I don't know how long I've been staring out the window of my bedroom. While I'm sitting here facing the city, my mind only resolves around what I've said to Nevaeh.

I asked her to leave, even though I knew that it would kill me. I brace myself for the permanent hole in my heart once she's no longer in my life.

I never thought that I would feel this kind of pain again.

This agony feels even worse than before. This is the worst kind of nightmare, and it's all my fault for believing something that isn't real. Again.

"Aiden." I can hear the urgency in Ashton's voice when he approaches me. "What the hell is going on?" he hisses, stopping right beside me.

Yet, I ignore him, still focusing my gaze on the window.

"What the hell did you just do?" he asks with frustration. "Nevaeh is packing all her things, and Ian is panicking. I swear to God, if this has something to do with that woman--"

"It's for the best," I cut him off. "I need to stop this before it leads me to something I'll regret in the future."

Ashton scoffs. "Will you elaborate on that? Because what you said didn't make sense at all. Let me ask you something. When you were in LA, did you let those two fuck with your head again?" A beat of silence fills the air before Ashton continues speaking, rather hesitantly, "Did you and Olivia--"

"We did nothing," I say. "There's nothing between us anymore."

Ashton lets out a sigh of relief, and the idea that he even had that thought about me and Olivia sickens me.

"Then what are you doing right now?" Ashton's voice is low. Anger is laced in his words. "Do you really want Nevaeh to leave?"

My fists are shaking as I clench them on the armrests. "She has to leave, and she should have done so a long time ago."

Before I took advantage of her.

"And I don't want to believe what's not real," I say. "I don't want to make the same mistake."

"What are you talking about?" Ashton snaps. He's speaking to me like I was crazy. "What did you talk about with Olivia that caused you to make a decision so ridiculous?"

My jaw tightens. I knew that Ashton would be against this. He wouldn't understand me. No one would.

Another scoff leaves Ashton's mouth. "I don't think that I need to know what you two were talking about. It's clear that you need to go to your therapist again."

Hell no. I wouldn't go there, not when everything I say to Bennett will only remind me of how fucked up I have been.

"You went to LA and you got insecure all over again," Ashton says firmly. "It's like you went back to zero. I thought that Nevaeh has healed you--"

"She shouldn't even have had the urge to heal me in the first place," I roar.

I have to grip the armrest to prevent myself from throwing something across the room. I finally stand up and face Ashton, who freezes on the spot.

"It's not love she feels for me," I say.

It takes a while for Ashton to respond, but then he says, " She loves you. Of course she wants to heal you."

I turn my back to him, fighting the need to believe what he said.

Nevaeh said that she loved me, but I was in a state where I might have given her the impression that I needed her to declare it. I was insecure and I needed her to never let me go.

Now, after learning the truth, it all feels like she did that only to assure me.

"You're doubting her," Ashton says in disbelief. "Right now you're the most difficult person any woman can love, and even though she loves you effortlessly, you still have the guts to doubt her."

I snap my body around. "You don't know anything." I step closer to Ashton while anger fills my insides. "Five years. I was with the woman I loved and whom I thought loved me for years, only to find out that I had it all fucking wrong."

The love I believed didn't exist. It had misled me into the biggest mistake of my life.

"But now, somehow I can see why Olivia was still with me all those years ago," I say. "And I can also see why she chose to meet me at the altar even though she was in love with my best friend. Whatever her reason was to be with me, it was not love."

Meeting Olivia again has at least made me see something I couldn't see all those years ago when I was still in love with her. Now that I'm not blinded anymore by my love for her, I can see to whom her heart truly belongs.

Roman.

The way Olivia looked at him when he walked away was something I didn't miss. It wasn't the first time I saw that look on her. Years before, Olivia did look at Roman that way, but I was too blind to see.

Olivia was trapped in her guilt for me, so much she convinced herself that she loved me even though it wasn't the truth.

"Olivia was with me for the wrong reason," I say to Ashton. When his eyes soften, I know that he agrees with me. "I just can't let another woman stay with me for the same reason."

Ashton sighs. He gives me a look of understanding but then shakes his head. "Nevaeh's feelings are hers to declare." His expression turns dead serious. "And about what you saw in Olivia, I don't think that you can say the same for Nevaeh."

My chest tightens. It's just the same. It's the same look of guilt in her sad eyes.

I shake my head, and disappointment is palpable on Ashton's face.

"I can't help you, Aiden," he says. The look on his expression lets me know that he has no idea how to fix me. "If Nevaeh can't even help you, I--"

"I don't need her fucking help," I hiss, causing him to shut his mouth like he just said the wrong thing.

He closes his eyes, deep in thought as he touches the crease of his eyebrows. Then he walks off, leaving me alone in my room.

Time passes, but I have no idea how long it is. I feel numb and soulless. When someone enters my bedroom again, I'm still sitting here and looking out the window.

"Aiden."

It's Nevaeh. I feel my heart drop.

"I've packed my things." There's so much sadness in her voice.

My eyes water, but there's nothing I will do to change this. This is what I need to do. Stopping what we have now will save both of us from much more pain in the future.

I'm a grown man who will no longer take advantage of a girl like her. Remembering the things I've done to her without being aware of the guilt clouding her judgment makes this agony even worse.

Nevaeh takes a deep breath, and it's shaky. "I'm leaving." Her voice cracks.

