Sara IV

It’s cold.

It’s completely pitch black.

My throat is aching, begging for water. It burns and it's trying to find any moisture it can on the floor. It’s strangling. My eyes aren’t any better. They’re filled with sand and I can’t even close them without a stabbing pain filling them. I’m bleeding somewhere but I don’t even know where.

All I wanted to do is die, but this is worse.

Sometimes I’m given a cup of water and some rice that I have to eat with my hands. This is all I’m given for hours or days. No light comes. The passing of time is impossible. The most I get is the weak light that turns on that shines under the door that leads to the outside. When the door opens, I get to see all the dirt on my feet. The door shuts and my sense of self disappears.

Maybe I am dead and this is Hell.

-

The door opens and light shines through for the first time in what feels like an eternity. Wherever I’m bleeding from, it’s reached my legs and it’s drying up. It’s not much, just a small trail. The light disappears and the sound of boots approaches me. They’re different from the ones that always came in.

“They haven’t given you enough water,” a man’s voice says. It's deep but calming.

I hear him place a heavy glass in front of me. His fingers go through my hair and I feel them get stuck in knots. He grabs me from under my arms and lifts me, repositioning me to sit more upright on the wall. I wasn’t even aware that I was resting my entire body with just my shoulders on the wall.

“What’s your name?”

All I can see are the shadows of his legs. I’m not even sure I can lift my head.

“Mine is Mendelssohn Well at least that’s the name I was given, but you could just call me L-wait. Nevermind. I’m not here to talk about myself. I’m just here for you.”

“J-j-j-ju-” Jesus I can’t even speak.

“When we found you, you had your wrist slit open. If you wanted to get the job done you should've done it vertically, but I guess nobody teaches that nowadays. I also guess the back of some random alley isn’t the ideal place to die either so here we are. You’re broken, exhausted, thirsty, and starving. If you ask anyone, they wanted to let you die, but not me. Do you know why”

“W-w-w”

“Because I saw a fire in you. From the moment I saw you I knew what you could become. You, who gave up on the world, one who runs from it. I saw a wounded but strong soul. A soul so beautiful. Your hatred of the world does not come from how it hurts you, no it came from within you. It made you nothing but a shell of a person, empty and meaningless. You’re here now so you can experience what it truly means to be left with nothing. And now that you are experiencing this hell, this torture, you can use it.”

“J-j-just ki-k-k-”

“You can you this emptiness to become the lioness that you are. I know because I’ve done it. I felt like I didn’t matter. I felt like the world hated me. My mother, see, she would beat me until my tears would turn red. She made me feel like I wasn’t a person. I hated her. She took a lot from me, just as the world has taken a lot from you. See, this shit you’re going through, this shit I put you through? A stronger girl wouldn’t survive it, but here you are. Still alive. Still standing stong.” I see the man's knees. He’s been kneeling for some time. “Most people, won't ever know the pain you have been through. It would kill them. But you’re still here, you survived the hurricane. And those who survive, those who weather the storm, those who become the storm. You can become the hurricane, you hear me? I see you.”

“Kill me.”

“I let you leave soon enough. Whatever you decide is all up to you. Become my storm and be by my side, or carry out your wish. I’ll be back soon, tell me then.”

It’s all bullshit.

I’m just alive by some bullshit assholes who kidnapped me and are torturing me like this.

I can’t ever be strong.

If I did, then I would want to live.

So why haven’t I died yet?

-

The door opens again.

This time the footsteps are lighter and there are two different kinds of lights shining through, one of a cell phone. It’s bright enough that I can tell the person in front of me is a woman. The other is of her eyes. They’re shining as if she has the eyes of a cat. She doesn’t say anything as she sits in front of me. She’s texting. The light shines on her face and gets a glimpse of the color of her hair. It’s shining white.

“Sorry, I can’t seem to get over the smell,” her phone reads when she puts it in front of me. She takes it back and texts again. “You’re Sara.”

“H-how do you know that?” The water I’ve been drinking makes it easier to speak.

“My name is Marina. I’m a friend.”

“Why aren’t you speaking?”

I see a frown form. “I’m mute. Are you okay? Are you feeling better?”

“Why am I here?”

“You met a man who introduced himself as Mendelssohn, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t believe anything he says. He’s keeping you here to completely brake your mind so he can fill his dumb little ideas into your brain so you follow him without question.”

“S-so what are you doing?”

“I’m going to help you escape.”

“I don’t want to leave. I just want to die.”

There’s no text for a while, and no light from her cellphone either. All I see is her night vision cat eyes that seem inhuman. “That’s not what you truly want is it?” The woman, rather, Marina grabs my hand. “Can I show you something weird?”

“Weirder than your eyes?”

Marina laughs, no actual sound but just empty air being pushed through, sort of like a pant. She closes her eyes, holds my hands, and then I see.

“Why do you want me to escape? How does it help you?”

“Because letting you go is the only way I can get myself free too.”

“You’re not?”

Marina shakes her head. “Let me help you.”

“Why? So I can just be miserable and have to lie about it too? I don’t want to go back.”

“But you don’t want to die either.”

“So what choice do I have?”

“Sara, would you believe me if I told you I’m the only person that Mendelssohn knows what you’ve been through? When I showed you, it showed me. I know everything.”

