthwash. David went out to get more at Max's request.

"I thought that I would perform a show to make you feel better." Preston said. Max narrowed his eyes and shrugged as he sat back down on his shelf.

"Whatever." Max said as he laid back down. He didn't have the energy to kick him out. "Just make it quick."

"Oh my dear Max, have you truly taken Ill?" Preston asked out loud in a dramatic voice. He gestured to the stairway and coughed when nothing happened.

"This is really stupid." Nerris said as she climbed up. "I hate everything. Achoo."

"Boo." Max yelled from his shelf. He suddenly threw a tomato and hit Preston in the face sending him falling back down the stairs. He winced when his arm ached from the throw, but watching Preston go crashing down the stairs was worth it.

"I hate everything, and this play sucks." Nerris said as she stayed in character. She didn't even move when Max nailed her face with another tomato. Max laughed as he laid back on his shelf with an evil smile.

***

Nerris walked up the stairs with a set of dice in hand. Max simply groaned as he realized she was back all over again.

"Fear not my friend!" Nerris said with a smile. "I have brought the cure for your ailment!"

"Fuck of Nerris." Max snapped as he brought the covers over his head. He was feeling dehydrated, but he can only take little sips of his water or it all comes back up. He did actually enjoy tormenting Preston during his little production. It helped take his mind of the stomach cramps.

"I'm only here to help." Nerris said a little dejectedly.

"Fuck it." Max said annoyed. "Cast your little nerd spell and go." He peeked out from under the covers as Nerris prepared her spell.

"I cast, healing storm!" Nerris yelled as she waved her hands. The distant sound of thunder cracking rang out through the room.

"Well that was....." Max suddenly threw up in his bucket again as his vomit turned to completely clear water. He licked his lips as he suddenly realized they didn't taste like vomit. He couldn't even smell it in his nose anymore. "How did you do that?"

"It didn't work." Nerris said dejectedly. "I guess I'll help the others with their plans."

Max looked down at the bucket and poured it into the sink. Nerris at least made the gross part about vomiting go away, somehow. He wondered if he should check himself for elf ears or horse hair. He went into the bathroom and decided to take a shower as vomiting and diarrhea can make you feel unclean no matter how careful you are.

***

Max walked back into the blockbuster store room drying his hair with a towel. He still felt achey, but the shower alleviated that aching a lot. He sighed when he saw space kid just sitting there with a stupid smile on his face.

"What do you want space kid?" Max asked annoyed as he walked over to his shelf and sat down.

"I found a labrador to cure you!" Space kid said as he held up a vial. "I found it during my travels through space!"

"Uh huh." Max said as he looked on his phone and ignored him. "Hey, grab me some water."

"Okay!" Space kid said as he walked over to the sink and filled a glass of water.

"This is why I like you space kid, you do what your told." Max said as he grabbed the glass out of his hand and drank it. He suddenly choked at the strange flavor.

"Here's your water!" Space kid said with a smile as he held out the glass he was still holding.

"Oh shit." Max said as he looked at the vial he just downed. His skin suddenly felt sticky for some reason. "Oh god, am I sweating milk?" He said as he looked at the white substance coming out of his pores.

"The labrador said it will cure you." Space kid said with a smile.

"Great, now I need another shower." Max grumbled as he walked back into the bathroom.

***

Max came out of the shower for a second time as he dried his hair. Whatever that white stuff was, it got in places he didn't even know he had. He shuddered at the feeling of that weird fluid on his skin. He laid back out on his shelf and silently cursed the fact that the blockbuster storage room didn't have a lock. Nikki came up the stairs holding a large jar in her hands.

"I can cure you now!" Nikki said excitedly. "I found this jar of maggots that should...."

"Get out!" Max yelled as he threw his pillow at her.

"Nikki, what are you doing up here?" David asked as he climbed up the stairs. "Max needs to be left alone to recover!"

"Fine." Nikki said as she retreated back down the stairs.

"How are you doing Max?" David asked as he leaned down next to Max's shelf.

"Like my organs are trying to escape." Max replied as he held his stomach. "They kept bothering me the whole time you were gone." David stuck a thermometer in Maxs mouth to take his temperature as he sat down on a crate near his shelf.

"Well I think it's sweet that they care so much about your recovery." David said with a smile.

"No one cares about me!" Gwen said from the couch.

"I forgot you were here." Max said.

"I can teach, I'll just put on a video." Gwen said again.

"Calm down Gwen." David said as he reassured her. "I've already taken care of it."

"Is that why teachers put on movies?" Max asked.

"Why else would they?" Gwen asked as she tried to stand up and immediately fell on the ground next to the couch.

"Oh no, Gwen." David said as he ran over and helped her back onto the couch.

"Im fine David...." Gwen looked up at David as he helped her back onto the couch. "Your kinda cute when your not such a dumbass." Gwen said with a drunken burp.

"Uhh....I'm what?" David asked.

"Id hit that If I had no standards, whatsoever." Gwen slurred. "But I gotta marry a doctor! So he can fix Max, and I can steal his money."

"Well I think it's sweet that your thinking of Max even while your.....under the weather."

"I'm not on my period David!" Gwen said, she looked down at her crotch. "Oh wait, yeah I am." She giggled as she crashed back into the couch.

***

Max groaned as Dolph climbed up the stairs into the blockbuster store room. He forget there's like four other idiots that haven't bothered him yet.

"David." Max said. He looked around and realized David was in the bathroom. "Fucking figures."

"I painted you a picture to make you feel better!" Dolph said as he unraveled the picture. It was off Max doing a nazi salute.

"Oh that is not going on the internet." Max said as he shot up and ripped it out of Dolph's hands.

"I'm glad you like it!" Dolph said. "Mein father always wishes I would get into more manly....." Max set the picture on fire using a lighter from his hoodie.

"Well that takes care of that." Max said with a sigh.

"Oh....." Dolph said as he looked down. "that makes sense."

"Get out." Max said annoyed.

"My papa was right when he said you where the mean one Max, but I'm not going to give up on you! Were all from camp together, so getting you better is mein mission!" Max's eyes widened a little as he heard what Dolph said, but he narrowed them before waving him off.

***

Dolph came back down the stairs with a look of rejection on his face. The other campers were all gathered around the blockbuster counter.

"That didn't work either?" Nerris asked. "This curse must be really powerful."

"Maybe we just need to burn it out of him!" Nikki suggested. "Like smoking meat chunks!"

"Or....maybe we could try....not killing him." Harrison said as he tried to curb Nikki's psychotic tendencies.

"Shut up Harrison, god you suck!" Nerris said. "He obviously needs more healing spells."

"Or a fluffy kitten....." Harrison said as he reached into his top hat. He pulled out a rabbit and looked at it with surprise. "I finally did it! Wait, how did I do that?"

"I can punch him tell he feels better!" Nerf said as he made a fist.

"That won't work." Neil yelled. Everyone turned as Neil came in with a small vial in his hand.

"Where have you been?" Nikki asked.

"Prepare the cure." Neil said. "It's actually pretty simple once you really look at it."

"Is that gonna work?" Nikki asked.

"Only one way to find out." Neil said as he held the vial in the air.

***

"Hey Max, drink this." Neil said as he stood next to Max's shelf. Nikki was standing next to him, but he made her wear a set of handcuffs just in case this didn't go well.

"Nope, fuck off." Max said as he pulled the covers over his head.

"Well that didn't work." Neil said as he turned back to everyone else.

"I'll hold him down!" Nikki volunteered.

"Fine." Max snapped as he turned over in his bed. "If I drink that will you get the fuck out of my house?"