《Debut or Die [fan translation]》Chapter 162
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Keun Sejin, who opened the door, had an expression similar to a smile but naturally, he didn't look happy.
"Umm... Come in?"
"Yeah."
I entered the room, closed the door, and lightly tossed the cold water bottle to him.
"What's this? Drink cold water and get yourself together?"
"Sort of."
"Haha."
The guy with nothing to laugh about pretended to laugh.
Keun Sejin sat on the floor. After emptying half of the bottle, he slowly opened his mouth.
"First of all... I know that since things turned out like this, I'll be the one apologizing and I will be solving this."
His voice was flat void of emotions.
"When things calm down a bit, I'll go apologize on my own and won't let the line be crossed so don't worry. I'm not going to let the group be harmed by this."
"..."
However, his next words held a bit of emotion in them.
"I'm sorry to you and the other members. Everyone must have been startled by the fight in the car."
I folded my arms.
"...You will apologize to Bae Sejin hyung, but you're not sorry about it?"
"Isn't that obvious?"
Keun Sejin laughed. Then stroked the corner of his eyes.
"I really... don't understand. I think I've done everything to keep my duty as a team member with him."
Keun Sejin folded his fingers and continued.
"Right now, I've also been looking after his dancing one-on-one with him. Whenever the camera was rolling, I have been fixing the situation several times when I saw him saying something or if he was just keeping his mouth shut."
That was true.
Regardless of the fact that this guy disliked Bae Sejin, he would still help as a team member whenever we were active.
Although it wasn't for Bae Sejin's sake.
"But saying I'm pretending to be close... haa."
Keun Sejin crumbled the water bottle, then loosened his grip trying to calm his mind.
"Is there a thing like that in front of the camera? This is work. Is he telling me not to talk to him when the camera is rolling because it's uncomfortable? At the same time, he's saying that he's serious about the work and that I'm treating this as a kid's game..."
I thought it was getting out of the line at this part.
Let's cut him off before it gets any worse.
"Okay. I see what you mean."
"..."
Keun Sejin drank the water without saying a word.
I slowly picked my words.
"Your contribution to the team is big. As you said, there have been many times when that hyung has been one-sidedly helped by you, whether or not was he aware of it."
"..."
"So, the fact that he was aware you disliked him would have put more pressure on him."
I calmly kept going.
"Because that hyung has no choice but to keep getting help."
Aside from Bae Sejin's grit and hard work, it was undeniable that his ability as an idol was inferior to other members.
That was because he didn't aspire for this in the first place. Therefore, thinking that this was his karma, he was forcing himself to endure it with the thought that he was hurting the team.
"So, he endured it until he exploded. There's also a misunderstanding. I don't think he deliberately tried to vilify you in front of the other guys."
Knowing that guy's personality, it was most likely that Bae Sejin thought Keun Sejin was intentionally screwing with him in front of the others, so I talked about that too.
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"..."
Sure enough, he became a bit more genuine.
Keun Sejin asked calmly.
"...Tell me honestly. Did I sound sarcastic to you?"
"In the car?"
"Yeah."
I rubbed my chin.
"Actually, no."
Keun Sejin continued before I could answer.
"I really wasn't sincere. I didn't mean my words, but I did it because of the atmosphere."
In fact, if you looked at the situation, what Keun Sejin said was similar to what the other members had said before him.
The problem was that the issue has been piling up over time.
'You thought of me as an asshole in the early stages of the debut, but since we're on the same team, you're now treating me with a smile.'
From Bae Sejin's point of view, the impression from that time left such a strong influence that it wasn't very farfetched that Keun Sejin's insincere tone kept sounding like he was being sarcastic to him.
"I know you thought it was better for the team atmosphere to say something rather than ignore it. But for some, that might be more unbearable."
"..."
"Of course, it would have been better if he separately brought it up with you in a nicer atmosphere first... but that wouldn't be possible because of his personality."
"I can't understand."
I sipped my water and chuckled.
"It's just that yours and that hyung's personality don't match."
"...Haa."
Keun Sejin pressed his forehead with one hand.
"Take this opportunity to have a conversation with him."
Wouldn't it be better if we could understand each other's principles and behavior even just with our heads so that we could tolerate it knowing that 'that bastard doesn't intend to screw me over'?
But the answer came back after quite some time.
"...I'm kind of, sick of it."