My vision blurs even more, and my throat fucking hurts. I don't want her to leave. God, I don't want it to happen. Without her, my life--

I can't even continue the sentence inside my head. It's too painful.

"I won't stay here anymore," she whispers brokenly.

I swallow hard. She won't be here anymore. She's finally free, and I should be glad that she is.

But why does this farewell hurt so fucking much?

This is fucking insane. She's hurting, and I... To say that I'm hurting would be a major understatement. I'm destroyed. I don't even feel like existing.

Without her, I'm nothing.

"Aiden," she calls again. Her voice is shaking so badly.

I'm holding my breath. I'm hanging on the edge and anticipating what she's going to say to me. If there's any chance that her tears aren't of guilt, even just the slightest chance, I won't continue this.

"Even at this moment, do you still not want to look at me?" Nevaeh cries softly.

A tear falls from my eye.

I can't. I can't look at you, Nevaeh. I won't be able to hold it. I love you too much.

None of us says anything. It's almost silent except for the sound of Nevaeh crying. As more minutes pass, she can't hold it anymore. Her cries grow louder.

"I'm sorry for everything," she rasps.

That's it. The goodbye.

I unknowingly let another tear fall while Nevaeh's sob finally breaks. I wish I could be entirely numb. I can't break down now, not when she's still here. The fact that she can only see the back of my chair hides everything I'm feeling inside, and I don't intend to change it.

Again, I don't know how long time has passed, but Nevaeh is no longer crying in this room. Everything around me has become dead silent.

And that's when it snaps me.

My hands lying on the armrests are shaking as I stutter, "Nevaeh?"

I turn my head and look over my shoulder at the door, which is opened. There's no one else in this room but me. She's gone.

I stand up from the chair. Every step I'm taking feels heavy when I walk out of my room. I want to escape this reality. The more I look for her, the more painful the truth hits me.

She has left, just as I told her to.

I halt in front of Nevaeh's room and take a deep, painful breath. Slowly, I push the door open, and the sight before me makes me freeze.

There's nothing left of her.

The room doesn't have her belongings anymore, like it has never been occupied except for the bed that is still unmade.

I stride toward the closet and open it. Nothing. No clothes.

Like a madman, I swing open another closet. It's also empty, as well as the drawers of her dresser and nightstands. There's indeed nothing left.

My heart stings, and I feel like collapsing to the ground. The pain of losing her is something that I can't bear. I don't think that I'll ever be in this room again. Because I still see her everywhere.

My heaven. She's no longer here by my side.

Steadying myself on my feet, I walk to the door and make my way out of the room that is full of memories of her. I head toward the living room and travel my gaze around. The birthday decorations Nevaeh prepared for me are still in place, reminding me of her warmth. This house will never be the same without her.

This house, our home.

I don't think that I can call this place home anymore. My home is her, and she's gone. I am lost without her.

Something on the coffee table catches my eye. There's a box wrapped in metallic blue paper and silver ribbon. My heart skips a beat when I realize what it is. A birthday gift from her.

I drop to my knees, unwrap the gift, and open the box. There lies a snow globe. A customized one.

Nevaeh knows my favorite season, and she hasn't only gifted me this globe with snow but also filled it with the things I love. Things that are special to me.

Inside the snow globe, there's a male character figure wearing a suit and a winter scarf around his neck. He's standing in front of a lake and mountain, decorated with beautiful hills and a village resting on them. I instantly recognize the place. Hallstatt, Austria.

A wooden easel with canvas stands a few steps away from him, and close to it is a small round wooden table with a big cup of hot chocolate. There's a funny-looking snowman wearing a hat, grinning, standing beside the round table.

This snow globe looks like the perfect getaway for me, something I would put on my desk in my office. Looking at it brings a sense of calmness because it's filled with things that remind me of something special.

The taste of happiness.

My eyes land on a small card coming with the gift and find Nevaeh's handwriting on it. I almost drop it because of how hard my hand is trembling. My vision becomes blurry, and I can taste the tear slipping into my mouth.

"...nothing." I choke on my words, unable to hold this pain anymore. I finally break down, staring at the snow globe in my hands. "It's nothing without you."

My heart is bleeding, and I grip my chest harshly.

Fuck. It hurts. It fucking hurts.

How could I allow this to happen?

Two years ago, I vowed to myself that I would never allow my heart to shatter again because of a woman.

Yet, here I am, struggling to get up after my heart was crushed into nothingness.

I've lost her.

I remember all those therapy sessions with Bennett. All the feelings. All the emotions I always thought I shouldn't feel anymore. Nevaeh has brought all of them back, and now I'm left with the last feeling I never wanted to happen.

Bennett's words suddenly echo, "Your subconscious mind has blocked these feelings that can make you develop a romantic relationship with a woman. You're not attracted to them, and it's all due to the trauma you're experiencing. You have no faith in them, and so you're blocking all of these emotions."

I don't want to be reminded of my conversation with Bennett, but his voice is so loud right now it rings in my ears.

"All the seven feelings we've gone through lead to the final one, and it's the one you're trying to escape. Whether you realize it or not, the reason why you deny all these feelings is that you don't want to experience the last one: the heartbreak."

My grip on my chest tightens. It's inevitable now. I've reached the last one.

I've fallen, so deep. My heart is hers. Nevaeh owns all of it.

I just wish that I could survive this.

The heartbreak.