~~~

‘Come on, out you come. Don’t be shy. Noisy man has gone, just me here now. No need to be scared of anything or-…’

The guard jumped, his finger scraping against the side of the wall-crack as a scream careened out of Lord Jun’ya’s chamber and down through the corridor.

‘Kuso…no numbing herbs?’

The scream dissipated, scattered out over the castle grounds for other guards to gulp at.

Pulling his finger out from behind the wooden strut, the guard did a quick check for cuts, weathered another scream from the hell room, then pushed it cautiously back in.

‘Don’t pay any attention to that…just random noises.’

Another scream broke out, this one much more guttural.

‘Nothing to be frightened of…’

Followed by the crashing of something, glass or ceramics…presumably on the non-tatami part of the Suwa General’s floor.

‘Come on, little one, where are you? Hiding further up again? There’s no need for all that, it’s just my finger. Nibble on it if you like, I don’t mind.’

And, finally, a sound that started as a scream then rapidly degraded into a death wail.

‘Yes, I know, I know…it’s not usually this loud. But it’s okay, it’s nothing to do with you or me. We’re perfectly safe out here in the-…’

The guard jerked his head upwards, almost twisting his finger off as he turned to see who was making the heavy footstep sounds behind him. ‘Hey, where are you lot off to? This is Lord Jun’ya’s private area.’

Akira carried on one extra step past the guard, who rose up fast, yet, luckily, was either too lax or too dense to reach for his katana.

‘We were ordered to come up here,’ he replied, crafting an impatient tone, irritable even.

‘By an idiot, no doubt. No, Lord Jun’ya already has his snack for the night. He won’t need another.’ The guard shifted his eyes left, studying the smiling figure of Miho in his servant’s yukata, then moved on to the po-faced canvas that was Aya’s face and frowned. ‘Why is she wearing that?’

‘That…’ started Akira, quickly trying to figure out what the problem was, and blanking almost immediately.

‘Uniform shortage,’ cut in Daiki, pointing at the Suwa mermaid emblem on the breast of Aya’s yukata.

‘Wah, what’s all that red and white stuff in your hair?’

‘Festivities. Respect to the local shrine.’

‘Braided in by a palak monk,’ added Akira, getting his wits back and running a slightly patronising show-finger through Daiki’s red beads.

The guard shrugged, then straightened up as the door panel at the end of the corridor slid open and a wooden trolley was wheeled out.

‘Like I said, Lord Jun’ya has already been served tonight.’

‘Understood,’ replied Akira, taking his fingers away from Daiki’s hair, and then blowing out morgue-in-Hell breath as the trolley passed by, the thing laid out on top of it only barely recognisable as human.

Or ex-human.

Limbs distorted, dark red patches all over the torso, facial expression similar to one of those Portuguese God paintings he’d seen in a back-alley izakaya one time.

Gods, it was obscene…vicious…the wounds borderline impossible…

He coughed, disguising a sudden urge to retch.

What the hell kind of thing would do that…or could do that?

A human?

The Suwa General’s pet tengu?

‘Well?’ prompted the guard, staring at the four statues.

‘Must be mixed communications,’ Akira responded, along with a final cough, glancing left at a pale-looking Miho…Daiki with his eyes closed…and a completely nonplussed Aya, who either didn’t see the trolley horror or had some Kyushu meditation trick up her yukata sleeve to avoid contemplating it.

‘And?’

‘We’ll go back down, return the servants.’

The guard breathed out longer than was necessary and then did it again, shaking his head as the four incompetents turned and walked incredibly stiffly back down the corridor.

‘Like a bunch of drunks…’ he muttered, bending down to the crack in the wall and re-inserting his finger. ‘Don’t blame you for hiding when that’s what’s lurking about. Stupid peanut brains. But it’s okay, they’re gone now. Just me and my finger. Want a little nibble?’

~~~

‘I fucking knew going up was the wrong way…’

‘That corpse…’

‘…and to the Suwa General’s chambers. What the hell was that all about?’

‘…the face…’

‘Some kind of pre-arranged trap? A suicide run?’

‘…didn’t look human.’

‘Well, fox…you gonna explain yourself or not?’