It wasn't a very positive answer.
"How so?"
"Has that hyung ever tried to get along with me even once?"
"...!"
Keun Sejin calmly spoke.
"Remember? Ever since Idolco, if something was said that he didn't like, he would look all stern."
...Several cases passed through my head from the first team match. I held back my voice.
"...You're right. But there were circumstances."
"Moondae-ya, is there anyone here who isn't dealing with some circumstances? There is no one here who isn't trying either."
Keun Sejin laughed.
"Let's not even say that I should've been the one trying to be nicer because that hyung is trying hard even though he has circumstances and is naturally sensitive."
His nuance seemed to mean that he had abandoned his expectations for Bae Sejin.
"You also saw it. That hyung is like that even now. He despised it when he was asked to appear on a variety show with me. Isn't that ruder? But I'm sarcastic because I treat him nicely even though I don't like him?"
It was no wonder Keun Sejin was getting sick of it.
"But well, I get what you said. I told you, right? I will apologize. Let's get some sleep... We can talk about it tomorrow."
"..."
This was driving me crazy.
I held my sigh, and just let it out.
"Hey. Don't do it if you're that uncomfortable."
"...!!"
"It's not like the album will be ruined right away just because the two of you are fighting... If you don't want to, you don't have to apologize when you don't even mean it. I'd rather you curse and fight when there's time."
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Keun Sejin shook his head.
"No, I can't."
"What?"
"There's a schedule starting tomorrow afternoon. This has to be solved before that, so it won't be noticeable."
"..."
Wow. This guy was a real piece of work.
'Work comes first before his feelings.'
That was why it was hard for him to have good feelings toward Bae Sejin who could barely take in even one portion of the same thing.
'Besides, there was also this guy's background.'
I recalled one of the reasons why I had come to him.
Let's break it down for this guy first.
"We have seven members. Even if there were two people who didn't talk, it would pass as a coincidence a few times. My attitude was like trash for about a month, but it didn't turn into a big problem."
Then let's get to the point. It was a bit... uneasy for me to talk about it, but there was no other way.
"And I told you to talk to him based on my own experience. After I talked to Chungwoo hyung, it also... became a bit better."
"...! It's different from this."
"No, the situation has some similarities."
I drank my water.
"It wasn't that I was uncomfortable with Chungwoo hyung, but I was uncomfortable with an incident that he reminded me of whenever I saw him."
"..."
"I think you're the same."
"How?"
"Similar to me, among the many reasons why you keep judging Bae Sejin hyung harshly was that there was also an incident that you get reminded of that makes you uncomfortable, right? It's about the 'last member from the family of actors', isn't it?"
"...!"
That's right. The past that Keun Sejin revealed to me while we were preparing for the unit concert stage was in my mind.
The reason why he got cut from the group.
Likewise, seeing Bae Sejin, the last member to join who lacked skills compared to himself while being in the actor category, the trauma could have subconsciously been acting as a reason.
Keun Sejin kept his mouth shut looking like he had been hit in the back of his head.
In fact, he could fight me with this if I was wrong, but since this guy wasn't an idiot, he should have understood what I meant.
"...It might be so."
Okay. That's what I thought.
I nodded my head.
"So have a conversation and find out what kind of person Bae Sejin hyung is. I'm not telling you to understand or apologize right away, I'm telling you to judge the other person without bias."
"..."
Keun Sejin slowly smiled bitterly.
And after sighing, he shrugged his shoulders.
"...Okay, I got it. I'll try."
The nuance in his answer was different from the previous 'I'll talk about it'. It meant he wasn't going to roughly apologize to get over the situation but to try to have a serious conversation.
'It's done.'
With this, I achieved the intended purpose.
I closed the cap of the water bottle and got up from the floor.
"Well thought out."
"Aigoo, thank you for your hard work, professor Moondae."
"Stop."
"Haha."
Keun Sejin looked like he was slightly lost in thought even though he was laughing.
Perhaps he was pondering if there really was such an unreasonable aspect to his hostile feelings.
'He'll sort it out on his own.'
Whether we sink or swim, I was too tired to keep going right now. I rubbed the back of my neck, opened the door, and stepped out.
"I'm going to bed."
"Sure. Oh, that's right."
"What is it?"
I thought he might have had a question related to Bae Sejin, but unexpected words came out.
