Tears blur my vision while I'm staring out the window of the cab. I can't stop crying. Even the taxi driver is starting to worry.

I never thought that this day would come. My worst nightmare.

Aiden hates me.

I always feared that he would figure out what happened two years ago, and now that he has found out everything, my whole world crumbles. My heart shatters into a million pieces.

He despises me.

Had I not scared Olivia off two years ago, she wouldn't have left with Roman. I've ruined their wedding.

And now that Aiden has met her again, he must have realized how much he still loves her. And maybe she still does too.

Aiden's feelings for me are nothing compared to her. He must have realized that it was a mistake, that us was a mistake.

I'm the villain who tore them apart even though they loved each other. They still love each other. It's the only reason why he's acting like this. It must have also been the reason why he had a bruise on his lips. Did he fight with Roman?

My chest feels like being sliced over and over again. I never felt this kind of pain before. I feel like dying.

The man I love hurts me, so much I wish I could disappear from this world. Aiden wants me to disappear. He hates me that much. He doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't even want to see me anymore.

My sobs are endless. I can't breathe. Suffocated, I grip my chest, as if it can take away all the pain. But nothing can heal a pain like this. I can't even imagine feeling whole again. This hole in my heart will be permanent.

How can I get rid of a feeling this strong? How can I forget Aiden?

I told Ashton and Ian what happened. They thought that I moved to my apartment downstairs, but I didn't. The moment they left my apartment, I decided to go.

I can't stay there, not when it's still close to him. I need to get away. I don't need to be reminded about everything that happened between us.

My eyes squeeze shut as I bite my lower lip. Another tear falls onto my cheek, and I make no effort to wipe it away. I'm already a mess.

What am I going to do now? Where should I go?

I can't go back to my parents in Texas. With the way I am now, they would be panicking. I'm not ready for their questions. It doesn't help that my exchange program hasn't ended yet. I've already had a big suitcase with me. What would they think of this? That their daughter has bailed from college?

I glance at my watch. It's early morning. I may have to wake my best friends, but it's the only place I can think of right now.

After telling the driver the address of Ash's and Maya's apartment, I try to calm down so that I don't freak them out when I arrive.

When the cab finally reaches the destination, the driver helps me pull out my suitcase and throws me a look of sympathy. I look up at the building in front of me and take a deep breath. I should have called them first, but I could barely compose myself during the ride. They will hear the full story after I get inside.

I drag my suitcase, enter the apartment lobby, and get into the elevator. After pressing the button, my sobs break again.

I never cried this much before.

My mind is filled with Aiden.

Even though Ashton and Ian told me that Aiden didn't mean what he said and that he needed some time to sort his feelings out, they hadn't seen what I had.

I'll always remember it. The hurt and anger in Aiden's eyes. The coldness of his voice. The way he dismissed me.

The lump in my throat is getting bigger, making it hard for me to swallow. The elevator door opens, and I make my way down the corridor toward my best friends' room while trying my best to not collapse. All this crying has drained my energy.

Once I arrive at the door, I knock on it. It takes a while for it to be opened, and I don't blame them. I'm the one who shows up announced at this hour.

I knock again, and when Ash's face pops before me, I burst into tears. Her eyes widen in shock. Panic quickly skates all over her face at the sight of how devastated I am.

Footsteps echo, and Maya's sleepy voice follows. "Who is it? So early in the morning." She yawns but then stops short in her track as soon as she sees me.

"Oh my God, Nevaeh. What happened?" Ash abruptly lets me in and closes the door behind us.

I stare at them, who still haven't recovered from the shock. This is the first time they see me breaking down.

My knees give up on me, but before I collapse, Maya catches me. I rest my head on her shoulder, crying. Ash's hand is on my back, trying to soothe me. I can feel their concern and worry all over the air.

Then I tell them everything.

I wake up with a headache. As soon as my gaze finds the ceiling of my bedroom, telling me that I'm back in reality, my heart clenches with pain again.

The first thing that strikes me after waking up is the fact that Nevaeh is gone.

I sit up on my bed, trying to adjust to the dizziness. Everything feels like spinning. The trip to LA was exhausting -- mentally and physically -- and I can't remember the last time I ate.

I let out a long sigh. My hands are shaking as I bury my face in them.

Nevaeh.

I don't know how I'm going to survive the days after losing her. She's been such an important part of my life. Not being able to see her again makes my heart ache so fucking much. I already miss her. God, I miss her so much.

With a heavy heart, I get up from my bed. Maybe a cup of hot coffee will help start my day, although it's not even my comfort drink. I doubt that drinking hot chocolate will help because now it will only remind me of her. That's fucked up.

I know that living seems impossible with pain this much, but I have a business to run, and a family to come back to.

I drag my feet outside my room and walk toward the kitchen. The sight of Ashton, Ian, and Sam eating together at the dining table greets me.

I frown. Ashton and Sam have had their breakfast together sometimes at the kitchen counter, but this is the first time I see Ian joining them.

Ashton notices my presence, but he just throws me a glance before focusing his attention back on his breakfast.

As for Ian and Sam, it seems like they choose to not notice me.

I lean back against the counter and cross my arms over my chest. I watch them, forgetting why I'm here in the first place.

"God, this food tastes so damn good," Sam moans.

"Damn right," Ashton says, munching his food. "The best of the best. Too bad someone won't be able to taste it."

"Not a chance," Ian adds. His expression is sullen. "Not even a bite."

The three of them turn their heads toward me and toss me a piercing glare.

"What are you doing here?" Ashton asks. His tone is far from friendly.

I almost scoff. What kind of question is that?

This is my fucking house. I can do whatever and go wherever I want, although I know why he's angry at me.