Akira waited until they were safely through the tiny courtyard and into another maru, made sure there were no signs of any guards, then grabbed the red and white beads on Daiki’s head and started tugging, only letting go when they decided to glow silver. The mage himself didn’t seem to notice, still muttering to himself about the dark patches on the body, the look on the poor guy’s face…

‘Stop moaning, get back up there,’ barked the fox, its words coming out milliseconds before its physical form materialised.

‘You tricked us, you little rat.’

‘Quick, before they realise we’ve escaped.’

‘You said it was the way out…’

‘Yes, yes, the window. We go in, kill the Suwa General pretending to be Lord Jun’ya, climb down the wall to the rear courtyard, escape through the supply gate. Now, get your katanas out and get back up those stairs, stab that weird guard, move, go.’

‘This fox is insane,’ said Aya, peeking back through the door to the previous courtyard, and breathing out in relief.

‘Keep out of this, liar, or I’ll fix you too.’

‘Hey…’ said Miho, instinctively stepping in front of Aya and getting a kick in the shin from the fox as a reward. ‘Can we just go out a normal way, get away from this castle?’

‘Excellent idea,’ replied Akira, gesturing them forward through the corridor, pointing at an open doorway at the far end.

‘That’s the way out?’

‘In a modern castle, who fucking knows? But there’s a good a chance as any.’

‘Long as it doesn’t take us back to that trolley,’ muttered Daiki, following the ashigaru along the wooden walls.

The fox made a hissing sound, and, when that didn’t stop anyone, clacked its nails against one of the struts. ‘Stop, stop, stop, stop…I’m so close. Right up those stairs. Come on. Get back here.’

‘Right up those stairs to suicide.’

‘Daiki…listen, all you have to do is get me close, I’ll do the rest. You don’t have to do anything violent. Daiki…’

The mage blinked, half-hearing his name.

‘Yes, you…wake up. What’s wrong with your brain?’

‘That boy…the trolley…’

‘Exactly, it’s terrible, this fake Suwa General’s a monster, sucks them dry, no feelings afterwards. That’s why he’s on the list, see. Cos he’s evil, wicked. That’s why we have to get back up there and kill him.’

‘Kill?’

‘Won’t be easy, but if you guys can pull a convincing enough distraction.’ The fox paused, studying the shrinking backs of his audience, the ashigaru almost at the next courtyard. ‘I mean, it won’t be easy for me either. This Jjanna demon’s a tough character, experienced, vicious, but not unbeatable. If we work as a team. You…Miho. You’re a moral person, aren’t you? Yes, I’ve seen it, you protected that ninja wretch in the dungeon. You can’t let a monster like this Jjanna…this Suwa General…just get away with such horror. And you…err…’

‘Liar?’ finished Aya, raising an eyebrow.

‘You can be useful too. Assuming you don’t want me to tell them how you knocked out those guards…’

‘Huh? Poison. I told you that already.’

‘Delivered how? In what form?’

Miho frowned, nudging Aya in the side. ‘What’s he talking about?’

‘Fresh demon bullshit,’ answered Akira, taking Miho and Aya once again by the yukata sleeves and pushing them out first into the new courtyard. Then turning back to Daiki and tapping his beads. ‘If I were you, I’d cut these off. Get rid of the headache.’

‘Cut them-…you ignorant little-…’ the fox started to yell, but it was too late, the ashigaru had already caught up to Miho and Aya, and even worse, Daiki was right behind him.