"You didn't have such a trashy attitude at that time, Moondae-ya. You just worked hard even though you were sick. Chungwoo hyung was also just worried."
"...!"
"Thanks for your concern. Good night."
Keun Sejin smiled faintly, waved his hand, and closed the door.
Clack.
"..."
I didn't expect to hear that.
It felt a little strange.
"Hmm."
I stood in front of the closed door, then came to my senses and walked into the living room.
If Bae Sejin was still talking with Ryu Chungwoo in the room, it would be a little awkward to go in there.
In the living room, I saw the three guys gathered side by side, watching TV and whispering.
"When can I go to my room? I'm sleepy."
"L-let's wait a little longer..."
"Have some patience, you idiot. You can sleep in the living room."
"I hate floors. I like the bed."
"Is that more important than the hyungs' feelings?"
"Both are important!"
Cha Yujin and Kim Raebin were on the verge of grabbing each other by the collar. Seon Ahyun was breaking out in a cold sweat.
"G-guys. Don't fight...!"
I talked to them, holding back my voice.
"...All of you go in."
"Hyung!"
"Moondae hyung!"
"D-did they reconcile...?"
"No."
After getting the promise of 'not asking anything', I sent Cha Yujin back to the room where Keun Sejin was, then sent Kim Raebin to his room asking him not to wait for Ryu Chungwoo.
And I spoke to Seon Ahyun.
"Let's just sleep in the living room."
"Y-yeah!"
It was the first time since my debut that I slept in a place other than the bed. It seems like I've been doing pretty well.
However, the moment we took out the bedding from the built-in closet in the other room, Ryu Chungwoo came out of our room.
"Hyung."
"Oh, guys... Did you bring out the bedding??"
"I-I thought the conversation would take long..."
"Ah, it's fine. Go in and sleep. I'm done talking with Sejin."
"Did it go well?"
"Um..."
Ryu Chungwoo had a troubled face.
"...It seems Sejin has been struggling by himself quite a bit. It's hard to put a blame on anyone... but we need to find a place for the two to clear things up. How was it with Lee Sejin?"
"He said he'll talk when he's gotten himself together."
"Okay. Then let's look at the situation tomorrow and talk about it again."
"Yes. Thank you for your efforts."
"What efforts? You did great yourself."
It seemed that Ryu Chungwoo had kept listening to Bae Sejin quite thoroughly. Bae Sejin was definitely in a stable condition when we returned to the room with Seon Ahyun after saying good night to Ryu Chungwoo.
"...I'm sorry. The atmosphere became uncomfortable because of me."
"N-no...! Hyu-hyung, are you okay...?"
"I'm fine. It's just a bit... Anyway, I'm sorry. I'll be careful."
Bae Sejin spoke with a pale and swollen face, then he lay down on his bed and became quiet without any movement.
Even without looking, I could feel the stress turmoiling inside him.
'He must have been terribly anguished.'
It was obvious even if I wasn't the one listening to him.
He must have had all kinds of erratic thoughts moving up and down, starting from thoughts like 'Did I go too far?' to 'No, but that bastard was...'.
"..."
When Seon Ahyun moved to his bed as quietly as the dead, I sighed, turned off the lights in the room, and lay down on my bed.
'I couldn't do some monitoring.'
Originally, I was planning to do it in the car, but as you know, it was impossible in that situation.
'Should I do it now?'
After I turned on my smartphone, I slowly took a look at public opinion starting with news articles.
But it wasn't long before I heard a small voice.
"...Aren't you sleeping?"
It was Bae Sejin. Perhaps conscious of Seon Ahyun, who was asleep, his voice sounded very small.
"Not yet."
"..."
Bae Sejin was silent for a while.
Then after a moment, I heard a very hesitant hoarse voice.
"Um... did I screw things up?"
I could feel the anxiety.
"No. It will be all right."
It was just that... two guys, who were terribly incompatible, had to put up with each other in their own way for the sake of the group, so they had to struggle until now.
If I had to pick one, Bae Sejin must have had it more difficult as he was the one at more disadvantage.
"...Ngh."
I heard a very muffled sound of whimpering from under a blanket. He didn't seem to want to be caught.
I turned off my smartphone without making a fuss, then quietly closed my eyes pretending not to know.
'There will be a conclusion after the conversation.'
Until then, the two of them should be kept apart.
The next day on W Live, I never thought that of all things, the two would be in the same group.
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