Ian eyes me, and his stare feels like a threat. "If you think that you can touch any of Nevaeh's dishes that she made for you, there's no way that it's going to happen. You don't deserve it."

I instantly straighten up and rush toward the dining table. My legs are moving before I know it.

But then, they all block me from the food protectively and say in unison, "in your dreams."

I'm fighting the urge to snap, because no matter how much I want to try the food, deep in my heart I know that they're right.

I may not deserve it. Hell. I don't deserve it at all.

But the sight of them devouring Nevaeh's heavenly dishes that she cooked specially for my birthday makes me want to roar and topple the dining table.

I stomp toward the opposite end of the table, pull a chair, and sit. They keep eating, dismissing my glare like it's something insignificant.

My mouth waters as I stare at the food Nevaeh has prepared for me -- all my favorites. Starting from my favorite appetizer buffalo chicken dip and mushroom soup, main course garlic butter roasted beef tenderloin and grilled scallop, up to my favorite dessert carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.

That's not all. I see a fluffy birthday cake with reach and creamy chocolate buttercream. It's the most beautiful birthday cake I've ever seen and it absolutely makes me drool.

Goddammit. Did Nevaeh really prepare all of this for me?

And they won't even let me fucking taste it.

"There's a kid glowering over there." Ian points his head at me, and Sam scoffs mockingly.

Right now they have zero loyalty to me I wonder why I hired them.

"Mine," I hiss. I'm acting childish, but hell with that. "Nevaeh made all of this for me. It's mine."

Ian shakes his head in disagreement, not stopping himself from munching the food. "No," he hums. "Not after you hurt her."

That sentence sends me over the edge.

"Do you think that this is fucking easy for me?" I speak through gritted teeth.

Ashton sighs, putting his fork down as he looks at me. "You made a mistake."

I feel like I want to explode. "You don't understand anything."

Ian and Sam give Ashton a questioning look, and Ashton nods, as if they understand each other without having to use verbal communication. A moment later, Ian and Sam leave the table, walking toward the kitchen to clean the dishes.

Ashton sighs again, focusing his attention on me. "I'm going to say it again. You've made a terrible mistake."

"And how is that a mistake when I'm setting her free from her guilt?" I ask with anger laced in every word.

"Really?" Ashton challenges me. "Did you do that for her or yourself?"

His words make me taken aback.

Silence falls for a few seconds before I open my mouth again. "What the hell was that supposed to mean?" I clench my fist. "Ashton, I took advantage of her. Unknowingly, I fucking used her while she was drowning in her guilt--"

"You're scared," Ashton cuts me off. "You're scared, and you know it."

I don't know why, but I'm suddenly speechless. There are words at the tip of my tongue, but I can't let them out.

Ashton takes a few steps closer to me. His eyes soften, as if he's trying to say that it's alright to bring out the most vulnerable side of me, to admit everything.

"You said that you did this for her? That's bullshit." Ashton's words are harsh, but his tone is calm. "You didn't even try to confront her or ask about her feelings."

That statement feels like a brick has just been thrown in my face.

"You thought that you were being selfless making that decision for her, when in fact, you were being selfish," he continues.

I'm stunned. My mind is rejecting what I just heard, but something inside me can't help but think about his statement.

Me? Selfish? Was I being selfish?

How could it be selfish when it caused me to die inside?

Letting Nevaeh go has shattered my heart into non-existence I even believe that I have no soul left. I've destroyed myself to let her go, but in Ashton's eyes, it's no more than an act of selfishness.

"Your fear," he makes a point. "Your fear took control of you, and you succumbed to it. You're afraid that Nevaeh's feeling for you isn't real. You're scared that she's going to leave you like Olivia did, so you ended things before it could lead to bigger heartache. You used Nevaeh's guilt as your reason. Her guilt is the only thing you can think about. It has buried anything else that has happened between the two of you."

I stare at Ashton with wide eyes. What the fuck is he talking about?

Yet, my body is shaking from realizing that he might be right. I beg to deny that I've been succumbing to my fucking fear.

If Nevaeh chose to be with me not because of her guilt...

I shake my head in denial. No. I couldn't have done that if it had been the truth. The thought of hurting her in such a way is making me lose my mind.

Was I not setting her free?

Were her tears when she bid her farewell not of her guilt?

Did she truly want to stay by my side because she loved me?

My breathing is ragged while Ashton keeps scrutinizing me. I refuse to believe that my judgment was based on my fear. I have a good reason to counter that. I know that broken look on her, that guilt. The fact that she hid the truth from me makes me even more sure that what happened between us wasn't as it seemed.

"How?" I demand. "How could you be so sure about us?"

How could he be so sure that Nevaeh wasn't going to leave me in the end?

Ashton gives me a knowing look. "I should ask you back. How the hell did she heal you?"

His question startles me.

"How did she manage to return your feelings that we all thought were dead?" Ashton asks again. "How did she bring out all those emotions back?"

I'm asking the same questions to myself.

Before Nevaeh came into my life, no woman had ever brought me out of my shell. None of them could make me feel again. I couldn't even feel any attraction in the first place, let alone crave any intimacy with them.

"I think that in your subconscious mind, you knew that she could give you what you needed," Ashton says. "Maybe your heart already knew that she was the one, that she would love you like no one else could, and that she would never betray you. Somewhere deep inside you, you knew that she truly loved you, and that was what broke all your walls. She's your safe place. You wouldn't have healed if it hadn't been her. That alone tells that she's different."

My safe place.

I always thought that Nevaeh was that.

My heaven.

Has my fear led me in the wrong direction?

Should I trust my heart again?

Ashton stands up from the chair and walks off. And I'm left alone with conflicting feelings making chaos inside my heart.