“Bullshit you-”

The next lines of Marina’s phone haunt me. “I never said you have to go back home.” Why do I get the feeling that she means what she says?

She showed me.

I-

“When can I leave?”

“A few days. We have to get your body strong enough to stand. I’ll have them bring more water and food. I won’t let him to this you. Not to anyone else.” Marina says standing up. The last words I get from her phone are, “I’m done. Please don’t let you believe you're his storm.”

-

Mendelssohn arrives again.

“My beautiful raging storm, how are you today?”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

I can’t see him. I can only see his shadow but for whatever reason, I know he smiles. “She speaks,” Mendelssohn kneels. “May I have your name?”

“Sara.”

“Sara,” he smiles again. “I see you. You’re beautiful. We found you half dead. We barely feed you. You’re covered in dirt. You don’t have a place to defecate. It smells horrible in here,” he laughs. “Yet you still live. You’re alive with a storm ready to rage. Ready to fight against this world.”

“You have me trapped here.”

“But you’re not. There are no chains on your feet and no chains on your arms. You are free. There only thing keeping here is your will to live. You want to die so you don’t care about everything that is happening around you. Sara, I see you. Sara, I want you to see it too.”

Marina told me not to trust his words but he is right. I’m not shackled. I’ve always had to strength to stand up and leave whenever I wanted. I don’t even have that anymore. I became a slave of my desire to die.

I still haven’t died despite everything.

I’m not meant to die yet.

“And once you do, I will show you how much power you can hold. You are nothing now, but with me, you can own the world. No longer will you ever feel alone and feel like the world is fighting against you. I can see it now, that fire raging inside you. What do you say, Sara? Become my storm, become the lioness, become my queen.”

I can still fight.

I can still live.

Maybe I can still be happy.

I want to take his hand. It’s extended just for me.

Marina told me not to fall for his words. She told me not to trust him. I have to trust her, after all, she-

“No.”

Mendelssohn smiles again, “I’ll come back when you’re ready.”

-

Marina enters with her glow-in-the-dark eyes. She sits in front of me but doesn’t pull her phone out to talk.

“Why me? Why are you helping me?”

The light from her phone finally shines through. I see her face. Her eyes are shining white. Everything about her is pure white. Marina is an angel. “Your friend Chris, he asked me too.”

“Chris?”

“Yes. We met a couple of weeks ago. We’ve been working together since. He’s an interesting one.”

“How does he know that I’m here?”

“He doesn’t.”

“So how?”

“Your brother Andrew has gone crazy searching for you. He’s the only one who’s still trying.”

Andrew is still trying? I’m not alone. He’s still there. I almost left him alone. He’s the only light in my world and I’m his and I almost ripped it away from him. I have to live. I have to leave here so I can bring back his light. I’m sure he’s destroying everything around him right now, desperate to be seen. I have to find him before he destroys himself.

“He doesn’t shut up about you. I knew it was you the second we held hands. My eyes don’t lie to me.”

“You can see? So those eyes aren’t fake?”

She smiles. Even her smile shines brightly. “No. I can see quite well in the dark.”

“So if Chris doesn’t even know I’m here, what did he ask you?”

“He asked me to help him understand his place in the world.”

“And how does that translate into helping me get out of here?”

“If I tell you, you’ll just say that I’m just like him, which I am. Chris and I are alike. Your freedom is just a step in the grander picture. Everything just has to fall in the right place.”

“Chris always liked to talk about fate and destiny. He’s stuck between deciding if fate or free will exists. Are you saying that nothing in the world matters because everything is predetermined?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then what?”

Marina doesn’t answer. Her eyes observe me and it just reminds me of how a cat stares at you. Marina is just like Chris. They’re both cryptic and just know what a person is thinking. Marina’s phone light shines. She holds it towards me like she always does, but there’s no text this time. It’s just her screensaver; a picture of her holding a black and white cat. Marina is stunning. Her entire body is covered in snow. She’s as white as the fur of her cat and makes the black fur seem like a black hole. She takes her phone back, types and it says, “That cat is the only thing that’s truly mine. It was the first thing that I wasn’t destined for. We can follow our path or walk the grass, that will always be your choice. Just like you chose to stay here.”

“I want to leave.”

“Okay,” Marina smiles. “Give me a few days.”

-

Marina comes in again at some point. She doesn’t say anything as she takes off my shirt. She takes off my pants and then my underwear. I’m stood up and moved to the other side of the room. There, Marina pours water on me. She scrubs off all the dirt and cleans everything thoroughly. I don’t try to fight it. I didn’t care before, but now it’s been bothering me. Marina dries me up with a towel and puts a change of clothes on me.

“Better?” She texts.

“Better. Thank you.”

She stands me up again but this time makes me stand on my weight. When I can’t, she catches me. I feel her nodding and holding me upright. We begin walking again, this time to the door. She stops right before she can open it. The phone appears in front of my eyes, “Ready?”

“Yes. Please.”

The door opens.

The hallway is nearly pitch black too. Marina flips a switch and it’s dimly lit. The hallway is long and cold. It doesn’t feel real. We pass many doors on the side that are all closed; all pitch black. There are others in there. I know it. I’m not the only one who’s been going through this. This is what Marina meant.

As we reach the end of the hallway and the door that resides there, I hear the noise of the outside. Cars and motorcycles and even sirens. Marina places her hand on the knob. She twists it, pulls, and the door opens.