Avery and I lay together on the same bed. It was way past waking hours, but my mind was too troubled to get a wink of rest. I was on a time limit. I knew that. The longer I took to find Torika the more likely the unthinkable may occur to the two of them.

“Any leads on to where Torika is?” Avery peers over and asks.

I was holding the pill full of blood between my fingers, staring at it intensely.

I’d used it many times over in order to counter Yeluh’s Sananku, yet ironically enough, the time I did escape I still had it handy.

“What’s that?” Avery asks curiously.

“If I tell you then you better stop practicing your Tetsu while I’m away. The floorboards are beginning to rot from all the water you’re leaving behind.” I say casually.

“I..I’m not—“

“You are a horrible liar I’m sure you know. It feels disrespectful to me if you even try it.”

“I am tired of being helpless, and my ice is novel enough that I’ll be useful no matter what. I can do this.”

”You don’t believe in me?” I say without much thought.

“No, I don’t.” Avery says with unexpected directness. I was putting up a very firm wall so she must have gotten frustrated enough to put aside some of her timidness.

“Then let's go outside in some alley and kill someone. Like I said. You don’t have the guts for any of this, you will get yourself killed.”

Avery doesn’t respond. Instead she stands up and looks at the door.

…?

I finally take my eyes off the pill and look at her confusingly.

“You’re serious?”

“Yea, I am.”

“It only took one day while I was gone for you to build up the confidence to murder a random stranger?”

“Do you have the confidence? Or are you bluffing?” Avery challenges me for the very first time.

I stand up as well, she was a tiny bit taller than me so I had to bend my neck a bit to look at her face to face.

“Sit down.” I growl.

“If this is what I have to do to prove myself then so be it.” Avery doesn’t waver.

I close my eyes and think to myself. It’ll be a huge waste of time but… I can get her to stop it once she has to deal with reality.

“Then, by all means, take the lead.” I say sarcastically.

Avery

I glance at Polly as we walk down the pitch black streets, only illuminated by the moonlight. I was on high alert, water vapor released in a large radius to keep tabs on any lurker that was still roaming the streets late at night.

My chest hurt, every single breath felt shallow and uncontrolled. It truly felt like there was ice running through my blood. Yet, I was not particularly scared for my own life. That was last on my list of worries. It was that feeling again, the feeling that compelled me to run away that fateful night.

“Just remember that even if you follow through Torika and I won’t need you regardless. Give up whenever.” Polly’s words echo through the night, reverberating across the walls and roofs.

“Stop being so loud...! Somebody will hear us…!” I whisper through my teeth. However, my skin turns cold as I could feel multiple people entering my radius with unfortunate timing.

“Hehe.” Polly chuckles nervously. “Looks like it's time.” She walks to the side and leans against the wall, arms crossed and eyes closed.

Frosty breath comes out of my mouth unintentionally as an icicle forms in my hand.

“Ho, ho, we’ve got some ladies here, what are you two doing out so late?” The group rounds the corner and begins to surround us slowly.

Polly opens her eyes, white knuckled, with hand on her sword. Her calm front could only be held on for so long.

“A Shesuan! That’s something we don’t see here often!”

Unbeknownst to them the ground under my feet was making tiny crackling noises. Something that only Polly noticed. It was ice crystals spreading through the stone beneath me, edging its way into tiny cracks and crevices, expanding and breaking into the stone.

These people are evil, that’s for sure but…

A man walks up and puts his hand on my shoulders.

“Ah!” He flinches away as soon as he makes contact.

”What?! What going on?”

“This girl, she’s— She’s so fucking cold!”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Polly openly draws swords.

“The fuck?! Get them!” The sounds of metal vibrating and humming fill the air as the situation escalates to an extreme level.

And then I stop thinking. Fight or flight, I think that’s what it’s called, maybe, I’m not really sure. Ice comes crashing out of my hands like woven silk. Delicate little tendrils that number in the thousands, designed to pierce skin and then inject their cold venom into the blood. Freezing and destroying the body from the inside out. I could not stop it now, anything those things touch will immediately decay.

Like lightning, the ice in front of me shatters along a flash of metal. Polly strikes forth with such vicious momentum that her first step leaves a hole beneath her feet.

“You are terrible.” She mouths at me before swinging around her swords in a loop around us.

“This is a warning. Run away, turn around and bolt as fast as you can before I tear all of you to shreds, you have no idea what you are about to get yourself involved with.”

Like a hunter, Polly’s eyes felt sharp, almost as if they were glowing as she glared down the men around us.

The men around us shuffle around uncomfortably but otherwise don’t move. They most definitely saw the speed at which Polly could move; however, they’ve yet to comprehend the situation they were in.

Without warning Polly turns around at one of the men inching forward and slices his hand off. The motion was too quick for my eyes to track, much less react to.

Before the man even has a chance to scream a sudden gash forms on his throat. My hands cramp up, I begin feeling lightheaded, and my vision turns blurry, I couldn’t hear or focus on anything.

Did she just… He’s…

The man gurgles blood as he falls to the ground.

I don’t quite comprehend it as the man grows stiffer on the ground, flailing getting weaker, finally, stops moving.

He’s dead.

The last thing I would feel was a hand wrap around my–

Polly

I grab Avery in a rear naked choke, one hand on the back of her head, the other arm’s elbow on her throat. I briefly squeeze tightly causing her to go limp, extremely careful to apply much less force than I typically would. A Tetsudo has no inherent protection against physical power unlike Ankudo. However, it was enough to probably knock her out for at least 10 minutes.

“Back off.” I say with a low, sinister tone. I whip my blade down, sending an arc of blood splashing off the ground. I cannot believe I let the situation get this far. What the hell was I thinking? I could never bring it up to Avery, but I absolutely could not stomach killing people either. I just knew I was capable of doing it under necessary circumstances.