There wasn’t much it could do, but the fox folded its arms and crossed its eight tails anyway, stubbornly holding its ground until ten metres had been covered and the silvery stream of particles started to appear, the gravitational pull sucking the irate demon towards its fleeing vassal and, with a final popping noise, back into the beads.

~~~

During Heian times, castles had been built for ceremony, for aristocrats to wander around pretty gardens in designer robes and point at random koi in the ponds, then to yawn and slip their arm around a concubine, or servant boy, and say, ‘hey, I know a great place where we can view the moon tonight.’

When the Kamakura bakufu took the reins, castles were dug into the sides of mountains and used as rudimentary intimidation structures. Which worked okay, until one guard dropped a loose cigarette and the whole edifice burnt down.

By the time the Sengoku era arrived, however, wood had improved and castle design became a hundred times more elaborate…devious even.

Courtyards within courtyards, trick courtyards, blind alleys, rivers blocking off access to other courtyards, signs giving false directions, samurai dressed as trees, trees decorated as samurai, fake gates, fake daimyō.

In short, maze warfare.

And Suwa castle stood as one of the exemplars.

Which was why, after crossing through a courtyard and its connecting stone garden, Akira found himself at the end of tree-covered path, hacking at a wall that hadn’t been visible when they’d first come out.

And then, ten minutes after that, why Miho was asking out loud how anyone could be weird enough to put a river in this part of the castle.

Why Aya punched down a SUPPLY GATE – 10 METRES sign.

Why Daiki suggested they were probably in Hell.

And why, after another five courtyards of wrong turns and confusion, all four escapees were half tempted to try the eight-tailed fox’s plan and get out that way instead.

But then the fox appeared, with an insanely condescending grin on its face, and they instantly changed their mind, heading into what Akira promised had to be the maru closest to the supply gate.

‘Don’t know how many more times we can pull off our lost guards routine,’ said Daiki, stopping behind Akira as he prodded the door leading outside.

‘This one’s it,’ replied Akira, ‘I’m certain of it.’

‘And if it isn’t?’ asked Aya, still rubbing scratch marks from the branches they’d traipsed through two courtyards earlier.

‘Then we call it a night and retire to our dungeon.’

‘Very funny.’

‘It looks clear out there,’ said Miho, poking his head out the gap in the door panel.

‘No guards?’

‘Not within the first five metres.’

‘Great, then let’s go. Miho, Aya, you two first.’

‘Huh?’

‘Servants are less noticeable.’

‘Right,’ muttered Aya, nudging Miho a little bit ahead, then taking up position almost behind him.

‘He wants to use you as human shields,’ said the fox, reappearing by her feet. ‘Which is despicable. And never something I would do.’

‘Shut up, fat rat,’ barked Akira, attempting a swipe of the top of the fox’s head and missing by several inches.

‘Fat?’

‘Are you coming or not?’ hissed Aya, turning back.

No one replied, which she took as a yes.

Apart from the fox, who was looking at its waist, using paws to measure from side to the other.

‘Normal-sized…’ it muttered to itself, as the others slowly, cautiously shuffled forwards.

~~~

Outside, in what they realised by the mountain treeline was the rear courtyard, things were still, visibly, very much post-festival.

Two low-energy guards on the far gate, counting creases in each other’s uniforms, another guard comatose in the reserve water trough, somehow not drowning himself, and a male servant either sewing up a tear on another male servant’s yukata pants or surreptitiously sucking him off.

As the four escapees, plus a still moaning fox, got closer, they realised it was the latter. Daiki coughed slightly, hoping the sucker would stop and maybe switch to him instead, but that thought died quickly as the image of the drained corpse from upstairs popped yet again back into his head, and…that was that.

‘Feel ill…’ he said, looking away from the two guards and focusing on the mountains in the distance, beyond the castle wall.

‘Not the trolley thing again.’

‘I can’t stop thinking about it.’

‘Just do what I said before,’ whispered Akira, patting him on the shoulder, ‘think of it as a life-sized doll.’

‘It’s just-…I’ve never seen a face so…deranged.’

‘Hey, can we not talk about that right now?’ asked Miho, pointing at the supply gate coming up ahead.

‘Wah, fantastic,’ answered the fox, stepping over towards the wall. ‘The ashigaru brainbox has just led us round in a complete circle.’

‘What?’

‘Here…this wall is the other side of the fake General’s maru. We can climb up, sneak in through the window, kill the Jjanna psychopath, climb back down, escape. Simple as crossing a dried-out moon canal.’

‘No one’s listening, fox.’

‘Ah, but you will, ashigaru, when I mention the reward.’ The fox stiffened, all eight tails shooting up in solidarity. ‘Wait, that’s it…why didn’t I do this method earlier? You’re a money whore, aren’t you?’

‘Not if I have to commit suicide to get it.’

‘Yes, the money…from my world, a decent amount, but converted to your baby coins…a fortune. What do you say, ashigaru…Akira-San? Me and you, partners in justice, comrades in demon slaying. Deal?’

Akira turned to Daiki, asking the hair beads directly. ‘Does it ever shut up?’

Still in a self-directed haze, the mage stared back at Akira’s neck, muttering that the castle could be cursed.

‘Okay…this is getting exhausting.’

‘Akira…’ said Miho, prodding the ashigaru in the back. ‘The guards. They’re looking at us.’

‘Staring? Right now?’

‘Yes.’

Raising his left hand, Akira cuffed Miho on the side of the head and shouted at him to know his place.

‘Wah, what was that for?’

‘Silence…servant.’

Turning to the guards, who had both abandoned their crease-counting game and were, as Miho had correctly stated, staring intently at the four strangers stood in front of them as if they were a spot the difference sketch, Akira gave a curt, professional nod, and then added a side grunt that, with luck, would pass as a commanding version of hello.

‘Who are you?’ the shorter one asked, hand creeping towards his katana grip.

‘Temporary hires, for the festival.’

‘It’s not end of shift yet.’

‘For us it is. We got let off early.’

The taller guard stepped forward, waving a hand in front of Daiki’s face. ‘What’s up with this one?’

‘Exhaustion,’ replied Akira, raising his voice to try and break through the hypnotic-field enveloping Daiki’s brain.

‘Tired…’ the mage drawled, half coming round.

‘This one looks quite agile…how much?’

Akira turned, coughing when he saw the shorter guard with his hand on Aya’s shoulder. ‘Not for sale.’

‘Ten mon for five minutes behind the gate here.’

‘Sleazy wretch,’ mumbled Aya, shrugging his hand off and grabbing Miho’s bag as a makeshift weapon.

‘What did you say, witch?’

‘That’s my sister,’ blurted out Akira, moving across to Aya’s side and using his left hand to pinch her on the waist. ‘You want to fuck her, you have to marry her afterwards.’

‘Wah, forget it then. She’s not that agile.’

‘Yes, I know. Sadly, she’s all I’ve got. Hence the marriage condition.’

Aya used her own hand to pinch back, twisting Akira’s skin a little and making him eke out another grunt.

‘Wait a second…who exactly let you off early?’ asked the taller guard, now scrutinising Daiki’s beads.

‘The General, of course.’

‘Which one?’

‘The General. Upstairs…in that chamber…’ Akira aimed a tentative arm at the castle, unsure if he was getting the right place. ‘One of those chambers.’

‘Ah, you must mean Lord Tsukamoto.’

‘Yeah…him.’

The taller guard exchanged looks with his comrade and then both lowered hands to their katana grips.

‘No…not Tsukamoto, that guy,’ spluttered Akira, realising something had gone wrong, ‘…walking past the gate, right there.’

‘What?’

‘Wah, he looks really pissed off.’

Neither of the guards really wanted to turn and look, they knew the ruse well, but at the same time, some atavistic part of their psyche couldn’t resist, and with the left side of their brain screaming nooooo, they both edged their shoulders round and looked at the space through the gap in the supply gate.

And instantly realised they’d messed up.

‘Thank you,’ said Akira, slicing the calf of the shorter guard first, then redirecting quickly and running half a green katana through the gut of the other. Both men fell, one dead, the other in shock, and then wailing like a child as Akira stepped closer and stabbed him clean through the neck.

‘Wah, you didn’t have to-…’ Miho started to protest, but was quickly told to start running as the two servants by the far wall stopped fucking each other and yelled at more guards to come and do something.

To the Suwa Clan’s credit, the response was fast, four guards rushing out from another maru, three of them fully dressed, the other shirtless with his chest painted green.

However, when they reached the supply gate, their two clanmates were dead, and the intruders had already fled, absorbed into the darkness of the surrounding mountain trees.

‘Get the General,’ said the shirtless one, looking up with a nervous intake of breath at the honmaru moon-viewing balcony, and then waving awkwardly as he saw Lord Jun’ya himself standing there, eyes staring down blankly at the murder scene, mouth and cheeks dripping viscus blue fluid.