“Please.” I close my eyes and whisper in a voice too small for anyone but myself to hear.

“Why~ Why is the Tetsudo in the city? I thought she should be out fighting for the war right now?” One of the men asks with a wavering voice.

One, two, three, four… Five.

I should kill all of them. I grip the handle of my Sek tighter and tighter. If stuff about Avery leaks to the public then my job gets infinitely harder.

“I don’t know. My job is solely to protect her and bring her to the castle as a bodyguard.” I make up something on the spot. “Now if you want to keep asking questions. If rumors begin to spread, then maybe you’ll learn about it when the government comes knocking on your door.”

I stare them down. Desperately begging in the back of my mind for them to just leave. Please. Please. Please. Please.

“Heh. You know, me personally, I can’t just forgive you after killing one of our boys right?”

…

“You think you can win?” I ask.

“Yeah, it’s five against one, why not?”

“Then I’m assuming you’ve never heard of me? Toena, the king slayer?”

And just like that, I knew my bluff worked. The five of them instantly back off. With how rare Shesuans are around these places I could probably get away with pretending to be Toena. And, of course, there’s really nobody out there that didn’t know her name. Although, once they come to their senses, maybe they’ll realize that I was much too young for that to make any sense.

Without a word, I pick up Avery off the ground and walk away slowly, not looking back once. I knew they weren’t following me. They were too scared.

I carry Avery over my shoulder. Her arms and feet dangling. I find myself glancing over, looking at her face every once in a while.

I don’t know why I feel this way right now. There was something… Something I couldn’t remember. I knew it existed but it was like it had been locked behind a foggy wall. However, it was clear that the feelings remained from whatever happened from that encounter with Dundee.

Avery cannot fight. No matter what.

If that means killing a man right in front of her then so be it.

I take out the pill from my pocket. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking how to use this to get in touch with Torika. I’ll only have a couple of seconds where I’m linked, and I’ll have to figure out a way to send her my location in that time.

I bring it up to my mouth and swallow it.

However, what I did figure out yesterday was the toxins Yeluh used. In every single one of my loops, he used very distinct, very deadly toxins, always in the exact same order. So that's what I spent most of yesterday trying to figure out. Since I knew the antidotes for the first couple of them, I could connect them back to the exact cause.

I stop walking, closing my eyes and begin to concoct. Very small doses, enough that my mind wouldn’t melt under the effects. Slowly but surely, Torika from wherever she was right now begins synthesizing the antidotes wherever the toxins appear. After a couple of seconds the connection fades and I open my eyes again.

The toxins I hope would act like a signature, to let her know that we encountered Yeluh, and I didn’t know much of the details, but I knew that those two had a very complicated history. I didn’t have any doubt that she would recognize what I was trying to say but…

What if…

.

.

.

Stop it, It’s okay. I trust her. I reassure myself after a flurry of doubts raced through my mind. We separated just before I reached Oliviand, so she should at least have a general idea of where I am.

Next step is to find Yeluh himself.

Avery begins to stir. It's been only a few minutes, but it was an expected duration.

“Sorry.” She mumbles. “You were right; I’m not good at this.”

I look away and wipe some blood off my cheek. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to be.”

Avery looks away as well and softly begins to tremble. Trying her best to hide her sobbing.

And I couldn’t do anything but keep walking.

Taiga

I stare at my mask.

A mark appeared on it. A black rectangle, positioned awkwardly on the bottom left of the plain white surface. I flip it slowly then set it on my face.

“My Anku has also increased dramatically, yet… It feels very volatile to control. Like it doesn’t want to mix with my old Anku, as if it were actively fighting against itself.

And, I know someone died for it. But I can’t for the life of me remember what happened. All I knew was that I felt upset for a couple minutes then… nothing. The memories of that person faded pretty quickly.”

“That person’s name was Shia, ring any bells?”

“No, not really.”

Yeluh crosses his legs and continues writing on his notepad, then motions for me to take off my mask.

I comply, setting it on my thigh. I glance around, I was prepared for the worst but… The food they send down here was absolutely delicious. The room was very nice as well, no windows but… Cushions everywhere, a big fluffy bed, the air was fresh despite there not being any visible vents. I had a set of cards, a strange looking chess board, and a bunch of other stuff for entertainment. I didn't have anyone to play with of course.

“Hey, when are you going to look through my memories?” I ask politely.

“Once I figure something out.” Yeluh murmurs as he walks away with a mask in hand. “The way your mask drains the Anku out of people is very interesting.”

“Also uhh… Are you doctor Huley?”

“Yeah, that’s my public name.” Yeluh says. Which means he was the guy I was looking for all this time.

“Can you fix nerve damage?”

Yeluh looks at me for a couple of seconds thinking.

“No, I’m afraid that even I don’t know how to do that. Nerves can’t repair themselves naturally, so it’s probably impossible.” Then he turns aways a leaves.

There was only one thing I could think to myself as Yeluh closed the door behind him.

I am a horrible person. But… I always knew that, didn't I? This is the second time I’ve abandoned somebody who helped me. After the first time I already made up my mind to live for myself so… There’s nothing more to think about.

My memories with Rudeus suddenly sprout up annoyingly, despite my trying to suppress them for a while now.

Shaz, Polly, Dundee, Rudeus they were all just means to an end. I don’t really care about being strong, or saving people, or being a hero. I just care about knowing who I am.

I take out a metal wire out of my pocket and look at the locked door. It had a keyhole which meant it could probably be picked very easily.

Just out of curiosity though. I’m going to check on how Shaz is doing.